The Black Community: Who Has the Answers?

March 28th, 2012 - By Rachel Louissaint

Source: soulbrotherv2.blogspot.com

 

The large number of black men missing from the home have taken the blame for the disconnect in the black community for years now. It seems as though black women, for whatever reason, were left with the burden of trying to formulate a structural foundation. They were left to bear the burden of trying to play mom and dad while still making sure that there was food on the table . Whether it is because black men are in jail or have willingly left the household, statistically speaking, there is a disparity with the number of fathers in the home. I am not here to bash black men and I don’t think that that the black man is to blame for all of the issues within our community, it is just one avenue to explore. I am more concerned with the effect  that the lack of role models and structure in the black community will have on generations to follow.

I have recently spent more time analyzing this issue because my schools is located in a predominately black community. Every day I see the struggle of black woman and children in the community. Whether they are rushing to gather their children to get to work and school or they are walking their child to school, there is something to be said for the strength and gusto of the black woman. I even see the black women in my department leave work during their lunch break to go and pick up their children to bring them back to work with them after school. After 5pm my school hallways are filled with the children of these hard working mothers. It is no surprise that whenever musicians are asked to credit their success to something, it is always to the strong presence of their mothers.

We often forget that these hard working black mothers are also women. For all of the stability and love that these mothers provide for their children, they need the same support and care in return. Who is there to do that for them? Even looking at my own mother, I see that she has her moments where she sits and stares off into space. I always wonder what’s on her mind, then a sense of loneliness fills the room. I often feel sad because I know she wants a companion. Every woman longs for a companion to share her life with and to help them support her family. All of the women in my family are single mothers and I often marvel at the fact that they do everything on their own, sometimes with absolutely no help from the fathers of their children. The plight of the black mother is nothing to take lightly. The fact that the single- mother household is increasingly becoming the norm, is a problem.

This struggle trickles down to the younger generations.  What message are little girls and boys getting by watching their mothers and fathers struggle? The little girls learn either to carry the same strength as their mothers or they have such a great desire not to end up alone like their mothers that they end up in less than satisfactory relationships. The boys grow up to be men that really have no guidance or direction as to who they should be and what their responsibilities as men are. Even looking at my own family, I can’t say that any of the young males in my family know what it means to be a real man. I would want my own brother to be a strong black man with a foundation and morals but advice coming from the mouth of his sister doesn’t leave the same impression on him if it were to come from my father.

That being said, who is to be the examples of strength and solidarity for our younger generations? Nobody wants to see this cycle continue, sowho is going to teach our young men and women? In a world where any of our black sons, cousins and brothers could have been Trayvon Martin, the need for role models and teachers to the younger generations is imperative. I believe that to have a strong community there needs to be balance and support. In one of my many college electives classes we explored the concept of family and the role it played in different racial societies.  For example, in Asian communities family is the root and the core of everything. The children are raised in a supportive environment because the structure is there before they are even born. The children are molded by a family unit so that when they enter into the real world they have a sense of who they are and what goals they should reach for. I would want similar objectives for my own community. I don’t presume to know all the answers to solve all the problems with one article, for I myself fall into the category of a statistic (coming from a single parent home). I am tired of looking at other races flourish while I am watching my own people repeat the same cycle. I am not sure what can bring the much needed change, or what role I can play in it, I just know that it is imperative that something is done.

Rachel Louissaint is a graduate student and a blogger. Check out her own blog Ebonymaiden.com or follow her on twitter at @Ebony_Maiden.

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  • Blackpower1976

    I knew it was gonna to be the MEN fault!! LOL! As much as I grew up as a teenager and an adult, hearing how the girls like the thug, drug dealer, athlete, frat guy and playa-playa, it’s NO wonder the MAN gets the blame. U rarely heard them say the good guy until after they had the thug, drug dealer or playa-playa’s baby, gotten a BAD REP (after having their girl time aka “FUN”) and trying to “change” or “found GOD”….ha!! It’s hard to tell men to STEP UP when the women continue to “GO DOWN” ha ha!! Like the ladies say” we didn’t make em on our own!” Nah, u just picked the WRONG one to make em with!! 

  • Oben

    Absolutely agree with everything you say KIR12!

