Want Kids? See What Mothers Wish They Knew Before Starting A Family…

January 28th, 2012 - By Christelyn Karazin

I love being a mom–it’s absolutely one of the best things in my life. I have four, with age ranges from 14 and 2 years-old. My kids are hilarious, and so happy and optimistic about life and that makes me look at my own life anew. However there is a flipside: They are a lot of work. It’s impossible to be lazy if you’re going to do this whole parent thing well enough so that your kids won’t need a psychiatrist in adulthood. Gosh. I wish someone would have told me a few things about having kids before I started popping them out, such as…

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  • RoeMadisynn

    I’m 23, no kids, in college & work 2 jobs, have my own spot & I’m the only one of my friends who does no have kids & is not preggo. They are all baby mommas, broke,miserable & on welfare…but down me for not being in their position. I’m good…Degree, Career, Marraige, Home….and then babies ;-)

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  • Candacey Doris

    I keep telling my family that all this tie with my niece and my young cousins is the best birth control ever. Having to change diapers and push strollers (i really do know the whole Nick Jr lineup) before i even have one is VERY preventative. No babies for awhile!

  • hearyoume

    3 nieces and 1 nephew later, I’m fairly sure I don’t want to have kids for a long time. I’m also very private, a real loner by choice and preference and it’s VERY hard for me to connect with people so I really do fear that I’ll never be emotionally available for my children. And honestly the reality of always having to be a mother to someone (I know the crux of what it entails emotionally) feels almost like a burden..I never tell this to anyone because I know they’d think I was evil but it’s the honest truth…ah well…

    • Eerr33bb32d3111dllll1

      My friend just met a chocolate man on Blackwhitemeet.COMit’s where for men and women looking for interracial’ship for a fabulous lifestyle
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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001191747625 Nina James Weber

    MY THOUGHTS ON MOTHERHOOD:
    ♡ It takes SACRIFICE. Be honest w/ yourself… if a designer handbag, pair of shoes, trip abroad, or the freedom to come-and-go as you wish is paramount in your life- and you LOVE that- please reconsider parenting… AND marriage for that matter, as ‘Coupledom’ requires putting someone else first on occasion, as well. ♡ Your option to give birth WILL begin to be restricted. It’s simple biology, and unless you’re willing ‘n able to undergo fertility treatments in the future, or harvest ‘n freeze your eggs NOW, you might not wish to wait until you’re 40 before planning. Actually, I’ve noticed 42-44 is the age when most of my contemporaries start having pregnancy issues. *In hind sight (THEORETICALLY), if I could have a “do over”, I would have my 1st child by age 27. However- in REALITY, I had to balance that “ideal” with my total unfitness to be anybody’s Mom during my 20s. I was waaaaaay too preoccupied with ‘doing ME’… and enjoying da’ hell outta’ it! ;)  ♡ You WILL NEED SUPPORT. I know the mantra is supposed to be, “Girl, I don’t NEED A MAN!”… in the ‘real world’ of Momdom, you’ll need someone! It doesn’t have to be your husband/ life partner, but (TRUST ME on this one)- an extra pair of hands, a shoulder to cry/scream on, and someone to go ’5 on it’- helps!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001191747625 Nina James Weber

    Enjoyed this article tremendously! It hit the mark on several aspects of ‘Momdom’ in a humorous, yet insightful manner. Been married for 15 yrs. Hubby & I have 2 delightfully nutty daughters (14 & 9). Do I have days that I wanna run away from home? You BET cha’! But it’s NOT as often as I thought it would be. Never thought (positively) about children during my early-to-mid 20s, for many of the same reasons others on this thread have listed- dem’ folks looked MISERABLE! So before I married @ 30, I had to evaluate if I was mature enough to properly sacrifice should children come along, as my hubby DEFINITELY desired ‘em. To be honest, up until the actual birth of my eldest daughter- I WAS TERRIFIED!!! I’ve been blessed w/ choosing a grrreat man as my children’s Father & children who have been mostly easy to parent. After the birth of our 2nd daughter, I became a PROUD minivan owner. It really IS more convenient when ferreting around your little ones and their friends + all that infant/ toddler crap that’s mandated for ‘em! Although most of our travel is for the family (Disney World, etc), I have taken ‘ME’cations & encourage da’ hubby to take ‘MAN’cations, which helps to maintain our sanity. #REALtalk! We also each schedule regular outings w/ our friends, while the other gets to ‘play house’ babysitting. ** It’s not ALL doom ‘n gloom once you enter ‘Momdom’… there’s just no going back! LOL

  • guest

    It does seem quite daunting, but I think it’s worth it. I’ve been married almost 4 years and I’m turning 35 this year. My husband is 40. We do not have kids and I fear the worst. I hate it when people ask “when you gonna have a baby?” Considering the ages of my spouse and I, you would think that they would know that maybe it’s not that easy for us. I can’t stand it when women act like conceiving, birthing, and raising a child is nothing. I weigh 109 lbs. and women will say, I can’t wait too see you pregnant, like getting fat is gonna make them feel better. That gets said more often than you would believe. I would love to have some of these pregnancy issues to contend with. My husband would be an excellent father, but I worry that I have let him down by not conceiving as of yet, if ever. My sister in law has a 1 year old and she’s due again in  February. They are approaching their 3 year anniversary. She’s white too. The In Laws love her. But, she was never slim (fat white girl), and now she looks like a polar bear (fatter white girl with fat chin and neck). I think that the article should have mentioned unwanted weight gain, to include the breasts. All in all, good luck to all those who are expecting and when you go through your “issues”, remember there are many people who would like to be in your shoes.

