Signs You And Him Are Not On The Same Page

February 8, 2012  |  
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“Just make sure you’re not leading him on…” Ever have a friend say this to you and you’re thinking, “what is she talking about?” Sometimes, it’s not so easy to see when you’re not on the same page as someone. Especially when they are the one a few pages ahead of you—because they are the only one who feels that something is missing. Wondering if your man is waiting for you to catch up? Think about this:

What he texts you:

It seems harmless. A text pic of something funny he came across. A quote from a movie you watched on your last date. An anecdote about something that happened at his office today. You laugh, send a smiley face or an LOL in return. But, are you texting him the minutiae of your day? Or, are you just keeping it to the basics of organizing the next date? If so, then you’re much more on his mind that he is on yours. In fact, he probably isn’t dating anyone else if he is too busy looking for funny YouTube links to send you.

He tells you when he is bored:

If he is at a bar, party, dinner—whatever it may be—and is calling or texting you to let you know how boring it is, how annoying everyone there is, how he would much rather be watching a movie…he considers you not just some chick he is getting to know. You’re his “partner in crime.” He is already at a place of not being able to focus on and enjoy the moment if you’re not there. If you feel the same way—perfect. But, if you’re still 100% present at events you attend without him, and even if you are bored wouldn’t consider trying to use him as an escape, he is a few steps ahead of you.


Would he have invited you?:

You’re not in a relationship yet. You have your own life to live. You look forward to seeing him this weekend, but in the meantime you have some other engagements to attend—a friend’s going away party, a big sports game that your boss got you two tickets to—that you happily attend with a friend. BUT, ask yourself this: would the guy you’re seeing have invited you as his plus one to these events? In fact, has he pretty much already been bringing you along to everything he does? Does it seem like any events passed that he went to without you? If not, he is envisioning you as his plus one all the time. And he may be wondering, “why didn’t she invite me?” as you send him a pic from the Laker’s game.

Double dates:

If he takes you out with two friends of his who have been a couple for a long time, and in the back of your mind, you’re thinking “This is so phony. They are the couple, not us. We’ve barely been together even 1/10 as long as they have”, then your relationship does not feel legitimate to you. But, the fact he took you on a double date with a soon-to-be-engaged couple means that it is very much legitimate to him.

He invites you into his future:

Everyone, when they are giddy about somebody new, has big ideas. Ideas of travelling together. Ideas of taking sailing classes together. But, there is a difference between just thinking something up and putting it into action. If the guy you are seeing, asks you with confidence—without even a hint in his voice of reservations—to go on a trip with him in the slightly distant future, and your first thought is “sure, if we still like each other” then, this guy has made up his mind about you. But the reverse is not the same.

“I miss you”:

These words seem so harmless but, think about them: to miss someone means to notice their absence. To not be enjoying something fully because the other person is not there. To be aching to see someone again. To feel as if time has slowed down until you can be together again. If the two of you don’t start feeling that way at the same time, you’re not on the same page. If you get a text from him saying “I miss you,” and you draw a blank (you know the feeling), maybe you say “miss ya too!” you haven’t made as much emotional space in your life for this guy as he has for you yet.

He tells you about his victories immediately:

He signs a new client. He gets a promotion. He wins money in Vegas. He wants to call you and tell you instantly. You wait to mention big things in your life until you see him in person. You have become the person he wants to share things with. But you don’t feel the same.

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