Feel Like He’s Just Not Into You? Reasons Men’s Feelings Develop Differently

February 25, 2012  |  
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Women are often surprised when a man calls it quits on them. “He seemed so into me,” “I thought we were on the same page,” “Everything was going great.” That’s what we say when we are dumped and confused on the reason why. But the truth is, nothing bizarre happened. He wasn’t brainwashed. He didn’t fall in love with someone else. You probably just got off the same page.

Here are a few reasons why this might have happened…


You’ve changed after sex

Men fear that women will become too attached after having sex. So, no matter how long you wait to sleep together, if you get even the tiniest bit more sentimental after sex, than you ever were before sex—he might freak out. This could be as simple as, as soon as you roll away from each other, resting your head on his chest, looking him in the eyes and saying, “I really like you,” “I feel a connection to you,” or “I think this is going really well.” If it is the first time you’ve said anything like this, he might feel having sex launches a whole new level of having serious feelings for someone.


You start using “We”

“We love that place,” “We always do that,” “We’re totally the same way.” If you and a guy you’ve only been seeing for a short time are out with friends, and you start talking a lot about the two of you, he might suddenly feel locked in. For a woman, she is just relaying stories, for the guy, he feels like he is already a part of a couple to have the “we” word thrown around a lot.


Gift Giving

When it comes to gift giving, women just want to get the guy the best, the most thoughtful, the most impressive gift. Their only concern is, “will he love it?” But as far as men are concerned, maybe it’s not quite time for you to be getting them super expensive or even thought out gifts. Often, when a woman was just trying to impress a guy by getting him a gift he would love, she ends up freaking him out because she is clearly already thinking about him a lot to have figured out a gift like that.



In general, female friends text each other more than male friends do. We text our friends random details of our day—things we think they will find interesting or entertaining. For men, that type of constant communication is reserved for people who have been in their life for a while. Even if for a woman, it doesn’t mean too much for her to send a couple texts a day to make a guy laugh, that says to a guy, “She is probably not seeing anyone else, and she is thinking about me a lot.”


Commitment time

Most women, when they meet someone they like, decide to really give it a shot and see how it goes. They don’t date other people.  They are making a strong effort to let a guy get to know them. For them, the momentum is constantly building from day one. Men, however, stay in the “deciding” phase for a bit longer. They can be spending a lot of time with a woman, which makes her think he has decided he likes her, when really, he is still feeling her out. He may not be as emotionally or mentally present as she thinks he is—he may not be giving it his all yet. This is often the case when two people have been dating for about a month, maybe two, and suddenly the man just ends it. He just made his decision at the end there. He didn’t go from being crazy about her to changing his mind. He just hadn’t made up his mind yet.


Double dates

To a woman, it makes perfect sense to bring the guy she is casually dating to dinner with her couple friends who have been together for a long time. But to a guy, it could highlight to him that the woman already views them as a couple. To hang out in a larger group in which there are some couples is one thing, but to arrange just a two on two dinner date can feel too serious for a man if you’ve only been out a few times.


Sharing personal details

It can be hard, if you’ve just gotten in a fight with a friend or just had anything upsetting happen, to not bring it up when hanging out with a guy you’re dating. But, if you bring up something that is a real problem in your life, that is going to turn into a vent session, not a date, and vent sessions should be reserved for boyfriends, moms and best friends. Sometimes women bring up very personal matters early on in dating a guy, and he reads this as, “She already really depends on me.”

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