Battling A Bad Breakup? Try NOT To Do Any Of These Things…

January 22, 2012  |  

It’s 2012, and some of us began the New Year newly single. While breaking up over the holidays can be devastating, it’s not the end of the world. Breakups hurt, and you should be allowed to grieve, but there are some mistakes that people make when dealing with a broken heart. If you just went through a painful breakup, here are some things NOT to do in the aftermath to help you find your way back to peace of mind after the end of a relationship.

DO NOT: Remain Friends

If you still care about your ex, there is NO WAY you can remain friends at this time. The wounds are still fresh, and there is more of a chance of a “slip up” or a “back slide” into a sticky situation. Remaining friends may give you a false sense of hope that you two will get back together, especially if you continue to occasionally sleep together. And while that may be a possibility down the line, you need a break from each other to figure things out and heal. Take this time to get back in touch with your single self, not prolong any pain you feel from the breakup. While friendship may be possible later, sticking around as his “friend” will only leave the door open for confusion and being used by someone who is only waiting for someone else to come along in the meantime.

DO NOT: Remain Friends….on Facebook or Twitter

Nothing will make you crazier than being able to see what your ex is up to every second of the day. Why torture yourself? Many heartbroken men and women have become social media stalkers after a breakup, wondering if their ex has moved on, met someone else or changed their relationship status. If you have to, delete him as a friend, “unfollow” him on Twitter and block him from viewing your page as well. Changing your privacy settings saves you a lot of grief, and you won’t be losing sleep monitoring your time line to see what friends he’s added or what comments or “likes” he posts on a cute girl’s photo.

DO NOT: Drink or Smoke Your Pain Away

If you have a habit of self medicating, talk to friends, family or a therapist if you need help working through a bad breakup. While some view breakups as embarrassing or shameful, there is absolutely nothing healthy about dealing with pain alone. You should never feel the need to use drugs or alcohol to take the pain away, and if you do, call a crisis hot-line and get help. Hurting yourself only makes things worse.

 DO NOT: Use Sex to Get Over Him

Some say the best way to get over your old man is to find a new one – but that may not necessarily be the best course of action when trying to get over a breakup. Sex with a new guy right away may feel good at that moment, but you may feel dirty or ashamed afterward…only prolonging the pain. Sex is simply a band-aid used to cover a deep wound, and can have you catching feelings for a new guy before you’re ready to deal with it emotionally. Keep your mind focused on your healing and keep your legs closed.

DO NOT: Let Yourself Go

While it seems easy to lie in bed, eat pints of ice cream and not bathe or comb your hair, don’t let yourself become a hot mess after a relationship has ended. I know you feel sad and are in mourning, but not taking care of yourself won’t make you feel better, it’ll make you feel worse. Instead, get outside and hit the gym. Release all the pain and anger you feel on a punching bag, or go for a liberating run. Endorphins are a natural pain killer and will uplift your spirits more than you think. If working out doesn’t do it for you, get a new haircut, or a facial. Treat yourself to a spa day. Whatever you do, do something good for YOU.

DO NOT: Shut People Out

After our heart has been broken, the natural reaction for some folks is to curl up in the fetal position, play Sade, turn out the lights and close your self off to the world. Don’t do it. Lean on friends and family to help you get over him. I’ve cried my eyes out for weeks with my besties, plotted his death and laughed while throwing darts at his pictures and ripping up all his love letters. Okay, so you may not need to have a “Waiting to Exhale” party, but you get my drift. Get out to the movies with friends, allow them to take you out for drinks, and be sociable. I know you may not feel like it, but being around positive people can help cut the grieving process in half. If you can’t be your own best friend right now, don’t be afraid to lean on your girls and ask for help. You’ll realize one day sooner than you know it…you’re over him.

 

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  • Arnold

    I’ve made a few mistakes in my relationship, but this time I thought ‘she is never going to take me back now – I have really done it this time’. I tried calling her, apologizing and everything else I could think of. I finally came across priestandrew91@yahoo.com and found out how to wipe the slate clean with her so we could start again. It worked and now we are back together. Thank you for Breakup Reversed!

  • TyTy

    I have some earrings that I lent him you know how the guys do bling he has a whole in each ear…two months trynna get them back. He had a bookbag, with his jeans and shirts and an expensive coat…i’m trynna rid his stuff because its blocking the next man from coming into my life but my friends are saying hes holdin on to it because it reminds him of me. i wouldnt have taken it hard but i fed, took care of while he was sick, let him in when he didnt have nowhere to go, brought him undergarments, got him a lawyer to get his own place but i did one thing he split but i dont wish and pray on no one it will be handled by god. ive became more intuned with myself. go me !!!

