Singles Say Give Me Love, Keep the Marriage

22 comments
February 7, 2012 ‐ By

For singles in America, if you like it you don’t necessarily have to put a ring on it anymore. Results of Match.com’s second annual Singles in America survey show nearly two-thirds of singles are unsure about getting married in the future.

A decent portion of Americans over the age of 21 still want to jump the broom some day—about 34.5%—but another 27% say no thanks to exchanging vows, and the remaining 38.5% say they’re uncertain about the whole thing. Of the 5,541 single adults included in the survey, 90.5% are heterosexual; 56.5%  have never married, 30.9% are divorced, 10.2% are widowed, and 2.4% separated.

Marriage has been on the decline for several decades now, so the finding isn’t totally surprising. About 21.3% said they don’t have time to be with someone or they prefer to be alone, and only 12.7% are actively seeking a relationship. Nearly half (46.8%) say they are not actively looking for a relationship but if they met the right person they would consider it; 16.9% are dating someone; and another 2.2% like to keep their options open.

Bella DePaulo, a visiting professor of psychology at the University of California-Santa Barbara, who wasn’t involved with the study but researches singles, says the findings show staying single is actually an option that many embrace—despite the “woe is the single woman” banter that’s constantly thrown around.

“It smashes probably the most pervasive myth about single people is that what they want most is to escape being single,” she says. “These numbers are in the context of a society that still greatly glorifies marriage.”

What would be great is if when people saw these results they would realize they apply to black women too and they’ll stop trying to figure out how to get us married. As the findings show, we’re not all drying to cross the threshold like yesterday.

Are you in the uncertain/don’t want to get married category or are you still hoping to walk down the aisle?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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  • Jasondrvmz

    Marriage is a waste of time and money, they can keep that. Plus when kids come into the mix then u get stuck in it. I’m never getting married… #TeamNoMarriage #TeamNoKids

  • MixedUpInVegas

    Being married has been one of the most beautiful things in my life.  I’ve been married twice, widowed once anad both marriages have been peaceful, loving, fun and fulfilling.  Maybe because my first marriage was so long before my husband’s passing, the single life wasn’t the best time in my life.  The positive was that I learned to rely on myself and make all my own decisions.  Dating was kind of a downer, but I did meet some interesting people including my second husband.

    All I can say is I’m grateful for the legal protections marriage has afforded me; I have more now than I would ever have been able to acquire on my own, and have financial security and a roof of my own over my head.  Both my husbands helped me grow intellectually and professionally beyond what I could have accomplished on my own; their love and support gave me strength and showed me the way.

    For those reasons, marriage was worthwhile for me.  If a woman cannot see herself benefitting from it, then of course there is little reason to do it.

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  • http://www.bednp.com/ D&PCartel http://www.bednp.com

    If I have the opportunity to build a memorable, fulfilling life with someone year after year, especially decade after decade, why would I not want to be biblically, publically, and lawfully wedded to them? It just doesn’t make sense to me.

    It always sounds like fear of failure holds people back from marriage so they settle for good enough to be with but not worth the risk of ultimate commitment.

    Vermel Kinmon

  • Pivyque

    Well, I think it depends on the person. I never dreamed about love and marriage as a young girl, so I never had the desire to do it. The only reason I can think of to get married is for the legal benefits. Unless the person has a living will that you can be put into…but if my husband somehow goes into a coma, I want to be the one to say whether or not he gets taken off life support. 

  • Missus

    Marriage is beautiful. Well, at least my marriage is. It takes work to keep it that way. To be married is to say, “I agree to forever. I agree you are the best one for me. I agree you are God’s choice for me. I agree that I am God’s choice for you. I agree that together, we will conquer the world. Or at least our world.” You can say that to anyone while in a exclusive relationship, sure, but there’s something about taking vows and COMMITTING to it, before witnesses, that just sets this union above any other relationship I’ve ever had. And it helps that as long as we both shall live we will fight to make this the last relationship we will ever have. Marriage is easy to discount when no one takes it seriously. But if you take your own marriage important, it can be one of the best things you’ve ever experienced and the biggest catalyst for individual growth. Don’t write it off singles.

    • Mz_chocolatina

      And now the choir may sing. . . . Well said girl!

