6 Times You’ll Have To Accept No Sex For A While

March 19, 2012  |  
1 of 7


A boyfriend once joked to me before going out of town for a week, “I’m sorry I won’t be around to satisfy your needs.” I laughed. Who was he kidding? I’m not a dude. I don’t go nuts without sex for a few days. Boy was I wrong. Let’s just say, by the end of the week I had bought some triple A batteries and an item that hides in a shoe box. Luckily, my doing-it drought was brought on by something as simple as physical distance, but sometimes, it’s not that simple. And there’s nothing you can do about it but wait.



After tragedy

If he has lost a loved one—a friend, a father, a dog (some men get very torn up about their dogs)—he might feel he doesn’t deserve to enjoy himself since someone he loves isn’t around to enjoy anything anymore. He might also be contemplating mortality, and the action that is traditionally for reproducing is creeping him out a little.


After job loss

A man’s ego rides a lot on his job. If he isn’t where he wants to be in his career, and especially financially, he doesn’t feel like a man. If he’s lost a job, is having trouble getting one, or has been demoted, he may not feel like much of a man in the bedroom either.


After you’ve cheated

Even if he has decided to forgive you, he may not feel you deserve sex yet. He also might not be ready to be that close to you again. Additionally, even though he knows you’ve slept with men other than him in your life, an indiscretion during the relationship just makes him all too aware that somebody else was up in there, and recently. That can weird him out.

After he’s cheated

You might think he will be so antsy to get back in your bed if you’ve taken him back after he’s cheated, but he might still be dealing with a guilty conscience. He once again might not feel he deserves sex for a while.


If you’ve been apart

Having consistent sex makes a man keep up the practice of lasting in bed. But, if the two of you have had to be apart for a while either because you’re in a long distance relationship or someone went away for a while, he hasn’t had to last for anyone when he’s just been “taking care of himself.” Some men have anxiety about finishing way too soon when they finally get to be with their girlfriend again, so they put sex off.

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  • Surburban Soulja

    Thing #7: High Ambition + Morals. My professional ambition leaves no room for this superficial dating/mating/fake relating foolywang that unmarried folk such as myself are actually supposed to clear room in my schedule to do! If I wanna ‘be used’ I’d sell It. Guess I’ll be in a drought til later! #GodBlessGrownUpToyStores#

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  • Searching For Answers

    I’m 21 years old and have practiced abstinence my entire life. Ideally, I would like to save myself for marriage, but I’m beginning to question whether or not that’s the right thing for me. Could you ladies please do an article about the pros and cons of waiting until marriage please!! lol (I definitely don’t want to be one of those women who waits until marriage and then finds out it wasn’t worth it because I got played smdh…that would make it twice as worse!!)

    • blackinthehat

      How could it be the wrong thing to do? Let me give you a pro, God thinks waiting for marriage is the right thing to do…shouldn’t that be the only pro you need? Listen plz stay waiting, i’m sure you will not regret doing what’s right, even though you may feel otherwise.

      • REENIC

        Yes! Kudos to you for doing something that many ppl today think is outdated. I am married, and wish I had waited to share that very special moment with my husband. Your not missing out on anything!!

    • Jtameeka

      Searching for answers: Waiting is always worth it. I did not wait and I regret it. To a man if you been with 1 or 1 million it is one too many because he is not the only one. I think it is so special the decision you have made to wait don’t second guess your decision. Your husband will thank you on your wedding night. You will be giving him a gift that can only be given once. When it is gone it is gone guard your virginity as the special gift that it is.

  • Tinker

    I think 6 is misleading. If you and your man have been apart for awhile thats when I would expect that you would have the most sex since you miss being intimate so much. If I hadnt seen my man in months and then I finally do and he doesnt want to have sex I would think he is cheating or worse, he has fallen out of love with me

  • Thea D Parker

    Only 1 reason I thought of was listed, distance. None of the other reasons I imagined & have experienced were on this list; chronic illness/medical reasons, pregnancy, or impotence.

  • Blackbutterfly117

    My guy is going through two of these (job/loss of parent). Good reminder for me to stay patient and supportive while he grieves.

  • sadness

    Also if u lost the love of ur life. Everything feels empty.

  • Secondsaway

    If your man is anything like Elvis, he won’t have sex with you anytime after you become pregnant and give birth

  • Godivajcd

    Hmmm, sounds good but if none of these have occurred & your once satisying 5 outta 7 days has dwindled to once a week…? You are asking about getting more of “it”…your relationship is going to depend on you having that sexual need met, by HIM or somebody else? IJS!

  • jasmine

    gee, thanks MN! I never would’ve known that trying to have sex with my man after his dad died would be considered insensitive. what an idiotic article.

  • Gideon

    If your dude is an athlete of any kind, the day or days before a big race or game might be declared no sex.