Dry Season: Seven Reasons to Consider Being Celibate

51 Comments
February 16, 2012 ‐ By Erica R. Williams

Source: colorsevolving.blogspot.com

These days sex is glorified, possibly even over-glorified. Despite the lack of marriages or even committed relationships, the act of ‘getting it in’ hasn’t shown any signs of decreasing.  The excitement surrounding sex is in some cases better than the actual act for some; but still, sex before marriage, or even without a committed relationship has become the norm. So the lack thereof has in fact become the opposite. After all, how many rappers and singers do you know that are singing about not having sex?

Instead, we’re bombarded with recycled lyrics of why we should be engaging in sexual activity coupled with false images of how wonderful these activities will be. And while this is not to contest the enjoyable feelings that can accompany sex, many times we forget the ‘other side’ of it; and it’s not always so exciting.

There’s not a lot of dialogue regarding celibacy outside of religion, but besides religious beliefs, there are many reasons why celibacy can prove to be beneficial for some. For those who can’t imagine a life without sex temporarily, consider these few points great reasons to try a period of celibacy.

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  • Mr.Lefiles

    Hola, I’m a celibate man, I am a not sexually active person, and due to environmental pressures, I have become more secluded from family and even my best friends. Sadness is around me so I run, and it does get better, cause I know I’m special. People know that cause they avoid me. It feels good to now be alone.

  • Cosmic Womb

    I do believe celibacy can be a great protection and can create a nurturing space where women can find regardfully self-love especially in a culture where sex is often used and shown against women and where the male sexuality is not rarely hostile and degenerating to women.

    We are living in a culture where sex is using up and cheaping women, we are calling women as sl*ts and wh*res while we at the same time giving men the highest sexual entitlement they can possibly can get and so even though we are teaching women not becoming sl*ts in order to fulfill the male sexual entitlement women always have to be sexually available for the onesided pleasure for men.

    This can be very confusing and self-abusing. Celibacy can give women a secure space out of the vicious circle of the sexual humiliation. It can be a practice of self-love. Self-loving her body, her mind her soul and her spirit.

    Paradoxically this secure and nurturing space has got a great potential to heal the female sexuality from her past wounds. It can be a space where the women can experience her own sexuality for herself in revalueing way instead of in a cheapening way using up against her. She can discover her sexuality and redifining it in a way that is supportive and nurturing for her. Yoni-massages (google it) can be a great revaluing and nurturing experience for women and her sexuality. Karezza (google it) can also help to create a sexuality which is valuing both the women an the men in a equal way and it can help men to step away from a destructive, cheapening and hostile sexuality to a regardful and nurturing one.

  • http://twitter.com/MyVintageSoul V.G. Grace

    Good article. Although I’m not into labels, suffice to say that I choose not to get romantically or intimately involved not because of any religious or ‘moral’ motivations (I am a feminist and believe a woman’s body is her own and whatever choice she makes, she shouldn’t be shamed for it and as for spirituality, although I’m not super-religious, i do believe in God but I do not believe in organized religion…a whole ‘nother topic), but because I would like to focus all of my time, energy, and passion on my writing (I am an aspiring writer & poet) and professional endeavors. Bottom line: I have a one-track mind, want to concentrate totally on my goals, and I am fine with that. I think there are other women out there who feel similarly and are not “prudes” or “frigid” in the least but simply have different priorities in their life besides sex and romantic relationships. My personal opinion is that whether a woman chooses intimacy or not, she needs to be informed and in control. :)

  • http://twitter.com/MzmMckinney Michelle McKinney

    Good article. I’m on pause at the moment myself. I think a bit of self reflection is good for many of the reasons listed in the article. To be quiet without the confusion of a sexual relationship that is not what you need it to be. But I have no intention of wearing celibacy around my neck like some badge of honor. It is what it is. However, I am a grown woman. I like sex. I just do not wish to have sex with a man unless I am in a relationship with him. Preferably a serious one. That is part of why I am on pause. I am widowed and my next love hasn’t found me yet. I am very open to finding him though. But I do not enjoy celibacy.. It is just necessary for me at this time. There’s no shame in it, certainly. However, when I read about some women who’ve been abstaining or celibate for “20 years”, etc. I totally cringe. Something else going on there, IMO. I see no reason to avoid intimacy. But who am I to judge others? But that is just NOT a goal of mine. Lord no. I am too young. And too much to offer a deserving brother. I’ll find him. He’s just stuck in traffic at the moment. :)

  • Shan

    OK REALLY! DID THEY HAVE TO TITLE IT DRY SEASON? LOL

  • VanDCamp

    I’ve abstained from dating and sex for 5yrs and it’s given me much needed time to reflect, understand and heal from not only my last two long term relationships, but redefine my identity, become more educated about healthy relationships, enjoy time to myself and explore what makes me happy.