  • Livinglife

    I truly believe that for black women, if so many are happy and want to remain single even after motherhood then they shouldnt worry about black men dating outside of their race.  Bw are choosing to be single and not have legitimate fathers for their children; therefore, they shouldnt come on this site and complain about IR marriage.

  • Whenwherehow

    I love being married. 

      

    • Phoenix Reign

      Okk!! I know I have a long journey ahead of me (only been married for 6 months) but my husband and I dated on and off for 8 years, the birth of our first child together just made the marriage more happier for me. Having two kids out of wedlock already I can tell the connection my baby boy has with my husband and the disconnect my oldest boy has with his father. My daughter is the middle kid and ironically, her dad/daughter relationship is neutral. But I listen to the frustration from my single sister and single friends and I always say “thank god I’m married” because the horror stories I hear from them….I don’t miss the single life at all. And then mind screwing yourself into thinking holidays and trips can be just as fun alone than with someone?! PUH-LEASE!!! I tried that “fun things singles can do around v-day, x-mas and so on” and it’s not as fun alone than being with someone else BUT then again……I never got off masturbating anyway LOL. So I can’t comprehend “fun with myself”.

      • Doesntmatter

        I never traveled by myself but I have with friends.  Traveling with my husband is so much more fun and of course romantic.  We have a son together and I have to say, it’s rewarding to have a partner by my side.

        I think if a person choses not to marry, that’s their thing.  But to use the divorce rate in this country as a reason is ridiculous.  It’s funny how people will look at divorce rates, but wont look at OOW rates.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000122401714 Rashaan Independent-Queen Dram

    Like the title say : Give me love, keep the marriage!

  • ieshapatterson

    lol and i wonder why.a lot of people,see how marriages work today and are quick to shy away from it.some people get married(even thought,they know the person their marrying isn’t ready to commit)and end up getting a divorce,so they try to avoid getting hitched the next time around.some people know marriage is something that they cannot handle,so they don’t do it.ever.other’s use experiences from family,friends and even celebrities on why they shouldn’t get marry.and some people are just afraid and assume the worse.because of this people,throw up their hands and say the union of marriage is a joke.me personally,i want to get married,but i’m going to do it when i’m ready.

  • Quiet As Kept

    Marriage is certainly not at the top of my list, simply because I know what it takes to maintain a relationship and to keep two people moving in the same direction is extremely hard. However, I do believe in marriage particularly when children come in to play. I’m not going to be playing house and have children with someone without being married. If something happens to that man, the children and I would not be entitled to anything — it would go to his mother or something. Marriage is important in that respect to protect the family. So I’m cool with being a serial dater for now.

    • Slapboxxboy

      No the kids still get what they are entitled to, the woman just don’t get nothing. but men don’t get anything out of marriage.. Only woman benefit.. enless you are a man who lives off a woman.

      • Rachael

        Actually studies show the direct opposite. Women may or may not benefit financially while a man benefits emotionally and physically. Studies show that when women get divorced they tend to lead happier and healthier lives, while men tend to slip into depression and their health usually worsens.
        ***
        God created Eve so that Adam wouldn’t be alone. He created Eve to be Adams “help-mate” not vice versa. 

  • Toya Sharee

    I would like to get married one day, but I do think there many folks who believe marriage itself will work miracles that it can’t.  Marriage doesn’t save an already sucky relationship and make it instantly work, it doesn’t guarantee your partner won’t cheat, it won’t protect you from STI’s.  I don’t want to get married just to say I have a “husband” or a ring, but I would like to make it official legally with a man I know loves, cares for and respects me.  A lot of women become someone’s wife and believe they have a license to act brand new and change what was working or believe that it will create something that never existed. It’s not marriage itself but people’s twisted attitudes about what it accomplishes.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003085266535 Courtney Small

    I agree. Besides all the legal benefits of marriage, what’s the point. How can I love a man more the day after the wedding then the day before the wedding. Marriage isn’t the end all and be all of all relationships. Society esp  makes marriage to seem like a finish line of sorts. Like a relationship doesn’t count unless you’re married. Now there is nothing wrong with marriage in itself, but with the divorce rate the way it is, it doesn’t seem like its all cracked up to be. 

  • Prissy

    I’m starting to agree with this. As Blacks we have rejected everything the “man” has put upon us except for marriage and religion (their interpretations of it rather). What’s the purpose of a title? It doesn’t mean much to me . 

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