True Life: I’m a Girlfriend to a Man in An Open Marriage…Part II

March 26, 2012  |  

By Anonymous

I am writing a response in regards to the article I wrote last week about being the girlfriend of a man who is in an open marriage. It seems I had quite a few questions, comments and concerns about this situation, and I am here to address a few of them and clarify some things. Hopefully.

First off, this is very new for me. The married man and I have not been together long, and I am the newest of the women in his circle. Therefore, I am just learning how to adjust and handle this open relationship in regards to time, insecurities and fears.  I don’t know if anyone can relate to being around someone who, even though you may not see them often, can make you feel as if you are the only person in the world in his life; that can make you feel comforted, safe and secure and loved just by the sound of their voice. It is an amazing feeling to have and it allows a lot of those “technical difficulties” to melt away, at least for a little bit. People have insecurities in monogamous relationships, being open doesn’t change anything. But being able to have open and honest conversations about what your partner is feeling and doing, wanting and needing allows those insecurities to diminish because you’re able to speak freely without any fear or guilt.
My fears right now are based around questions: Is this going to last? Or is this what I really want? I have come to the realization that I can’t determine what’s going to happen down the road, I can only determine today. And today, right now, I believe our relationship will last. I know this is what I want, because I know, in the short time I have been involved in this open relationship, I have learned more about myself, become more open to seeing other sides of myself, and I am loving myself even more. So yes, this is what I want. It is not to say I will not have another serious relationship with someone else, because more than likely, I will find someone who lives closer to me. But despite that, I plan on keeping him as a constant factor in my life.

A big concern in the comments was his relationship with his wife. Yes, his wife does have other partners who he knows, converses with, and seems to respect as well. Yes, he and his wife do have kids who know everything and seem to have an understanding about their open marriage.
This relationship is not about me allegedly having low self-esteem, a want to just have anyone in my life, convenience or any other negative connotation you can create in your mind. It was a friendship formed through emails, speaking on the phone and texting, which turned into an immediate connection when we first met. I would never think having a man thousands of miles away would be considered “convenient,” and in my own opinion, my self-esteem must be fairly high to be able to open my mind to something different because of the joy and love someone else brings me.

Progressive love in an open relationship is based on four simple principles: Its purpose is for growth while its benefit is love; 100 percent availability, which means no bail outs or cop outs; 100 percent responsibility, which means no victims or villains, and 100 percent tolerance, which means no blame, and no shame.  These four principles allow a relationship to be based on growth, where all parties are growing as a couple and as an individual too. We’ve taken the idea away that a relationship’s purpose is not for love, but for growth, because as each individual grows and gains more knowledge, then love becomes a benefit from that growth.

I am not here to create chaos in your minds or to cause uproar in your relationships. I wrote the previous article, along with this one, to enlighten you and to possibly show you a new way of looking at relationships. An open relationship may not be the choice for you and that’s fine. But as I continue to date other people in the city I am in, while knowing I have a man across the country who loves me and is the male foundation in my life, I am content where I am today. I am open to love from him and whoever may come into my life in a positive way. I look forward to learning and growing through this progression.
If you would like to get more information or understand these types of relationships, I encourage you to check out and open your eyes, your mind and your body to something new. Just my opinion.

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  • BTDT

    “I am here to enlighten you.” “I encourage you to open your mind.” These are the kind of statements that are offensive, to just assume that you are somehow so very enlightened that you need to help the poor stupid masses along. Never mind any of your thoughts on open marriage (which, by the way, I’m very familiar with), try writing the same article without the assumption that you’re here to help the ignorant masses on the internet, and it might have been better received by many.

  • Polygamy and polyamory are actually a negative impact scenario for everyone involved: the children born from these groups often get no special love from the dad (he has twenty kids, spread too thin). Each woman fails to receive the love and devotion that being the only woman can bring. The man may get to enjoy several ladies at once but, let’s face it: men need the same constancy of love and devotion that women do, even if they are raised in a culture which glamorizes man-whoredom. (I know a few man-whores. Not one is truly content) 
      On the other hand, even poorer traditional families create a safer home for kids than polygamists are able to create: safer in that the graduation rates rise, general health (physical, psychological, spiritual) is markedly better and as adults these kids have an easier time forming solid social connections. 
      Let’s face it, sex is fun. Freaky is even more fun; it’s exciting to think that you are an on the edge and powerful in the way in which only the sexiest women can revel. Polyamory is HOT… But don’t build a house there. Go on vacation there, preferably while in your twenties. And respect your health as much as you respect yourself as the powerful woman that you know yourself to be. 