  • kelsey smith

    great article!

  • Br911af

    I cant speak from the woman’s point of view. but there is only one reason a man should be celibate.  He lost his job and all ways to make money.  He should be focusing on getting money at all times.  Then he should go out and start soling his oats again.  The only other exception is that he has a bunch of kids he cant take care. Any other reason is just absurb for a man and a women is ttrying to put her reasons on him and they are invalid

    • fatimah23

      Soling his oats?

  • RenJennM

    I’ve been celibate for 10months now–the longest I’ve been without sex (of any kind) since I lost my virginity in 2009. And… I’m honestly already over this celibacy crap. Do you know how hard it is to tell a man you’re VERY sexually attracted to that you don’t want him “in that way”, all while keeping a straight face? lol Geez. 

    I chose to become celibate because I thought that, maybe, it’d help to reduce much of the stress and confusion within my dating life. Uh, NOPE! Stress and confusion is still there, but now my dating life is less fun. *sigh* Sex isn’t everything, but damnit, it’s something! Something great! And truthfully, I miss it. 

    I will say, before I get bashed on here for my honesty (lol), that I have full intentions to continue my celibate journey UNTIL I am in a happy, equally monogamous relationship, one in which I feel free to express my sexual self. Until then, I will be celibate… but unhappily so. I mean, what other option do I have? Continue to give my body to men who give less than a f*** about me just to get a moment of pleasure? Nooo… not an option. So for now, I’ll go with the celibacy thing. I just pray this all works out in the end.

  • TheTruth

    This is a great article! about a month ago I was dating a guy that i worked with & he wanted to have sex with me from day 1. Since I had read my Steve Harvey books I had my set of rules get to know the man & his intentions and don’t give him the cookie  for at least 90 days. 3 days into our relationship he kept asking me why i didnt want to have sex with him and I told him that I wanted to get to know him better. He was very persistent and we started spending ALOT of time together working together, going on our lunch breaks 2gether, instant messaging at work, spending 4 nights a week 2gether etc., He tried & tried & for some reason i broke all of my rules with him and had sex with him bcuz i thought that we were gonna be together after spending all this time 2gether. one day we got into a disagreement & it’s over now. I was so heartbroken & hurt because of all the time we spent together so fast I really thought that he was the one & I gave him my body and that’s all he wanted from me. From now on the cookie is on LOCKDOWN for real and I will not have sex with a man until I get to know him very well and until I’m in a committed relationship cause I”m tired of a man just wanting my body and not me as a whole person.

  • Suheir69

    Taking time for myself and I lol.

  • http://www.facebook.com/dayshawnburns Dayshawn Godhasaplanforme Burn

    EIGHT (8) Reasons to consider being celibate: UNWANTED/UNPLANNED PREGNANCIE…. Now (majority of the time) you have a Baby Daddy / Babies Daddy / Babies Daddies with no formal relationship……. yall know the rest

  • Amy

    I have abstained from sex for 10 months now and it has been so great to let go of that! I did it to go on a spiritual journey with myself and find out what I wanted because too often I fell in lust with people and got lost in the relations and relationships. I have met great guys along the way and keepers! Its worth it, ladies. Especially, for the ones who dont know their self worth because I was that girl before.

    • dgrrl

      i agree, abstinence has allowed me to find my self worth and i realized what i want and what i dont want, i have abstained from sex for a year now and im amazed how quickly it flew by! i have also been more focused on ME and now that its been a year, i dont wanna go back to square one.  

  • Deewright1

    I last had sex 2 months ago and after how I let myself go this last relationship, I don’t plan to have sex unless there’s a ring or some kind of contract to produce a baby (my bio clock is WTH!! )) I’m so done, no toys, no nothing. I’ll check back in at 6 months..

  • Deewright1

    I last had sex 2 months ago and after how I let myself go this last relationship, I don’t plan to have sex unless there’s a ring or some kind of contract to produce a baby (my bio clock is WTH!! )) I’m so done, no toys, no nothing. I’ll check back in at 6 months..

