Ladies, Has It Been Awhile? 6 Ways to Take the ‘Edge’ Off

March 24, 2012  |  
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We’ve all been there. One minute we’re beating a man (or men) off with a stick, the next – we’re dried up like the Sahara. Sexual droughts happen, and while a little bout of celibacy never hurt anyone, a dry spell can leave us scratching like Pookie in New Jack City. Some say that a dry spell is a good time to get in touch with ourselves, reflect on past relationships, delve deeper into our spirituality or simply make more “me time.”  After all, sex isn’t “everything.” But what do you do when hormones are raging and there’s no man in sight?

Try indulging in some of these activities to help take the edge off…


1. Play with “Toys”

Nothing says “self love” like a visit to your nearest sex toy shop or website. Host a pleasure party, inviting your girlfriends over for a little fun while stocking up on some goodies to hold you over until you meet a man worthy of YOUR goodies. Keeping B.O.B. handy saves you from making desperate midnight booty calls to that no-good dude you swore you’d never call again. B.O.B never disappoints…and he’s disease free.

2. Get a Massage

Personally, I’d prefer a good hot stone massage over sex any day – but that’s just me. Something about warm hands on skin with scented oils and aromatherapy candles can send any woman into paradise. A good body rub calms the senses, and can ease sexual tension. It’s sensual without being sexual, and just as relaxing as sex – and you don’t have to feel guilty for just lying there. You can even take a nap!

3. Hit the Hot Tub or a Sauna

Okay, so maybe paying someone for a deep tissue massage isn’t in the budget – but if you belong to a gym with a hot tub or a sauna, treat yourself to that little luxury instead. Heat, steam, water, wet skin…it’s all as intoxicating and hypnotizing as sex can be.

4. Work Out!

For some women, working out is about as enjoyable as getting a root canal. But busting a sweat doesn’t have to be painful, you just have to move. Having sex is actually a form of exercise, so if you don’t mind perspiring between the sheets, try an activity that will give you the same invigorating feeling. Rock a spin class, go for a brisk walk or jog, or try kickboxing. And if you’re really bold, hire that fine trainer at the gym so you can get some one-on-one attention while getting healthy at the same time. Working out releases pent up stress and gives off the same “feel good” endorphins that sex does – and you’ll be in love with your new body, not sex crazed.

5. Play a Sport or Go to a Sporting Event

Along the same lines as working out, taking part in an extreme sport like skiing or snowboarding, or simply attending a sporting event, can really get your adrenaline going. It has been hypothesized that people with high sex drives are also prone to play or enjoy sports because of its intense physical nature, so join your company’s softball league for the spring. The climax comes in the form of watching your team score on the field…you know…since you can’t score in the bed.

6. Go to a Concert, an Amusement Park or a Scary Movie

Okay, so none of these may seem like a good substitute for sex…at first, but believe it or not, all of these activities get your heart rate up and make you scream. Sound familiar? Screaming, yelling, jamming, jumping…all of this is a form of release. Hit a rock concert, hop a roller coaster or check Fandango for thrillers at your local theater – and sing or scare yourself silly! Grab some friends, or a cute guy, and hold on tight! The rush will leave you satisfied and hold you over, even if only for a little while.

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  • Nisha Moon

    This list is do able in the first two suggestions. Women’s health is imperative due to the big “O” and it keeps our cells healthy, lightens our mood and staves away depression. The other suggestions were mere distractions and not very do able.

    Toys are the best choice. Many options according to tastes. Not to mention they are disease and pregnancy free!

    Explore your options ladies! Love yourself first drought or not.

  • Nicolesandraperk

    I agree the article wasn’t the greatest but, it did have valid points. I’m not about to sleep around with random men just to get sexual fulfillment. That ish just ain’t gonna happen.

    • Chanda

      I guess this is what women mean when they say they’ve found Mr. Right Now. Translation: Someone to fulfil my sexual needs until someone better comes along.

  • Bettyelton

    The list is rubbish just find a women and use your toys until you get a man.

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  • LaylaAjmine

    I just give up on dating. I am not one to sleep with random guys and I get tired of guys thinking cause other women or s****y you will be as well. Atlanta is the worse place for dating with loose women and loose morals.

    • zuco

      Good! Women who don’t desire sex are of no use to Men, and are actually a
      detriment to them. It’s appropriate that you are out of circulation. Mankind and
      specifically Men are much better off for your disappearance.

      • LaylaAjmine

        Clearly you don’t comprehend well

  • Honey

    I’m curious to know what different people consider as a drought?  I’m 33 years old and have gone through several droughts.  The longest was for 11 years, including no kissing.  I wasn’t doing this on purpose either.  It was because I didn’t meet anyone that I was interested in and sometimes I just went long periods of time, without meeting anyone.  Each time I went through a drought, I found it pretty easy actually.

    So again, I would like to know what do you consider as a drought?

    • Yaya

      Certainly 11 years. Geeze.

      • Team nymphis

        After 11 years did you have to use a crowbar?

        • hellifiknow

          That made me LOL…FOH with all these ideas, sure they HELP but they don’t replace s**t…..!!! Nothing you can do but get some more D***…sorry!!!

