Last week’s episode of the “Braxton Family Values” wasn’t a good look for sister Trina. She admitted to having an “oral transaction” with a band member, but unless the definition of the word transaction has changed, what Trina did was more of a donation considering she was the only one giving anything.
Trina received a lot of backlash for coming out on national TV, although I think more people—like her sisters—were concerned with the fact that she didn’t get anything in return, rather than the fact that she cheated. But maybe the critics feel the way Trina does about “slobbing the knob,” as Tamar said: oral sex just isn’t sex.
Trina opened up to Sister 2 Sister magazine about her situation and when Jamie asked why she didn’t have full intercourse with the band member, she said this:
“Honestly, Auntie Jamie, I’m one of those people, I don’t have but so many notches on my belt. When it comes down to it, numbers mean a lot to me, and I’ve never been the type of woman to spread myself thin and let every Tom, package and Harry—or every Tom’s hairy d***—to associate with me and my body; not to sound vulgar.
“I don’t allow that with my body; I just don’t. I do not. I did not, and I will not.”
I know there’s a difference between letting a man stick his you know what you know where and doing what she did, but in my mind, the notches all add up pretty much the same. What’s funny is Trina is sort of reversing the discussion that typically surrounds black women and oral sex, as exemplified by her sisters saying black girls don’t usually “do that.” Trina, on the other hand, told S2S that she doesn’t understand why the act is so taboo, and from her comments she sounds as though she thinks she’s better for not laying it low and spreading it wide, as her mama would say. But like we teach girls in grade school, oral sex is sex, and drummer boy definitely still associated with her body in some way.
Oral sex shouldn’t be any more taboo than cheating but it seems as though it might be in the Braxton household and maybe still among black women at large. I thought the whole “we don’t do that” trend had gone out the window, but from listening to these 30- and 40-year-olds, it might still be in full effect. Even the whole “knotches on my belt” comment suggests Trina’s got a long way to go in terms of sexual liberation in some ways, and surprisingly not in others, as her kiss and tell moment shows.
I definitely think if you’re going to serve somebody you should get yours as well, but if you’re married the only one you should be serving is your husband. Oral sex isn’t really a black or a white thing, but if you want to make it one, let’s not make going down on another man while your still married because you want to get your freak on but still keep your numbers low a black thing.
What do you think about Trina and her oral transaction? Do you think a lot of women still feel like she does about not engaging in intercourse to limit the notches on their belt? What about her sisters and their “black girls don’t do that” comments?
Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.
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