  • KIR12

    “American Black Women
    are the only culture and race of UNMARRIED women in the WORLD including
    Africa who blame their pregnancy (he should have used a condom) on men.
    This is the end result of the liberal victimization ideology. Throughout
    history up to the present all other races and cultures hold the
    UNMARRIED women responsible for her pregnancy. There is a reason for
    that right or wrong, it works! Most of these black babymamma kids are
    from short term hookups with an immature bum, player or thug/convict. If
    you get pregnant by a bum, player or thug/convict, don’t expect him to
    change just because you had a baby. You knew who he was before you laid
    with him. You are responsible for your body, You!!!! And no one else!
    Too many black women are making stupid excuses about condoms for the
    reason they’re pregnant or had a baby by a bum. Yes the man is equally
    responsible for the baby but he is not equally responsible for the
    pregnancy. Good luck with equal responsibility from a bum, player or
    thug/convict. That’s your body. The courts have even given women the
    right to abort with or without the man’s consent.”

    Black men and women are not having anymore nor less s3x, UNPROTECTED
    S3X, than men and women of other races, however, black women have 2 to 3
    times the amount of abortions and illegitimate kids. Why? Black women
    embraced “Free Love” the social movement of liberals and white feminist
    which rejected marriage before s3x (ie s3xual revolution, s3xual freedom
    or s3x before marriage). In other words, poor black women started
    having s3x like white women but weren’t taking the pill like white
    women. The pill and birth control empowered white women and gave them
    control over their bodies. Poor black women got the s3x memo, however,
    they didn’t read the fine print at the bottom “must take the pill”.
    Their inability or unwillingness to consistently and correctly take
    female contraceptives caused a uncontrollable dramatic increase of black
    illegitimacy and black abortions. These white feminist weren’t
    abandoned because they waited to get married before having kids. Who
    then is left to teach a black boy the importance of marriage? I guess he
    has to learn by osmosis. Black Baby mammas have very little or no
    interest in their sons marrying and treating a woman better than the
    baby mammas sons father ever treated her.

    People don’t criticize single mothers just because of some old
    outdated traditions. The problem is high Illegitimacy leads to high
    academic failure, high academic failure leads to high drop out rates,
    high drop out rates leads to high rates of unemployment, high rates of
    unemployment leads to high rates of poverty, high rates of poverty leads
    to high rates of crime. All of which lead to dysfunctional homes,
    dysfunctional schools and dysfunctional communities. After three to four
    generations of legions of baby mamma kids running wild terrorizing the
    black community and having more baby mama kids. We now know the truth.

  • Oben

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    As
    a black women, I am tired of being told how well black women take on
    the role of being father and mother due to the absence of black men
    in the majority of black households. This is a disgraceful statistic
    and is something that the black community should fight and resist.
    Unfortunately, it has become the norm, with in fact some sections of
    society encouraging it. Do black women ever wonder where phrases such
    as “ a strong black woman” comes from. This portrayal of black
    women allows for instance the media to dish any crap they want to
    black women and we are supposed to take it because we are “strong”.
    Furthermore, even some of our own men have been conditioned to think
    like this and this is why they bail out on us and are not as
    supportive because we can “handle it”.

    In
    recent years I have come to observe (just look on youtube) the
    insensitive things that some black men say about black women, yet is
    is very rare for Asian and white men to criticise their women- we are
    the only race (that I can think of ) where this type of public
    criticism is rife! I am of African origin and I live in London, and
    when I visit the States it baffles me, that the new standard of
    beauty in the African American community (predominantly from a male
    perspective) is Latino women. Just ask yourself this- would the
    average latino man put a black women before their own- I do not think
    so!

    But
    last and perhaps most important, I believe that we black women are
    responsible for the men and women we are raising. As such, black
    women need to own their decisions and should be more selective in who
    they have children with! In my culture, it is not acceptable just to
    have a child with anyone- one is encouraged to choose the best -
    (often in terms of class and education-so that your off spring have
    better opportunities). There are some black women who will not only
    have one but 2 to 3 children with a man who has made it blatantly
    clear that he will not be there for them and their children- and yet
    they still go there. Who is pathetic in this situation? It is not
    the man, but the woman! Choosing to raise a child as a single
    parent has implications and generally the average black woman is not
    in an economic position to hire a nanny, or pay for private
    education. Because of the economic structure, we are more likely to
    live in the rough neighbourhood and take our children to the average
    schools which has an impact on their opportunities in life- which in
    turn limits their choice!!!!!   

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