Feel Like He’s Just Not Into You? Reasons Men’s Feelings Develop Differently

42 comments
February 25, 2012 ‐ By Julia Austin
"Young couple laughing"

madamenoire.com

Women are often surprised when a man calls it quits on them. “He seemed so into me,” “I thought we were on the same page,” “Everything was going great.” That’s what we say when we are dumped and confused on the reason why. But the truth is, nothing bizarre happened. He wasn’t brainwashed. He didn’t fall in love with someone else. You probably just got off the same page.

Here are a few reasons why this might have happened…

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  • Mr. Mention

    I won’t say that there arent immature man. Because there are.
    But some of these reasons do make sense, and can be applied to both sides. Not just men.

    I have dated a woman for just ONE week. And she asked me for a key to my house.
    And then asked what would WE be doing in 2 years.
    This is from ONE week of dating.

    I just always find it amazing that “some” women, never see women as being able to do any wrong.
    Always the man.
    Ridiculous.

  • Edward

    You just dont get it. We dont want a relationship. We just want sex. Stop making something out of nothing and you wont get ur feelings hurt.

  • Ms T

    I understand what y’all are saying, but I have to disagree.  A lot of this makes sense.  I’ve read several scientifc studies (I know how sketchy that sounds but bear with me) that have shown that when a serious relationship ends, it takes longer for a man to regroup and move on than it does a woman.  It would make sense then that in general men would be more cautious before getting into a serious relationship.  I know this doesn’t apply to every man any more than it applies to every woman, but I’ve found that there’s definitely some truth to it.  Also, I’m a woman and when I was dating, if a man started to get too close too soon, I got suspicious. Dude, we met a month and a half ago and already you’re talking that “we we we” and setting up double-dates with your brother and his wife?  I’m sorry, but that’s the sign of someone who is a) way too needy, or b) full of **it.  And, if he’s texting me every 20 minutes, he just may be the stalker.  I do however agree that any man who can’t take a hug or two after some good lovin’ is simply a dispassionate idiot.

  • Jenn M Parks

    After reading this I was really about to ‘go-in’ BUT you lovely ladies have said it best…If men truely feel like this, they’re idiots and I’m not going to be fake just to ensure they don’t get ‘scared off’. Grow up! eye roll…

  • DoinMe

    Who writes these childish relationship advice articles? Any man with these qualities has A LOT of growing up to do and probably shouldn’t be in a relationship anyway. When a man wants a woman, she will know it and feel it. Anything less is nothing but playing games. If after sex, a woman has to suppress her feelings, if she can’t talk to him about details of her life, if she can’t invite him out with her couple friends, etc…without making him feel some kind of way, there’s no point in even wasting time with person. Obviously, he’s simply not the one so keep it moving. When a man wants a woman, it’s not as difficult as this article makes it out to be.

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  • AY

    1.Ladies if you date a man who can’t handle the human emotions listed in this article, RUN! 

    2. If a man over the age of 18 can bang you out but doesn’t want to hold you after sex, there should be money left on the dresser. 

    3. Any woman who continues to date a man who can’t hear about her difficulties should see a therapist. 

    4. If I  man doesn’t want to get to know your friends or take responsibility for basic human interactions, then he is operating on a base animalistic, carnal feral level of existence. Cut em.Sad article and hopefully NOT a sign of the times.

  • Syndaline

    should i revel myself to my admire? and how should i go about doing it?

    • Guest

      “Let the boys do the chasing and keep them at arms length.” Mamma Howard 

      There’s nothing wrong with a pleasant smile or hello but do not reach. A man who wants a woman is not one to let her slip away. He could have a pot belly and broach Halle Berry if he wanted her. Men are not shy when it comes to wooing. Let’s take away the training wheels and let it ride.

  • http://www.facebook.com/RosarioRed Rosario Stefania Scarsci

    I agree with list. Especially the part about sex. I’m not a man, but I’ve had instances where I was not serious about a guy at all, just sex. Then afterward he gets into the whole cuddling behind me thing under the blankets. It’s weird. Also, it is really not fair for a woman to use the “We” thing too quickly.

  • http://www.facebook.com/RosarioRed Rosario Stefania Scarsci

    I agree with list. Especially the part about sex. I’m not a man, but I’ve had instances where I was not serious about a guy at all, just sex. Then afterward he gets into the whole cuddling behind me thing under the blankets. It’s weird. Also, it is really not fair for a woman to use the “We” thing too quickly.

  • Annie

    The whole article is all wrong…..He either wants you are not…..and in my experience men are that simple…..they can really fake a relationship you better hope he doesn’t object to we and us but the again at least you know where u stand. 

  • Annie

    The whole article is all wrong…..He either wants you are not…..and in my experience men are that simple…..they can really fake a relationship you better hope he doesn’t object to we and us but the again at least you know where u stand. 

