Do Dark-Skinned Black Men Suffer From a Color Complex Too?

100 comments
January 17, 2012 ‐ By

I always thought the comments about light-skinned dudes coming back in style were just light-hearted jokes that really went out of style when the men did back in the 80s. From my perspective, tall, dark-skinned, and handsome has long been viewed as a black (or any other) woman’s dream. Yeah, Shemar Moore had his run and lots of women love Michael Ealy, but the fanfare doesn’t compare to the admiration for Idris Elba (praise ‘em), Morris Chestnut (yes lord), or Tyson Beckford (let the church say Amen).

Taye Diggs is another actor who has been admired for his chocolaty goodness—particularly after his debut in “How Stella Got Her Groove Back,” although I personally enjoyed him most in “Brown Sugar.” But despite the love the mocha-skinned author of Chocolate Me, a children’s book encouraging kids to accept themselves as they are, has received over the years, he says it took him a long time to become comfortable in his own dark skin.

“When I got into high school I started to hear, just from the black community, everybody is more attracted to the light skin girls and the light skin dudes with the light eyes. And from within the race the light skin black people and lighter brown people would make fun of the darker people. So then it was a completely different kind of struggle, Taye told MyBrownBaby.Com.

“And then funnily enough it was when dark skinned men, and this was just from my perspective, there seemed to be a shift where all of a sudden we saw Denzel Washington, Wesley Snipes, Tyson Beckford. I’m still trying to figure out how this came to be. For me, when I saw Tyson Beckford hailed as this beautiful man by all people, that caused a shift in my being. And I remember literally waking up and walking the streets feeling a little bit more proud. And then after the movie “How Stella Got Her Groove Back,” when I had my own personal moments of weakness, I just had to remind myself of all the people that really enjoyed that movie and just kind of lean on that.

I was surprised by Taye’s comments; sort of in the same way it’s shocking to find out a beautiful woman has low self-esteem. You wonder, how could he not see himself as gorgeous when 99% of those around him do, but you realize self-confidence is strictly an internal mindset not based on external compliments and men struggle with self-esteem issues just like women. Still, I’d thought if black men had any sort of color complex, it was related to how they choose women, not so much how they felt about themselves. But maybe it’s all connected. Do dark-skinned men favor light-skinned women because by being with a lighter skinned woman, it somehow makes them more attractive or socially acceptable in their minds? A friend of mine always says she thinks black men’s propensity to date outside their race has to do with self-hatred. Maybe being with a white woman gives some dark-skinned men a boost of esteem that’s even greater than being with a light-skinned black woman. If so, Taye Diggs could certainly fit the bill.

But I’m not as interested in men’s interracial dating choices as I am how their color affects their sense of self-worth. After all, light-skinned men date outside their race too and are obsessed with redbones just like everyone else, and lord knows some think they are God’s gift to women just because they have a little less melanin. I guess it isn’t so hard to see how a dark-skinned man could feel the exact opposite. Still, this is an issue that’s mostly been limited to black women’s experience, most recently in the documentary “Dark Girls,” because there is so much pressure put on all women to fit a very narrow standard of beauty, and black women especially struggle with being accepted outside of that realm. Taye’s remarks remind us that men can be insecure too, and although a lot of women may see a handsome, chocolate man as an Adonis, he might not see himself in that same light at all.

What do you think about Taye Diggs’ comments? Do you think dark-skinned men struggle with feeling accepted aesthetically as much as darker skinned black women? Do you think this issue has any bearing on who they date?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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  • Davis Jones

    My first exipenced with colorism was with a black women who was my very same complextion which is a caramel tone. I thought she was absolutely beautiful with her long braids lovely sun kissed skin and full lips and I talked to her and we seem to have a true connection. So I asked her out and she told me my skin was to dark and if my skin was lighter I would be more attractive. However after being played by numerous latino men she came for me and I feel for her like a fool and got in a relationship. e that relationship my opinion of

  • Run

    I am a caramel-mocha-chocolate colored man ) with tints of red in my skin), and I always felt attractive to girls and women of all types – partially because they told me I was attractive, but more importantly because I looked in the mirror every day and took stock of what I saw: I was always beautiful to me!

    This article talks as though black men come in two colors: “light” and “dark”. That is just not true. And while black men are subject to the same types of psychosocial conditions as black women – namely the Eurocentric beauty standards imposed upon us both externally and internally – I believe that we are in control of it and must take the responsibility to reject the ignorance of it all and teach our children to appreciate all colors of the spectrum.

    Michael Jordan, Big Daddy Kane, Ecstacy (from the rap group Whodini), Tyson Beckford, Morris Chestnut, and of course Denzel and Wesley supposedly kicked down a door that I didn’t know existed. If so, its sad.

    Am I supposed to now revel in the belief that somehow I might be more prized than my lighter-skinned brothers (Shamar Moore, Boris Kodjoe, Michael Ealy, Prince, El DeBarge, etc.)?

    No dice! I know where it all stems from: slavery! It’s divide-and-conquer, “house negroes” versis “field negroes”.

    Don’t let the gift keep on givin’. Black people…people period…of all shades are beautiful.

