Do Dark-Skinned Black Men Suffer From a Color Complex Too?

January 17th, 2012 - By Brande Victorian

I always thought the comments about light-skinned dudes coming back in style were just light-hearted jokes that really went out of style when the men did back in the 80s. From my perspective, tall, dark-skinned, and handsome has long been viewed as a black (or any other) woman’s dream. Yeah, Shemar Moore had his run and lots of women love Michael Ealy, but the fanfare doesn’t compare to the admiration for Idris Elba (praise ‘em), Morris Chestnut (yes lord), or Tyson Beckford (let the church say Amen).

Taye Diggs is another actor who has been admired for his chocolaty goodness—particularly after his debut in “How Stella Got Her Groove Back,” although I personally enjoyed him most in “Brown Sugar.” But despite the love the mocha-skinned author of Chocolate Me, a children’s book encouraging kids to accept themselves as they are, has received over the years, he says it took him a long time to become comfortable in his own dark skin.

“When I got into high school I started to hear, just from the black community, everybody is more attracted to the light skin girls and the light skin dudes with the light eyes. And from within the race the light skin black people and lighter brown people would make fun of the darker people. So then it was a completely different kind of struggle, Taye told MyBrownBaby.Com.

“And then funnily enough it was when dark skinned men, and this was just from my perspective, there seemed to be a shift where all of a sudden we saw Denzel Washington, Wesley Snipes, Tyson Beckford. I’m still trying to figure out how this came to be. For me, when I saw Tyson Beckford hailed as this beautiful man by all people, that caused a shift in my being. And I remember literally waking up and walking the streets feeling a little bit more proud. And then after the movie “How Stella Got Her Groove Back,” when I had my own personal moments of weakness, I just had to remind myself of all the people that really enjoyed that movie and just kind of lean on that.

I was surprised by Taye’s comments; sort of in the same way it’s shocking to find out a beautiful woman has low self-esteem. You wonder, how could he not see himself as gorgeous when 99% of those around him do, but you realize self-confidence is strictly an internal mindset not based on external compliments and men struggle with self-esteem issues just like women. Still, I’d thought if black men had any sort of color complex, it was related to how they choose women, not so much how they felt about themselves. But maybe it’s all connected. Do dark-skinned men favor light-skinned women because by being with a lighter skinned woman, it somehow makes them more attractive or socially acceptable in their minds? A friend of mine always says she thinks black men’s propensity to date outside their race has to do with self-hatred. Maybe being with a white woman gives some dark-skinned men a boost of esteem that’s even greater than being with a light-skinned black woman. If so, Taye Diggs could certainly fit the bill.

But I’m not as interested in men’s interracial dating choices as I am how their color affects their sense of self-worth. After all, light-skinned men date outside their race too and are obsessed with redbones just like everyone else, and lord knows some think they are God’s gift to women just because they have a little less melanin. I guess it isn’t so hard to see how a dark-skinned man could feel the exact opposite. Still, this is an issue that’s mostly been limited to black women’s experience, most recently in the documentary “Dark Girls,” because there is so much pressure put on all women to fit a very narrow standard of beauty, and black women especially struggle with being accepted outside of that realm. Taye’s remarks remind us that men can be insecure too, and although a lot of women may see a handsome, chocolate man as an Adonis, he might not see himself in that same light at all.

What do you think about Taye Diggs’ comments? Do you think dark-skinned men struggle with feeling accepted aesthetically as much as darker skinned black women? Do you think this issue has any bearing on who they date?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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  • Truth marches on

    The following comments are true, anecdotal, and informational

    While it is certainly true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, two of the most beaiutiful women, I have ever known were were of a very dark hue to the point of being what has been called “coal black.” Both of these women were held as beautiful by African American men of ALL SHADES a well as by men of all ethnic groups. One was a tall statuesque beauty who in heels was taller than my six feet. Her body at that time would remind one of “Jessica Rabbit. Her own natural hair was length in a page-by style. When we walked together, it was usual to hear brakes squealing. She was so beautful, she literally “stopped traffic.(male drivers).” The second was a short woman who had hair done in a femenine feathery curly style

    Despite eing separated by miles and years, all either of these women had to do was walk into a room and EVERY man in that room noticed her and was visibly attracted to her.

