We black women can be awfully defensive. It’s understandable– what with so much crap-pola stacked against us, so much stress, and so much to overcome. That’s why indulging in deep fried Twinkies and mocha-choca-lattes are often overindulged, and Colonel Sanders is our crack dealer. I’m not going to lie–if unrestrained and unsupervised, I could eat an entire sweet potato pie in 24 hours, 15 minutes, 30 seconds and .2 milliseconds…and that’s when I’m in a good mood.
Now that we’ve bonded, if you think I’m ready to go with you to Mickey D’s and order a Big Mac, six apple pies and a Diet Coke, think again. Two reasons: 1) taking daily doses of high blood pressure medicine and insulin is about as appealing to me as getting kicked in the neck and 2) obesity is not cute. Period, end of sentence.
A few weeks ago I was hit up on Facebook by an 18-year-old girl who instant messaged me for advice about dating interracially, and complained that the boys that she was interested in didn’t seem to dig on her. I clicked on her profile, and I’m like…whoa. Not even two decades old, this child is 5’3-ish and weighs about 250 pounds.
As nicely as I could, I told her that her main problem snagging a boyfriend was probably her weight. It’s not healthy, I nagged. Plus, most young guys are not into all that extra. She’s a size XXL competing with sizes two through 12!
You know how she responded? Just guess.
“But they should like me for who I am!”
Therein lies the problem. Men are visual creatures, says Deborrah Cooper, a dating and relationship expert based in Oakland, California. “If a man can’t picture [getting down with you] they keep it moving.” Does it really boil down to sex? Well, mostly. Studies show that a woman’s hip-to-waist ratio is an indicator of health, beauty and fertility.
One particular commenter that I stumbled upon on CNN.com nailed it: “Wanna keep or attract a man? TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND STOP CREATING EXCUSES FOR WHY YOU ARE SO FAT!”
That’s not to say that you have to start making friends with an American Standard toilet and throw up your stomach until you’re a size zero (please, please don’t do that). Scientists say that black men in particular pant for a lady’s ‘ junk in the trunk’ as long as she has a visible (preferably small) waist.
In short, aim for healthy, then catch a man along the way.
But hey! If you want to stick to that old tired cop-out and whine that men should love you on the INSIDE more than the outside upfront and before you’ve had his six children and you’re clinging to the hope that you’ll snag 2% of the men in the world who like women shaped like refrigerators or cereal boxes, feel free to fight over them.
Just be sure to check your pressure and monitor your sugar first.
Christelyn D. Karazin is the co-author of the upcoming book, Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race Culture and Creed and runs a blog, beyondblackwhite.com, dedicated to women of color who are interested and or involved in interracial and intercultural relationships.
