When His Problems Shouldn’t Be Yours

March 7th, 2012 - By Julia Austin
"Couple talking"

blackloveforum.com

When you care about someone, you want to take on their life, and that includes their problems. And while you should absolutely be a source of support and even of good advice for your partner, there are some areas of his life that is neither your business nor your problem. If you ever find yourself feeling drained, emotionally exhausted, or most frequently stressed than you were when single, your man may have put too much on you. Or, you might just be taking too much on.

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  • http://profile.yahoo.com/65O3G7UHL574ERZUENZ65NDZFU Wayne

    I wonder if this were the other way around if it would be the same. Cause if u ask me, us men would sound like dogs if we treated u like this. Just a thought

  • Bitterswtkizz

    Personally I feel we are creating a NEW world of emasculated and or stymied MEN that aren’t being allowed to be the MEN they were NATURALLY created to be. Men should be guiding us in every sense of the word…WE need to trust our MEN and resign to the FACT that there isn’t anything that they cannot handle on their own. Our roles as women should be that of support(and that’s NOT always something physical, it’s MENTAL/emotional) IF asked but certainly NOT taking the seat of AUTHORITY over an issue that is their’s. As women we need to learn to LISTEN…because truly that might be what the situation calls for rather than the EXTRA miles we tend to take. OUR hearts aren’t crafted by the MASTER to take a seat of AUTHORITY, that’s environmental. I understand why this is so….these WOMEN that take on these roles have been or are with MEN that have FAILED in their ROLES so you’re asserting yourself as the GUIDE….I’m here to say STEP back, detach yourself and TRUST that he’s ABLE to CLAIM what is rightfully his in the boardroom, family issues, disagreements with friends and so forth—it’s a BEAUTIFUL thing for a MAN to know that when it’s ALL said and done you’re there but NOT overlapping in his TERRITORY! 

    Sidenote: the BIGGEST turn-on for me is a MAN that asserts himself in ALL aspects of his life and this alleviates undue STRESS on my behalf knowing that I have a MAN that’s in CONTROLl! I don’t desire a MAN-child,(I have NO problem massaging his temples/feet/back with plenty of kisses on top after a HARD’s day @ work, or listening to him as he devises a plan to a situation, or listening when he’s at odds with family and friends) but I absolutely refuse to TOTE around a MAN and a diaper-bag!

    • Think

      There’s no one size its all guide to relationships. Some women are better at leading than men, et cetera. Society’s deamnds on what you’re supposed to be because of your sex isn’t always correct and actually hurts people more than hlping them.

    • ReallyThough

       It sounds like you just traveled in a time machine from the 1700s.

  • MixedUpInVegas

    In the adult world, each partner brings something to the table of partnership.  Just because a couple is married, however, does not mean that they are not individuals with personal lives.  Just as the married partner is entitled to some degree of privacy, so is that person also entitled to handle their personal business themselves.

    Whether or not individual partners are good at, or successful at, managing their own affairs does not mean that the other partner is obligated to jump in and save them from themselves.  Some things are personal problems and best left to the creator of those problems.  It doesn’t mean you love him less; it means you value his “personhood” more.

    Best to know when to back up.