Lies and Deceit: Sex Myths, Fallacies and Falsehoods We Spread

February 15th, 2012 - By Christelyn Karazin

There’s no shortage of rumors, innuendo and myths about what goes on in the bedroom, and since most folks aren’t comfortable talking about S.E.X., some just make things up as they go along. Take me for instance. I thought babies came just by kissing, and they popped out of your belly button like a little chicken egg, like that show from the 80′s, Mork From Ork.

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  • Ray C

    I don’t know if I’m feeling the one about a woman being pressured because he’s no longer a virgin. Too many women love to play games with the vagina. They can say all they want about being selective, but there is more to it than that

  • Ray C

    I think the Mandigo might have something to do with the black gene pool being contaminated. LOL. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it

  • sincerelyAnnoyed

    What in the hell? This article is horrible. I’m almost 21 and just started to become sexually active, and I read this with the intention of actually learning something. Needless to say, I didn’t. Not only was I disgusted, “Mothers, teach your girls how to masturbate…”, but I wasted my time. #fail Please try again with a more informative article.

  • Ebonydiva82

    This was an interesting article, although I’m not sure I agree with the Christian girls should have sex detail. 

    • NicciNic

      No no I think she meant like after the chick is married its her sex life is her business not the church’s. She did say she gets the no sex before marriage thing

  • Taviturner

    Ok now teaching your daughters to masturbate is sick and crazy!!!!! They can figure it out just fine themselves!!!

  • Nisha Moon

    This is a misnomer. That is not scientifically proven. That is like saying if one’s hands are big and their feet are big that he’s big. *smh* not so.
    Why not let it be a mystery when your attracted to someone of the other sex?  For many women this is half the fun when attraction occurs.

    Why is size such a brainwashed concept in our culture?

    It is a scientific fact that size does NOT matter when being pleasured sexually. It’s technique. Women’s bodies have the ability to conform to the size of any man, UNLESS she has an exceptionally big nether region.

    So, instead of worrying about his size be more curious about HOW he pleasures women. Find out if he’s attentive? does he take his time pleasuring you? Is he concerned about you receiving pleasure? Does he follow your cues? Is he open to suggestions by you concerning your sexual pleasure? Questions like these are important. There are many more but this is not my blog site.

    Yes for anyone whose wondering, I AM A SEX COACH AND EDUCATOR :) Women’s liberation is my goal on a spiritually sensitive level. Yes I AM a black woman.

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  • guest510

    I in no, way, shape or form think it’s ok to teach your daughter to masturbate. Educate her, yes. Teach her the art of self pleasure, NO.

    • its_MYopinion

      THANK YOU.

    • http://www.facebook.com/RosarioRed Rosario Stefania Scarsci

      I agree. That really caught me. I kind of got shocked that MN would suggest something like that. That’s balancing on abuse IMO.

      • Nisha Moon

        Wow, it amazes me how black folks can create a fire where there is none. The blogger did not insinuate to abuse your child, she said to TEACH. Look up the word teach it does not have to be hands on, nor was this article suggesting that.

        Why take it there, because you are uncomfortable with the reality of discussing  sex positive behaviors with your children? If so then I would recommend guidance so that you no longer can blow a comment out of proportion and make it into some kind of demonizing ritual.

        Wow….

        • http://www.facebook.com/RosarioRed Rosario Stefania Scarsci

          I’m glad that you’re someone who condones intiating sexual relations with children. ::clap clap:: Good for you. Now everyone knows how you truly feel. Then again, you’re anon so…that makes it even more terrifying.

          If I knew you, I’d be calling child protective services asap. There is no excuse for a parent to “teach” their child to masturbate. If a child asks, give them a brief run through of why it’s normal and leave it alone. They’ll learn these things on their own. I’m sorry if I do not condone child abuse.

          • Christelyn

            Rosario, I am the author of this piece. I am the mother of three daughters, and in no way would I “initiate sex” with my kids. Where are you getting that? Teaching, educating and informing a teenager about self-pleasure doesn’t mean you have to break out pornos and get naked. That’s disgusting. Masterbation is about SELF EXPLORATION. Self = by yourself. Get it? My goal, when my daughter is ready to hear it (and at 14 she is still not ready. how do I know? surprise! I TALK to her) is to destigmatize her curiosity about her body. Gosh…the reach…

            • Christelyn

              Oh. And feel free to file a (false) report to Social Services. You know there’s a penalty for that, though. So I hope it’s worth it for you.