  • Raynbowsyns

    I hope EVERYONE is using CONDOMS. Jmho so many people are involved sexually here that this can be a disastrous recipe for tons of stds none more frightening than HIV/AIDS

  • Guest

    Why do people always assume that everyone in these types of relationships are having unprotected sex?  If they are protecting themselves, what is the problem?  If it ‘s not for you, then hey it’s not for you.  Traditional relationships are not for everyone either.  It’s whatever makes one happy that matters.  I commend any couple that can be so forthcoming and honest about what it is that they want, need and seek and can continue to love one another through it all.  With so much cheating going on, I think these type of relationships are refreshing to say the least.

    • jack_sprat2

      500 diseases, dear, not 3 or 4. They only test for a tiny fraction. The toll of the others is only beginning to be uncovered. Kidney disease, liver disease, skin and auto-immune diseases. SMH ‘Wrapping it up’ is roughly as effective as wrapping up your meat at the butcher’s, then letting it’s raw juices go unattended.

  • Erika

    You can tell she’s not used to a man treating her well because she falls for the first one that “seems” like he cares for her. Forget that he’s married and has girlfriends. She really needs to wake up and realize that there are single men out here that are good and will treat you well and be faithful to one person. She does have low self esteem to think she can’t get anything better.

  • Tsk

    Lol at the author trying to make it sound like a romantic fairytale. And duhh, of course he is going to make you feel like you’re the only one in his world, of course he knows how to make you feel so loved and secure and blah by the sound of his voice- He’s a pro! He clearly has a lot of practice. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was rolling his eyes on the other side of the phone.

    Anyway, when he out-grows you and swiftly cuts you off because maybe you got too old orr maybe he can’t keep up with all his new side peice’s, you already know what it is so don’t be too heartbrken.


    • jack_sprat2

      Clever turn of phrase, that last. Pity that it’s true. Worse yet, I’m Roman. We don’t even really buy into the whole Imminence and End of Days and Millennial thing, but the Signs, they do abound.

  • Tagirl

     In the words of Ice Cube: “Check yourself before you wreck yourself.” To many women put up with mess like this because they can’t fathom being alone.

  • Tagirl

    So basically, they’re swingers. Absolutely nothing good can come of this. I feel sorry for the terrible message this is sending the kids involved. This is absolutely crazy and the definition of selfish and dysfunctional.   Marriage shouldn’t have been an option for any of the parties involved and this lady is being used and doesn’t even know it. SMH

  • Zc7463

    People are about making anything that is wrong, right theses days.  They are willing to do and accept anything.  This world is in mass confusion, and it is a crying shame.

  • Zc7463

    A fool and their pu$$y!!!

  • Brownbomer2

    You can try to rationalize your wrong doing all you want, but ya’ll going straight to hell with gasoline draws on! Girl you need counseling and JESUS! SMH

  • Angelina Johnson

    At first I was focusing on the marriage of the man and his wife, but what about the husband and anonymous? I know many people don’t think marriage is relevant or that it defines a relationship, but do you want to get married? If this man is all that you say he is if all things were equal (meaning he was single and not married) isn’t that were the relationship would be headed? After a certain age relationships are no longer just for fun you begin searching for the one to spend your life with and start a family. Will you have his children? Do you think it may be selfish if you do decide to procreate to force your children into a lifestyle they never asked for? I don’t personally believe in open anything why not just be single, but when you have no attachments (children) I say do whats right for your heart. However are you selling your self short by staying in a relationship that has no real endgame? (Unless you are staying in hopes he will leave his wife to marry you) 

  • Mariah

    This is some sad ish…all the women and men who want to sleep around with multiple partners with no accountability and no responsibility need their own island.  This is so very sad.

  • RahTruth

    This is self-esteem/self-confidence at its lowest. These men are dogs, and these women are enabling them. These women do not realize their true value. Such a shame…smh

    • DoinMe

      Thank you! I have never heard of such ratchedness. Not only is she ok with settling for a married man, but he has a stash of concubines. She’s giving way too much power to this low-life. 

  • LisaLane

    “I don’t know if anyone can relate to being around someone who, even
    though you may not see them often, can make you feel as if you are the
    only person in the world in his life; that can make you feel comforted,
    safe and secure and loved just by the sound of their voice.”