  • Orangestar616

    when is the moderator gonna approve my comment?

  • Orangestar616

    @ Black man…..Some of what you said makes sense, some I’m not so sure.
    “love the man who loves you” is too open a statemnt because that could be anybody but not neccessarily the RIGHT man for that woman, it takes more than love either way.
     Also since you are a man speak on what you think makes a mature man, you are not a woman so you really can’t speak to that for women.
    Thirdly I agree with the definiton you provided for being celibate and abstinate.
    To truly be either is not using toys or m@sterb@tion as a reg means to cope.
    Now to go further c**toral stimualtion is required for a large percentage of women to climax and has nothing to do with m****rb@ting  too much or any of that other mess but it is simply a  physiological fact……matter fact too much m****rb@tion desensitizes the c**toris if anything

  • Jason d

    Lmao… Shoutout to all the chicks keeping the box locked away… Quit fooling yourselves.. just use protection. Yall gonna wake up with dust and cobwebs down there.

    • guest

      protection doesn’t really work against Herpes II , or I for that matter. HPV can be transmitted without condoms too. And they break… do you babe and be safe!! if there is a such thing?

      Ill take the dust and cobwebs over AIDS any day.

    • guest

      protection doesn’t really work against Herpes II , or I for that matter. HPV can be transmitted without condoms too. And they break… do you babe and be safe!! if there is a such thing?

      Ill take the dust and cobwebs over AIDS any day.

  • Lysaundrajanee

    Plus, God is happy! …at least that’s my reason :) All of the other things are true too. You can really get to know people if you aren’t bumping the uglies all the time. I need to be stimulated spiritually and mentally. Plus, there’s a lot of emotional baggage that comes along with sex which is why people go crazy when it’s time to break up. Sex is good, but it’s amazing when you’re in the covenant of marriage…a Christ-centered one! 

  • http://www.facebook.com/RosarioRed Rosario Stefania Scarsci

    I don’t do celibacy. I like having sex. Granted I don’t do it with JUST anyone, but if I think someone is attractive, then I’d consider. See, a lot of women go on these celibacy raids for many reasons other than listed. Mostly because of shame, or they just can’t get any. Anyway, I figure why m@ast…urbate when I can have sex with someone hot?

    • http://twitter.com/MzmMckinney Michelle McKinney

      I hear you girl. LOL!

  • Black Man

    I can respect a woman  who is truly celibate.
    However, a lot of these new age  women are a  little confused. The
    proclaim themselves celibate/abstinent for years  and they’re
    neither.The definition of abstinence is; self denial, restraint from
    indulging a desire for something.The  definition of celibate is;

    abstaining from sex. They have replaced  having sex with another human
    being into having with themselves and a  bunch of toys (probably while
    they’re looking at pcrn). This is, in my opinion, a very addictive
    and somewhat sad way to spend years  of they’re life. They think it
    gives them a sense of power and control. I think it’s a false sense of
    both. These women probably got dogged out a  few times, things didn’t
    work out a few times or they refuse to date  any man who in their mind
    is not on the same level as their last  boyfriend “the perfect one who
    got away”. These women then go and runaway and hide from the intimacy
    and challenges that having a  relationship with a man brings. Mature adults learn from their previous mistakes/experiences and make better decisions in the future.I think, being a mature women means being realistic in your expectations and learning how to love the man who loves you.

    Some  of it also has to do with women not wanting to put too many miles
    on their arse by having sex with a lot of different men. That’s
    correct;  however, having sex with yourself (or running the engine in
    neutral) is still  putting on miles. Maybe not as fast but I guarantee
    you this.Your value, if you’re over 30,

    (all things equal) in terms of men options was higher two years ago than
    it is today. Men  can tell a lot of times when you’re putting a bunch
    of toys inside of  yourself. Your not as tight. Also, some of these
    women have been  m@sturb@ting so long that they can’t have an
    orqaism during sex with men without self m@sturb@ting or
    using toys.

    • LisaLuvless

      @black man, I never read the article, just decided to comment on celibacy. I don’t masturbate with a toy or push any object up there,penetration is not everything. I’m all about the mileage though, I’ve had to 2 and would like 3 to be my last. My celibacy has nothing to do with the way I was being treated or any person at all, you become celibate for yourself..well I hope most women have.