              • http://www.facebook.com/RosarioRed Rosario Stefania Scarsci

                1. If I feel that someone is abusing their child, I’m calling ACS. No questions asked. Do I know you? No, so you can sit down. 2. You say one thing in the article and another thing here. That’s so effing hypocritical. It’s almost as though you’re realized how wrong it sounded in the article and now you’re trying to come correct. You said TEACH not TALK. I am not reaching for anything. The truth remains is that you said what you said. If someone gets offended then they (we) have a right to lash out. I don’t even know why I still come to this stupid site if they let people like you write articles. 

          • NicciNic

            Teaching in no way is always hands on. It just provide the tool necessary to learn. ie, exposure to books, articles, verbal information. This isn’t something that should be taboo anymore. It’s a part of sex. “figuring it out on their own” landed quite a few people I know in the hospital for putting something up there that shouldn’t have been because they saw it online. And they’re parents STILL had to teach them. Smh

    • Nisha Moon

      This post was more about INFORMING than literally laying down on the bed and SHOWING. Your right, there is a difference. However, even providing her with the tools, books, (that are age appropriate) can be helpful.

      There is no reason in my opinion for a mother who truly loves and cares for her daughter or son, to keep this very real sexual knowledge away from them. Listen, they are going to do it anyway. We are all wired, biologically to masturbate and many of us have done this since birth, many do so in the womb! We were made to be sexual creatures. It is society that has turned this very natural act into something vile and detested, while they continue to bombard everyone with sexual images and influence.

      Sitting down and talking with our youth is the best gift we can give them, keeping an “open talk policy” about sexual matters, things they hear their friends saying and or doing is so important to equip them with knowledge. This increases their power to make better choices when confronted with the opportunity to try sexual activities.

      • guest510

        I understand that the post was about INFORMING. As I said, I think parents need to inform their children and have open conversations about sex. I just don’t think it’s appropriate to teach a child to masturbate. If the child brings it up in conversation, they’re curious so it’s ok to discuss it. I just don’t think a parent should teach their children to do it. I agree that they’ll do it anyway and if that’s the case then fine.

      • http://www.facebook.com/RosarioRed Rosario Stefania Scarsci

        Okay I’m calling ACS. Smdh.

  • Lalatarea

    Wow this article was nowhere near as interesting as i thought it would be.

  • tastythoughts

    i actually enjoyed this read. kudus

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  • Nisha Moon

    I thought the comments on the post were well thought out. I think religion has played a huge role within the black community in regards to a lack of accurate sexual intelligence and expression. It is very much dogma. The past two generations have been afraid of sexual expression. I totally agree, if sex wasn’t supposed to feel good ‘God” wouldn’t have made it that way. Get a clue!

    Our public school systems are doing a bang up, messed up job when it comes to “sex education”, it is archaic at best and I am being nice with that comment. Our children are not provided with real sexuality tools to navigate this very fast and ever changing world. More and more teens are getting pregnant and the carriers of diseases. The US leads the world in teen pregnancies and STI’s yet, our government, parents nor school districts will revamp “sex education.” It is my belief that sex education needs to become sexuality education and the practice of safe sex needs to be screamed at the top of the mountain. I also believe that parents need to re-educate themselves on sexuality to feel more comfortable in talking with their children about sex. Statistics show that the more information our children have about sex, the LESS LIKELY they are to engage in sexual activities. It is when children hear about it, see it, or listen to it through media of all kinds, at home, and by peers that they are MORE likely to try it. Parents need to wake up!

    Sexual stereotypes are old and boring! Not all black men have big ( fill it in) and your right, if black men would drop that attitude like they all do, relationships between the sexes  might be better off. The one about white men having pink (fill in the blank) is funny! I have dated white men as well and I have yet to see one that is pink! There is also an Asian stereotype that they are all small. Who comes up with this garbage?! It is clearly racial stereotypes meant to dehumanize and demean cultures, however, in the case of black men, it has truly done more harm than any other race, of course this is my opinion. I am very attracted to Asian men, this stereotype won’t stop me from experiencing Asian love on multiple levels. Just like I pray they don’t buy into the stereotypes of black women being jezebels and too masculine.