    They had the following in common.

    1) they both appeared to have the ideal female body with perfect hip to waist ratio,

    2) neither wore makeup beyond red lipstick,

    3) they both wore only their natural hair,

    4) neither has oversized breasts,

    5) they both projected an aura of confident womaness,

    6) neither seemed to be trying to hide past hurts in relationships (they were not damaged goods)

    7) they walked with the natural sway of women’s bodies, and

    8) they gave the apperance of being oblivious of their own beauty,

    9) they were the ideal weight for their height, (not skinny or pudgy),

    10) they appeared, confident, self assured, and free of any desire to compete with men or turn any man into another pet or accomplishment.

    Black Women do not have to be light-sknned, with long flowing hai to get a Black man , nor do they have to collaborate with “the enemy.”

    I wrote this because it seems discussions on any subject regarding any special problem of Black Men, quickly degenerates into one or more Black women castigating Black Men for not bowing at their feet simply because they are women and staking out the claim they have been more put-upon by the whole world including Black Men. “i.e. Dark women have it the WORST”

    When the imprisionment of Black Men first started spiking in the nineties, did Black Women, (or anybody for that matter) dicuss how to stem of stop the imprisionment ? No ! Instead Black women talked about the “feminization of the prison industrial complex.”

    Did any significant number of Black Women read and discuss “Search and Destroy: The American Criminal Justice System and Young Black Males – by Jerome Miller ?” No !

    There is blame that accures to the Black male; but Black Women must accept their own contribution to sins of omission/commission regarding their current social position and NOT use their perception of victimhood to distract from discussions of the real problems facing Black Men of whatever hue !!

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  • Smacks_hoes

    It’s just skin color people why give it so much power.

  • Hottness

    As a medium brown woman I never had people tell me im too dark or too light or even say anything about my color. But I do have a preference and its not dark men or light men its about my color. Dark men want white women and light skinned men think they are the holy graile so I don’t even look their way they usually want a janet Jackson, tyra banks, ashanti perfection of a brown skinned type sister darker than them but not dark skinned at all.

  • real g

    its so ignorant to me ho black women can cry about the plight of dark men while making light skin men feel the same(read the article). Lightskinned men are treated the way dark men use to get treated! its like black women said it aint no sense of beating a dead horse lets go find another group of black men to hurt. I think lightskin men should follow the dark dudes and leave black women alone.We were the last thang yall had left while the dark men dated out but o well the white girls and spanish chicks show me love its all good

    • http://www.facebook.com/dana.cotton1 Dana Cotton

      In other words you got your heart broken by a Black woman before and now you’re bitter? Your comment is so simplistic. Grow up, not all Black women mistreat Black men with light complexions just as not all “dark dudes” have left Black women alone. Stop being so pressed and don’t allow a few bad experience make you so angry.

  • MixedUpInVegas

    Being medium dark myself, I understand the issue all too well.  However, to me, a handsome man is a handsome man.  What if any children you might produce are not an issue–that is, you aren’t going to have any?  Does that free you to pursue any relationship withought that concern?  Personally, I’d think that the marriage comes first and remains after any children–if any–and is therefore the most important issue.

    • Real Black Man

      So well spoken … even though I’m responding a year later (lol).

  • devildog808

    And let me add, it’s sad that in 2012 this continues to be a topic of discussion among black people!

  • devildog808

    I just don’t care for Taye Digs. So his solution to his color comple was to marry a white woman? LOL typical foolishness! I’ve heard and read some of his previous comments and I am no longer at all impressed with him.

