Signs That He’ll Never Actually Marry You

March 16th, 2012 - By jaebi
"Propose"

Source: 20-something.ca

Life moves faster than ever in this day and age. Few people expect to spend days pondering questions–a quick Google search will suffice. Each season, you buy into the newest fashion, trend or over hyped product and replace working items with newer models. Sweeping corporate layoffs are common and job security means keeping your resume up to date to woo your next potential employer.

In short, Western society has placed diminishing value on investing time and effort into people or things. Your life is filled with a series of possessions ephemeral from the onset. Typically, when something’s outdated, broken or less than exciting, you’re looking to ditch it and pick up something new.

It’s easy for these attitudes to spill over into how we handle and view marriage. It’s becoming increasingly difficult to find a mate who cherishes the notion of “living happily ever after” in a world that places emphasis on routinely upgrading to the latest. So why waste time with a guy who clearly doesn’t?

Here are signs he isn’t going to pop the question:

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  • tj

    i think i saw one picture with people who werent african american in it

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=632877464 Orianna Morales

    This item is misleading. Men prioritize differently. You may not be number one but top three is great. The other two being work and family. Even in my view, family will always come first.

  • http://twitter.com/kissdavirgo827 Yonnie Palmore

    …I have a decision to make..thought my guy was the one…but he recently has started to show himself to be just the opposite…he says all the right things…but his actions don’t. Very misleading, because he’s very comfortable with the thought of marriage…and my kids love him…but I now see that he loves me (supposedly) and just tolerates my children. We’ve been together for almost 3 years and he is turning out to be one of the most selfish people I’ve ever known. Example: my car is in the shop and costs $600 to repair and is not mobile right now, I have 3 kids and can only rely on pub trans. to get them to school and me to work. His car needed repairs…but was still mobile…he shows up to my house…with a 2012 Durango…my car in the shop…and he’s now at his home and I’m stuck with no way to work…oh yeah, the bus….I don’t feel like I am a priority at this point…or even an option…I feel like a glorified f— buddy now…this is not the first incedent…but it is the deciding factor…what are everyone elses thoughts on the matter?

    • check_urself

      Whao, so if you were a priority for him he would drop all to take care of you and your 3 kids? Whatever happened to the father(s) of your kids?

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      My thoughts are you should have said hey, can you help me with the repair bill for my car? Did you even ask him to assist? Have you two already had a discussion on the direction of the relationship? Impossible for a man to truly love you and not embrace your children after 3 years of being together. You will continue to face difficulties in any future relationship you embark on until you get your financial house in order. Honestly it would have been nice for him to offer to chauffeur you around or help you out with the repair bill but he isn’t your husband, or fiancee and somewhere along the way you failed to communicate to him that you expect your boyfriend to at least offer to assist when the occasion arises. You already said this isn’t the first incident how many more chances will you give him? Remember a closed mouth don’t get fed and a silent woman don’t get her needs met. Good luck.

  • A Voice

    There are plenty of women out there who do not want to get
    married. Perhaps it is time to write an article – signs that she will never
    actually marry you. :) Marriage is a choice for many, so is not getting married
    nowadays. In my opinion, marriage itself is irrelevant to whether or not you
    will have a great relationship with your partner. It is more of a decision that
    your partner and you have to make when considering having children, sharing
    legal responsibilities and financial partnership etc. It is a contract between
    two people, always has been. The real issue is for those who choose to be in a
    relationship without marriage, our society has done little to accommodate the
    need when making legal and political policies.
    Marriage is a choice for many, so is not getting married
    nowadays. In my opinion, marriage itself is irrelevant to whether or not you
    will have a great relationship with your partner. It is more of a decision that
    your partner and you have to make when considering having children, sharing
    legal responsibilities and financial partnership etc. It is a contract between
    two people, always has been. The real issue is for those who choose to be in a
    relationship without marriage, our society has done little to accommodate the
    need when making legal and political policies.

    • Trustfither

      Finally! My thoughts exactly. Lol. I see so many articles putting emphasis on men. Women are the cause of their own demise. Meaning if you put him before yourself who’s fault is that. If you see the signs he’s not that in to you but you stay who’s fault is that. If you are ready for marriage and he isn’t but you stay who’s fault is that.

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  • VirtualClover

    Or, to sum up: Never make someone a priority in your life when you’re only an option in theirs.

    I do have to defend the guys on this one – not everyone wants or needs marriage. It’s not a cure for anything (and certainly not cheating), sometimes marriage is a bad idea even when the tie itself is good.   However, to be fair to the article, if he says he doesn’t believe in marriage, it’s a pretty sure bet he just told you not to get your hopes up. 

    What you should consider is the relationship itself and how solid it is. If it aint broke, don’t fix it. If you’re all about getting married because you think you’re supposed to, or it’s what we do, then you’ll be the one setting yourself up for a gut punch, if not destroying an otherwise solid relationship over some notion that if he doesn’t marry you, he’s the one in the wrong. 

  • Lady Swagga38

    This is awesome! I have been through every steep step! The sad part is we won’t hear until we want, no matter how many warnings you give. Maybe this will help some onessssss!

  • MixedUpInVegas

    Implicit in the comments thus far is that the man is to sole gatherer of assets in a marriage; in case of a divorce he loses half of “his” assets.  That seerms like a lopsided view of things.  Modern life generally requires BOTH spouses to toil away to maintain even a middle cless standard of living.  That being so, he isn’t losing “his”assets–he is losing the benefit of ‘her assets.”

    It appears that as many women are reluctant to partner with men who appear to feel that their options are limitless.  Women should recognize that they have the same options.

