Do White People Make You Uncomfortable?

February 22nd, 2012 - By Toya Sharee

Source: blackandmarriedwithkids.com

The first professional job I ever had was teaching sexual health part-time at a nationally recognized non-profit.  I traveled a short 20-minute commute outside of the city into the surrounding suburbs, but the differences between the two areas were like night and day.  As I breezed along the expressway every morning and left the busy hustle and bustle of the inner city behind, I would always look at the opposing traffic braking and beeping loud and do a happy little shoulder-lean to my music over the fact that I didn’t have to be stuck in that mess everyday anymore.  When I got off at my exit, it was clear that I wasn’t in Kansas anymore; the most popular spot in an area of all interstate and backwoods was the local Wal-Mart.

I was definitely out of my element, but I didn’t feel the urge to hightail it back to the city so I could be surrounded by people who looked like me and spoke like me. I embraced the duality that had just become my personal and professional life.  This particular position meant that I was included in the administrative level of the organization, and surprisingly, I didn’t notice that not only was I one of the youngest employees on this level, but also the darkest.  As I entered community meetings and corporate conferences, I knew based on my appearance alone that people thought I looked more like the young women I was teaching more than a facilitator.  Still, I wasn’t uncomfortable, and even though I may have looked like I should be asking the questions instead of answering them, I knew that I belonged in those meetings.  I’m educated, professional and damn good at what I do.

One of the things that I strive for in my career is to challenge young people to step outside of the world they know.  So many young people are afraid to leave the 10 blocks of their neighborhood and unfortunately for some, that means that the only thing they will ever see are a lot of the same, whether that includes hustlers, baby mommas, crime, poverty–whatever.  My parents always gave me a certain pride about my community, but they also made my childhood rich with experiences that took me outside of my familiar surroundings.  As a result I feel just as comfortable at the block party BBQ as I do at a black tie gala.

But I’ll never forget a class I once observed. While a co-worker and I discussed the different opportunities students would have to visit places like the zoo and the art museum, the first question one young lady asked was, “Will there be white people there?”  As we went on to discuss why this was her primary concern, she went on to reveal that she had never been an actual victim of racism, but simply felt like she didn’t belong and wasn’t comfortable around them.

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  • http://profile.yahoo.com/JVWVVRV6BCVC6VX55EKT73PTSM marlena

    Wow, this is me. I don’t think I’m racist but I do perfer to hang with other black people. In fact, I go to a college way pass my house cause theirs black people there and I live right around the corner from another pretty great college. The only problem is there aren’t that many black people and thats a problem for me. I would rather travel then go to a mostly white school

    • Jennifer

      If you’re in college, you might want to pick up a course or two on learning grammatically correct English.

      EX: “I go to a college way PAST my house BECAUSE THEY’RE black people there …”

  • CHazaq

    One reason I have noticed recently is that TV: commercials, movies, tv shows, etc separate people by race. There isn’t a show with just people of random races in it. It’s alway Mostly one race then 1 or 2 other race. Which make the show a “black movie” or a “white show ” or an “Asain program” We aren’t shown diversity on one of the most universal type of technology so subconsciously we learn to separate ourselves and judge ourselves based on what we hear or what’s on TV.

  • CHazaq

    One reason I have noticed recently is that TV: commercials, movies, tv shows, etc separate people by race. There isn’t a show with just people of random races in it. It’s alway Mostly one race then 1 or 2 other race. Which make the show a “black movie” or a “white show ” or an “Asain program” We aren’t shown diversity on one of the most universal type of technology so subconsciously we learn to separate ourselves and judge ourselves based on what we hear or what’s on TV.

  • Nicholas Mann

    Wow, this is amazing. This is the most respectful, intelligent, and engaged comment section that I’ve ever seen on the entire internet. I mean, sure, it’s probably well-moderated, but that doesn’t change the fact that the posts that did make it here really affirm my faith in “the comment section,” which I usually find more culturally frightening than either the ghetto or the country club.

    Kudos to all of you!

  • A.J.

    I’m from New York, but my family roots are in the South. With me, it’s not so much discomfort as it is wariness.  When I am in a room full of white people, I do feel that I have to stay on my toes a lot, in case someone says or does something (knowing or unknowing) that’s racist.  Many times I’ve been in a situation where white people will feel comfortable with me and start making off-color comments, thinking that I’ll go along with it, but I don’t.  This isn’t to say that I don’t have close white friends, or that Black people can’t be trifling, but there is a distance there, and it’s historically based.