    As for the “color code”. I think dark skin men are treated much better than dark skinned women. Dark skin men are highly sought after while dark skin women, who are equally attractive, tend not to be. The beauty myth handed down to AA is a sad thing. Black men and women are simply gorgeous no matter the complex and that’s all you need to tell yourself and your children. Damn the media lies and tricks!

  • renee

    Why would they not? Why do you think so many dark-skinned men have white women on their arms. In recent years, I believe the “light skin guys are out” mentality has erased alot of the complex with dark skin men. But it’s still sad because alot of those dark-skin men still will not pay attention to a brown or dark-skinned woman.

  • LissaC

    I have two brothers, one is very light , the other very dark  and I in the middle (same parents). My one brother who is light will not date anyone lighter then me becasue he wants brown skin children and the other will not date anyone darker then me cause he DOESN”T want brown kids. They were both teased as kids for there color. It has left a terrible mark on them. My beautiful darkskin brother feels he has to prove his worth every day, even though he has his masters and a six figure job. My lighter skin brother thinks all brownskins men hate him. Its sad cause all of the teasing they went thru were all from black people and they both have a complex even though they would never admit. We need to learn to treat each other better, or we are going to continue this cycle.

    • Kckitty40

      So sad!!!

  • guest

    I think African Americans have a color complex in general that will not go away any time soon. African American men are definately not exempt. If you really think about it there is no way that the low self esteem associated with color could only impact women.

    In addition, light skinned men never really went out of style, and the Black Power movement did not solve all of the psychological side effects African Americans suffered from due to slavery,Jim Crowe, etc… We are still very cruel to one another, we still tease one another over hair texture, color, and African features. We are just as bad, if not worse than other races when it comes to this.

    Light skinned people get teased as well for being too light, and many black women literally hate other black women with naturally long hair. We just continue to deny the fact that we are emotionally abusive to one another.

    I used to wonder if I was the only one who noticed that the images of black men became increasingly negative as the complexions became darker in the media. Wesley Snipes was a drug dealer in New Jack City, the movie that made him famous and noticeable. Rappers and Hip hop artists are associated with violence and while pro atheletes are rich, the image of black men in general seems to be more “thugish and gangsta”, than it was in the 80s when black men represented in the media were typically lighter.

    “Black Man” does not equal “clean cut” today. There are also a great deal of people in Hollywood with Bi racial children and they have a great deal of power. So in the future, they will probably start casting people who look like their children, if not their own children, in movies and TV. They probably will not be cast as drug dealers.

    Not all women prefer dark skinned Black men, the dark in tall dark and handsome is relative. I personally still like lighter skinned men and many of my friends who are no African American think that Micheal Ealy and Shemar Moore are dark.

    Finally, there are a great deal of beautiful people with low self esteem. The world is full of jealous and competitive people, who usually mistreat those they are threatened by. Everyone else goes along with the crowd and mistreats them as well. So if a person is told they are ugly they will eventually believe it even if they are beautiful.

    I’m sure you’ve heard that saying, “God don’t like ugly and he ain’t to fond of pretty either.” So I agree with Taye Diggs although I think he neglected to understand that light skinned people are often mistreated by darker skinned people as well. We just seem to like to pull each other down, it’s sad.

  • Candacey Doris

    I know that black men sometimes feel this way. I find it weird. Dar skinned men are just better looking to me! Not that light skinned men aren’t good looking but…yeah. Give me dark chocolate, then milk chocolate, then caramel. Cream coffee and white chocolate are optional.

    • Real Black Man

      To all the sisters on this board, I’m going to use this sister’s post @Candacey Doris to prove a point. These are her words, “…yeah. Give me dark chocolate, then milk chocolate, then caramel. Cream coffee and white chocolate are optional.”