    • REGAL UK

      If a woman tells you that she has been celibate for years, you can tell if she is telling the truth by how fast she lays with you….I have been celibate for over 2 years (never had unprotected sex) and because I’m healthy, I consider that fact too precious to gamble with and for that reason….you will have to prove that you are healthy too before you lay with me…and if you refuse, see ya later.

    • fatimah23

      Not. Nothing like a man telling a woman about her sex life.

  • Robinson Tara14

    It’s nothin wrong with being celibate! I’ve been celibate for 11 months so far nd i’m enjoying just being nd exploring myself.

  • Black Man

    I can respect a woman  who is truly celibate. However, a lot of these new age  women are a  little confused. The proclaim themselves celibate/abstinent for years  and they’re neither.The definition of abstinence is; self denial, restraint from indulging a desire for something.The  definition of celibate is;
    abstaining from sex. They have replaced  having sex with another human being into having with themselves and a  bunch of toys. This  is, in my opinion, a very addictive and somewhat sad way to spend years  of they’re life. They think it gives them a sense of power and control. I  think it’s a false sense of both. These women probably got dogged out a  few times, things didn’t work out a few times or they refuse to date  any man who in their mind is not on the same level as their last  boyfriend “the perfect one who got away”. These women then go and  runaway and hide from the intimacy and challenges that having a  relationship with a man brings. Mature
    adults learn from their previous mistakes/experiences and make better decisions in the future.I think, being a mature women means being realistic in your expectations and learning how to love the man who loves you.

    Some  of it also has to do with women not wanting to put too many miles on their arse by having sex with a lot of different men. That’s correct;  however, having sex with yourself (or running the engine in neutral) is still  putting on miles. Maybe not as fast but I guarantee you this.Your value, if you’re over 30,
    (all things equal) in terms of men options was higher two years ago than it is today. Men  can tell a lot of times when you’re putting a bunch of toys inside of  yourself. Your not as tight. Also, some of these women have been  m*****bating so long that they can’t climax during sex with men without self m*****bating or using toys.

    • astimegoesby

       just sad how little you know about women, a woman’s sexuality and relationships in general.

    • fatimah23

      How do you know what women do in their private lives? You do indeed sound like a man. I am celibate; I don’t do any of those things you mention. Celibacy has helped me realize I am powerful. For the first time in my adult life, I feel in control of myself. Please post only if you know what you are talking about.

  • RedButterfly81

    I’ve been celibate for 2 1/2 years and I’m happy about it. I’m more focused on my daughter and getting my education than just sex. Plus I’m a saved woman as well and some guys out here just won’t accept that because they only think with their peen. So I’m holding it until I get married and he has to earn it.

  • Smacks_hoes

    I’ve successfully abstained from sex for 20 years (I’m a virgin), and I must say it’s definitely for the best. I don’t believe in casual sex at all. Some of my friends call me and stick in the mud but it doesn’t really matter to me. I’d rather have sex with someone that I truly care about and love rather than give myself to just any and everyone. Not to mention it seems like all the girls I graduated with is on their second child. That’s definitely scares me as well. All in all abstaining from sex is definitely a challenge (seriously), but it worth it.

    • ThisChick!

      Me too! Except I’m 18. Relationships are aready complicated enough without adding more emotions to it by having sex. I want to wait until I find someone to really share that with, maybe that person will turn out to be my future husband. I’ve never been pressured to do it not even by my exes, they know it’s something I’m not ready for so they either accept it or move on but for me I’m sticking by my values. I have many reasons for not doing it and it truly has shaped and benefited my life because I make better choices.

      • Smacks_hoes

        Awww!! I Dnt no you but I randomly feel proud to here another young woman say that! I’d say just stick with it girl. It’s a really rewarding feeling to me (being a virgin that is). It has saved me a ton of heartache that my friends has had to go threw and I definitely cosign with the idea that relationships are very distracting. I plan on just focusing on myself until I graduate college get a job and house, then I’ll start dating and looking for prospects. Hopefully I’ll experience my first time with my husband.

      • Smacks_hoes

        Awww!! I Dnt no you but I randomly feel proud to here another young woman say that! I’d say just stick with it girl. It’s a really rewarding feeling to me (being a virgin that is). It has saved me a ton of heartache that my friends has had to go threw and I definitely cosign with the idea that relationships are very distracting. I plan on just focusing on myself until I graduate college get a job and house, then I’ll start dating and looking for prospects. Hopefully I’ll experience my first time with my husband.