  • Arleneconrad

    I’m from New Orleans, raised in a middle class, two parent proud, black home. I grew up in a mixed neighborhood and went to mixed schools up until high school. I had friends of every race and never felt discriminated against. When I went to high school, an all black, catholic girls school, it changed. My first day, the girls made it a point to tell me how dark my skin was and how the boys at the other catholic schools don’t like girls like me. It was a shock to me and really hurt my self esteem. To some end, I am much more comfortable around whites than black men and women. I don’t feel as harshly judged for my appearance. Black people are black people. With fellow blacks, I’m put in a category.

  • Rah Truth

    Is this article for real? Go outside of your neighborhood. Pick up a book on race and culture. Step out of your box. If any race/group makes you feel uncomfortable, it’s probably because you have not bothered to expose yourself to anything outside of your box. Whose fault is that?…
    “Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry, and narrow-mindedness, and many of our
    people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views
    of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the
    earth all one’s lifetime.” ~Mark Twain

  • Shelia

    I actually feel more uncomfortable around Blacks and Asians.  I seem to get along with White and Hispanic people better for some reason. 

  • Shelia

    I actually feel more uncomfortable around Blacks and Asians.  I seem to get along with White and Hispanic people better for some reason. 

  • Pmldjhn

    Once you understand how aggressive and competitive some of them can be, it’s not so bad. A lot of them are pretty cool, tho’, especially the generous ones. Yes, I find a lot of them can be pretty generous to the point that I’m glad to see them coming!

  • No

    having been in Houston a couple of years ago, in a black community area (just wanted to go to an american mall since we were in transit) I felt weird being the only white together with my now ex-girlfriend (she is Spanish). But besides that, I felt good there, a bit like in an old village in Europe, people were all very nice to us.

  • Guest

    I am not uncomfortable around “them” , but I  don’t enjoy their company AT ALL. I really couldn’t care less if they are racist because for ME I feel the same way about them. And in my mind, my feelings are justified. Theirs not so much.  I’m not a racist, but something is off about that whole race.  They just creep and gross me out. Something way more sinister than racism. 

    • Think

      You sound extremely racist. We all know if a white person said that about black people we’d be up in arms.

    • Jennifer

      What planet do you live on? In your mind, you’re racist feelings are justified, but not the other way around? How do you think white people reading this will feel? White people creep and gross you out? You’re an a**hole. A racist one, at that.

  • Naj

    When have I not! This article is great.

    I really, really love the articles that have been posted here lately. Encore svp!

    To feel comfortable around people from different backgrounds, you have to work with them or follow a course with them. Do something where you focus on a common goal. 

    You will see we are all people. Be proud of who you are, carry yourself well and go out of the house content with your plans and work.

    I always ask myself before I leave my house: what will I do today, who will be there. How does this make me feel. I list the possible negative aspects and the positive aspects. Then I try to see it from ‘their’ point of view.

    After that I feel prepared for the day. You will see we are all people who just want to make a living and try to have a nice day where people are at least polite. And if not, who doesn’t have to deal with off-ish people? That’s life for ya! But remember to weigh the good and the bad. Life is not easy for anyone. We all suffer in some way. Again, great post!

    • andrew

      As a child growing up I was sent to a all white school, coming from an all black school it was a culture shock to me, I was unprepared for the overt racism that I experienced, but as I got older I became more confident with who I was as a person, and look for the positive in all that I meet.

      • Naj

        Wow, it is great reading about your story. How did the positivity come in to play? 

  • Rachael

    I’m uncomfortable if the situation isn’t mixed period. I prefer situations where there aren’t too many of one type of race in any situation. 
    To be fair, the time I have been a victim of racist type situation with a white person, it was white people and some older black women who come to my rescue. When I faced racism with hispanic people, no one came to my rescue. No one said anything. I notice hispanics will talk all kinds of ish when they “think” you don’t understand. In my experience- I am more nervous with hispanics than anybody else. 

    • Jill

      What area do you live in? That’s horrible!

      I hope you can move to a different area because no one deserves to be harassed. 