      She’s expressing her preference/desire for a chocolate brother, then she goes all the way down the line and list her last choice as a light skin brother. Now this may not seem harmful to some of you sisters, but I’ll tell you what. You’re confused and bewildered why the dark skin brothers don’t show much interests in you (except maybe for a ‘QUICK’ booty call and out). Its because this is the same way a lot of you black women spoke of him ‘back in the day,’ pre-Michael Jordan days. Now the chickens have come home to roost and he has OPTIONS. Though times have changed, many of them are still carrying that HURT around and would rather exercise their OPTIONS rather than take a SERIOUS look at you. Because that HURT stays around for a long time. Many of them are not buying all of this so-called LOVE you’re now showing, talking about ‘how much you looove some chocolate.’ They still remember back in the day, and three things are at play. For many the old hurt is still there; they don’t trust you and feel you’re just giving shallow compiments now that things have changed (i.e. too little too late; and now they have other options. Now a lot of black women have been doing the EXACT SAME THING to the light skin brothers (since the 90s), instead of saying ‘he’s too dark’ like many of you used to do to the dark skin brothers, now you’re saying ‘he’s too light’ to the light skin brothers And history’s about to repeat itself (as a matter of fact its already begun). Now many of the light skin brothers who were socially conscious and very proud of their African heritage and roots, and were trying to stand by their sisters (as the dark skinned brothers did in the past) and put them on a pedastol, are now saying f*ck it…all I’m hearing is these black sisters don’t want me, I’m out of here. Now they’re leaving in droves…just like the dark skin brothers did about a decade or so ago. I don’t understand why you sisters feel that you have to BROADCAST your dislike for one type of black man to show your loyalty or preference for another type of black man. This is very ignorant. Light skin brothers have always had OPTIONS in their dating pool, just like dark skin brothers have now. Personally, I’m from a large family. Among my brothers and sisters we have a mixture from light skin (my sister) about Beyonce’s complexion to medium brown (my oldest brother) about Snoop Dogg’s complexion. I’m in the middle of them, about Shanaa Lathan’s complexion. Trust me, I know MANY light skin brothers who used to love black women, from chocolate to banana cream pie, now saying they’re THROUGH with black women. And what’s weird is they sound just like the dark skin brothers used to sound back in the day. I’ve seen both sides now. Its nothing wrong with stating your preference, but I’ve heard a lot of ignorance along with preference (i.e. putting one skin tone down and praising another). You don’t hear too many women saying they like medium skin tone guys… a few, but not many. But I don’t give a d*mn. I don’t play the complexion game. My heavenly Father blessed me with a beautiful black woman, and it don’t make no d*mn difference what skin tone she is! I love you sisters, I really do. But I’ve seen you go down this road before back in the 90s and the dark skin brother flew the coup. Now a lot of you (not all of you, but a lot of you) have put down the light skin brother for over a decade and they are ‘getting out of Dodge,’ especially the young ones (maybe 18 – 35). I’ve read some things online that made me go ‘Ouch!’ Its was that negative and strong. I could see why the light skin brothers are making an exodus. I’m not necessarily agreeing with it (just like I didn’t with the dark skin brothers), but I sure in the hell can understand it. So here’s my final advice to you sisters. Don’t come on here and bash me, but just listen to me and take this to heart…seriously! STOP putting down BLACK MEN, PERIOD. Stop falling for the media hyped GAME, pitting dark skin men against light skin men (see, where’s the brownskin man lol), saying who’s your PREFERENCE, who you like more and all that. It sounds like you’re trying to build one up and tear the other one down. You may not realize it, but that’s the old slavemaster divide and conquer tactic, and you’re using it against your own men. Express love and admiration for all your black brothers, light, dark, and in-between. You have POWER in your words, and many of you have been using this power to destroy the men for a certain segment of your own race. And lastly, I don’t know if its already too late or not, but let black men have this perception of you:
      That you want, desire, and are seeking for a GOOD MAN. A man who will love, provide, protect and cherish you. Not a man who is “this complexion” or “that complexion,” “have to be 6ft 5″ and “make this much $$$.” Don’t come across as that sisters. Colors and all that stuff shouldn’t even enter the conversation ….it d*mn sure shouldn’t enter the PUBLIC conversation (that’s what make us look like FOOLS). That would go a LONGGGG way if brothers could hear a lot of you say for a change, you want a GOOD MAN (with all the qualities listed above and more), without saying this type is so much better to you than that type. Stop all this foolishness. I don’t know, the light skin brothers (especially the young ones) may have already started the exodus like the dark skin brothers, but its never too late. Just show some LOVE and RESPECT..for ALL THE BROTHERS for a change. If you do this, those good men (of ALL COMPLEXIONS) may start coming back ‘HOME.’