    I understand completely.  I’m in a relationship with a man who has a girlfriend and even though people may not agree with it. I know how I feel about  him and how he feels about me. I don’t get to see him often because he has to split his time among me, his girl, his family, work and church. But when I do get to see him I love and appreciate every minute of it. I talk to him every night and even though at times I may get jealous because he’s with girl 1 instead of me, like you said I feel safe, secure and comforted knowing he’s in my life.

    I don’t have a problem with open relationships at all, I think it just makes things easier because I don’t have to worry about if he’s cheating on me because I know upfront I’m not the only one. That’s one less thing I have to worry about during the day. One day I would like to get married and have children and if it’s not with him then so be it. I know what I’m doing and what I want today and that’s to be with him. It may change eventually but until then I’m completely satisfied with the relationship I’m in.

    • Mariah

      Do you really believe there is a chance that he’ll be the one you marry and have kids with? 

      • LisaLane

        I know that someday I want to get married and have children. I’m not saying that I will do that with him, although if I did I wouldn’t mind. We have discussed marraige and children on several occasions. With the conversation being that the both of us would like to get married to each other but he could be telling his other girl that too for all I know. But I’m not worrying about who I’m going to marry. I’m living for today, who knows what the future holds.

  • Problem?

    All of the perks….none of the commitment.  I love it!

  • Just wondering

    If its okay to be with other people and its natural… they why do you have to have open communication about everyone you hookup with? Why not just realize that he and all parties are sleeping around and leave it as that… I really don’t understand why you have to meet the wife and she has to approve of the new girlfriend…this is why I am not open to this idea… because it seems complicated and delusional I would rather have a closed honest commitment

  • Justdoingme

    I am in a polyamorous relationship. At the beginning of our relationship my boyfriend and I agreed that we would have an honest and open relationship. We are totally upfront with our other partners about the nature of our relationship. The other guys I’ve been with have met and interacted with him as have I with his girls. About 8 months ago he introduced me to this girl he was seeing and we instantly connected. Fast forward a few months and the three of us became involved in a beautiful, mutually respectful relationship. I have deep feelings for them as they do for me. I know most people would not understand but this works for us. Communication is a big part of this relationship.

  • FromUR2UB

    It’s interesting to me that the author keeps referring to her need to feel like she’s the only person in this man’s world, yet accepts being a member of his harem.  Does he really do all those things she says, making her feel comforted and safe, or is that just the realm she lives in, the way Nikki Parker was delusional for so long about Professor Oglevee?  Like Nikki Parker, does she also reject men who are interested in and available to her, in favor of this cross-country guy?

  • DoinMe

    “The married man and I have not been together long, and I am the newest of thewomen in his circle.”
    WOMEN? So he has more than one sidepiece? Girl bye!  I can’t with this foolishness. 

    • uradisgrace

      Yeah she’s a stupid ho!

  • Hrdblkman

    Most blk men aren’t satisfied by blk women they never are and never will be. I wish blk women understood this. It’s all about beauty for blk men and blk women don’t have it, that’s why we cheat and have multiple partners and never commit to you ladies.

    • FromUR2UB

      Why are you concerned about it?  We’re usually glad when men like you don’t bother with us.  It saves us a lot of grief.

    • Darcampb

       small limpd**ck boy? Maybe you should stay out of black women spaces since you hate us so much.

      • Surburban Soulja

         #THUNDEROUS APPLAUSE!!!# You know it’s an EXTRA pathetic Negro Male Reject who stalks a WOMEN’s Lifestyle Website just to disparage us as a whole. You see what the loser called himself, right? (HRDBLKMAN) He didn’t elaborate too much because seeing all these pictures of us in our various beauty necessitated him using his two hands for the lotion and kleenex his REJECTED BUTT needed to let his REAL feelings about Us “c um” out!!!!!!! When a Brotha takes up with a Non-Sista; he’s doing the Sistahs a FAVOR!!!! He’s too weak to handle our strength and thus resents us for such. Five bucks says he’s a color-struck sellout who hopes procreating with a non-sista will result in his (pre-doomed) offspring genetically inheriting traits which will in no way reflect the ethnic features he’s clearly ashamed of seeing in the mirror after washing his hands.

