WTH?!?: Deelishis Details Rape at 18, Husband Says, “You Led that Man On.”

January 23rd, 2012 - By Veronica Wells

By now you might have learned that former “Flavor of Love” winner, Deelishis, whose real name is Chandra Davis, will appear on the new reality show, “Motor City Wives.” While we could write a whole post about this fact alone, this one is a bit more serious. In a very candid conversation, Deelishis details how she was raped at 18. In the video below she explains how it all transpired.

Wow.

Wow on so many levels.

First off, I want to commend her for sharing this story. So many women and young girls find themselves in situations like this and never share this information for fear or shame. Secondly, I have wonder what kind of man she married? Under no circumstances should a woman be blamed for being raped. Regardless of what someone initially allows, the moment the word/s “stop,” “no,” and more explicitly, “I don’t want to have sex with you” come out of someone’s mouth, you’re done. While I want to shake some sense into her husband, I know that there are plenty of ignorant people who believe women “set themselves up” for rape based on trivial things like what they wore, where they allowed the men to take them etc. Even the woman in the video said something about men being different from women.

Word?

Sure men are different from women but I just can not believe that a man doesn’t, can’t or won’t understand what a woman means when she tells him no. A man who doesn’t stop after the word “no,” is a rapist. Point, blank period.

While I’m glad she didn’t  allow him or the other ignorant woman in the room to make her question her lack responsibility in the situation, I sincerely hope they had a legit conversation about this traumatic event and what it feels like to be taken advantage of in this manner. If anyone should empathize with her, it should her husband.

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  • http://www.facebook.com/paul.wright.7106 Paul Wright

    Well, now they are getting divorced. This is pretty sad though, as she had to have had this conversation with him before she went public. When you’re married, you “must” support your wife if she has been hurt. you can’t be one of the naysayers, especially in public. But, what happened to her shows that we need to talk to young people about not just saying “no” and “stop” but when and with whom we should say “yes.”

  • blackinthehat

    What her husband said is right. She led him on but the rapist was still wrong because he raped her. But deelishis knew what was up, she even said it herself. I’m suprised she won’t admit what she did was wrong till this day. If you don’t want to do anything sexual, then don’t do anything sexual. Why did u go over to his house? This fast girl. Stop putting yourselves in these situations and crying victim after something happens. Let’s not be stupid.

  • guest

    “ A man who doesn’t stop after the word “no,” is a rapist. Point, blank period.” – I could not have said it any better. Thank you.

  • Ashley

    I agree with her when she said that a man doesn’t have the right to take something from her that she didn’t want him to have. i can see how she wouldn’t think that things would go that far, and if they did that he would just stop. i know if i was that young and in that situation and for some odd reason things went the way they went before it happened to her, rape would be the last thing on my mind. it really surprised me that no one took her side at all.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=2011317 David B. Green Jr

    DDDDDIIIIIIIVVVVVVOOOOORRRRRCCCCEEEE #thatsimple. 

  • devildog808

    I hope you pursue charges! I’m tired of these perverts walking free to harm others!

  • Love_Sexy

    No mean no….Plain and simple….Her husband is an idiot bottom line.

  • Tonjulaj

    Please tell me she is going to divorce this fool???  No matter his thoughts on the situation at no point should he be on a video disrespecting his wife…smh.

    • Lilhappy

      Divorce husband for being an idiot and saying dumb things.  That’s not a reason to divorce.

      • Netdandri

        Oh yes it is. And I am one who is big on taking a marriage seriously and working things out. But rape is no joke. It violates you in such a deep way, and kills something inside of you forever. You can heal over time, but you are changed for life. Any husband who thinks their wife deserves to go through that at any point in their lives for any reason does not truly love his wife.

        Plus, if we ever had a child (especially a boy) there’s no telling what kind of morals he would give them.

        • Housedoctor

          did he say she deserved it? 