      • Candacey Doris

        I’m not dogging light skinned guys. When i say cream and white chocolate i mean white and hispanic. I have no care for people who don’t want me for the color of my skin or anything else. Options are for everyone, male or female, no matter what the color of your skin. And my preference is more a cultural one than one based on looks. I also come from a very large family, and we are very inclusive to many different races and cultures, but I find i get along with black guys (no matter what the color) and Indian guys (my caramel friends) best. Way to be sensitive.

        • Real Black Man

          I have to be serious (what you referred to as “sensitive”) because I talk to a LOT of young brothers. And this is no joke what I was saying; black men (esp. young black men) are turning away from black women, and dating (and marrying) other races of women. Back in the day I used to see only dark skin brothers (not just the medium dark, but the very darkest men) date white women. I never use to see the light skin men date white women (occasionally they would date hispanic women or some other ethnicity, but hardly ever white). But now I see so many young light skin men with white, hispanic and asian women. So the dark skin guys had already been dating the white women, now they’re adding hispanic and some asian. So you now have a lot of young light and dark skin brothers leaving the black dating pool and choosing to date women of other ethnicities. I have my black queen. This is not affecting me on a personal level, but it does concern me greatly on a cultural level. As I said in my earlier post, I seen dark skin brothers move on to other pastures because some of them felt like they weren’t receiving the love back in the day from the sisters. Now I’m seeing the light skin brothers move on to other pastures because a lot of them feel like they’re not getting the love from the sisters. So the question is AGAIN, what men are going to be in the dating pool for African American women (or what black men are going to be in the pool for AA women) ??? This should be a concern for our entire race, or the AA race as we know it, will soon be unrecognizable. Sisters, drop the SMALL STUFF, find and unite with GOOD BLACK MEN, irregardless of complexion, fantasy size/height, fantasy income level, … while there’s still some GOOD BLACK MEN available.

  • Miss_Understood

    I think we cannot separate this issue from the relationship issue because one factor is race and the other is gender. Black men are sorta balanced out because while they are racially discriminated against, they have more power in choosing a relationship.

    So, I definitely believe that dark skinned black males have issues with complexion but it is usually expressed outwardly towards women, especially black women, and how they choose (or don’t choose) a partner.

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  • Janay

    What I dont understand is how a group of women (black women) can publically uplift, praise, magnify such a group of men (chocolate brothers) who publically deny,degrade,devalue, and think theyre too good for you (chocolate sistas)….when YOU are the VERY, ONLY and SOLE REASON for their praises? I just cant for the life of me understand why black women do this to themselves?????????? That sht cray

    • Miss_Understood

      Are you saying that this is something all black women do or just dark skinned black women?

      I’m asking because I’m not a “full” black woman but I do identify as black and I love darker skinned black men. I’m not singing their praises from the rooftop but if someone asked me to describe my perfect man, he’d look more like Djimon than Boris.

      Anyway, I express my favor for dark men because I find them the most attractive and I’ve never been turned down by a light, dark or anywhere in between black man. I definitely have always felt the attraction to be mutual. As someone said earlier if a man uses complexion as the primary determinant of attraction then you’re better off without him.

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