Ask A Very Smart Brotha Live: A*sholes & Disappearing Acts

February 1st, 2012 - By madamenoire

We did it again!b  Damon Young (aka The Champ) of Very Smart Brothas hosted his second live chat on our Facebook page.  For an hour, The Champ answered a gang of questions about love and relationships from our Facebook friends. You know it was a lively discussion. Check out some of the questions and answers below.

Iris: I have a question! I’ve been separated from my kids’ father for 6 years. He was very controlling & abusive til I finally left his a*s after 10 years. Anyway he bad mouths me to my kids & everyone else around him constantly. He still absolutely HATES me! My question is why would any man stay angry for so damn long & not just get over it & why would his new wife allow him to keep talking about me (his ex) so much???

Damon Young: He’s doing it because he’s an a**hole. And, if life has taught me anything, it’s that it is a waste of time to try and understand why a**holes are a**holes.

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  • The Rain

    Those older guys appreciate a woman that takes care of herself.If you want to get in a serious relationship you want to stay out of bars and clubs and get yourself a hobby and do some volunteer work.Those old cats are not preying on you,they just dig you.I am 51 and I like grown women from 21 to 73 if they carry themselves like ladies and take care of their bodies.

  • Stopit

    Women: Stop getting pregnant by men you are not married to
    Men:      Stop getting women pregnant that you are not married to
    People:  Stop having relations without 2 forms of protection both a barrier and a chemical protection

  • Pivyque

    SUZIE.. that is his child too. If he is there for the child, why can’t it have his last name? Just because he is not doing anything for you doesn’t have anything to do with the child. You should separate your relationship with him from the baby’s relationship. If my husband and I had a kid before we were married, I would have given it his last name because he loves his child to pieces.

    • You all lying to yourself

      exactly. Separate your relationship with him from the baby’s relationship. And give the baby YOUR name, not his. Because, after all, as some of you so acutely stated, it doesn’t really matter. So why should he bother?

  • tastythoughts

    Cheryl: Damon..Why would a man who is your lover, but not interested in a serious relationship be interested in how you view him as a sex toy or not? Isn’t that what he wants?
    D.Y. Sounds like he’s been listening to too much Drake.

    AND I DIE NOW

  • tastythoughts

    Cheryl: Damon..Why would a man who is your lover, but not interested in a serious relationship be interested in how you view him as a sex toy or not? Isn’t that what he wants?
    D.Y. Sounds like he’s been listening to too much Drake.

    AND I DIE NOW

  • Crazyeddie

    I think D.Y. was telling her to move on without him.  Not to keep the baby from him.  And why give the child the father’s last name?  So the child can have a different name than mommy?  So mom and sibling will be in house with a different nams than this chil?  Not cool.  If he wants the child to have his last name then they should marry.  Women stop selling yourself short.  And if he is having cold feet making a committment now, why assume he will be a shining star in the future.  Have we not learned from the other unfortunate baby mamas scattered around our community?

    • Crazyeddie

      @ Dee  ^^^^

    • Crazyeddie

      @ Dee  ^^^^

    • Tee

      What’s wrong with having different last names?? My name is different than my mothers and I grew up that way and no it was not because she had me out if wedlock, she married, divorced and re married so her last name was different. That had no bearing on anything. I also know plenty of married women whose names don’t match their kids because they kept their names and gave the kids their husband’s. It doesn’t mean anything if the names are different. Its also the reason why we have ex wives running around with their ex husbands last name out of fear of being judged because the names don’t match. Who gives a damn……..

      • Crazyeddie

        Why are women so willing to give your child your boyfriend’s or ex boyfriend’s last name?  He cant even honor you enough to give you his last name, but you’re so quick to give his last name to your child. 

  • Crazyeddie

    I think D.Y. was telling her to move on without him.  Not to keep the baby from him.  And why give the child the father’s last name?  So the child can have a different name than mommy?  So mom and sibling will be in house with a different nams than this chil?  Not cool.  If he wants the child to have his last name then they should marry.  Women stop selling yourself short.  And if he is having cold feet making a committment now, why assume he will be a shining star in the future.  Have we not learned from the other unfortunate baby mamas scattered around our community?

  • Dee

    I completely disagree with your advice to Suzie ; if he is willing to take responsibility for the child and is there financially , physically and emotionally for the child then why should she cut him out the child’s life and why shouldn’t the child bear his last name ?? That’s some bs advice you gave her … His relationship with his child and his relationship with her are two completely different relationships two different kind of love…

  • Dee

    I completely disagree with your advice to Suzie ; if he is willing to take responsibility for the child and is there financially , physically and emotionally for the child then why should she cut him out the child’s life and why shouldn’t the child bear his last name ?? That’s some bs advice you gave her … His relationship with his child and his relationship with her are two completely different relationships two different kind of love…

    • Pivyque

      Thank you!

    • Tee

      Indeed it also helps to establish paternity so not a wise choice in the event he doesn’t do what he is supposed to and need yo go after support. First thing judge is going to ask why does his child have ur last name. I didn’t give my child her father last name but its because my last name ends with me. My dad has no boys and no other children and it was more important to keep my dads legacy than to keep her fathers going.

  • payback

    I’m going to take a Time-Out from the A**hole lover that I have in my life.  He is: Aspergers, Narcissist, Sadist, Sex-Addict.  I actually had the PLEASURE of making him so angry yesterday, that as he talked to me about it on the phone he was SPITTING his words!  Hilarious and I’m still laughing.  I am tickled pink to have caused him hours of discomfort and anger.  I’m going out tonight, and honestly, I really might drop my A-guy completely…this time.

    • Idiot

      No you won’t.  The fact that you haven’t dropped such a complete loser a long long time ago means that you’re likely to stay.  I have plenty of friends who talk big and then get lonely and go running back.

  • Sugar_Spice

    I’ve experienced the same thing as Natalie (my husband has a close friend that I know)  & at times I’ve worried if they can develop emotional feelings for each other. I’ve always had people around me, especially men, tell me that my husband shouldn’t have female friends & blah blah blah.  I agree with the champ, all you can do is express your concerns & be honest.

  • ToniR

    Shonreh…wrong answer. If the cat went Ghost for 3 weeks. Leave him alone. Dont worry about why he is not returning your calls.

    Suzie…never give a child the father’s name unless it’s your last name.  In other words, if you are not married to him, it shouldnt even be considered.
     
     

    • sweetie

      @Shonreh exactly…forget about him, a man that really wants to be with you won’t just go MIA and pull that kind of sh#t , oh and LMAO at hiding under one of Rick Ross’s breast

    • YeahIWentThereCuzICan

      Tonir…..wrong answer. I was not married at the time I gave birth to my children, but you can bet your Sweet Brown Dandies that they were issued their father’s last name. They need to know who placed them in my womb. It will make easier the day when they are grown up…..to either Thank him or Cuss him out—depending on how they Represent. It’s Plantation Mentality to not legally, financially, and morally insist on accountability from a man who impregnates a woman—-whether or not he and that woman will be in a committed, romantic relationship. SUZIE: DON’T PAY TONIR NO NEVERMIND NOW!

    • FromUR2UB

      Please explain for me what giving the child its father’s last name, has to do with the mother’s relationship with the man?  He was good enough for a knockup outside of marriage, so why start worrying about proper etiquette now?

      For Rhonda: because some old guys run after young women.  It makes them feel like they’ve still got it or something.  I seriously doubt that they’re thinking, “There’s a very professional looking young woman…” because if you look your age, they know you’re a young thang.