Madame on the Street: Would You Date a Man Who Made Less Than You?

March 9th, 2012 - By MN Editor

Some women absolutely can NOT see themselves dating a man who makes less than them because they think a man can’t be a man that way. Others are more open to the idea as long as he’s not lounging, living completely off of a woman. We posed this question to a few people on the streets of New York. See what they had to say. What do you think, could you date a man who made less money than you? Why or why not?

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  • weshallseeif

    She should have asked those two young ladies..What exactly are you bringing to the table? Should a man look at her and say; you don’t make enough, I will have to file you on my income taxes. Sad…just sad.

  • Marie

     There was a point in which I would; however, now I would not.  I know what I want to be most in the world is a stay at home mother, and so I need a man who can support a household like that.  That is not to say that it has to support frivolous expenses or that money is the only thing that matters – I would not date a wealthy man with other qualities I disliked.  However, the fact is I know what means most to me – a traditional family – and there are a lot of men out there.  If I was at a shortage, maybe I would revise, but that is not the case and there are plenty of men I get on well with out there with comfortable incomes who want the same thing, who are funny, smart, and loving.  (By comfortable income, I do not mean I am out getting manicures or driving a fancy car.  I mean, children will have opportunities and food will be on the table as long as I am doing my part in helping manage the budget.)    I am a widowed single mother; I will not ignore an element of married life because the ultimate hope in dating, for me, is finding someone you love who shares your vision of the future.  (Neither would I fault a man with a different vision, who would not want to date me.  If you can find plenty of people you enjoy dating, it is ridiculous for someone to suggest you need to change your standards.) 

  • Jacob

    When I first met my wife she was a foreign student in school struggling to pay tuition. I was a graduate and a high school teacher. I worked hard to help her, paying out of my pocket so she wouldn’t have to take out loans and when she graduated and we were married I pushed her to continue her studies because she had all the potential in the world. 6 years later she had her MD and became the big earner in the house. I don’t mind, she’s a doctor, they better pay her. I could move on to the college level, and earn more, but I feel that its more important to educate these knucklehead kids at the high school level. I love my job. I say, both people should work as hard as they can to make their lives together as comfortable as possible. it doesn’t matter who earns the higher salary, as long as the bills get paid. I sacrificed so much because I knew she had what it took to get her MD, I wouldn’t let her settle for less than she was capable. For 9 years I was the breadwinner, and now she is, oh well, we are happy.

  • Ms Luvable_b4

    it depends on the individuals in the relationship, Honestly I would not date anyone who makes less or lesser than me, needs, wants, extravagant gifts, getaways and rewards, vacation are required at some point from hard work and yes relationships can be especially when a man makes it complicated.not a gold digger or materialistic, but life is short, too short and i personally not going to invest in a relationship and i am only seeing, rent, lights, cellphone bills get paid, or just getting by noooooo. and in most relationships a individual do get comfortable so i believe keep the money stacking NEED IT MORE THAN EVER THESE TIMES. Nothing guarantee not even a man these days but i learned especially in a relationship with a guy make him the man of and in your  life or get got by someone else getting what you intitle to get from him day one. SO NO baby boy gots to make and have more than what i make. I understand but i am and i refuse to settle when i know he can do it and better. My experience, my facts not opinion 

  • http://twitter.com/GurlCheckItOwwt GurlCheckItOwwt

    those two young chicks and that guy…ummm yeah those answers smh and the older lady towards at the beginning. i mean to me it sounds like something gold diggers say. i mean at least the guy admits it. but i understand you want a man that can take care of you, but money shouldn’t be the “everything” in a relationship because thats going to lead to problems down the road in that relationship or in future relationships. its nice that he can take you shopping or go trips and etc. but lets be real. it should be about feelings, and communication, and other more important things that will make the relationship last. i mean im just saying …besides look at the Obamas and i believe Tiny and TI, where the woman was making more than the man but look out the outcome of it…they stood by each other sides and are in good standing relationship.  …………….now i will say this. if the guy is seriously moching off you where one day it $20, next day he wants you to pay a bill (utilities bill, restaurant bill) or want you to put your name for a legal document (bc of your good credit) then that’s a problem…….asap. 

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAI4SRENU2A5WKRTELXXYJPDSI Kayla

    In a world where woman want to be considered equal, they still find it a need for men to make more…. Ain’t that a b!tch? Why does a man making less automatically equates with him being lazy. Man makes more she makes less or none she is considered a stay at home mom(if they have kids) if she makes more and he makes less or none he’s considered lazy.  Ain’t that some ish. 

