Chile, Please: 8 Signs YOU’RE Not a “Grown A** Woman”

January 27, 2012  |  
1 of 8

Now that it has been fully established by yours truly what doesn’t make a guy a “grown a** man,” I think it’s time we put the shoe on the other foot–or make that the stiletto on the other foot. I told you guys yesterday that I was going to give a backhanded shout out to the women I’ve seen out on the streets claiming to be grown but behaving less like their age and more like their shoe size (Heeey Prince!). We all have our less than pristine days where we come back in the house knowing we acted a fool, but if that’s your everyday, then this list was written for you, boo boo.

You’re Still Trying to Fight Folks

Who doesn’t go somewhere from time to time, have a run in with an immature chick and want to backhand them for talking and looking at you crazy? Been there, but I haven’t done that. Just because someone tests your nerves or is feeling froggy doesn’t mean you have to always be ready to jump. And don’t try and bring your girls into the messy mix when things go bad, because your drama, especially the kind that involves reckless violence, should involve and be handled by you and no one else. However, if someone makes the dumb decision to put their hands on you for no reason…well, a “lady” has to do what she’s got to do. But otherwise, be the bigger person and walk away from foolishness and a black eye that can be avoided.

You Keep Going for the SAME Kind of No-Good Dude

It’s crazy how folks don’t want to listen to the people who have their best interests at heart when it comes to no-good men, but they want you to listen to them when they come around crying all the damn time about him. And while you might think it’s cute to go on your Facebook rants about how “You ‘aint worried about him,” and that “I”M DOING ME!” you find yourself back with that fool, or a guy that’s his prototype: he doesn’t treat you right, he’s low-key cheating–he’s pretty much the guy from our NOT a “grown a** man” list. If you keep falling for the same kind of guy or the same kind of foolishness, then you’re no longer falling, but you’re voluntarily walking into a disaster. Do better.

Your Temper is on Level 100

So somebody stepped on your foot on accident, or took the seat you wanted on the train. Sucks right? You can be a bit pissy about it, but if you go on psycho mode immediately and have a response that’s filled with rage and foolishness, it’s clear you’re a big ‘ol crybaby having a temper tantrum. Like the woman with a stroller who had a seat taken from her that she wanted and decided to curse and pepper spray said seat-taker (then fought while the stroller rolled OUT of the train) this type of lady gets bent out of shape over the most inconsequential stuff and can end up messing up everybody’s day. Get a grip, some anger management and grow up already. Life’s going to get hard, but there’s no need to have a Mo’Nique in Precious type of response to everything.

You Spend Money On Things You Don’t Need and Wonder Why You’re Broke

I know this chick can’t wait to get her income tax return. She’s going to lose her ever-loving mind. The reckless spender buys a new pair of shoes or a bag just because, but puts it on the credit card that’s almost at it’s max while making minimum payments every month. We all want to ball until we fall, but not everyone has it like that. Start jazzing up what’s in your closet and doing your own personal maintenance and stop looking for an excuse to buy a new dress, the most expensive hair, to get your nails done every other week and to cop knockoff designer bags from the dude ripping you off on Canal Street. Treat yourself occasionally dear, not daily.

You Drop Your Kids Off With Other People Regularly

I think I’ve noted this in a story or two before, but it never hurts to break it down further. While there are a great deal of women out there who skip the clubs and all the big fun to stay in and be with their kiddies, there are too many people who don’t. Just because you had a child doesn’t automatically make you grown, especially when your mother, your sister, your aunt and everyone but you is seeing them, feeding them and more. And please don’t be one of those women that passes your child to other people on the regular so you can go everywhere but to work, but because you’re not getting along with the child’s father, he’s the one person not allowed to see the kid. That’s not cool and that’s not grown up behavior.

You’re Still Getting Caught Up in the Group or Mob Mentality

If you’re out of college by now and still can’t seem to think for yourself, you’re not a grown a** woman. You can’t be. Not with that crew of obnoxiously loud chicks on the train cackling about the guy you dissed yesterday in surround sound. This also goes for the gal that gets with her friends and talks dirty about people she doesn’t know because that’s what her girlfriends are doing: “Girl, look at her hair!” If you were still in high school trying to get to third period before the bell sounded it might be understandable, but you’re too grown to be disrupting peace and quiet and then saying, “Girl, I don’t care!” Mature. Real mature.

You Deal With Things in a Passive Aggressive Manner

It’s okay to be mad about something and to let your feelings be known in a calm manner. By all means girl, go ahead. But the problem is when you express your feelings about something that happened so long ago, you can barely remember the details–and neither can the person you’re peeved at. You got beef? It’s always the best idea to let someone know immediately that they hurt your feelings or did you wrong. Wait too long to open your mouth about it and you come off petty, and sadly, you probably won’t get any sympathy for that ish that happened like five years ago.