    Masturbation! Ahhh.. very good one to bring up. Not only do good girls masturbate, SMART one’s masturbate.  Sexual intelligence comes from self knowing. How can any woman take charge of her sexual pleasure if she’s relying on another to tell her what to do and how to do it? This is another archaic view. Let’s move it into the year 2012 and beyond shall we? Sure, I want a partner to make me feel good, but it’s way too much pressure to assume that they SHOULD know how. Men experience so much performance anxiety based on this fear of “not knowing” if what he does will feel good, why not help him out? Women need to provide men with a road map of her own  pleasure and the way she finds that out is through self pleasuring. Talk with your man or woman and let them know what makes you feel good and find out what makes them feel good. Fold all that information into love making sessions that the two of you will never regret. This leads to better sex and a healthier relationship. So ladies masturbate. It’s not dirty, your not going to hell. God gave you this body to enjoy it, not misuse it but enjoy it. It’s YOUR temple, if you don’t take care of it, who will?

    This was a cool way to introduce topics that will get women and people in general to TO THINK!

    Moon

    • its_MYopinion

      Sorry to be one of THOSE commenters, but let’s not get it confused… Your body is not your temple but the LORD’s. Yes, GOD made sex pleasurable, but it’s to share with your husband only…we all know that.

      Masturbation has been a moral ethical debate for years, so while I’m not the one to say its wrong, it doesn’t mean it’s right either (because of the fact that it requires lustful thoughts, which the Bible is against). But I do agree that it’s better than having sex, if you desire to be pleasured.

      I’m not “holier-than-thou” nor am I Virgin Mary, but until I find a husband I’ve become more spiritual, learned how not to give in to temptation & have self control. Just saying.

      • Meow216

        You are crazy.  Period.

        • its_MYopinion

          & you’re shallow. Grow up.

          • Nisha Moon

            Difference of opinions do not make someone shallow.

            Just saying.

            • its_MYopinion

              Doesn’t make them crazy either.

              just saying.

      • Nisha Moon

        I think it may be you who needs to NOT be confused. You are the poster child of the religious community that are oppressing other women into the ice ages. Anything in this world is what you make of it. Your beliefs say that all you ARE belongs to “God”, I say that depending on how I choose to live my life depicts my souls journey. My body IS MY TEMPLE and to ME, it doesn’t belong to “God”. “God” gave me a choice in how I use it and that usage has been honorable. There is no such thing as SIN. Look up the definition. Anyway, let me move on, I respect anyone’s right to their own beliefs but it irritates me when Christians act like they know it all and can tell others what they can and can not do with their bodies according to THIER beliefs.

         Women do not need a HUSBAND to pleasure themselves! I don’t need a HUSBAND to be loved or honored by a man. Doesn’t it take LUSTFUL thoughts to have sex with your husband?! How do you think he gets an erection? It’s not always by just looking at YOU. Statistics show that healthy marriages include time for both partners to masturbate on their own! In fact over 65% of marriages survive due to healthy sexual exploration without their partners.

         Paul says in the book of Corinthians that lust is STILL(sex)  an abomination and men should avoid marriage at all costs if he can NOT be stop being lustful. Look at the SCIENCE on average men think about sex every seven seconds!!! Why did “God” make man that way? LOL We were wired by “God” to be the way we biologically ARE. Man are the ones that imposed restrictions. I am not a Jew, I do not need to adhere to biblical laws! Even as a Gentile you are cast below Jews. Do your research, although I am not a CHRISTIAN, (used to be) I know the bible very well, BOTH historically and bible verse, it’s all twisted! It’s USED as a TOOL of OPPRESSION ESPECIALLY AGAINST WOMEN!

        By the way the masturbation debate has been an “ethical debate” among CATHOLICS, MORMONS and PURITANS not other denominations. More than likely if you are African American you do not belong to one of these denominations. My case and point. Blacks need to pull themselves out of the muck of their institutionalized oppression, psychological oppression and stop making it so easy for this society and its “powers that be” to keep you enslaved.