        • jack_sprat2

          I’ve always been ambivalent about these guys, since I encountered my first in a stairwell in HS, back in the early 1970’s. He made a point of showing off his little blonde Betty, even showing his control by putting his cigarette out on her bare teat. (Her pupils contracted as if she’d just dropped a ‘mushroom’.) He was obviously doing it to get a reaction from a white kid whom he outweighed by about 80 pounds. Can’t say that he did; why would I have an emotional reaction to someone who allowed herself to be treated like an ashtray? It’s not as if “our side” had lost anything of great value. I was, however, curious about one thing, which this fellow here has helped answer: Was he ONLY “counting coup” on a white boy or was he ALSO shoving a half-grapefruit in his own mother’s face? (Such self-hatred.)

    • Ms_Mara

      No, you cheat because you lack moral fiber. That’s why you’re so full of sh*t. OWN your mess! lol

  • CherieAmore

    I said it before and I’ll say it again: Girl, you are headed for heartbreak and I would truly hate for that to happen to you.  Yeah, its all good in the beginning, but when you REALLY need him to be there for you and trust me, YOU WILL, he won’t because his wife trumps all of you playmates.   And suppose she wants to stop being open, which means he will have to stop too, then what?  No good can come from being “in love” with a married man, open marriage or no.  You just wait and see. 

  • Yolanda Penn

    people will say anything to themselves to make wrongs right. God said thy should not covenant another spouse, or does tht matter. if u were really secure within urself this wouldnt even be a thought. U would believe tht God has a man for u, then u had the nerve to ask urself would it last.. U would also knw the karma tht will come bck on u

    • really?

      you mean “covert” right?

      but before you bring God into the conversation you need to consider the fact that she might not be a christian, or even care about religion for that matter…

      • Editor

         you mean “covet,” right?

  • Enjoli Robinson63

    A marriage is between one man and one woman, I think we are forgetting the bible and making things up as we go about marriage. If you wanna know if its going to last ask him to leave his wife…….

    Fool he won’t do it, he is having his cake cookies and ice.cream at the same time. You are crazy to.think the lust of your relationship will last.

    E. Polite

  • The girl is deluding herself. These types of open/closed multi-sided relationship do not sustain society. This IS about low-self esteem. Can we just move on? 

  • Monique never claimed to be in an open marriage and cleared up those comments when Tyrese was on her show and quoted her in his book. 

  • Ronique Nicole

    If your happy, I’m happy. Marriage isn’t the only path to happiness when it comes to relationships. In fact marrying historically is about property. Men married women so that their property, and assets could rightfully pass down to their children. Marrying for romantic love, is a new concept in society. Many are in an “open” relationship and they just don’t know it. I’ve heard it from women young and old, accepting men who are “respectable cheaters”, who “do what men do”. Wrapping up the human need for procreation in these cute lil’ sayings don’t mean the issue isn’t there. The issue is that men and women are not naturally meant to be with just “one” person over a lifetime. Social and cultural pressures have made women suppress this urge more then men. People hear the word “open” relationship and write it off as a hall pass to screw whoever, whenever, but that isn’t the case. Judge not, what you know nothing about. No relationship whether it be Monogamous or otherwise is immune to issues and problems, but you have one life to live, and what works for you, works for you. The problem is most are ineffective when communicating their needs in a relationship. 

    • I agree, whatever makes you happy do it, because you are the only one living your life, even though it may affect others. As to having this lifestyle with children involved makes this a sticky situation. I don’t know what to say about that, but I think it is important to be honest with your children and let them know it is your choice and they don’t have to have a relationship like that when they grow up. Just my opinion. As far as going to hell, there are more sins that people do every day. ALL SINS ARE WEIGHTED THE SAME. There is no sin worse than the other in God’s eye. So those of you who want to throw religion in it, do you not sin? Repentance is for everybody no matter what they do. And every body does not practice or believe in the same religion. So what wrong for you may be right for another. Ijs. Live your own life and don’t worry about others. Okay I’m done.  I know I went way off topic.

      • jack_sprat2

        Ain’t idle gossip, not when you go to the trouble of putting up two long posts about it on an open web-site. Either she herself still has misgivings about it or she’s proselytizing.

  • kingdomwoman

    im in shock, there is NO such thing as an open marriage, and ms. anonymous here is totally deluded to not even see that this man is using her and this concept to continue in his cheating ways, marriage is a manogamous union, it is not an open one, end of story. This woman needs to get her self-esteem checked and find a single man, its women like her that create the chaos in marriage if mr. man is in such an open marriage why doesn’t he get divorced   and live a single life with her. smh….