  • Umrao1

    Yep I sure am especially since there has been a huge increase of whites randomly attacking Black people. Been this way since I was 12. I can feel the way they act when a Black person is there. I have no problem around other minorities, especially my own even ghetto black people. Honestly people from the ghetto have a bad rep. I’ve never had a problem with them. (Random/General statement ) I notice that most whites are scared have a problem with ghetto people(black people) but aren’t scared of rednecks/hillbillies(white people) though they are much worse. The media really does brain wash people. Anyway, I will not go in ANY restaurant  that is full of white people if there a few other black people maybe yes. With my job (and when I was in College)though I deal with it because I need that moolah and have to make a living. Even in stores I will either leave or rush to get my food and leave.

  • Guest

    The article makes a good point that it is helpful to go outside of one’s surroundings. It is easy to center thinking around a narrow scope. 

    I think also picking up a few things about decorum is important.  And also picking up discernment helps as well.  I have met some whites that were simply unkind and obviously were uncomfortable or simply ignored the black people that they were around.  So I think it helps for one to stay focused and not too naive about getting along with everyone.  Have realistic expectations and act accordingly. 

  • MM82

    Im not uncomfortable around them, I just distrust them.  I think its mainly because I’m from the South.  I am an educated, professional woman, but by actually experiencing racism for yourself you get a armour that you put up.  I generally work with white people and I’m friendly and many of them are friendly, but although it may sound racist once I get home I really dont want to see or interact with them.  I read many comments on here stating that some of you felt uncomfortable around blacks.  I can say that between the ages of 10-15, we moved to a very ghetto area.  It was basically the same as being around white people, I learned to interact with them, but it was very few that I actually trusted. The only difference is that I did actually form some true friendships in the hood.  Once we got older we were able to remember that lifestyle and promised each other we would never live that life.  As college students we pushed each other to do better and it has been the same throughout the workforce.  We have a bond because we can relate on so many different issues. Which is something I have been unable to do with the white associates I have.

    • Davan Ward

      I’m same as you. Born in the south and learned to deal with white people a certain way. Though there are some that reach out in genuine kindness, I find most are not as sincere as they pretend to be. working in environments where the majority are white, I often felt like a fish in a bowl. I was bombarded with questions about where I was from ( i don’t have stereotypical southern accent), what I did for a living prior to the job I held, was I married, what my husband did for a living? Very intrusive questions that seriously put me out with many of them. Bottom line, when it comes to whites it will always be strictly business.

    • JN31

      “Im not uncomfortable around them, I just distrust them”- LOL. Yes, I hear you and I’m not even from the South.

      Here’s the thing; there is a major difference in being uncomfortable around whites, or more comfortable around your race than feeling ‘inferior’ as the author mentioned. I grew up in NYC- one of the most racially diverse areas you can visit. There really is no getting away from any one particular race, and I grew up around them all. Are some areas predominately black or white- yes. Are some a bit more ‘ghetto’ or ‘poor wh*te trash’-yes. But the thing about being in NYC and growing up in a family that instills actual values and teaches you the value of your history is that you can be around other Blacks who may be deemed ‘ghetto’ (for lack of a better word) and not say to yourself “Oh I feel uncomfortable around my own people”. To me, that’s really just another way of self loathing. 

      So, like you said, I’m not uncomfortable around whites- but I do not in any way or form trust them. History has taught me that and the present has only reinforced that. Someone mentioned a ‘corner of blacks’- well you know what? I’d rather be in that corner of blacks and find someone that maybe I can take out of their element and let them know there’s more to life than their hood, than some white person who smiles in my face but wouldn’t dare invite me over to their house. Some comments insinuate that there is either a ‘ghetto’ black person, or one who would be considered bourgeois who relates better to white people. Yea, right! May as well get comfortable to all social classes within your own race since the reality is, many of those white people some have become so comfortable with cluster us all in the same box no matter what.

  • Sugar_Spice

    I am uncomfortable around SOME of them but I don’t let that hinder me in going out & doing different things (fine dining, museums, trips, etc). I grew up in a mixed race family where my white relatives are  openly racist so maybe it has something to do with that.  I have also always worked in an industry where I am generally the ONLY black women. I have a lot of Black, Filipino, & Hispanic friends & family members & it’s something more excepting about them.  Sorry to generalize but this is just my observations based on my community.

    • Smacks_hoes

      Sorry to pry but out of curiousity does you racist white family members openly show dislike for you?