Your Focus When It Comes to Dating Is Based Around What Someone Else Has

If someone asks this chick what she’s looking for in a man, money seems to be the root of all her answers. He needs to have this, she needs to be well taken care of of, blah, blah, blah. Money is great, but if you’re quick to diss or won’t date a guy who can’t take baths in money because he had to pay bills and is trying to make it just like you, then that’s a mess. You should want a man who is financially stable or at least on his way to being that way, but does he really have to be rolling in cash for you to give a guy the time of day? We are all entitled to our preferences, but if a man’s shoes send the “broke” signal to your brain and you diss him immediately–that’s not fair. Get your own money, honey!




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  • CF Sista

    Sad that I have to write this, but my co-workers are women who are in their 40s, 50s, and even 60s and almost all of them act like little girls in high school. Gossiping, talking about other co-workers, and doing things that could get them fired. I have one co-worker who doesn’t even know me (I just started working there a few months ago), and she ignores me like I don’t exist, but she will speak to everyone else around us. I said “Good morning” to her one time when I was coming into work, and it was just me and she in the office. She turned around and gave me the nastiest look, as if to say, “I know you didn’t just fix your mouth to speak to me!” Something is obviously off with her. How can you hate and/or disrespect someone you don’t even know and has never done anything to you? I say nothing to her. I just shake my head and press on. It’s scary that I sometimes feel like I’m one of the most mature people who work in my office. Again, not all of the women act like that, but about 95% of them do!

  • Dsmoove

    The percentages of people being grown is so low cause of the type of society we live in (Capitalistic) i.e. C.R.E.A.M cash rules ya dig.  This compromises general growth mentally.  Things we place value in are skewed toward not growing up Peter Pan syndrome.  Until this sentiment change you will always be able to write these type of articles.  

  • TT

    lol funny all the non–bbw’s and reality show harlots are not grown then

  • Pingback: CHILE, PLEASE: 8 SIGNS YOU’RE NOT A “GROWN A** WOMAN” | - Z 107.9 Cleveland's Home for Hip-Hop()

  • The second one I don’t agree with. Maybe some women just don’t do well in that area. Doesn’t mean you are not grown.  #3 They need anger management wow. #4 sounds like you just need addiction counseling.

  • Teefah

    sounds entirely like the casts of the real housewives, basketball wives franchises.

  • TheJuggernautLD

    Yes, he MUST have more money than I know what to do with. I have been the hopeless romantic thinking that “we can grow together” as have some of you. WRONG, if you are going to entertain a relationship with someone you have to be willing to accept them the way they are at that moment and not hold your breath waiting to see if they’d change. . Bottom line is it”s smarter to align yourself with people that can provide the tools you need to succeed rather than attach yourself to someone who cant help you fulfill your true potential. Call me what you want, just make sure you call me : )    

  • This applies to my sister expect all the dudes she deals with a lame, bummy, fools. 

  • Pingback: Chile, Please: 8 Signs YOU’RE Not a “Grown A** Woman” | - Z 107.9 Cleveland's Home for Hip-Hop()



  • I like the last one, #8.  Finally it’s calling out women that they’re not grown a** women when money is the root just get to talk to them.  For those who disagree, how is that working for you so far?  Guaranteed, that women have rejected off the bat some real good men because they don’t live up to these women’s standards (money).  Serves them right.

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  • Pingback: You Are NOT a “Grown A** Woman” « Relationship Voice()

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  • Goddess8281

    On point

  • Anon

    I’m calling myself out, #7 is all me.

    • Anon

      But is someone hurt me years ago, and i never said anything and still hold that grudge, and/or feel that they’ll do it again, I’ve learned that it’s best remove them out of your life. Make it clear that they aren’t welcomed. But if/when they ask why, that gives you the opportunity to inform them, whether they think you should have gotten over it or not, they know now. Let’s move on – get away from me.

  • MixedUpInVegas

    Some of these things go beyond being “grown.”  They have more to do with commonly recognized civilized behavior.  Getting into physical altercations, particularly in public, is a criminal act and can land you in jail and/or get you sued.  Acting crazy in a public place can land you in the state mental hospital–worse than jail because then only a judge can let you out.

    Aside from looking like a fool or a lunatic, some of these behaviors have real, expensive and lasting consequences; you can lose your job, your kids, a lot of your money or your freedom.  Anyone who doesn’t recognize these consequences in advance isn’t just not “grown;” they are not fully connected to reality.

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  • FromUR2UB

    I sure wish you could give someone a black eye every once in a while.  There are some folks who make me want to pound them in the face sometimes.  Just yesterday, I envisioned myself punching a co-worker in her face with the heel of my hand.  Mmmmmwwwwwahahahahaha!!