        I will say this out of respect for Christians who do not impose their faith on others, if I have offended you, I apologize but ignorance and bullying has never been something that I can handle quietly.

        • its_MYopinion

          …so now you’re saying that there’s no such thing as sin, yet you told me earlier that having sex with a spouse is a sin. *sigh* I give up. We clearly have completely different beliefs and religious backgrounds. 

          And the religious community has no one “oppressed” or “enslaved”…what’s right is right & what’s wrong is wrong. plain & simple, but as we’ve discovered we have different views on what is & what’s not. We can only respect each others’ views.

          I was just stating MY OPINION. I haven’t (well at least I don’t think I have) came across as knowing everything because I know I don’t. You on the other hand….

          It is what it is, tho. Take care. <3

      • Nisha Moon

        Last time I checked, it took lustful thoughts to have sex whether married or not. The bible doesn’t specifically label lust. Therefore even if married you are not supposed to be “lustful.” So if you enjoy sex with your husband you are both still committing SIN. Do your research. Sex is for procreation according to the bible. It should not feel good even when married. 

        I respect your decision to wait until you get married. That is your choice. Many women are refraining from sexual expression with partners until that day arrives. I am a highly spiritual woman and believe it is a woman’s God given right to take care of her temple so that when or if the day comes she can be prepared to be the best woman and wife she can be. Not enslaved to her husband. But enlightened by her own soul in connection with her creator.

        Men think about sex every 7seconds. Scientific fact. Women are wired to enjoy sex more with a consistent partner, 65% of women enjoy sex with a committed partner, this includes our ability to have orgasms. Sex is shown to be one of the major reasons marriages fail. Why set yourself up for failure by placing all the pressure on men to perform for YOU, when the both of you can take the reins and explore intelligently? I don’t see how “God” can be mad at that.

        • its_MYopinion

          “Therefore even if married you are not supposed to be “lustful.” So if you enjoy sex with your husband you are both still committing SIN. Do your research.
          Sex is for procreation according to the bible. It should not feel good even when married.”
          Huh??? It’s for procreation, right. But how is having sex with your HUSBAND/WIFE considered a sin? If that were the case, I doubt if many people would even get married to be honest. While I’m doing my research, how about you re-read your Bible.

        • Idiot

          You don’t know anything about the bible.  The book of proverbs talks about enjoying sexual pleasure and being intoxicated with the breasts of your wife.  Paul also told married couples not to withhold sex from one another.  Please stop making up stupid stuff.  God told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and fill the earth.  How could they do this without sex?  Sex is automatically enjoyable, especially for men.

          • Guest

            now what are YOU talking about. Clearly, I just repeated/questioned what was written above me. I made nothing up.

            I just wanna know how is having sex with your spouse a sin. Can somebody PLEASE tell me.

            • Guest

              *disregard the last comment* My apologies!

    • Kim3473sf28

      My friend just met a black man on Mixedmingle.COMit’s where for men and women looking for interracial’ship for a fabulous lifestyle
      It’s a nice place for black white sing’les, to interact with each other…no bounds or extremes in front of true love.

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/YQPRKRAQWYBNJ5SCO7NDLZIVZA MissBrwnSugha

    I can say that the last one is SO true! im not a slut but that dont mean i dont like to touch myself every now n then….

  • L-Boogie

    I have been ignoring these articles for a few weeks now and I am getting so frustrated with this bull****.  What does one’s religion have to do with sex and enjoying sex?  Before I was a Christian (with my boyfriend) I would get it popping! As a wiser adult, I am just not ready to get it popping unless I am a little more sure about you.  I am not going to pass out my a** to everyone!  If that is offensive…oh, well! Sidenote: Why does the ‘Christian’ woman have to be fat?  Yeah, I said it.  

    • MissK

      I definitely believe in learning the ins and outs of my own body…I
      guess I’m a “good girl” like that (smile). I just couldn’t imagine sitting
      down with my mother and learning how to pleasure myself…we’re tight,
      but we’re not that tight!  Maybe one day I’ll be progressive enough to
      teach my own daughter (in principle) about masturbation…