Signs You And Him Are Not On The Same Page

February 8, 2012  |  
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“Just make sure you’re not leading him on…” Ever have a friend say this to you and you’re thinking, “what is she talking about?” Sometimes, it’s not so easy to see when you’re not on the same page as someone. Especially when they are the one a few pages ahead of you—because they are the only one who feels that something is missing. Wondering if your man is waiting for you to catch up? Think about this:

What he texts you:

It seems harmless. A text pic of something funny he came across. A quote from a movie you watched on your last date. An anecdote about something that happened at his office today. You laugh, send a smiley face or an LOL in return. But, are you texting him the minutiae of your day? Or, are you just keeping it to the basics of organizing the next date? If so, then you’re much more on his mind that he is on yours. In fact, he probably isn’t dating anyone else if he is too busy looking for funny YouTube links to send you.

He tells you when he is bored:

If he is at a bar, party, dinner—whatever it may be—and is calling or texting you to let you know how boring it is, how annoying everyone there is, how he would much rather be watching a movie…he considers you not just some chick he is getting to know. You’re his “partner in crime.” He is already at a place of not being able to focus on and enjoy the moment if you’re not there. If you feel the same way—perfect. But, if you’re still 100% present at events you attend without him, and even if you are bored wouldn’t consider trying to use him as an escape, he is a few steps ahead of you.


Would he have invited you?:

You’re not in a relationship yet. You have your own life to live. You look forward to seeing him this weekend, but in the meantime you have some other engagements to attend—a friend’s going away party, a big sports game that your boss got you two tickets to—that you happily attend with a friend. BUT, ask yourself this: would the guy you’re seeing have invited you as his plus one to these events? In fact, has he pretty much already been bringing you along to everything he does? Does it seem like any events passed that he went to without you? If not, he is envisioning you as his plus one all the time. And he may be wondering, “why didn’t she invite me?” as you send him a pic from the Laker’s game.

Double dates:

If he takes you out with two friends of his who have been a couple for a long time, and in the back of your mind, you’re thinking “This is so phony. They are the couple, not us. We’ve barely been together even 1/10 as long as they have”, then your relationship does not feel legitimate to you. But, the fact he took you on a double date with a soon-to-be-engaged couple means that it is very much legitimate to him.

He invites you into his future:

Everyone, when they are giddy about somebody new, has big ideas. Ideas of travelling together. Ideas of taking sailing classes together. But, there is a difference between just thinking something up and putting it into action. If the guy you are seeing, asks you with confidence—without even a hint in his voice of reservations—to go on a trip with him in the slightly distant future, and your first thought is “sure, if we still like each other” then, this guy has made up his mind about you. But the reverse is not the same.

“I miss you”:

These words seem so harmless but, think about them: to miss someone means to notice their absence. To not be enjoying something fully because the other person is not there. To be aching to see someone again. To feel as if time has slowed down until you can be together again. If the two of you don’t start feeling that way at the same time, you’re not on the same page. If you get a text from him saying “I miss you,” and you draw a blank (you know the feeling), maybe you say “miss ya too!” you haven’t made as much emotional space in your life for this guy as he has for you yet.

He tells you about his victories immediately:

He signs a new client. He gets a promotion. He wins money in Vegas. He wants to call you and tell you instantly. You wait to mention big things in your life until you see him in person. You have become the person he wants to share things with. But you don’t feel the same.

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  • raptor45

    ….”you and him..”?? Did this “writer” ever sit through an English class?

  • Lilfe_fe

    NEWS FLASH!!!!  It goes both ways …..he’ll like you, you won’t like him AND there will be times when you like him and he won’t like you.  It’s not always going to be on and poppin. 

  • Thatgirlang

    I’m not into this story… We as women are always crying how the guys treat us wrong… So if you find a guy into you…. Then appreciate it. I would have liked it better had it focused on how to know you are great together….

  • jadefoxx225

    This article is so relatable. In my situation he is a very good guy and very sweet, but he did ALL of this in the same month after us being friends for 11 yrs.It literally came out of nowhere. I told him “Im sorry, but once your in the friend zone with me then thats where u stay”.I still feel bad, but it was like my brother asking me out.

  • GeeMoeNettie

    Jaustin! PLEASE take a grammar class!

  • FAMURattler85

    OOPS! i’ve got about 4 or 5 guys that do all of this right now! It seems like they get to that point overnight. How do I put an end to all of this without breaking hearts???

  • Dcarter910

    From the stand point of a man, this article is ON POINT 100% agree!!! Those are clear signs if a guy is really into you or not. As a matter of fact, reading it help me see just how much I am NOT in love with my current girlfriend.

  • nena

    It’s sad. This story IS THE STORY OF MY LIFE….. except i’m the girl who is like 20 steps ahead of the guy i like. Everything in this article applied to me….. I DO all of those things and realize he’s way behind me.

    • Dcarter910

      Im sorry, but I know exactly how you feel. Right now I am that guy that is way behind (not really in love). She knows it, but because I wont cheat on her regardless (which she knows), then she just ignores my lack of feelings for her. ANYWAY, like you I wish I could find someone with mutual feelings of love and affection.

      • Wuluwulu

         Why don’t both of you just go out and see if you hit it off, Nena already knows you are a monogamous man, and you already know Nena loves to take care of those she loves. Strike while the iron is hot.

        • ChigozieNdubuisiUzoma


        • ChigozieNdubuisiUzoma


  • MixedUpInVegas

    It is always nice when a man clearly demonstrates that he is into you.  Maybe he is just moving faster than you are; maybe he is needy; maybe he feels this relationship is something that has long term potential.

    Maybe you just haven’t given it that much thought; maybe you are more cautious about showing your interest and your heart; maybe you just don’t get that spark with him; maybe you are waiting to see if he has anything real to offer a relationship.

    Maybe . . . you two will meet in the middle sometime.

  • TJG

    Greeeeat. Every one of these are right on point in my current situation. 

  • Cher1ce

    The story of my life.  I’m never into guys as much as they’re into me!  SMH.  I wanna be the reverse of this like SOON! 

    • Guest

      It’s usually the ones that are into me that I’m not into and the ones I’m into that don’t feel the same way.

    • Sugar_Spice

      That was the same with me, then I met my husband & am now on the opposite end of this.

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