    This article is so over the top I’m wondering if it’s really legit.

  • kingdomwoman

    i find this distasteful  there is no such thing as an open marriage, u are deluded to even think such, he is basically cheating n your encouraging this i suggest that ms. anonymous get her self esteem checked. Marriage is a monogamous union not an open one, do not allow any man to let u believe that u are contributing to him and his wife’s nasty swinger  behaviour do not be a participant to this, get yourself checked ms.. anonymous and find a single man and do this now. im appalled so totally appalled at women who demean themselves like this, every woman is worth more than to settle for this . Find your worth.

  • MsSvelteNY

    Good for you sister.  Live YOUR life on your own terms.  

  • Ladybug94

    Yeah, making yourself vulnerable to getting STD’s is something new but no thanks.  Why would I want to be with someone else’s man?  What would be the point of getting married and taking vows if you are not going to respect those vows?  Sounds like a big waste of time.

  • PR87

    Why would any man want a wife and a girlfriend lol. Thats all I can think about. Thats just drama that I as a man wouldnt want. I sure wouldnt want a boyfriend in addition to my husband. And again as I always say why get married if you are going to be with other people ! Why just stay single. 

  • These people are sad and need to get real. An open marriage isn’t a marriage.

  • Honey, he’s got you hook line and sinker…do some research on Narcissists and similar Axis II Cluster Bi Disorders and the effects these disorders have on victims who have time and time again, shared the same stories you just shared then get back to me…this is ‘classic’ unless you’re selling me he’s a Mormon. Mark my words you’re headed for trouble!  I am actively engaged in providing peer support for victims just like you having survived a similar ball of wax myself..please take my advice, all that ‘feeling connected’ and jazz…honey, that’s because he’s mirroring you and has you under the ILLUSION that you have this bond.  You don’t!  Trust me!  Homie has game and a few willing particpants and he certainly will add more to the harem.  I’ve heard about these ‘relationships’ and in the Middle East you can have multiple WIVES if you can afford them…what he has is a wife he’s financially accountable to as well as kids, and she to him, and the rest of y’all are toys of convenience…

    • jack_sprat2

      That. NARCISSISTS. You know, it amazes me that women don’t get that about this guy from jump street. What kind of man has the emotional facility to cultivate the openness with which this blind girl is approaching him? Only a man who observes other people as if they were his prey. (He’s gotten inside all of her defenses; the exhilaration which she’s feeling is the rush of wind as she plummets to earth in free fall. Don’t look down!) It’s a game that he plays, designed to feed his EGO, nothing more. Her seemingly inevitable self-destruction may be merely a matter of indifference to him, or it may be the cigar and cognac that will finish off his meal nicely.

    • jack_sprat2

      I’ve anecdotal knowledge of couples like this who’ve moved into a neighborhood, sown their ways like Johnny Appleseed, only to leave ruin in their wake when they moved on to their next way-station on the Road to Perdition. Nice of Al Gore to gift them with the opportunity to work their magic from a distance. More efficient, what with no need to waste time in transit throughout the entire courting phase.

  • Pivyque

    Ok. Well, I am glad that it has worked for you. I generally read these kinds of articles out of curiosity, but I pretty much knew what you were going to say because I have heard it before. At any rate, as long as you are content, there is no need to explain yourself.

  • thegoodluckpig

    um am i the only one concerned about these children “understanding” the open marriage 

    • Enjoli

      Nope, its a shame

    • Aloreeng

      Now that I’d have to agree with.

    • Surburban Soulja

       Um…where is your online petition against the Islamic, Mormon, and Rastafarian Organizations that still sanction polygamy as of 2012? Um….am I the only one more concerned what is to become of my tax money pertaining to healthcare education? Or is it more important to digress upon who’s doing what in their relationships? Ummmmm??

      • Guest

         typo: meant to say healthcare AND education

        • thegoodluckpig

          normally i wouldn’t bother to reply to something a week old but 1. online petitions don’t change centuries old religious institutions 2. no you are not, you are however the only one who voiced concern about it on a blog space solely devoted to this given topic 3. those who allow there lives to be open books like the author of this column are fully aware people will comment you cannot post in these public forums and expect others not to give you an opinion  

    • BDTD

      No, you’re not the only one.

