Dating A Dad: The Ups and Downs of Courting A Man With Children

February 11th, 2012 - By Erica Renee

I’ve often heard men sternly proclaim that they won’t date a woman with ‘baggage,’ referring to a woman with children. Some men have made up their minds that dating a woman with kids brings extra personal belongings into a relationship that they would prefer not deal with; but it takes two to tango. And just as there are women with kids there are many brothers with children.  So is it more acceptable and less complicated for a woman to date a man with kids?

While after a certain age, the pickings may be slim when it comes to men who don’t have kids; but if under the age of 35, and you have no kids, you can most certainly choose to be a bit pickier in your choices. Partly because, ‘you have time’ and secondly because these are the years when most young adults are attempting to  get their lives together, mentally and financially. So contrary to what some men (especially those with kids) want you to believe, there are plenty of 30-year-old, childless men.

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  • nope

    Absolutely not, I’m 19 I am currently dating. A 22 year old with a 3 year old and it’s hell!!

  • Pivyque

    I have never dated a man with kids and I never wanted to. I didn’t want children, so it would have been crazy to date a man with some.

  • LiveAndLearn

    I’ve been there, done that, don’t need to do it again.  After my experience that was an absolute NIGHTMARE thanks to the stereotypical Baby Mama.  There was always something. And she really went crazy when she learned he had moved on and upgraded.  It’s a pain because she knew he wants to be a dad and a good dad. And it became an imbalance. My approach is, if I don’t have kids (and I don’t) I don’t want a man with kids.  I’d like to experience starting a family with a man who can embrace and enjoy the firsts with me.  
    Young ladies (those under 35) please take my advice, you can do MUCH better! There are good men your age without any kids that will have the flexibility to do some of the things you’ll both enjoy without the added limitation of a child. If I had it to do over again, I would keep walking and not given him the time of day. You live and learn and I’m sharing my lesson with others as a cautionary tale.   You can do better, you deserve better and don’t settle for anything less.

  • Queensuluhu

    I would NOT date a man who has children whose lives he’s not a consistent part of.

    I just recently began dating a man who shares 4 children (whom I haven’t yet met) /w his ex-wife. He’s very involved in their lives and they are /w him more than their mom. I have no children, but can appreciate the time and dedication he gives his. I would not dare complain! Him being a hands-on dad is forcing us to take things slowly, which is great. I can sense though, that he worries that his life full of children’s activities and family bonding is too much for me. I’m not going anywhere!

    I’d rather a man put my needs after his children’s than have it the other way around.

    • Tayje

      Oh so naive.  Obviously you aren’t married with kids of your own.  When you have a crazed ex-wife trying to cause problems in your life, and a “step-daughter” who tries to put a wedge in your family…..you’ll think differently.  You  would protect your kids from the craziness as well….if you had any.  Given I’ve been happily married for 15 years….I think my insights carry a lot more weight than your rose colored glasses.

      • LaLaLaMeansILoveYou

        And who exactly are YOU to tell her that she is naive or that your opinion on HER SITUATION THAT SEEMS TO BE WORKING FOR HER carries more weight than hers?? If she’s happy with him, who cares what you think?

        Smh @ some of you bootleg Dr. Phils

  • http://profile.yahoo.com/BKR4SGPUTCTC4X5OJHR5WLAPME Danielle

    i am 18 and I dont think i could lol :/ but time changes when you get older i gues :D
    Its nice to stay open minded.

  • Shizzo26

    My man is 14 yrs my senior and has two children from two women. I love children but dont want any of my own any time soon so it’s a joy to be able to learn how take care of children. I look at this as an experience and though he has two girls only one of them live in the same state, so as of now I only deal with one. She loves me and tries to call me mommy, but I don’t allow her to because I see it as disrespect to her mother. She is having a hard time dealing with not seeing her Dad everyday and she’s going through an emotional struggle for a 5yr old. I love him and I love her. We’ve known each other for almost 3 yrs and have been together for 9 months. I’m in a good place with him because he is a great father and he puts both of us first by including me in activities so she can get to know me and get use to me. So far so good, maybe as she gets older I’ll be singing a different tune but for now it works and I prefer a man with more experience than me because he can teach me many things. I dont feel neglected and he is a wonderful father. I hope this turns out to be a good situation for me. I’m not heart broken about not being the first ti have his child but I would be hurt if I’m not the last if we’re still together. Patience…daddy’s need love too but there is nothing wrong if it ain’t for you!

  • Appollonia

    I vowed to never take a man with children seriously….never say never. I felt the same way “wonder” did; I don’t have any children so I wouldn’t date anyone with children. I also wanted the traditional family and wanted to share parenthood with my partner as a “first” time experience. I still think people with children should date people with the same situation because they share similarities and they can always be understanding of each other. It is different for a women with kids because mothers are usually the primary caretaker so they almost always have their kids with them. I am now married to man that has one child and it was very hard for me to get over my standard, but I found a great man and I couldn’t let him slip away because he was young and irresponsible at some point in his life. The mother of his child is no trouble at all and I adore his son so of course those things had to be in place before I considered taking it any further with him. 

  • Tayjge

    I have been married for 15 years, and my husband and I have 3 kids.  When I met my husband, he already had a daughter who daughter was 13 years old, and lived across the country. He and his ex-wife hate each other, and I’ve only seen his daughter a few times. Both she and her mother are horrible, and although my husband paid child support, and kept in contact with the daughter, the mother filled the girl’s head with so much hate that he never could really bond with her.  I never interfered with their relationship, but I insisted that my kids never know that his daughter existed, because I didn’t trust her around my kids, and I  wanted my kids to feel that they are the most important people in our lives, without having to share their dad. 

    Fast forward; now his daughter has kids, and has tried to use us for money by leveraging the grand kids.  Again, I never really cared for her, so I just bite my tongue and let my husband deal with her in the way he best saw fit, away from our home and kids.  Things were fine until his stupid daughter used the internet to tell lies about him because we denied her request for a $5000 loan.  Game Over. My husband will never speak to her again, nor will our kids ever know she existed.

    The moral of the story: Just because you give life to a child doesn’t mean it gives them license to ruin your life. Young children don’t know any better, but if a child is grown and chooses to act like an enemy….treat them that way. Period.

  • tuna

    oh gosh! yall r scaring me, ive been in a relationship with my  bf for a little over a year, he has a 3 yr old son, he is a very good father  the mother of his child tries to come between us, but she hasnt had any luck yet, we both are 25, so damn should i get out while i can and run now???! lol, no but im serious!!!

    • Morgan_sanderso

      In same situation…my bf takes care of his kid but I will never understand the relationship he has with mom. Like do guys feel a certain way towards the mother of their kid…and they were married…

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