      • Kimcake232

        My friend just met a black man on Mixedmingle.COMit’s where for men and women looking for interracial’ship for a fabulous lifestyle
        It’s a nice place for black white sing’les, to interact with each other…no bounds or extremes in front of true love.

      • Kimcake232

        My friend just met a black man on Mixedmingle.COMit’s where for men and women looking for interracial’ship for a fabulous lifestyle
        It’s a nice place for black white sing’les, to interact with each other…no bounds or extremes in front of true love.

  • http://www.womenaregamechangers.com/ WomenAreGamechangers

    Yes almost 3 years and one of the best decisions for myself. I’ve completed so many of my goals with less distraction (emotionally and physically). I have not had any extra stress nor been wrapped up in someone else’s life. Abstaining from sex is a difficulut choice for some but I would not change my mind. Right now, I’m focused on me and my career and the relationships I do have with my family and friends. Sex is just not a priority to my especially all the baggage that usually comes with it. This is a really great post. And no I did not abstain from sex for religious reasons. My heart just told me I could not take the drama and pain of those types of unfulfilled relationships anymore.

    • REGAL UK

      I agree with you. What scares me the most about sex is getting infected with STDs. I would rather have no man than put my health at risk. Even those in a marriage and ”stable relationships” are at risk because partners cheat all the time. Imagine being faithful and careful with your health only for a selfish man or woman to bring home a disease. I read about a woman who had just graduated from University with a nursing degree, she was in her 30s and when she started work, she was given a health check where she discovered that she was HIV positive. Her husband of just 2 years had infected her….and they were bot negative before they got married. She obviously lost her nursing licence because she cannot be allowed to expose the disease to patients. I would like to get married eventually but I’m asking God to bring my way a man who feels as strongly about protecting his health as I do and before I lay with him, with protection or not, we both have to get checked.

      • http://www.womenaregamechangers.com/ WomenAreGamechangers

        Man that is sad. Yes health reason should really make people pause from careless acts.

      • BitBit

        Wtf? U sound stupid. You don’t lose a nursing license because of that. That is discrimination. The board of nursing takes your license if you harm a pt. Go do some research u silly prude.

        • REGAL UK

          The woman is a British Citizen, you don’t nurse patients in British hospitals when you have an infectious disease….are you mad because you are positive and you may not have a future…?you are the stupid one. 

        • Dadu

          Yeah you cant lose a job because due to being HIV positive. Its against the law.

          • EVA

            DADU you too, please become informed before you start shooting blanks. As a practicing physician, I can attest to what Womenaregamechangers has said. If you are a practicing medical physician or an individual who works in the medical field and is in constant contact with patients, you can lose your ability to practice medicine if you contract HIV or any other incurable infectious disease according to the American w/ Disabilities Act. There is no law per say that actually governs a removal of a practicing individual on a federal level, as many agencies in the medical field are privatized,  but in the medical world it is seen as unethical, immoral and frankly, very risky for an individual to practice medicine with an incurable and transmittable disease.
            If you are working in any other field, yes, you generally can not be discriminated against due to any medical reason. Often times, most individuals have no need to disclose their medical history like physicians, nurses, etc have to in the medical field.

            Know the facts please!

        • Eva

          BITBIT please become informed before you start shooting blanks. As a practicing physician, I can attest to what Womenaregamechangers has said. If you are a practicing medical physician or an individual who works in the medical field and is in constant contact with patients, you can lose your ability to practice medicine if you contract HIV or any other incurable infectious disease according to the American w/ Disabilities Act. There is no law per say that actually governs a removal of a practicing individual on a federal level, as many agencies in the medical field are privatized,  but in the medical world it is seen as unethical, immoral and frankly, very risky for an individual to practice medicine with an incurable and transmittable disease.

          Know the facts please!

      • Dadu

        What does that story have to do with Celibacy?? she was married.

  • LisaLuvless

    Been celibate for 2 years and some change-hence the online b I tching..jks.
    Its honestly nice,not that I was wild before it,but I won’t be wasting my puthy for some mans enjoyment, I’m going for love and longevity. It saves a lot of heartache and confusion too.

  • tastythoughts

    im currently on pause….im choosing to abstain from the men i was with last year…because really i almost feel like i want more…and i knew these men that i have been dating were never “the one” they were just passing the time.