  • Asia

    If she accepts being a girlfriend from a husband in an open marriage, then why is she keeping her name anonymous? And why would a woman invest their time in a man who not only has a wife and kids, but other women that he considers his “girlfriends”? I don’t understand why women especially black women will accept all kinds of nonsense from a man just to say they have one. HIV/AIDS is real and with black women having the highest rates in the country, being with a man who has an open marriage isn’t even worth it. You know that his wife has other partners but does his other “girlfriends” have partners as well? That is just a breeding ground for numerous diseases. And if you really think this “relationship” is going to last then you are a damn fool. 

  • Davan Ward

    Did we need a part two to understand that some women have no moral standards and will pretty much sink to any level for some …SMH 

    • Yolanda Penn

      Thts definitly wat shes doinf, I hope u all r not tajing any advise, bc she oviously will justufy wrong calling it security…i sure hate it if she has a daughter bc tht will b one more insecure girl on this earth. She seems to justify her short comings n calls in high self esteem…u r a sad case n we wonder where the respect.and faithfulness go….right here

    • Aloreeng

      Funny you read it though.  Smh at you “uninterested”.  

      • Davan Ward

        LOl…look like someone had their feelings hurt. Awww…need a hug?

      • jack_sprat2

        It’s no different from any other horror movie set in a shopping mall after hours. Most of us are screaming at the silly blonde girl to turn tail and run!

  • thedoggonetruth

    Plain and simple: As a married woman I just don’t like or believe in SHARING my  man.

    • jack_sprat2

      Can’t say I’m all that interested in being wedded to a public utility, either.

  • I have done this before. my partner and i agreed to an open relationship which lasted 2 yrs.

    Just like monique said…this kind of situation isn’t for everyone. 

    • Surburban Soulja

       You’re sooooo lucky! At 31; I’ve been attempting to find a cooperative individual since 28!

      • jack_sprat2

        Just listen to yourself, girl! You say that you’re looking for a “cooperative individual”, as if you needed a regular partner for duplicate bridge or mixed doubles tennis. Wake up! Your life isn’t a damn sport! Be careful that you don’t spend the next one swimming laps in a lake of fire.

  • Gimmeabreak78

    I don’t really care that the man she is dating is married.  My concern is that she seems to have invested quite a bit in making this man a priority, what she is to him is one of many, many options.  While she’s pining away for this man like a 10th grader after Justin Bieber, he is enjoying a level of variety that she isn’t.  I don’t feel sorry for the man or his wife (because apparently she is enjoying the same status in the relationship as he is), but I do feel sorry for the author because she seems to be justifying being someone’s cheap thrill. 

    • jack_sprat2

      It’s likely as much the thrill of being a Svengali, for him, as it is the sex itself. He’s bogarting a LOT of female attention. Ah, there’s so little time and only so much of him to go around; what a painful dilemma for a narcissist! In any case, he’ll persevere, ****-blocking as many other men as he can, by sucking up as much of her romantic mind-space as possible. I wonder, just how valuable does she imagine her divided attention will prove to that other man for whom she’s looking? Or, does she not plan to mention her ‘side dish’? (Come to that, which of the men would be her main course? Shall we nickname them ‘My Great Love’ and ‘Mr. Schmuck’? What a racket this fellow has!))

  • Live_in_LDN

    Open marriage??? Commiting to be non-commited? Seems legit!

  • ThisGirl

    Ok what is the point of being “married” if technically your not honoring your vows to begin with. If all they really want is to be with many people why must they be married. They stood before God took vows (unless there are some special vows for this type of thing in that case the marriage isn’t legit to begin with) and now are doing this. This is “cheating” its just they have accept it. But that still doesn’t make it right. A marriage consist of one woman and one man. How yall adding other people to the equation I don’t know…

    • L-Boogie

      Thank you.  

    • Aloreeng

      How can you dictate what two people’s commitment to each other is or should be? And everyone doesn’t believe in God and it doesn’t make their pledge to each other any less official.  Marriage is exactly what two people define it to be between the two of them.  Stop hating and just say it isn’t for you.  

