Pipe dream. Diddy won’t settle down because 1. he doesn’t have to and 2. he knows if he gets serious with a woman he actually loves she will require that ring sooner or later and he for sure ain’t going to risk any part of his fortune. Just keeping it real.

I just came across this topic today and a huge smile come over my face, while I read your response.  First, I’m sorry for your lost.  Second, I’m glad things worked out for you, considering being in this type of relationship before getting married.  I would appreciate your take on my situation.  (VERY LONG BUT IT HAS HAD ME BAFFLED FOR A WHILE)

Me and this guy met in 2004, while on my job.  He didn’t work there but would just drop by and visit, from time to time, friends of his who worked with me.  Soon we became good friends.  He’d come and talk to me in my office for hours.  He had a gf and I was dating so it was strictly friendly; not even any friendly flirting.  We never talked on the phone or went out.  We just had a lot in common and had the best conversations at my job.  Unfortunately, in 2008 I got laid off and ended up moving out of state for another job.

In 2010, I moved back and ran into him at a festival in April of that year, while I was on a date.  We spoke briefly and exchanged numbers.  Also, he informed me that he was single.  I joked with him about this because when he’d come to my job, he always seemed unsure if he wanted to marry his gf at the time.  So I just assumed that if I’d ever bumped into him again, he’d be married, but he wasn’t.  It was like we were right back on track as if no time had passed.  We went out, laughed a lot, had deep conversations, confided in each other about things, argued, made up and just overall got extremely comfortable with each other.

In January, 2011 we kissed for the first time and things seemed to be heading towards the relationship route.  He told me how he was relationship person, his feelings for me and seemed to be proposing a relationship to me; even telling me that I needed to think about what I wanted.
(I’d always been a relationship phobe for the previous 10 years, which he knew about)  So I told him about how I didn’t believe in titles and how I felt like the walls were closing in when guys talked about commitment.  So he continued pursuing me and I thought about us being together with titles.  So after thinking about it for a while (like the next 2 weeks), I decided that I wanted to try something official.  However, he seemed to not want this anymore, meaning an official relationship, so I decided to keep my options open and still date from time to time.

Since then, we’ve kept our communication going.  We’ve had bumps in the road but can’t seem to stay away from each other because we miss talking to each other too much.  In October 2011, we got into it because I told him about a date I’d gone recently, which I had a great time on.  He was pissed, we went back and forth and then he blurts out “YOU KNOW THAT YOU AND I HAVE BEEN IN A RELATIONSHIP.”  This shocked me because I knew we had something special but never considered it an official relationship because we never made it official.  All of our actions screamed RELATIONSHIP, including us sleeping with anyone, however, in my mind, because we never called each other bf or gf, it wasn’t official, which technically made me a free agent.

Then in December 2011, we got into it again because he started saying I’m not there for him, I’m controlling, I hadn’t introduced him to my parents (He introduced me to his family in February 2011) and I’d stopped having sex with him.  I told him that I wasn’t obligated to do anything I didn’t want to, including introducing him to my parents because he claimed that what we had was not going anywhere.  I had issues with him still talking to his ex and expecting things of me that people only did in actual relationships.  This escalated and our, what I’ll call “break up” took six hours of arguing, hanging up the phone (mainly on his part, which he later told me was because he knew I was about to end it and didn’t want that) and me explaining to him that I needed exclusivity, friendship, loyalty and sex all rolled into one.  He said that what I listed was a relationship and said that he thought I didn’t want this.

After that argument, he called texted me but I ignored him.  We didn’t talk for 3 weeks and I was totally miserable.  I ended up calling him and he was excited and seemed relieved to hear from me.  Since then, again, we fell right back into our comfort zone (minus the sex this go round).  I’ve never met anybody like him, who I’m so in sync with.  We can curse each other out several times a day (jokingly of course), make fun of each other, talk about anything and nothing at the same time and do this everyday, for several hours a day.  However, I want it to be official and he still doesn’t want a relationship.  He even started asking for sex and assured me that, just like before, he wouldn’t sleep with anyone else.  Now to me all of this sounds like a relationship but the fact that he doesn’t want the title means that, again, to me, we won’t be in one.  Then again, he thought we were in one before.

So what is with all of this?  This is the happiest and most confused I’ve been in my life with a guy.  I feel like all of my relationship phobia and rejecting men when they brought up relationships in the past, has come back to bite me in the a**.  I know that I can just leave it alone but for what?  No other guy mirrors me like he does.  Also, he has some qualities that I love, in addition to what we have in common.  He never cheated on his past gf, was raised in a two parent home with a good upbringing, is a great father to his daughter and does eventually want marriage some day.  So should I continue to hang in there or leave him alone completely?
Is it worth leaving him alone and hopefully meeting someone else who might want the title but not make me as happy as he does?  And yes, I’ve been by myself before, so I’m not one of those “I need a man” chicks.  I’ve gone periods of years without being in a relationship or even a date at certain times in my life and I’m 35.  So I definitely have gotten to know me and what I like in a man and it just happens to be him.  So what do you think?  OK EXHALE BECAUSE I KNOW THIS WAS VERY LONG.

So why did you marry him? If you don’t need that validation or to be claimed why get married? If what you had before was so desirable why not continue it forever? Nothing wrong with that right? Surely you can see the hypocrisy in what you typed. You don’t need outside validation yet and still you got married and made your relationship status legal, which to me is waaaaay more validation than a man acknowledging you as his girlfriend.