Ask a Very Smart Brotha Live: Biters and Body Odor

February 15, 2012  |  
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Erica: I keep my hair pretty short. I’m always approached by white men but never black guys. Is hair really that big of a deal?

D.Y.:  Yes, it is. Thing is, it’s a big deal for everybody…black, white, men, women, whoever. Everyone — including you — has their own hair preferences, and it would be wrong to discount how a person’s hair can have an effect on the type of people interested in them. In your case, perhaps there are other factors involved in you only getting approached by white men. I seriously doubt that hair is the only reason.

Aïssatou: Hey champ! How can you tell whether you’re really over someone or not?

D.Y.: When you stop thinking about them and stop caring about what they think of you.

Jerrilyn: Ok, here goes. I have a friend that I’ve known for years and love like cooked food. The problem is they have a raging hygiene issue (from the rooter to da’ tooter). As a friend, I should have said something long ago but I dread hurting people’s feelings. Any tips?

D.Y.: You mean besides locking them inside of a Bed and Body Works overnight? Seriously, I’d just pull them aside and privately (and carefully) mention it. Whatever you do, don’t say that “other people have noticed.”

Danielle: My ex stalks me big time…following, popping up, peeping through windows, crazy. I want to get a restraining order but everybody guilts me into not getting one: my mom, his mom my sister and of course him. I still like him but he scares me. They all think I’m being dramatic and say I shouldn’t do it. Should I just move away, or what? Oh and btw he now works extremely close to me.

D.Y.: Go to the police station and get a restraining order as soon as you finish reading this sentence. Seriously.

Cheryl: How do you make an un-romantic guy romantic? Is it possible? I try to give him hints and examples and then try treating him how I want to be treated, but he just doesn’t get it…

D.Y.: Just stress to him how much you care about romantic gestures and Shyte. A little “positive punany reinforcement” wouldn’t hurt, either

Jessica: I was in a recent predicament: I was dating a guy who treated me very nicely and was a perfect gentleman even after I told him I wasn’t ready to “do the deed.” He took me out a couple of times after that and didn’t bring it up again, but all of a sudden he stopped contacting me. Did I do anything wrong? Should I have put out?

D.Y.: How long were you dating him?

Jessica: it wasn’t super long like 4 months or so.

D.Y.: You didn’t do anything wrong. He probably just found someone else more compatible to what he was looking for. I suggest you do the same.

 

Emma: Hi, I’m from London, England. I’m fed up because I tend to attract psychotic crazy men while all of my friends are in decent relationships. the guy usually starts of really nice then he starts to change. What can I do to attract better men?

D.Y.: Where/how do you usually meet these men?

Emma: The last guy I met was at work. He asked me out to lunch and we went out a couple of times to a bar. At the first date he kissed me and he bit my lip slightly, which I thought was strange. I should have not gone out with him again but I gave him a chance, because of his decent background. Then he started sending text messages saying that he wants me to be his sex slave and that he wants to abuse me. I cut off all contact, but I do find that I attract very controlling men who want to rule my life. I’ve cried many tears over this.

D.Y.: Yeah, that’s strange as hell, lol. I will say that being too nice and too forgiving (which you alluded to when you said you went out with him again even though he creeped you out) can attract faulty people in your life… Not saying you have to be mean, but instead of paying attention to “nice backgrounds,” start paying more attention to whether a guy has compatible personality traits

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