    • sweettea

      Its true every woman gains weight when shes pregnant but you dont have to keep the weight on. After the 6 weeks of doctor ordered recovery you have about a million diet and exercise programs to choose from. I’m not a skinny woman but I’m a healthy weight for my height and it comes from good food choices and being active.

      • Christelyn Karazin

        I am the author of this post. I totally agree, Sweettea, you do not have to keep that baby weight on. In fact, it’s easiest to loose the weight while breastfeeding, as your body’s metabolism is revved up to produce milk. Eat clean, exercise, and watch your sugar intake. After ten years, I still fit into my wedding dress. 

    • Munchie0904

      I was 110lbs before I got pregnant and after I gained no weight. It depends on the person and their eating habits. My appetite only increased a little bit and I walked a lot. Some women just let themselves go and choose not exercise after. My breast were huge during pregnancy, but now they are back to the regular size.
      Engorgement isnt as bad the sore nipples.Breastfeeding in the first few weeks sucks ass. It hurts like heck, but you get used to it, so don’t give up. That was something I wish someone would have shared with me.

    • guest

      Girl I know what you mean. when I got pregnant at 28 people could not wait for me to get big and then always asking for pictures so they could see. But do you know what I was all belly not a stretch mark in sight and then after I had the baby lost all but five pounds which I am currently working on which my husband does not want me to lose but I want to get back in my jeans. I ate right and stayed active throughout my pregnancy which helped a lot. But don’t let people pressure you starting a family is between you and your husband. Having a baby is a big sacrifice and trust I could not do it alone. I love my baby and would not trade him for anything but it is a big sacrifice especially with no family to help me out. Where I go he goes and when my husband is home I get a chance to get a little break. And if you don’t want to physically have one you can always adopt or if you can afford it get a surrogate.

  • misspurplerain5

    I’m 28 have No kids. I am happy and free. Most of my friends have children,aren’t married and miserable! uh uh won’t happen unless someone puts a ring on it!!!

    • Mssroney

      Yes! My worst nightmare is pushing a stroller through the mall! Yikes….no illegitimate kids for me..and that’s if I even decide to have kids..when I was younger all the cool older ppl didn’t have kids,the ones that did were miserable,always yelling or frantic..28 and too busy being me for kids

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    • Sugar_Spice

      I thought this was too, I honestly didn’t even think twice about having kids.  Then that all changed when I got married

    • Respectata@hotmail.com

      I’m 27 with no kids. I feel the same way u do. He better put a ring on it first too !!!!!!

    • Fairenough

      In my 20s I traveled throughout Europe, Asia, So, America.  I dated black and non black men.  I had a ball.  While my friends, all of us are college educated, were baby mamas, struggling and miserable.  Continue to enjoy singledom and then take time to enjoy you marriage.  And yes, the ring is best

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_3EHQVSA365QAAO7CZUYW33EF5M Jonna

        Amen Honey! Every time I even think about feeling sorry for my lack of a husband and kids I just go overseas for a couple of weeks and remind myself why being single is GREAT! 28 and no kids!

    • Vickilove84

      I’m 27, no kids and I’m working on MBA.yet people look at me like I’m crazy because I want to wait to get married before having kids. Society has changed

      • SparkleandShine

        Nope only miserable baby mamas/daddies who WISH they hadn’t settled for their plight feel that way!! 

        Keep your standards HIGH

      • Deamfg

        always remember misery loves company. They’re just jealous i get those looks all the time. Im good no kids until im married and I want them all from one man. If it doesnt happen so be it 

    • causeisaidso

      Yep! I am 27 and decided I wanted to move to New Zealand for a year. I live in Auckland and, am living my dreams. Being from Cali, I have lived in LA, San Fran Bay Area, went to college in New York…. I even spent a summer in Tennessee! I could have never done the things I have done with children in the picture. It’s best to wait until you are really ready. We as women (if we choose) have the rest of our lives to be mothers and wives. We only have our 20′s for ten years. For me it was essential to live it up. And I have a boyfriend I have been with for 8 years. In no way am I ready to married yet. All of that comes, and once you have it, there is NO going back. 

  • Sugar_Spice

    I love this article!  My husband & I are trying for our first child this year.  My friends & family are so wrapped up in me having a child that they’ve neglected to tell me these things.

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  • Jessyca J Williams

    Engorgement…. Why didn’t ANYBODY tell me how painful it would be, or how to handle it????

  • troll

    Thanks for reminding me why motherhood sucks.

    • Akosua123

      Yup. Reason why I’m seriously on the fence about havin’em. 

  • Free

    I will be a first time mom pretty soon.  Already my husband and I know we have decided no more eating in front of the tv.  I like eating and watching news.  But we want dinnertime to be family time from day one.

    • http://www.facebook.com/nickeyaebony Nickeya EbOny

      Same here.  I found out I was having a boy and quickly began writing down all the things I know I must do to make sure he grows up a decent black man.  Wow I keep saying that like  its a plague out there I don’t want him to catch lol but point is I already know our work is cut out for my baby’s dad and myself.  I find children so rewarding, I can’t wait to meet my baby.

      • Free

        What a great idea… to make a list.  Im excited about meeting mine pumpkin. as well/.  Good luck.

        • http://www.facebook.com/nickeyaebony Nickeya EbOny

          Good luck to u as well

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