Have you ever been told by your friends or loved ones that you are unapproachable? Being unapproachable means that there is something about your appearance or demeanor that turns people off. What could potentially happen is if a man were to see you out and about, something about your appearance or behavior would turn him in the other direction.

To play devil’s advocate, if he sees something that he doesn’t like and that turns him away then maybe he’s not the one for you. If he can’t handle you before you even utter a word, then Lord knows he won’t be able to give you what you need in a relationship.

On the other hand, if this is a sentiment has been repeated to you more than once, twice even three times, then it’s something that deserves revisiting. What about a woman can make her unapproachable? Is it the way she walks, talks or dresses? Or is it the way that she carries herself? I think what makes a woman unapproachable is a mixture of all these things, but mostly it has to do with her attitude and how she carries herself. Everyone gives off vibes, and when your vibe is negative it can easily be sensed by others. I know I have seen women in the street that have instantly turned me off. Most of the time it was because they were mean muggin’ or just plain old unpleasant, nobody wants to be around that.

My friend and I were having a conversation about different reasons why she was single. She mentioned in her explanation that it was because, she comes off as intimidating to men. Once she said this, I instantly agreed, because in all honesty she is.  ( I have seen it happen first hand.) She is the kind of woman with a strong head on her shoulders who is not afraid to speak her mind. She is loud and boisterous and wants to be heard. You can tell that she knows who she is and she knows what she will and will not stand for. You can tell all of this within 5 minutes of meeting her. These qualities drew me to her as a friend, however when she mentioned that these same qualities  also intimidated men I completely understood. She is not the kind of woman you approach haphazardly. She is not mean or cruel, but she doesn’t put up with any funny business. While she was talking I couldn’t help but think, maybe if she was a little softer, more men would approach her. The reason why I was so quick to agree was because I knew that if I were a man I do not know if I would approach her. Knowing all of the great qualities that I see in her as a friend, are not necessarily evident when you meet her. She gives off a no-nonsense vibe, that may turn you off, if you are just trying to get to know someone.

She then went on to explain that at her age (she is 29) and this point in her life she does not want to settle. She is on the hunt for a husband. The question then becomes is it my place as her friend to tell her that if she wants someone to approach then she needs to lighten up? Or do I support the notion of “what you see is what you get”? I still have not answered this question myself, mainly because I can formulate an argument for both sides. Yes, I am aware that men are visual creatures and I would not want to give off a vibe or portray an image that turns anyone off. I would want to be seen for who I am, not the impression you get by looking at me. But in a sense we approach mates like we do cars. When you go to a dealership before you ask about miles-per-gallon and airbags you check out the car’s exterior and imagine yourself in that car. You check it out to see if it fits your style and if it’s conducive with the life that you live. Similarly, you won’t approach a bull if you’re not ready to put up a fight.

As women we form an appearance to express and portray who we are. We want to express a certain message when someone looks at us.  This drives us to wear the clothes we wear and style our hair how we want. If that message you are trying to send is not the one that you are sending, maybe you should reevaluate it. I also consider myself a strong woman so in no way am I saying that woman should be meek little lambs in order for a man to approach them, but there is something to be said for the correlation between our attitude and how we are perceived.  We can be our harshest critics, but it can also be difficult for us to see our own flaws.

Have people ever told you that you’re unapproachable?  Has this comment made you change your appearance or demeanor when you’re out in public?

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