  • Allinyamouth

    This was written by a bitter B*tc*

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  • John Coffee

    stupid article… You mean common sense?

  • http://www.facebook.com/RosarioRed Rosario Stefania Scarsci

    Okay okay okay. I can see why a woman would be upset about something like this. As a woman, I would be deathly afraid to get married. I don’t really like the word marriage. I mean, it seems so boring. It’s like, the end of your independence, freedom. I can no longer walk around the house in the ugly sweats I like. My husband will expect so much more of me. Also, I can’t just come and go as I please. It’s like having a parent only there’s sex involved. Eh, no thanks

    • Mzstewart24

      What marriage are you referring to my husband doesn’t, mind me in my boxers and tank and I still have my freedom I go out with my girls every other weekend he’ll go out with the guys hell we even hit up strip clubs and parties together but marriages aren’t for errrbody

    • really???

      yes, boring.

      you new age kids kill me with this sh!t.

      • LaLaLaMeansILoveYou

         lol exactly…I could’ve sworn I was listening to my 17 yr old little sister in her freshman year of college as I read that post.

    • Tay

      Lol I am not sure what type of marriage that is? But interesting thought.

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      Do yourself a favor while you figure out if marriage is for you do not make any children. Be free be independent figure out who you are and don’t worry about marriage.

  • Tony Sloany

    I’m on the fence.
    I believe that marriage works best for people who plan on having a family, meaning conceiving kids together or even combining children from other relationships. In this situation being married protects the children (somewhat) in the event that it doesn’t work out. However, every situation is different. A guy nearing 40 years old with no children who is seriously dating a woman who’s either already had children or isn’t interested in having any should probably not get married because their is nothing to protect and the laws are not written in his favor.

    Marriage has become nothing more than the business end of a relationship and any man who’d like to protect his assets should be leery that he’s taking a chance on everything he owns by getting married. Women may bellyache about this attitude but it’s a REAL LIFE quagmire and it’s worth every bit of attention that it gets.

    So in a nutshell, I’m not poo-pooing marriage, I’m just saying that it’s not absolutely necessary or even desirable in every long-term relationship situation.

    • Sallywalker

      It’s been my experience that men who are preoccupied about protecting their assets usually don’t have any

      • Tony Sloany

         LOL…Let’s say you’re right about that. Now imagine if YOU were in that guy’s place and you made 40k per year and were worried about alimony or losing your home. Shouldn’t you be more worried than the guy who makes 200k???
        Just a thought.

      • Tracey

        Then it’s a win-win because we know you don’t want the broke man that doesn’t want to get married then. Sounds like these guys are doing you a favor unless you’re the type that likes to focus on the negative. Go find a guy with assets that wants to do the damn thing then.

    • Tay

      If u walk into marriage with the plan and thought to get divorce, that is exactly what will happen. So I agree with you since that is what most people do, they shouldnt get married. Plan for doom and that’s what you get. Plan for success and while it will not be without heartache, you will be successful. The things we put our thought and effort to will always come to light. _

      • MzSpencer

        Errr yeah this SOUNDS good but in every other situation in life we are taught to examine the worst case scenario/have a plan B. The young man who strives to be a senator isn’t planning to fail if he also explores other 9 to 5 opportunities in case things don’t work out.
        Still, I understand what you are saying in thinking positive…it’s like the original poster said these are real-life issues that deserve attention.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAI4SRENU2A5WKRTELXXYJPDSI Kayla

    With the way marriage is now, can you blame him? 

    • Tay

      Of course not. The point if marriage is to get marriage and plan for a divorce. That’s the way it is isn’t it?

  • Stanley

    Because the family/marriage laws are messed up in favor of women.

    • Samantha

      O so you won’t commit, because of laws? Sounds to me like your mind is more concerned about what you’re going to get out of divorce than what you’ll receive from it.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAI4SRENU2A5WKRTELXXYJPDSI Kayla

        that’s the point the woman is the one pushing for marriage, but when it comes divorce time she takes him to the cleaners. 

      • Tony Sloany

         @Samantha ???
        With all due respect, your response is confusing.
        What I got out of the statement is that many men are reluctant to marry because if it doesn’t work out they are taking a chance on losing many of the things they’ve accumulated and not what they’d possibly receive in a split.

        • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

          Pre-nup

    • Pivyque

      That’s what a PRENUP is for. My husband and I aren’t rich, but we would not marry until we agreed on a prenup. We don’t think we are ever going to divorce, but should our marriage come to that, it won’t be messy and neither one of us will be messed up financially.

    • Adonis

      @b491648144ad44d06dd078023784c3d5:disqus 
      tanley It is unbelivable how coldwomen are when comes to how men benefit from marriage & post-marriage…

      @9bda5b8226f0aaa00fb31c8a3cf4356e:disqus is playing dumb acting like mostly men do not get taken to the cleaners in Western Society…

      Marriage is a raw deal for men… And if you do not make marriage attractive for MEN… The institution will die an accelerated death

      • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

        Have you ever heard of a pre-nup? Really I wouldn’t give a da*mn if you and men the world over didn’t get married. Just stop having children with women you won’t even commit to in a shacking relationship.

    • Adonis

      @b491648144ad44d06dd078023784c3d5:disqus 
      tanley It is unbelivable how coldwomen are when comes to how men benefit from marriage & post-marriage…

      @9bda5b8226f0aaa00fb31c8a3cf4356e:disqus is playing dumb acting like mostly men do not get taken to the cleaners in Western Society…

      Marriage is a raw deal for men… And if you do not make marriage attractive for MEN… The institution will die an accelerated death