Let Sleeping Dogs Lie: 6 Reasons Not to Go Back to Your Ex

March 6, 2012  |  
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By Angele D. Russell

We’ve all been there: break up with a guy, go out with girlfriends for a celebratory “he wasn’t worth your time” party, and then you wake up the next day wondering if you made the wrong decision. While you might still be holding enough feelings to believe he might change in the future, with some men, it’s best to just count your losses and take your experiences with him as a life lesson instead of running back. Here are six reasons why you should keep it movin’ and not give him a second chance.

1. Trust Your Instincts

One thing Auntie Oprah says is to always trust your instincts; it will never steer you wrong. You (or he) left for a reason and you have to trust that decision. Take the emotion out and realize that you don’t want to be with someone you are unsure about (or who’s unsure about you). Most importantly, don’t reminisce too hard about all of the good times because they will undoubtedly make you conveniently forget about the bad.  Be strong and courageous; stop living in the past and move on!

2. It’s Hard To Change a Character Flaw

Lying? Cheating? Being too emotional? Verbally/physically abusive? If these are some of the reasons it didn’t work out initially, chances are, those issues didn’t go away in a short amount of time. Sometimes, people want to be better but don’t know how to. Unless your ex saw a therapist or exhibits fundamental changes over a significant period of time, don’t chance it. Putting yourself through the same mess is just going to bring the same old pain.

3. Relationships Shouldn’t Be THAT Hard

You read that right. Relationships are of course hard work, but should not be unbearable at times, and there’s a definite difference. Having to work through issues and communicating consistently about how to be productive together, that’s hard work. But constantly fighting, wondering, “why am I doing this?” and knowing you are not moving towards your purpose in life with your mate, that’s too HARD! If that was your relationship, be happy you are out of it.

4. Mr. Right Now Isn’t Always Mr. Right

Sure, ‘crazy James’ was exciting then but may not be the right fit for you now. Sometimes, we mature out of both friendships and relationships. It doesn’t mean anyone was at fault, it just indicates that the season or time for him/her being in your life has come and gone. Take it as a sign that new things are to come. Get excited!

5. You Don’t Have to Settle

It’s simple: don’t return to an ex out of desperation for companionship or because you are lonely. By doing so, you could be leading that guy on. Ask yourself whether you liked who you were with your ex, whether he/she supported your dreams and challenged you to be a better person. Know that you deserve the absolute best, provided you are giving your best as well.

6. Time for Yourself

I always stress to my friends how important ‘alone time’ is. Think about it, if you don’t really know who you are, how successful will you be in a relationship!? Knowing what you enjoy doing in your alone time, maturing your faith walk, figuring out your purpose in life, and really taking time to foster real friendships are all the wonderful things you can do while you are single with no distractions. You are less likely to discover these things while you are in a relationship, so take the break up as a blessing in that sense and don’t turn back!

Angele D. Russell is the owner of Dinners + Dates. You can follow her on Twitter @angeledrussell

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