Lazy In Love? Ways To Re-Ignite The Fire In Your Relationship

February 25, 2012  |  
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“Relationships take work.” We tend to associate these words with embittered people whose relationships have become more work than any fun. But, that isn’t always the case! The work required to keep a relationship alive and exciting can be pretty simple.

Here are few things you can try to add some spice….

Boast about them

Your boyfriend might be totally chummy with your parents and friends by now, but that doesn’t mean you no longer have to talk him up. When first introducing him to your friends and family, you probably would tell them all about his recent accomplishments. Continue to show your man you are proud of him. Yes, he can boast for himself. But do it for him.

Explore your city

When you meet someone new, you’re Googling fun things to do every weekend. You want indie-film type adventures and hidden romantic spots. But, over time, most couples stop exploring their city and just stick to what they know. And that’s a shame, because a big part of them falling in love was seeing how the other person reacted/thrived in unique settings.

Switch positions

Yes, I’m talking about the bedroom. If you’ve been together for a while, you undoubtedly know how to get yourself that Big O fast. But, if you resort nightly to the same position that gets the job done, you’ll begin to feel like a sex object to your partner, and visa versa. Slow down. Continue to be adventurous in the bedroom.


Share Updates

You know you like each other so, at this point, why not just cuddle up, order your favorite takeout and turn the TV on, right? Wrong! Don’t stop updating each other on things in your life—co-workers you’ve been bumping heads with, the progression on a work project you’re really excited about and so on. These topics keep you seemingly interesting and dynamic to your partner.

Random gift giving

You know your partner so well, that it’s pretty easy to get them exactly what they need. And that’s what you end up doing. And while it’s thoughtful, it’s not exciting! Instead of getting them an iPod holster to jog with, get them tickets to a show, some ridiculous book, or ingredients to make a whacky meal.

Hang out with friends

Too many couples cocoon. Once things get good, they stop hanging out with friends. They stop planning dinner parties, attending dinner parties, or even going to a bar where all their friends are. But, familiarity can breed contempt. Having others around is healthy and makes you cherish your alone time even more.

Send pointless texts

“What time are you coming home?” “What should I order from the takeout place?” “Should I TiVo your show?” Don’t let these be the only types of texts you end up sending. Send the pointless ones too. The texts of funny things that just happened to you on the subway. The pics of something gorgeous you think they’ll like. Or just “I’m so lucky to have you in my life.”

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  • L-Boogie

    Relationships are not always what a person needs.  What about time spent improving the one’s own life?  I am in the process of finishing up my work.  After that, my life will be focused on career and gym.  

  • Shawn_Never_Settles

    It is simple to me”

    IMO You NEVER let it die down in the first place. Foreplay is a twenty four hour thing, we are suppose to do little simple things all the time to let our partner know we are paying attention to them and they still have our eye. Ladies you have to continue to make love to him,….Yes..even after you are married….your work is not over in that department because you are now his wife, part of the reason he married you was because you were consistent in that area (more than likely)…lol Men, don’t be nice when you want her make love to you and not at other times, this makes her feel as if this is the only thing you see her as being there for (for the most part) 24 hour foreplay consists of things such as:Turning the shower on, fixing his or her plate, opening the door for her, leaving notes in his pockets every now and then. Have a day every now and then where you do nothing but lounge with each other, have sex marathons, cut your phones OFF and dedicate the ENTIRE day to each other.  This has to go both ways though.  Once a month or however long you need to sit down and actually write out why you appreciate your partner, sit down with them and ask THEM if there is anything they feel you need to work on or you both need to work on together. Women we are more emotioal and will share our feelings wants and needs faster than a man so ASK HIM but be prepared for what you hear, remember it is not about hurting your feelings, it’s about making the relationship last, that bond stronger and at the same time you are letting him know you care about how he feels. Men respect that a woman is more emotional and the reason she is or may be complaining is because SHE DOES STILL LOVE YOU, BE WORRIED WHEN SHE STOPS, THIS IS A SIGN OF HER GIVING UP ON THE RELATIONSHIP AND HER LOVE FOR YOU COULD BE IN DANGER OF BEING NO MORE SO WHILE SHE IS FIGHTING FOR BOTH OF YOU BE GRATEFUL THAT SHE STILL CARES ENOUGH.  (AS LONG AS SHE NOT JUST BEING A BIA…..LOL)

    Life can get stressful and we are busy as individuals but you have to make time for each other. PEOPLE MAKE TIME FOR WHAT THEY WANT TO MAKE TIME FOR.  Men you will make time to watch the game with your boys.  Ladies, you NEVER miss a hair appointment.  DON’T MISS EACH OTHER, IT SHOULD BE PRIORITY, MAKE IT JUST THAT———>PRIORITY IF YOU DO SO, IT WILL NOT DIE IT WILL ONLY GROW. Doing these things make it easier to get through the hard times because you are ALWAYS aware of what your partner means to you so you will want to work through it because you can see they are CONSISTENTLY SHOWING YOU THEY LOVE YOU AND YOU ARE DOING THE SAME!  YOUR WORTH, MAKE IT MATTER TO THEM ALL THE TIME!