  • SD L

    All this crap is too complicated. Maybe I’m lazy? I get tired of the constant strategy sessions and supposed tips. If I have to do all of this and coddle someone’s feelings like this, his arse is too unstable and/or doesn’t need/want a real relationship and I need to keep it moving…

  • SD L

    All this crap is too complicated. Maybe I’m lazy? I get tired of the constant strategy sessions and supposed tips. If I have to do all of this and coddle someone’s feelings like this, his arse is too unstable and/or doesn’t need/want a real relationship and I need to keep it moving…

  • Mel

    This wasn’t a good article to be honest and has terrible advice. Any man who doesn’t like some of the mentioned things shouldn’t even be your man at all.

  • Mel

    This wasn’t a good article to be honest and has terrible advice. Any man who doesn’t like some of the mentioned things shouldn’t even be your man at all.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAI4SRENU2A5WKRTELXXYJPDSI Kayla

    and they say woman are confusing……………Pfft

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAI4SRENU2A5WKRTELXXYJPDSI Kayla

    and they say woman are confusing……………Pfft

  • TNbeauty

    What happened to just being yourself and doing what makes you and the other feel comfortable? That’s what my husband and I did. This is a little off base in my opinion.

    • Truth

      right! i want to be loved for who i really am!!!

      • Mamie_Eisenhower

        HELLO! 

    • Truth

      right! i want to be loved for who i really am!!!

  • TNbeauty

    What happened to just being yourself and doing what makes you and the other feel comfortable? That’s what my husband and I did. This is a little off base in my opinion.

  • Truth

    I had idiots before…invested too much time then i realized that if a guy likes and wants u he likes and wants you IMMEDIATELY…my husband and i married after four months of dating. ladies do not follow these tips from the article. give the guy one month to prove he wants you. if not move on to the next. dont waste your energy and time on players.

    • SD L

      I agree…..If you have to jump through all these hoops and make each encounter a top secret strategy session, why bother? What happened to dating, being “real,” and just experiencing life? People make stuff too complicated then need a reality show and a shrink to sort it out when they could have just been real with each other from the jump.

      • LuLu_Slim

        LOL @ “top secret strategy session”. That is so true. I think that takes too much unnecessary energy and is still no guarantee of entering into an exclusive relationship with that person. In the end your real personalities will come out and the ending of the relationship is inevitable.

    • SD L

      I agree…..If you have to jump through all these hoops and make each encounter a top secret strategy session, why bother? What happened to dating, being “real,” and just experiencing life? People make stuff too complicated then need a reality show and a shrink to sort it out when they could have just been real with each other from the jump.

    • Ms12

       thank you for this advice. I also had idiots before, lesson learned.

    • Whoisbsquared

       4 MONTHS OF DATING??????? DANG, WHATS UR SECRET?

      • Truth

        There is no secret!!! believe me!!! if he wants you then he is crazy about u…he wants to see u every day – he calls u all the time – he makes plans with u – he introduces u to his family and friends – if not, please run as fast as u can. my husband is caucasian….black men are different i know.

  • Truth

    I had idiots before…invested too much time then i realized that if a guy likes and wants u he likes and wants you IMMEDIATELY…my husband and i married after four months of dating. ladies do not follow these tips from the article. give the guy one month to prove he wants you. if not move on to the next. dont waste your energy and time on players.

  • Guest poster

    Aren’t these just signs that you’re dating an idiot?  If a guy can’t handle closeness, better to know early and drop him as opposed to avoiding closeness in an effort to reel him in.  An idiot will always be an idiot.  I can’t stand these articles with tips on how to make an idiot stay longer.  Why waste the time?

    • Truth

      u r so right.

    • Truth

      u r so right.

    • Kris

       I agree!

    • Kris

       I agree!

    • BrownSkinBabe

      My thoughts exactly. If men are really that shallow what is the point of having a relationship? Stuupse…nonsense. Who has time to pretend not to be their best just so a man doesn’t feel “trapped” and “locked in”…two words – grow up! (And let me add that I’m glad real men aren’t that shallow!)

      • LuLu_Slim

        I love how you said: ”
        Who has time to pretend not to be their best just so a man doesn’t feel “trapped” and “locked in”. Unfortunately, this is the recipe a lot of ‘grown’ 
        women subscribe to. While reading this article I was wondering if this was dating advice
        for high schoolers. *smh

    • BrownSkinBabe

      My thoughts exactly. If men are really that shallow what is the point of having a relationship? Stuupse…nonsense. Who has time to pretend not to be their best just so a man doesn’t feel “trapped” and “locked in”…two words – grow up! (And let me add that I’m glad real men aren’t that shallow!)

    • Love_Sexy

      You absolutely right….I just see it as a list of red flags for men who are a waste of time….A matter of fact me and a friend was just discussing about one of them mentioned on the list which is a sign of “damage goods.”

  • L-Boogie

    This is why dating is not really fun.  Too much involved especially if you are not having sex. 

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