Love Him Or Leave Him? Signs That He May Not Be That Into You (Anymore)

February 11, 2012  |  
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V-Day is swiftly approaching and to no one’s surprise, many relationships hit the skids and crash and burn. It’s as if this holiday forces couples to take stock of their relationships. Unfortunately for many women, they cling even tighter to boyfriends that they keep putting Band Aids over, just so they don’t feel the shame or embarrassment of a failed relationship–especially on a day as symbolic as Valentine’s Day.

But sometimes in the cloud of love, we often get disoriented–up is down, down is up. We often fail to see (or acknowledge) when a man is no longer plugged in to a relationship. Here’s a few a signs that he just may not be that into you anymore…

1. He talks about the future without you in it.

Does your man talk about a new place he wants to live? A vacation he wants to take, or a new career or project he wants to pursue? If he speaks about his dreams as if you’re the Amazing Invisible Girlfriend, chances are your future and his future are about as viable as Newt Gingritch becoming the next president of the United States.

2. He passed on introducing you to his family during the holiday season.

This one doesn’t count if you just met him in October. But if the SECOND October has passed and you have not yet met his parental units (and they don’t live in Outer Siberia or something), then this guy is not serious about a future with you. Don’t nag him about it, don’t whine or cry. Just take a mental note, file it away, and ease this dude into the Friend Zone as soon as possible.

3. He suddenly has an all-consuming preoccupation with work or some hobby that does not include you.

You call him on Saturday morning and he’s not at home. He calls you way late in the afternoon–he’s been out playing b-ball with his homies. But, you seem to recall that he can’t even dribble. Somebody call Chicken of the Sea, because I smell something fishy.

4. You initiate every date.

If you are doing all the planning, primping and pleading and he’s just along for the ride, you might want to reconsider who and why you’re spending all your energy and youthful beauty on. Is he really worth it?

5. He’s no longer “hungry.”

And by hunger, I don’t mean for food. Men like to pursue, they want their desire not quite quenched–despite what they may tell you. If his passion for you has cooled inexplicably it might be time to regroup.

6. He’s become hardened to your feelings.

Remember when you could bear your feelings, cry a little, and your man was caring, responsive and comforting? If your tears and plaintive sighs is less important than, well, everything, the ship has sunk and it’s time to throw out the lifeboat.

Christelyn D. Karazin is the co-author of “Swirling: How to Date, Mate and Relate Mixing Race, Culture and Creed” (to be released May 2012), and runs a blog,, dedicated to women of color who are interested and or involved in interracial and intercultural relationships. She is also the founder and organizer of “No Wedding, No Womb,” an initiative to find solutions to the 72 percent out-of-wedlock rate in the black community.

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  • Goddess8281

    I just dumped my man yesterday for about 3 reasons on the list. Ladies, if anything, always trust your intuition. I kept ignoring mine. If I had paid attention to it, I would been single 3 months ago.

    • REGAL UK

      If his hair was as bad as the one in reason 2….he would have to go. lol

    • Shayla613

      If I listened to my institution, I would have been single 6 YEARS ago!

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  • Cayd33

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  • 314ozark

    … I wish African-American women would develop a desire to date men of different races and not limit themselves to black men. Look beyond the color and enjoy the man, open your heart to new experiences.

    • sameishdiffcolor

       Agreed. But white men can be equally frustrating at times. Speaking from experience.

  • icanbutiwont

    These comments speak volumes on those who cared to share their opinion. Well as it would seem no one is interested in forming long term relationships… smh tisk tisk tisk!

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  • This list is fishy. Look, I’m a woman who was in a LTR for aprrx 3 years. Yes, I loved her, but sometimes I just don’t want to be bothered. Honestly, I really like “me” time. If I want to go out early as hell and not have to explain, then I wanna do that. Maybe this is why I don’t like relationships. Too much static cling. With men, I don’t even bothering entering relationships with. I enjoy s_x with men and that’s about it.

    • LaLaLaMeansILoveYou

      I don’t think it’s the LIST that’s fishy…

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      • Rachael


      • If you’re implying anything about me you should step off. 1. You’re on a fake name. I’m real dear. It’s all me. 2. You’re attacking me for what? A reaction? Lmao, well you got it. I’m not gonna go all out and curse as I am not wanting to get mod., but at the same time you’re pathetic. You wanna know so much about me? I bet I’m 10x cleaner and better looking than your dirty, bum behind. Let me guess? Your “Uggs” slant to the side? Lol birds kill me. Fricken hood rat. Now go back to being somebody’s baby mama.

      • Stupid, dirty, ghetto bxtch.

  • Eyedesignsexy

    As sure a sign as any….but soon as u exit stage left they beg for ur attention! Get a life!

  • Nina Dashotta

    I had a guy do every single thing in this list, even going as far as calling me, then not holding a conversation. I dismissed him after that yet he had the audacity to ask me one day if we were still cool?! Lol I was throwed and just told him he is a sociopath and need to find a needy hood rat because I don’t chase men or entertain mixed signals

    • WilliAmsroselle

      Most men are sociopaths.

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