    • KC

      Thank you Kayla! I think in a world where women have worked hard to be equal it’s sad to see that we are the one holding ourselves back by making such silly comments about wanting a man that makes more than us, etc. I like to believe that I can provide as much as a man after all I work my butt off to get there. I make more than my bf and we’ve been together for 6yrs it’s not because he is lazy no it’s because he goes to school and works part-time. As stated in some of these posts it’s important to observe the person to see if he/she is willing to better their life and help them along the way because you never know tomorrow they might be the one assisting you.

  • Tagirl

    Women, often times, run into problems when they make more than their men. Many men can’t handle that. It’s common in every day life and with celebrities.

    Personally, he would have to be a secure guy.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JJKPJMHBFZBSUKL3FYMG3NAUQM SaMocha

    I would definitely date(have dated) a man making less than me. If he is holding it together, no baby mama drama, has a great personality with a sense of humor and he is a decent hard working brotha we can kick it. I very rarely meet men who make more than me. I am an older woman and men in my age group who make as much or more than me are looking for younger women.

  • austin

    hi

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Billy-Bob-Thorton/1256000209 Billy Bob Thorton

      bye.

  • Tonias

    Im a teacher (meaning, I dont make much money).  I dont mind dating someone making less than me, but he cant be broke nor unstable.  I dont lend money nor take care of any man. Any man I date must be able to handle his business. Thankfully, I have never dated a man who is able to handle his business

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Billy-Bob-Thorton/1256000209 Billy Bob Thorton

      i wud never date someone who cudnt take care of themselves (aint for me) but if i was significantly wealthy i wudnt date someone who made an average income b/c i can only predict that it will be an issue…people need to ‘fess up and stop acting like money doesnt matter…it matters in virtually all relationships (why cant we have an article about friends and money?)

  • Kellz

    Nope. Hell NO. Been there done that. Don’t like paying for his stuff and my stuff. I want the person I date to be a reflection of me and there is no way he can do that when he doesn’t make what I make or more. NOPE.
    And another thing, I will not down grade my lifestyle for anyone but my child…

  • cabugs

    By the way Ms. Wells, you are absolutely gorgeous.

    • vwells1

      How sweet. Thank you Cabugs!!

  • cabugs

    The answers given by the people asked were very interesting. One woman’s comments about a man feeling intimidated by you if you earn more is quite true. I feel that the answer to this question sits heavily on the male side because of our society’s pressures of what a man should be and do. I think some women may not mind it for themselves, however, they don’t want a man to be emasculated, and they don’t want to feel too “manly” in their relationship. Also, the young man (the last speaker) on the video said some really interesting things – did he really say he was going to spend up the money of a woman who makes more than him if they are in a relationship because he is “young” and he “might as well”? LOL. Ladies, watch out. I guess a few men (like the one in the video) out there will mooch off you and move on.

  • ElvisWasAHero2Most

    It’s funny, in terms of who the breadwinner is in the relationship, women don’t seem to mind it either way, but men have a great deal of discomfort with earning less than a woman, which is odd to me.  This is a trend us fellas will have to get use to, women have caught up or surpassed men in college graduation rates, especially in minority communities (where there tends to be women earning more than their better half) where the ratio of graduates is something like 70:30 in favor of minority women.  

    Though I’m all for dating a woman who earns more than me, I still don’t want her to be smarter than me.  That sounds shallow, but this is my lone insecurity.  She can bring home the bacon, but I get a kick out of bringing the book and street smarts to the table.

    • cabugs

      I am definitely one of those women who really doesn’t care who earns more money in a relationship. In fact, I always feel as though men are the ones who feel more discomfort about this; and a significant other’s discomfort about this will cause me discomfort as well. However, left alone, I really do not mind at all.

    • Yeah….OK

      Lol at the being smarter than u plug…. But if I ran my own fortune 500 company as a woman, wouldn’t it be a given that I might be a lil bit smarter lol. What is ur judge of how much smarter u are than a woman??? How do u test that??? Lol I’m curious….

      • Guest

        That’s honest.

      • ariesdollface

        elvis2most, you are so funny… *snickers*… men

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Billy-Bob-Thorton/1256000209 Billy Bob Thorton

        is that the reason why you have james baldwin as your avi?

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAI4SRENU2A5WKRTELXXYJPDSI Kayla

      that’s interesting on how you think how smart you actually are. Is it because she might throw her intelligence around in your face(which not all woman do)? Woman like men who are smart too, but I be damn if I have to play dumb, just to stroke your ego.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=765467007 DeLa Sol

    Yes I would but as long as his finances are good. At this age, 30′s & 40′s, I wont date a broke man who has bad credit because of irresponsible actions. I’m broke but my credit is superb and I’d like the same like minded individual. 

    • Rastaman

      I have heard this before where someone says they are broke but they have good credit.  I don’t really get that and so could you explain exactly how that works in your view?

