Should You Be “Friends” With Your Ex? Ways You’re Letting Him Back In

January 19, 2012  |  

They call ’em an “ex” for a reason. And while we’d love to breakup with all of our boyfriends and find ourselves on good, positive terms with them soon after, sometimes feelings get in the way, drama ensues, and you find yourself on an irritating emotional rollercoaster you thought you had left behind when the relationship ended. Some ex-boyfriends can wind up being great friends, especially the ones you weren’t with for a long time, or the ones you were homie-omies with before partaking in a relationship. However, others can be a pain, and end up being the guy you’re so NOT subtly talking about on your social media statuses and with friends about all the time. Per all the Rihanna and Christopher Brown rumors and drama, know that if your breakup isn’t that old and you’re both already trying to find some type of door back into each other’s lives, you need to be mindful of the things that can happen when you let the wrong “one” back in.

You might trick yourself others into thinking you’re “just friends,” but if you still are feeling him in some deep way beside the mutual friendly love, you could be using this friendship as a stepping stone to a relationship again. You’re supposedly done, but in both parties’ minds, you’re just on break. You’re thinking that he might come to his senses while you keep friendly, and who knows, maybe you’ll end up together again someday soon. However, while you harp on the past because it’s dead in your face (or texting you as you read this), you could be blocking yourself from the chance to meet a better man who could do a better job at keeping you happy. If you want to be friends, that’s all good and dandy, but leave it at that, and leave your feelings at the door. But that’s a difficult task, right? Especially when a friendship allows you to know the ins and outs of his life–what he’s up to, and of course, who he’s dating now. You put on that uber-fake smile and try and be polite, but inside you’re talking ish aren’t you?

Most importantly, if the shoes are switched and he’s looking for something and you’re not, then you have a problem, if not a pest on your hands. Straight up, you’ve inadvertently lead him on. He thinks by you accepting him back into your space with his same ‘ol drama and problems that you would possibly be willing to give him a second try. Not the case? Better make sure “boyfriend” knows what’s up from the very beginning so you can save yourself the time and energy and for him, a lot of unnecessary pain and aggravation.

Trending on MadameNoire

View Comments
Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN
  • philomena john

    I want to thank Dr ogudu for helping me stand. My husband is home now and we are working together to build a new relationship Trust and obey.but you can reach him

  • Lundandrea28

    Ex husbands- hell no to friendship. Ex boyfriends- maybe

  • Lissylaloca

    Its k to be friends with ur ex… But know your standards. It will never be the same if you let him in again.

  • MissK

    Simple: it’s called the No Contact Rule!

  • slimma84

    so what if kids are involved? what is the limit? my husband and his exwife are friends on fb (i already told him i dont agree and he has yet to remove it). then what?

  • Awewqt

    Women are sometimes fragile, want a real-man to protect you? Com uniformedkiss*CO*M–,
    here you will meet lots of servicemen and find friendship, love, romance,
    marriage or even more with those armed forces, police, navy, security, medical,
    ambulance, prison, air crew and fire fighters! You will not regret for dating with
    military personnel. Just sign up and nothing will lose if you don’t like it. Thanks

  • F3ral Anarchy

    life is to short to be friends with an ex.  move on people

  • Shonnii27

    Wow! I actually agree with this

  • Melissa

    I’m friends with mine. No lingering sexual feelings on either of our parts he since married and divorced I’ve went thru other relationships as well but we both know we’re friends for life. I joke with him about his relationship choices and he with me. I don’t see what the big deal is why can’t we be friends?

  • Carmelcup

    Depending on the circumstances and maturity level, I believe you can be cordial to your ex; but not friends. Old habits die hard, he or she may have had some great qualities, but to keep that “old boating rowing” is asking for trouble sooner or later!

    • tastythoughts

      i totally agree