      • Sugar_Spice

        I don’t mind, I haven’t actually ever spoken to them but they were openly racist to my grandmother & still are to my mom.  My grandfather was white & my grandmother was black, his family (with the exception of my great grands) never excepted that & have always treated them terribly

        • Smacks_hoes

          Wow that crazy… I’ve always wonder what’s it’s like to be in a multicultural family with racist family members. It’s hard for me to understand how people can dislike or hate someone solely based on the color of their skin. It’s something I could never actually wrap my head around. that’s the world we live in ig.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003085266535 Courtney Small

    Funny thing is when i was growing up in the inner city I felt uncomfortable around black people. It was the ghetto blacks I loathed being around. I grew up in that neighborhood but I was nothing like them. I couldn’t really relate to them at all. I for one grew up with both my parents, my mom was never a single parent, my parents were married when they had me, all of that changed how I was raised and how I viewed life. I never knew how to relate to my own people. And I knew I wasn’t white so I couldn’t really relate to the white people I knew either. So i basically stuck to myself. I had one best friend growing up. and that was it. Now that i’m older and come out my shell, i’ve learned to deal with things different. I am comfortable around regular white folks. in the terms of , i’ve only noticed racism when you go to upscale richer neighborhoods but normal suburban white folks seemed nice to me, i’ve even made a few friends. I’ve learned to find new black people who are just like me, same thing with whites. The only time I really felt uncomfortable was when i went to those fancy neighborhoods, but i felt the same level of uneasiness when i used to walk down the street in the inner city. *shrugs* story of my life

    • Mytwocents

      Basically the same comment I would have typed. But I’m more uncomfortable around blacks than whites because of the BS I have dealt with my entire life from the ghetto ones. Even some of the blacks with a little bit of money still don’t develop class and manners. This article is for what I refer to as “the corner of blacks”. Go to any predominately white college campus, and you’ll see the “corner of blacks”. It’s the group of black students who stick together no matter what. That corner becomes this force field that can’t be infilrated. Back in the day, I even remember blacks sticking to this corner even though they didn’t like the people in it.

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003085266535 Courtney Small

        Thank you. I just can’t form friendship based on the color of their skin. Growing up it was the white people that were nicer to me then the ones in my own neighborhood. I still love my people I just hate that it was that way.

    • Idiot

      That’s funny I went to a private school with rich whites and to a public school with poor “trailer trash” whites.  I found the poorer whites to be much more racist.  The rich ones seemed to be too scared to say anything offensive.

      • Sugar_Spice

        I have noticed that too from growing up in Ohio (the backwoods “trailer trash” whites) to where I live now in California (the snooty, upscale whites)

      • Shelia

        I have to agree with you.  I went to a private school also and the White kids that were wealthy befriend me more.  I was invited to their parties and to became a member of their social clubs.  The poor Whites were not as inviting.  I think they were actually jealous of me because I so popular in school. 

      • Shelia

        I have to agree with you.  I went to a private school also and the White kids that were wealthy befriend me more.  I was invited to their parties and to became a member of their social clubs.  The poor Whites were not as inviting.  I think they were actually jealous of me because I so popular in school. 

    • Ron

      Your story sounds just like mine. I grew up in a two parent household.  We moved from the ”hood” to a nicer predominately white neighborhood when I was a teen.  I went to an all black high school, but went to a predominately white university.  I’ve had a pretty balanced experience so I know how to act with my ghetto relatives as well as the corporate executives at my job. 

      • Smacks_hoes

        I grew up in the south as well. Lol I actually still live in the south. I haven’t witnessed racism with my own eyes. (I think my older brother has.) I don’t believe I’m uncomfortable around white people. All my twin brothers friends are white so I’ve grown up with white people. At the same token being around all white people (except for me) I feel would be very uncomfortable and awkward. I prefer mixed crowds.

  • http://www.facebook.com/RosarioRed Rosario Stefania Scarsci

    I’m extremely uncomfortable about them. Considering that the neighborhood I grew up in has many white people, blacks, hispanics and few asians living here, I’m not sure why. I guess I just have a “stick to your on kind” mentality, even at 21 years of age.

    • Umrao1

      Same here, I grew up in Australia which is a majority white there are barely any of us here, like 1%-2% black. Try to imagine that, lol. The black people me and my family did see, we became friends with and stood by each other. But it wasn’t super bad. When I moved here to America that’s when the racism got really bad.

      • Jiji

        To what part did you move? I was in Utah once, and I don’t want to say that those people are retarted, but those people are retarded. 

        • FromUR2UB

          Try Texas.  It’s a big plantation.  Both the whites and blacks are retarded.

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