        • blackinthehat

          You’re obviously not serious about marriage if that would require a divorce….people these days..smh

          • Thewayulookatit

            Right.  Dont marry if you think your spouse is going to be sugar and spice 24/7

  • Nessa

    Deelishis: I commend her for sharing her story; no woman deserves to be taken advantage of no matter the situation. To many of us make judgment of particular situations, it doesn’t have to be a stranger, or some crazy person that pulls you into a dark corner to rape you… Rapists come in forms of friends, family members, teachers, boyfriends, spouses. The word “NO” means just that “NO”!
    The Husband:  His ignorance alone would make me divorce him. If you can feel that way about your wife, I would hate to see him react to a daughter, mother, sister or any other female or male in his family. Or if he had a son, who said DAD she allowed me to touch her breast or go down on her, so I felt obligated to take it even if she said “NO”. How would he respond, would he protect him?
    Today’s Society: We don’t speak out because of hurtful words and thoughts. If it’s not in your family or you haven’t experienced such hurt…it’s easy to pass judgment.  It’s not your daughter or son, we hold secrets deep into our souls, and pain comes naturally. What would happen if a young girl had a voice instead of being silenced, or that young woman who wants to speakout but is silenced by ignorant words of judgment…how far could they go if they only had a voice that reached someone who cared?  – Peace. #NOmeansSomething

  • devildog808

    What is really disgusting is the man (her husband?) in the background saying “so you say”! WTF? I’m almost to angry to type at this point. I am so tired of women and little girls being manipulated in to sex acts for the pleasure of making them suffer and the sheer joy of humiliating them! Then of course after something occurs what does a black woman or litttle black girl hear,……. “ you shouldn’t have gone wtith him”…..”you shouldn’t have agreed to do that”…….”what happened to you is all your fault……”you’re a h o e”……”you can’t blame the guy, ”coz” you know men/boys?”! 

    I am just “over it dot com”! I really, really am!!

  • Dfocusedent

    I dont think her husband met she deserved to be raped, but really, it like holding a bone in front of a dogs face and only wanting them to lick the bone instead of eat it!!!! The dog is going to eat it, you cant play with fire, she didnt know at the time what letting that man do, what it would lead to, but he didnt stop, was he wrong yes, was she wrong, of course she was. She never had permission to be at that mans house anyway, she said she snuck out, and by doing so she got her cookies taken, simply put, some women get raped because of the evil world we live in, its unfourtunate, but some flunt themselves not knowing the wolves out there ready to find there next kill, sad, this is why we need to teach our kids the right way and the wrong while thery are young and tender, not after it is to late…. Rape is always wrong, but alot of things and rapes can be prevented with wisdom, and common sense

    • Whatdoyouthink

      It does matter that she disregarded her parent’s rules.  This is perfect example to present to children. “Why do your father and I provide rules?  Would this have been prevented if she followed our rules”  What have you learned from this?  Do you understand that some men will not respect your wishes?. etc.?”

  • BF

    When I was 19 I had a slight crush on a guy that I had known for only a short time. I was so trusting and innocent then. I never looked for bad in people. Well one night we all hung out in a group and he had been drinking. I left early and walked to my dorm. About an hour later he was knocking on my door asking me could he stay over because he was too drunk to drive. I could see that he was so I said ok and stupidly let him convince me to let him sleep in my room. Like I said, I was so innocent and I TRULY thought he was a respectable guy. Needless to say, he took advantage of me after I repeatedly told him no. I had never had sex before so I wasn’t even thinking about that happening. I could have screamed for help or tried to fight him off but I was mortified! I just felt numb. In that moment didn’t know what to do. I blamed myself and I believed that I had led him on by letting him come into my room late at night after he had been drinking. I didn’t tell anyone for a long time. Only a few people know and all of them brushed it off or tried to downplay it. They don’t like to talk about it. They made me feel like what happened wasn’t that serious. As a result, I never really talk about it. Im 23 now and I know now that while what I did was stupid, it was NOT all my fault! No means no! Period. I think Deelishis was just as stupid and innocent as I was but that was NOT her fault.

    • Netdandri

      I am very sorry you had to go through that. I don’t think you were stupid at all. It was all his fault it happened because he did it. Yes, now that you know more you can do things to try to prevent it from ever happening again. But you shouldn’t take ownership over any of the fault in that.

      It’s sad that friends and family who are supposed to be the people who are there for you though major trials in your life can sometimes let you down. But maybe you should talk to a counselor or spiritual counselor or something. I’ve been there before.

