Should I Take My Ex Back? Things To Consider Before You Do…
For the most part, if you get to the point in your relationship when you feel unwilling or unable to fix things then breaking up may be good for both parties. However, some couples break up over a miscommunication (or a lack of communication) and a good talk could actually salvage things.
Here’s how you know whether or not getting back with your ex is worth your time…
Did any of this happen?
Let’s just get this out of the way: if he was physically abusive, verbally abusive, slept with your best friend, or just slept with somebody else, don’t even think about trying to get back together. He’s got qualities that need to be worked out on a therapist’s couch, and that will take years.
Why did you break up?
Some couples think that missing each other like crazy is good enough reason to get back together. WRONG. If your ex wants you back, he needs to be able to state exactly why you broke up. He needs to be able to identify what the problems were and what the progression was from peace to peace out.
If he can’t say anything…
If he can’t or doesn’t want to talk about why you broke up in the first place, forget him. He is emotionally locked up and immature. Either that or, he is too stubborn to admit he did anything wrong. None of this is the makings for a good second go at a relationship.
What’s the plan of action?
Being able to identify just what the problems were is not enough. There needs to be a plan. He needs to be able to vocalize what steps he thinks he and/or you need to take to fix those problems and avoid them from reoccurring. And you both need to agree on that plan and feel it is fair.
What do you really want?
Does he want you or just somebody? Often, we go back to our ex because we are just so terribly lonely. That is not a solid foundation for a lasting relationship because once that despair wears off and the gratefulness to just have someone in your life again fades, all the same problems from before will be there. To see if it’s really you he wants, suggest to take it slow. Suggest you see each other once a week, without any physical contact besides maybe a hug or kiss.
Will he rush you?
If he tries to rush you and even speaks patronizingly about your plan to take things slow, he does not respect you. If he starts seeing someone else during your trial period, then he definitely was just lonely.