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  • RenJennM

    This article came just in time. I’m dealing with some mess now. And I totally agree that you should NOT remain friends or stay friends/followers on Facebook, Twitter, Skype, etc. As soon as I felt that I was through, I deleted (and blocked) him on EVERYTHING. Especially if you’ve got that ex that’s really good at wooing you back, like mine is! lol 

    All jokes aside, it really is making it easier now that I’ve broken off all communication with him. Once I found out what I found out, it was the last straw, and that was all I needed. Had I given him a chance to talk his talk, I’d still be wrapped up in his game. Sometimes you’ve gotta just run for the hills and never look back. Then you can focus on your “love therapy” and get back to happiness. Spend that time alone to love yourself (whatever that means for you) and regroup. Figure out what YOU were doing wrong in the relationship (it always takes two to tango) and work on those things. Rebuild yourself: pray/meditate, exercise, get a makeover, go out to places and events, buy yourself some toys, learn something new, and/or spend time with your friends and family OR if you lost your friends and family because of the relationship, restore those connections. 

    No matter WHAT that person did to you or what you did to make them leave, it ain’t over and until GOD says it’s over. Don’t let this loss destroy you. It aches, you feel empty, there’s a painful longing that won’t cease, you feel lost, you’re literally fiending for that person… trust me, I know, I’ve felt all of this. Actually, I still feel these things, depending on the day. But I convert my negative thinking into positive thoughts; I distract myself by doing something else. The end of a relationship can literally feel as if you’re going through rehab, especially if you were madly in love, was with the person for years, or invested a lot into that person. But if former addicts can ween themselves off drugs AND addiction, you can ween yourself off the longing of a lost lover. Move on. It’ll get better with time. But don’t become destructive and do NOT take your life. You’re worth more than the pain. 

    Oh, and I’m 23 btw. Don’t ever say you didn’t learn something from someone under 25 lol. Take care.

    • OnlyMe

      I thank u all for the replies. I did pray on it and I felt better today. Better than I’ve felt in a whole. I’m trying to block all communication methods but that’s the hardest thing to do…but prayer has helped tremendously and redirecting my focus has helped alot too…

    • Ladye1988

      man i feel you 100% because everything you just said is to the T…and i just turned 23 as well- i’m still working on myself 🙂

  • MixedUpInVegas

    It helps a lot if you’re mad at the dude.  You don’t feel nearly as upset if you are entirely pi$$ed off and sick of his a$$. 

    Absent that, get busy and stay busy.  See girl friends you haven’t seen much of lately.  Paint your bedroom.  Volunteer to work overtime.  Clean out your closets and cupboards.  Make a list of all the things you didn’t like about him.  Change your hairdo.

    Just remember, whatever you had together, you can have that again with someone else–and probably better. 

  • OnlyMe

    As we speak, I’m going through this. I was with my ex for 2 years and we broke up bc I wanted to get married and he was stalling. I cry at least 5 times a day. Ive cut my hair, gotten tattoo’s, and became an alcoholic. I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. I just want him back and now I know he’s sleeping with someone else and thats making it harder for me. I just don’t know what to do…bc I’m losing my mind now…

    • Nellie3169

      No man is worth ur sanity. If he has moved on already that has to show u just how much he cares about /the relationship u had. Wut u need to do is get ur hair done a mani and pedi ur sexiest outfit and then go out somewhere u kno he will b and ignore him and have the time of ur life. Even though u kno ur hurtin nside dont let him kno. The past is history the future is a mystery now is a gift thats y its called the present. Live ur life and dont worry about wut cud have been. U need to kno ur worth. If u dont kno ur worth how can u expect anyone else to. Good luck to u

  • Miss_Understood

    My biggest regret is cutting people off. I’ve had a couple terrible relationships that led to horrible break ups and I hate for people to see me depressed, humiliated or weak so I just shut down and shut everyone else out.

    If I knew then what I know now…

  • Anonymous

    I needed these reminders….. going through a rough adjustment now…borderline suicidal. thanks for this story. 

    • Dawnnkm

      You’ll be ok, trust and believe that God has something better planned for u. Don’t let some dude or girl get the best of you. You were cool before they came into your life right? Then you’ll be good after…just takes time…

    • vlove

      @anonymous.. Please have faith.. Trust there will be better days a head.. Seek counseling if u must.. But never resort in that route.. Be strong