  • Precious

    I deal with things in a passive aggressive manner, and I
    do so because I don’t like confrontation so I just let things slide. But sadly
    I’ve learned that if someone offends you once, it’s likely to happen again and against
    so I’ve learned not to tolerate foolishness and shut people out at the first
    sign of it! Then I bump into them some time later and they ask me why, then I always
    appear passive aggressive but I’ve become ok with that! I spend money on things
    I don’t need and wonder why I’m broke because I have no kids!

    • Girliusmaximus

       At least you’re honest about it…

  • Lyndon

    Drop their kids off with random ppl… Wow. I’ve known many single mothers that did this. And don’t try to tell em any different b/c they know better. This type of negligence sends the wrong message to kids and can lead to your child being in the wrong “man’s” hands. Call it judging, whatever, the stakes are too high and the consequences too severe not to speak up.

  • Nees

    By these standards no one will ever be grown, so I’ll have to disagree because everyone slips up, if you’ve done wrong and can admit your mistakes that’s grown.

  • JustAshley

    I guess I’m grown then because I don’t indulge in this kind of nonsense and I don’t deal with people who do. I would think that after a certain age, people would get a grip and grow up but yeah….I’ve seen this behaviour in many women on a regular basis. Its really frustrating when its in your family. 

  • bre

    I hate broke men…..therefore, I keep it moving…..i hate having to pay eveything. Men, especially blk men always wanting someone to take care of their stanky azz….then wanna talk ish on the side….ima grown azz women and aint never messing wit no broke man.

    • freebee33

      Relevance? lol Fyi, a grown woman, does not have to say that they are a grown woman…

      • NicciNic

        Truth if I ever heard it.

  • I run a website and I’m a journalist and my site isn’t doing that great, but this one is and it pisses me off because in this post I saw a mistake. A BIG one. Passive aggressive doesn’t mean waiting to express your anger later way after it happened, it means something is bothering you and you are letting it slide in that moment whether it be with sliight sarcasm, the silent treatment, ignoring phone calls. stuff like that. Now, if you choose to do nothing at all then that’s just being passive. And these are the people who get the chance to host successful blogs. I guess I am being a bit of a hater, but whateve’s lol 

    • Nik

      I was wondering if someone was going to catch that. I was thinking that is NOT the definition of passive agressive!

      • iri

        it wasn’t the definition of passive aggressive, but it was describing something that happens as a result of past passive aggressive behavior…

    • freebee33

      I had to skip over that page, because it obviously didn’t make any sense lol good catch

    • MNEditor2

      You had me scared for a second the way you said “BIG.” I think we can agree to disagree because there are different ways you can look at passive aggressiveness. I think I always looked at being passive aggressive as yes, you have a problem, but you don’t say anything about it. Yes, you might pretend everything is all good, then, like you said, you might start calling less, you might just act funny in general. It can also be shown in writing a note to someone or telling someone else how you feel instead of talking, as well as being defiant. It’s just about not being direct and clear about your issue when you’re clearly mad. However, the example I used details the end result of all that passive aggressiveness. She’s confronted about what her problem is and then brings up the oldest of the old stuff (because she kept it inside), and when they finally say something about it, they’re playing the victim. I don’t think that’s a big mistake, I just think it’s a difference in opinion.
      To each their own though, and good luck to you with your blog. You don’t have to diss us, feel free to link to it. That might help.

      • Oh I see. It wasn’t really clear in the post. And I wasn’t dissin’ you guys. I love this blog 🙂

  • Sophia

    I agree with them all except the last one because it comes down to preference just like guys will only date women who look ‘good’, women in general want someone who can take care of them financially even if she has her own or else the man can begin to feel ’emasculated’ and the woman may start to feel like the boss

  • RedButterfly81

    OMG, this list is so true, even though I’ve been guilty of 2 things on here (#4 and #2). But know I’m a mom now and I have to be a better role model for my daughter. I let the club life go before I got pregnant, I hate it when other females are being stank acting and loud as if that’s the definition of a strong woman when really it’s not. I might have bipolar, but I know how to conduct myself in public.

  • Qrobinson

    So true… so so true

  • Reeesyy

    This is so true,I know alot of “girls” who act like this and this type of behavior is why I have a very very small circle of girlfriends.

    • So true, the older you get, the less friends you have.

  • IllyPhilly

    Sounds like the whole cast of Love and Hip Hop, half the ladies in hoods and burbs across the country, and at least 25 books including Waiting To Exhale. As I’ve said before nobody’s grown!!

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    • Mstiffany88

      Lol I agree, there are too many women claiming to be “grown” but behaive like children. I really like the last point. Any woman who only dates a man because of his financial status is admitting without saying it that she isn’t responsible enough to take care of herself. Good job to the author of this one.

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