Dating Advice Not To Take

February 2, 2012  |  
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They mean well. Your parents. Your friends. Your favorite bloggers. But, there is just some advice that comes with a larger con than pro. Like these:

Wait to sleep with him

I’m not saying jump into bed with a guy on the first date, or even the fifth date. However, some girls follow rules like waiting three months to sleep with a man, even when they are dating exclusively. But, look at it this way: it would be a major bummer to become extremely attached to this man only to discover that you are so sexually not compatible.

Slow down

Some people believe in “spacing things out.” They will say you’re nuts if you hang out with a new guy two nights in a row. But, if you both feel like seeing each other two nights in a row, that’s a great thing! If the attraction is there, it’s there. And it’s not going to die because you hang out too much, too soon. Also, let’s face it: if you force yourself to be apart for a few days at a time, you’re just going to text and call each other throughout those days anyways.

Play it cool

Don’t shamelessly chase a guy, but don’t not respond to sweet texts he sends you. Don’t tell him you’re “busy” and can’t go out with him just to make him miss you when in reality, you’re totally free that night. Usually, this just backfires and he thinks you’re not into him. Look: if he put it out there—the cute text, the dinner invite—it’s safe to reciprocate. You won’t come off as desperate.


Don’t get too personal

Everybody’s got issues. Everyone has some drama in their family, something traumatic that happened to them as a child, or even a more immediate problem happening right now. But, talking about those issues doesn’t make you crazy. It’s how you talk about them that makes you crazy or not. If you have a handle on a situation—say some drama in your family—and you’re able to make fun of the situation, feel free to bring it up on the date! You don’t need to stay away from all “taboo” subjects. It’s only if you are still emotional or noticeably angry about certain situations that you shouldn’t bring those up.

Don’t drink on a first date

Why are you told this? Because you’re not supposed to let your guard down. You’re not supposed to share super intimate, possibly weird things about yourself. You’re not supposed to let your quirks show. Well, guess what: if it just takes a drink or two to make those things come out, they were going to come out anyways. Staying 100% sober on a date is for people who have no self-control, sober or not sober. If you have self-control, have a drink or two. It will help you open and loosen up. But if you’re nuts, you’re nuts, and staying sober isn’t going to change that.

Don’t wait

Don’t let people scare you just because a guy takes three or four days to call you again for a date by saying, “Oooh, that’s a long time! Don’t say yes to a second date.” Some people are just busy. Some guys can only focus on one thing at a time, and if their work week got crazy, they aren’t going to even think of anything social until that crazy week is over. More than a week of no calls is a bad sign. But a few days without a text or a call is no big deal in the beginning stages of dating.


If he doesn’t make a move, he doesn’t like you

Some guys are just respectful. Give them the go-ahead—kiss them first, make the first sexual advance—and they’ll never require another little push again. They will take the lead from there. But some men really want to be respectful of women—they never want them to feel forced into something—so they wait until the last possible second to make a move. They need a lot of reassurance to make that first move. So, either make it for them or wait.


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  • Dating is very tough according to me.Because it is very difficult to find someone who has the same beliefs and likes i think it is very difficult to find such a person.

  • I don’t care what anyone says..the waiting thing is not always a promise. I’m not saying “don’t wait” I’m just saying, if the chemistry is there then be an adult and handle the situation as an adult. Just be prepared for what’s going to come next. Love Jones the movie, although fictional characters, was a realistic situation.

    I know couples that have slept with one another in 5 days and have been married for 17 years. It depends on the personality of the person you are getting involved with. My best advice for couples is to keep others out of your relationship. When people begin talking in your ear, sometimes we actually listen and get to thinking. Once we get to thinking, that’s a bad thing.

  • MixedUpInVegas

    It seemed to me this article was simply saying hard and fast rules are not necessary in dating.  Every couple is different, and each man you date is different.  The point is to adapt the “rules” to fit the circumstances.

    As far as sex is concerned, obviously every woman should have her birth control together and use protection as well.  Even if I could see myself with a man as a life partner, I wouldn’t want marry him because of a pregnancy.

  • zina

    waiting is the key. you weed out the the nasties. but if you can’t wait then  enjoy and protact yourselves.

  • FromUR2UB

    Uh…actually you don’t drink on a first date, especially if you don’t know when to stop, in case the person you’re getting to know is a sleazeball and takes advantage of your tipsiness.  Drinking makes a person vulnerable to all kinds of things, so you don’t do it around someone you don’t know.

  • Ms_Sunshine9898

    Telling people not to wait is foolish. Not waiting is the reason the black community has no many issues with unplanned pregnancies, relationship dramas, and multiple baby mamas/daddies. If a man truly cares about a woman he’ll wait until she is ready. Dating someone for 3 months is not the reason to sleep with them just because. Personally, if I couldn’t see myself spending my life with the person in the event of an unplanned pregnancy I would likely sleep with then it isn’t worth it. . . .

  • SweetLady

    You want DATING ADVICE??? Do the EXACT OPPOSITE of what the bull$hit article says. SMH, who write this mess?? I’m am sad for any women/man who might actually read this and think it’s the truth!

  • Cl2623

    This is not a very good article. This article is bad advice for women. Lately, the Love and Marriage articles coming from this site is just plain ignorant.

  • Gmarie

    if you’re the type of woman who cannot hold her liquor, and I’m talkin tipsy after 1 MOJITO -definitely do not drink on the first date. Each individual knows their limits, no need to cave in to seem “relaxed” or normal”

  • itiswhatitis

    First of all this article is utter and complete Bullshit!
    Imagine the nonsense advice of not waiting to have sex..  why dont you just say what you mean come join the mindless set of drones that are single parents, base their self worth on sex and hello STDS

  • Martini

    Dont take advice from lonely women and single mothers with multiple kids with multiple fathers.

    Yes, you should wait.  In a world of STDs why rush sleeping with men you barely know.  Even if you are 100% all the time use condoms.  Take your time and wait.

    Casually date multiple men at a time (without sex).  Dont get stuck on one person until it’s exclusive.

    Dont date deadbeats.  He should have character, a history you can verify, no jailbirds.

  • Liish

    The sex thing is not for everybody. Some people need to wait, especially if they have a history of bad behavior of sleep with all the wrong men as soon as possible. The fact is, you won’t always be taken seriously if you jump into bed too soon, then what?

    • Pahleeze

      I dont think they mean…”Hi whats your name…well was it good for you?” What they are translating is have sex when you are “ready” to period.

  • Pahleeze


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