  • Richard

    I totally agree.  As stated above by several-No means no means no. Rape is wrong without question.  With that being said, be aware of the situations that you are putting yourself in.  I did not see the video and probably will not watch it.  I did not have high thoughts of her on “Flava of Love”. (Flava Flave?  Really??????? C’mon man…not that much money that can make the brother look good and I doubt that there was much substance to him since he was getting with all of those different women over 3 seasons). Anyway…

    I tell my daughter who is in college now to be careful of the situations you put yourself in.  Meaning, do not treat sex casually nor as a tool.  It is much more serious than that.  I also have advised her to make sure the person that you are involved with respects you and that you know each other in the intellectual sense before you know each other in the physical sense.  Some men do not know how to and will not turn that switch off unless they are extremely afraid of going to jail or a gun carrying dad.  There is no perfect solution but using discretion and caution is a good start.

  • RedButterfly81

    Just because she let him please her down there don’t mean the man should have raped her and she needs to kick that jerk of a husband to the curve. I hate rape and wouldn’t wish that on my worse enemy. My big sister that was kidnapped, dragged to an alley, beaten with a brick and raped by a homeless man when she was 15 and walking home from school and the best thing that man did while he was in jail was to kill himself 2 years later. Rape is rape people and it’s a damn shame that some people on here agrees with that jerk!

  • YM

    Ok don’t get me wrong, rape is acceptable under NO circumstances,but let’s be upfront here:Why let a man that has been drinking go down on you if you have no intention of having sex? I am still not saying she deserves to be raped, but she triggered the madness.

    • CeceliaK

      In the real world, we, as women, have to realize that putting ourselves in these positions may not end well.  In my younger days, I have led guys on in the same exact way.  But when I said no, they stoped.  But looking back on that, it was stupid and not the right thing to do.  Of course we have the right to change our minds, but doesnt mean he will change his and that’s the point. Legally, he is suppose to stop, BUT WILL HE?  And it may have been hard to explain her role if it was ever reported to the police. 

      As women, we have to explain to young ladies that it’s important not to place themselves in these positions.  We have to emphasize that legally he is suppose to stop, but to be real-world-about-it he may not.

      • CeceliaK

        I have to emphasize that there is no excuse for rape.

      • Richard

        Amen!!!! Well stated, well spoken, well said!! Best post on this topic all day!  Your follow up point below is also well on point.

    • Lillias

      You’re awful. Enough of the victim-blaming, please. 

      • MeMe

        That IS blaming her. If he hadn’t raped her, then the rape wouldn’t have happened.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Letitia-Lindsey/1463033398 Letitia Lindsey

    He should not have said that, very insensitive response. They’re not going to be together long.

  • cocacola

    Omg not saying that it didn’t happend to her but I feel like ever male and female artis actor, directo,singer and athele everyone has either been molested or rape I am not saying that they are making it up but sometime I thinks its like the new hollywood thing now because its like every 5 minutes some celeb is on the radio or tv telling the public that they got molested or rape

    • Mmitch0701

      Its because it’s a common thing that happens in our community, and up until now, no one has had the courage to speak out about it and educate others about their experiences and make people aware. I don’t think it’s a new trend, I think its people finally coming to terms with their pasts and wanting to help others with similar pasts to come to terms with theirs through relativity and understanding.

      • CeceliaK

        Discussing this with my female family memebrs (mother, aunts, cousins) and friends, most of us have experienced sexual abuse in some form.  It is quite prevelant in our community. 

      • devildog808

        Bravo, very well said!

        I do however, understand the sentiment expressed by “Cocacola”. Sometimes it does seem like the “bandwagon effect” is occuring and some folks are claiming to be victims of one thing or another only to get their 15 minutes of fame. With that said, I completely agree with what you stated. I think as a person grows and gets stronger they can better handle glancing back in time to examine a painful moment. They can also handle the repercussions of revealing such an incident! Just look at the ignorance in the video above! You have to be strong to handle such stupidity!

    • Imoteda

      It’s because one in three women gets raped. And if you look at it you can probably count the number of artists out there who have come out and admitted to something like that happening to them and let me assure you that from my work with women in social services the numbers are probably higher. As soon as one person is able to come out and say publicly that something has happened to them it gives others the courage to do the same. Sharing such an experience with the public is extremely difficult because of people like yourself who assume that they are following a trend but there are non celebrity boys and girls who draw strength from the fact that people who seem to have it all have experienced the same things that they have. I don’t think it is anyone’s place to judge someone else’s experience. You really should be ashamed for thinking this way.

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