      • Surburban Soulja

        One of the most-successful results of Willie Lynch’s vision for Us is how many OF Us suscribe to his peoples’ ways and beliefs. (87%) Congrats on being a fellow 13%-er, and don’t pay no neva-mind to those stubbornly clinging to the propaganda. We know better and will therefore have better results. Whether of Afrikan or Native American descent; polygamy sure never hurt nothin for our ancestors (anymore than wearing our hair chemicals-free and minding our diet). Let a fool be a fool, and I say we go hit up this brave sista on her website (aforementioned above in this article) and show her some love. Let these chickens keep cluckin cuz that’s all they’re gonna do regardless!

        • Guest

          Willie Lynch is fabricated. But I agree with pretty much everything else you said. 

  • The worst thing you can possibly do is worrying and thinking about what you could have done.

  • Ay

    *blank stare*

  • k li

    marriage is a sacred union between one man and one woman. Why arent people respecting this anymore? if you want to continue seeing other people, stay single! i dont get it?

    • Surburan Soulja

      Today’s officiating ministers who conduct ceremonies for these ‘sacred unions’ (i.e.; in a church) read from the same ‘scripture’ where polygamy was the norm. Even Ol’ Abraham knocked up his wife’s personal assistant (Hagar the Egyptian whose son Ishmael got to be a Founding Father of your Faith just like his baby 1/2-brother Isaac) to ensure successful procreation. Before Kunta Kinte and other were dragged here and removed from their cultural traditions (which included …you guessed it—polygamy)….polygamy was a sucessful means of family life.  If your (and many others’) insecurity prevent you from fathoming life outside a cultural box never truly intended for Us to fit into; own that. But at least you DID admit you just ‘Don’t get it”. Therefore I will refrain from chiding you too hard. “To each his own”, right?

    • Guest

      These are your own personal beliefs. They do not apply to everyone. 

  • IllyPhilly

    Girlfriend? I thought open marriage is, we screw other people, but there are no titles except me as wife boo? 

  • Amija James

    I hate when people act like this is taboo.  If your man is cheating on you and you stay with him, what’s the diff?  Instead of fighting over a man, accept it and bam, you have an open marriage.  
    I’d be fine with it if 1, he could take care of me and 2, I had a guarantee that he wouldn’t bring me any diseases.  Unfortunately there are too many things out there so I can’t.  
    But hey, whatever floats your boat, mama!

    • L-Boogie

      You sound a little angry.  Are you okay?

      • Amija James

        I’m not sure how you get angry from anything I said. Maybe your comprehension  is off. I suggest you read again.  🙂

        • Aloreeng

          Agree…didn’t hear anything angry sounding but a lot of judgement from the accuser.  

      • Darcampb

        She doesn’t sound angry to me. Are sure that *you* are ok?

        • L-Boogie

          I am fine.  Thank you for asking.  Have a great day!

    • NikkitaMichelle

      Black women are the leaders of new cases of HIV every day.  You can’t guarantee that he won’t bring you any diseases.  This chick can basically see a flow chart of this dude’s partners the other chicks he’s messing with (do they have other partners?)  His wife has partners.  This is one huge breeding ground for diseases.  Why would any of these dudes or women stay faithful to a man or woman who openly cheats on their spouse.  It’s stupid. 

      They’re so caught up on the fact that both the husband and wife are cool with it that they haven’t really thought about their own health enough to decide if they should be cool with it.   Wrap it up and be blessed.

      • Amija James

        I’m not sure if you’re directing this at me, but I say that there a lot of things out there so that’s why I’m not okay with that kind of relationship.  But HIV is rampant in the black community because women know that their men have more than one woman and they still have unprotected sex.  My point is that people are already having open relationships so don’t degrade her when you know people are doing it anyway.  

        • Yolanda Penn

          Just bc opl are killing black kids does tht mean tht we should start kill white kids…my point is just bc everyone is doing it does mean its right. I hope ur not going on tht….

        • really?

          so it’s ok because other people are doing it?

          • Amija James

            My point is that there are people in relationships who are sharing their spouses anyway.  I think it’s better to be honest about than to run around lying about it.  It’s not my cup of tea, but live and let live.  

        • NikkitaMichelle

          No my comment was not directed at you.  Only piggy backing on what you said about if there was a “guarantee that he wouldn’t bring back any diseases.”  My comments aren’t to degrade her in anyway.  No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.  At the end of the day she’s grown, if she’s willing to share her man that’s her business.  I’m just really tired of sisters being so desperate that they’ll deal with anything and put up with anything and say it’s okay just to be what they think is “happy.”  

  • L-Boogie

    Keep your marriage closed.  That is tacky.  Is this subject on rewind with you all?