    • lacehankies


      • Shawn_Never_Settles

        It amazes me I promise you… To me it is simple logic. I feel I think the right way but I am not married yet I see too many people who are married that probably should not be,….lol.

        I am patient though I don’t want to choose the wrong man just to say I have a husband.

        • lacehankies

          For some common sense is not that common….lol! And you are RIGHT there are some people that are married just for the sake of satisfying others. As women we spend hours deciding the exact color of a pair of shoes that would compliment an outfit. And walk out that store…and in a matter of seconds will entertain the 1st man that pays a compliment. So your patience will prove favorable for you…who knows he might be RIGHT under your nose still being groomed for you. 

  • lacehankies

    Sheesh—STOP with all the freaking ordering takeout…it’s very romantic for couples(assuming that you are referring to married people in your scenario) to prepare a meal 2gether!

    There is NO spontaneity(sp?) factored into these scenarios either….couples should NOT plan love-making. And I don’t believe that it should be every NIGHT neither—intimacy should be part of the relationship always!

    Talkin about your man’s accomplishments to your family constantly makes you appear BRAGGADOCIOUS…and I’m trying to figure out how does that tie into keeping the relationship FRESH!  That’s GREAT if you and your man are peaking and making STRIDES but i would keep that between us unless someone asks how he or I are doing.

    And you mention, changing positions, change your scenery all together to break up the monotony!

    Alsway keep the lines of communication open, verbal and non-verbally! You most intimate monets should be shared with your spouse…and you should never pick and chose between HIM/HER and your friends—that’s a no-brainer!

    It’s always good from time to time to hang out with FRIENDS but certainly friends that are traveling in the same circles as yourself. I never understood married people hanging out with single friends in the clubs, bar, etc.

    • Shawn_Never_Settles

      PREACH PREACH PREACH……don’t be suprise when one of those single are in bed with your spouse because they don’t have all of the shared responsibilities you do and make life seem so care free and fun. 

      We basically said the same thing in our comments.  I cannot for the life of me understand why people don’t get it, it is really very simple.  They get caught up with the outside distractions instead of focusing on each other.

    • Nina Dashotta

      Lol you know what…I have a friend like this you described. She is newly single, miserable and a Christian bore. But I’m in nursing school with 4 months left of this intense program, married with three kids, one is a 7 mos old infant and this heifer tells me I need to spend more time talking on the phone with her, listening to her confusion. I told my husband I’m thinking of dismissing her because she is too much to maintain at this time. Not to mention she is a new friend, have only known her a little over a year

      • Shawn_Never_Settles

        She may be hating her life is not like yours and want to distract you from yours.  I would think about leaving her alone too.  It not your responsibility to make sure she is emotionally stable. You seem to have it together. 

         Major props for holding it all down the way you are.  You must be focused in all the right ways to do so all while attending nursing schools.


      • lacehankies

        KUDOS….for mastering a marriage, family and EDUCATION and the rewards are fruitful!     
        Quite honestly, negative people should never be factored into anyone’s LIFE, who needs DOOM and gloom! And you mentioned that she’s a Christian—well she doesn’t sound DELIVERED because one who is immersed in Christianity wouldn’t even mirror anything  of  doom and gloom. I totally get people having childhood friendships and though we hold those memories dear to our hearts, we have all outgrown those people(unless we share a common thread as adults). I just feel that married people should intermingle socially with married people(we cannot avoid this in the workplace though its kept to a minimum). She sounds like she needs some much needed couch time to work through whatever is troubling her spirit. And I’m certainly not trying to incite that ALL married people would be best suited as people to hang out with either but you are less likely to be dragged into a strip club, or seedy bar, etc.) For the most part married people indulge in activities that would promote 2getherness within their relationships, while single people might be looking for opportunities to meet people. 

    • Marceline

      I agree with your post. THis article didnt really give ideas on how to keep the relationship fresh.

      • lacehankies

        I guess they don’t want to be liable if it BACKFIRES–lol! I certainly wouldn’t advise single women to indulge in ANY of these things unless they are dealing with a MAN that’s marriage minded. I know some single women that have indulge their beaus and felt CHEATED or under valued because they relationship did NOT esculate into marriage! Anyway, there are plenty of cutesy things that couples can do as long as both parties are willing to engage each other. I find picnics in the park quite delightful, feeding the ducks in park and catching the SUNSET, wine tasting, museums and even a ferry ride is GREAT!