        • Malbell_2006

          Omg!!! Some business don’t need to be put out there like that. 33 yrs old and that long with no physical contact?!? Lol at Team Nymphis

    • Nicolesandraperk

      I haven’t been in a serious relationship in 5 years. And I am currently in a 9 month long ‘drought’. I have gotten used to it being that I have kids and I’m also working on getting a degree. I think about sex but it’s not the main focus because I got other things to do. I haven’t met the right person to give my ‘goodies’ to anyway.

  • Chanda

    Decent enough list, could’ve been a bit better. The ones saying the at list sucks I guess just want the real thing and get it over with.

  • Atin

    I think that these are all great ideas! I have done most of the things on the list, and they all have been very beneficial for me! Some people are just shooting it down without even giving it a try!

  • Jdmann

    8. Hire a gigolo
    9. Get a f*** buddy
    10. Set aside a day for sex

  • CutToTheChase

    Mannnn…Diddle that thing and keep it movin’! Problem solved.

  • NJ

    Working out increases your sex drive. And toys are no substitute and neither are massages. Sigh, maybe it’ll help if you remember why you’re celebate. I agree with most here, this is not a good list and definitely not researched.

    • Janthonyrose

      Some women are not celebate by choice, they just happen to be going through a drought. If toys aren’t a substitute, what IS?

      • NJ

        Toys are fun whether you have a partner or not. Maybe I should have written replacement, not substitute, but in any event it doesn’t take the place of sex or make me not want it. I could care less why you’re not getting it, my point was that the list wasn’t good.

        • Janthonyrose

          give us YOUR list then. Of course people would rather have the real thing. This  list is for those who CAN’T get the real thing. The author not once says “play with toys instead of have sex with a man” – and she’s not saying women don’t want sex…she’s saying for those who want it but can’t get it, try these distractions. I just think it’s odd that most of the people on this thread who hate the list can’t come up with a BETTER one. It’s so easy to tear something down without offering something HELPFUL for the readers.

  • Guest

    all these things would make me think about sex more smh

  • Smh

    Does this person actually have good sex? Cause if so these are things to do until your sexual partner gets home but not during long bouts as a replacement.

    • Janthonyrose

      What would you do during long bouts then? Doing these things doesn’t mean you don’t know what good sex is, it just means these are some things to get your mind off of sex until you can have good sex again. I know women who have BAD sex just to be able to say they’re having sex rather than waiting out a drought. I can’t think of anything else to do that isn’t on this list other than NOTHING during a drought. Toys are what most women do, which I believe was up there on the list. What else would YOU do?

  • This list isn’t bad. It’s true that these things help. The first one, especially. and the bit about working out, which is why instead of finding randoms for fulfillment, I am starting to go back into my gym and burn off that energy. It’s hard. I miss the feeling of another body on mine, but in the meantime I should distract myself because I don’t feel like sleeping around.

  • L-Boogie

    Great article!  

  • Nisha Moon

    Toys.. great idea! Women NEED to have orgasms, it keeps the cells in the uterus healthy and staves off cancer of the female parts, so although there may be a drought in sexual activity with a partner, don’t stop loving yourself. Also, chemicals are released into our bodies when we orgasm, which is a natural de-stresser, and it makes us feel good (happy).

    Exercise was a great idea, channeling the sexual energy into physical activity is great, it releases the de-stresser hormones as well.

    The messages, spa, sports, listening to music, can all be distractions but not one’s that release the hormones that are needed to end stress and to feel good.

    Nisha Moon~ Sex educator & Sex coach
                          Spiritual guide and Counselor and Women’s community Development Coordinator for all women but specifically women of color.

  • Tenekqua

    All these things literally would turn me on! Sad truth

  • womp

    This list sucks

    • Tallchiick


    • Diso98

      and that’s the truth!

    • Ingrid1982pb

      Yep, this list really does suck! Brooke, this list sounds more like YOU need friends.

      • Janthonyrose

        Ingrid, you sound angry…maybe YOU need friends. Your comment didn’t even make sense, just sounded like hating.

    • Ingrid1982pb

      I second that. It sucks!

    • Janthony

      Well then what would you suggest? Sex with random men? playing with toys is the best thing on the list…as well as working out. I guess you all that think the list sucks just keep your legs closed and wait it out huh?

      • dude chill

        why don’t you calm down you jacka**, the list sucks and the best thing a female can do is take care of herself, use toys, or work out. that’s it. the same s**t men do when men don’t get laid. people are entitled to say whether or not the list is good, instead of tellin women to close their legs because they disagree, why don’t you close your mouth and break your hands so you don’t have to grace the internet with your ignorance.

        • Janthonyrose

          um…I didn’t say women should keep their legs closed, it was a question. And toys and work out are on this list…so not sure what makes the list suck. Nobody said people aren’t entitled to their opinion, but it seems those who say the list sucks can’t offer up a BETTER list, so until someone DOES, maybe YOU and them shouldn’t grace the internet with YOUR ignorance, moron!

      •  Whenever I’m going through a dry spell I like to wait as long as I can to have sex just as a sport. It’s kind of fun to see how long I can wait. I think the build up of sexual tension makes the actual act of sex better when it happens. Every woman is different. This list wasn’t bad. It’s been months and I am trying to hold out. The working out is a great great one.

    • anon

      exactly.. this list is garbage