      • n&h

        you can be broke and have good credit which means you really dont have debt, and instead of using credit cards to buy things she cant afford to keep up with the joneses she uses cash for necessities 

        • Rastaman

          My understanding of “good credit” is that someone is deemed to have been a good paying customer (i.e no delinquencies) and also have a debt to available credit ratio that is below 30 percent and has a consistent credit history.  So while the person may be paying their bills, good credit implies much more than that but also being able to get credit based on assets or income.   I understand why those things can be easily confused and many people feel that if I pay my bills on time my credit must be good.  Not necessarily.   Especially for people who only pay in cash and never use credit cards or buy on credit, they may have no credit.   Which can be just as bad as bad credit when it comes to a mortgage or any type of revolving debt. 

          So they count being broke and not having borrowed from  anyone as a negative when it comes to a credit rating. 

          • FromUR2UB

            There was a time when paying bills on time and not having much debt, WAS considered good credit.  It wasn’t until some nebulous someone figured out that they could use a credit rating as incentive to get people to spend money and accumulate debt, which provides easy profits for creditors through the interest charged.  

            The only things people need credit for are to buy a home or car, if they don’t have the cash to purchase either, outright.  For purchases like furniture or appliances, I prefer to do it the way my parents and people of their generation did: save for them and pay cash.   The peace of mind that comes from paying in cash, far outweighs the benefit of a high credit score.  If I understood that a man’s credit score was lower than it could be because he saves his money and pays cash for most things, I would find that preferable to a high score because he uses credit more frequently.  

            • Black_pearl2000

              You clearly don’t understand credit scores. Having a lower credit score means you’ll have to pay more for your mortgage or your car loan. Having NO credit history might compromise your ability to access credit at all. To counter this, you can use your credit card to purchase items you have money for and pay off the balance before the grace period runs out. This allows you to build credit without without paying interest and compromising your old fashion values. Carrying high debt does not improve your credit score. Get your facts right!

              • FromUR2UB

                You don’t understand the point I was making.  I never said that anyone should carry high debt, but a high credit score is also calculated on your variety of debt.  After you get your house and car, why worry about maintaining that?  Furthermore, you can call it old-fashioned values if you want to, but I bet a lot of people who manage their money in that way, are a lot better off than you are, financially.

  • DXTASY

    Not every man is going to be blessed with a fantastic paying job, ain’t going to happen. What a woman needs to consider if she decides to date a man making less than she does is his ambition and drive. Is he getting up every day to go and punch a clock. Is he willing to work extra hours to help bolster his paycheck including working weekends. Is he doing sidejobs. Is he looking and applying for jobs that will earn him more money. These are signs of a man who is making a honest and sincere attempt to improve his lot in life. At the least give that kind of man a chance. Lord knows I heard my share of women dating men doing the exact opposite.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_LPDQRWCX4UVPVSXFDRE2CNE4BQ Jessica

    i don’t get it…he’s got a job, just because he happens to make less than me does not mean he is bringing nothing to the table. and who says that we will be married? that would be the only reason for me to be worried about him or me “bringing something to the table”. until it turns serious (if it does) quit worrying about finances and enjoy each others company. 

    • Rastaman

      There was that old saying that once some black women make a little bit of money they start thinking they Oprah.   To your point if she makes a million and he makes $500K, why would she stay with a deadbeat like that?

      Women who express these kinds of views about men being losers because they make less are generally the women who marry for money then complain that their men treat them like property.   The value of a partner can be measured in much more than their paychecks and people who are unable to see that will inevitably pay whether they choose to admit it or not.  I am sure Barack was happy that Michelle was never that superficial or shortsighted about his prospects. 

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_LPDQRWCX4UVPVSXFDRE2CNE4BQ Jessica

         i don’t  see anything deadbeat about that at all, lol! not even if i made 100k and he made 50k a year. not a deadbeat at all….financially anyways. every time i see this video i just shake my head in embarrassment. especially at the last three people.

      • Tagirl

         Not necessarily. Jealousy is a common issue when the woman brings in more than their men. One of my fav singers was dating one of her band members, and, after that, she said that she wouldn’t date outside of her tax bracket again. A lot of the times, the man makes the woman feel almost guilty about her success which often leads to them dumbing down just to make their men feel “like a man.”

        No one should use a paycheck to make their S/O feel insignificant. That’s a punk move, whether you’re a male or female. But no matter who makes the most money, jealousy and envy can ruin relationships. That’s the crux of the issue of why many women won’t date men who make less than them. The jealousy and envy that they run into.

        • perplexed

          thank.you.

        • http://twitter.com/cbmts cbmts

          it’s only a problem when the man is emasculated by her. if she’s not throwing in his face all the time, it’ll never become a point of contention. who would say no to less money?