  • Truth marches on

    The following comments are true, anecdotal, and informational

    While it is certainly true that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, two of the most beaiutiful women, I have ever known were were of a very dark hue to the point of being what has been called “coal black.” Both of these women were held as beautiful by African American men of ALL SHADES a well as by men of all ethnic groups. One was a tall statuesque beauty who in heels was taller than my six feet. Her body at that time would remind one of “Jessica Rabbit. Her own natural hair was length in a page-by style. When we walked together, it was usual to hear brakes squealing. She was so beautful, she literally “stopped traffic.(male drivers).” The second was a short woman who had hair done in a femenine feathery curly style

    Despite eing separated by miles and years, all either of these women had to do was walk into a room and EVERY man in that room noticed her and was visibly attracted to her.

    They had the following in common.

    1) they both appeared to have the ideal female body with perfect hip to waist ratio,

    2) neither wore makeup beyond red lipstick,

    3) they both wore only their natural hair,

    4) neither has oversized breasts,

    5) they both projected an aura of confident womaness,

    6) neither seemed to be trying to hide past hurts in relationships (they were not damaged goods)

    7) they walked with the natural sway of women’s bodies, and

    8) they gave the apperance of being oblivious of their own beauty,

    9) they were the ideal weight for their height, (not skinny or pudgy),

    10) they appeared, confident, self assured, and free of any desire to compete with men or turn any man into another pet or accomplishment.

    Black Women do not have to be light-sknned, with long flowing hai to get a Black man , nor do they have to collaborate with “the enemy.”

    I wrote this because it seems discussions on any subject regarding any special problem of Black Men, quickly degenerates into one or more Black women castigating Black Men for not bowing at their feet simply because they are women and staking out the claim they have been more put-upon by the whole world including Black Men. “i.e. Dark women have it the WORST”

    When the imprisionment of Black Men first started spiking in the nineties, did Black Women, (or anybody for that matter) dicuss how to stem of stop the imprisionment ? No ! Instead Black women talked about the “feminization of the prison industrial complex.”

    Did any significant number of Black Women read and discuss “Search and Destroy: The American Criminal Justice System and Young Black Males – by Jerome Miller ?” No !

    There is blame that accures to the Black male; but Black Women must accept their own contribution to sins of omission/commission regarding their current social position and NOT use their perception of victimhood to distract from discussions of the real problems facing Black Men of whatever hue !!

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  • Smacks_hoes

    It’s just skin color people why give it so much power.

  • Hottness

    As a medium brown woman I never had people tell me im too dark or too light or even say anything about my color. But I do have a preference and its not dark men or light men its about my color. Dark men want white women and light skinned men think they are the holy graile so I don’t even look their way they usually want a janet Jackson, tyra banks, ashanti perfection of a brown skinned type sister darker than them but not dark skinned at all.

  • real g

    its so ignorant to me ho black women can cry about the plight of dark men while making light skin men feel the same(read the article). Lightskinned men are treated the way dark men use to get treated! its like black women said it aint no sense of beating a dead horse lets go find another group of black men to hurt. I think lightskin men should follow the dark dudes and leave black women alone.We were the last thang yall had left while the dark men dated out but o well the white girls and spanish chicks show me love its all good

    • http://www.facebook.com/dana.cotton1 Dana Cotton

      In other words you got your heart broken by a Black woman before and now you’re bitter? Your comment is so simplistic. Grow up, not all Black women mistreat Black men with light complexions just as not all “dark dudes” have left Black women alone. Stop being so pressed and don’t allow a few bad experience make you so angry.

  • MixedUpInVegas

    Being medium dark myself, I understand the issue all too well.  However, to me, a handsome man is a handsome man.  What if any children you might produce are not an issue–that is, you aren’t going to have any?  Does that free you to pursue any relationship withought that concern?  Personally, I’d think that the marriage comes first and remains after any children–if any–and is therefore the most important issue.

    • Real Black Man

      So well spoken … even though I’m responding a year later (lol).

  • devildog808

    And let me add, it’s sad that in 2012 this continues to be a topic of discussion among black people!

  • devildog808

    I just don’t care for Taye Digs. So his solution to his color comple was to marry a white woman? LOL typical foolishness! I’ve heard and read some of his previous comments and I am no longer at all impressed with him.

    As for the “color code”. I think dark skin men are treated much better than dark skinned women. Dark skin men are highly sought after while dark skin women, who are equally attractive, tend not to be. The beauty myth handed down to AA is a sad thing. Black men and women are simply gorgeous no matter the complex and that’s all you need to tell yourself and your children. Damn the media lies and tricks!

  • renee

    Why would they not? Why do you think so many dark-skinned men have white women on their arms. In recent years, I believe the “light skin guys are out” mentality has erased alot of the complex with dark skin men. But it’s still sad because alot of those dark-skin men still will not pay attention to a brown or dark-skinned woman.

  • LissaC

    I have two brothers, one is very light , the other very dark  and I in the middle (same parents). My one brother who is light will not date anyone lighter then me becasue he wants brown skin children and the other will not date anyone darker then me cause he DOESN”T want brown kids. They were both teased as kids for there color. It has left a terrible mark on them. My beautiful darkskin brother feels he has to prove his worth every day, even though he has his masters and a six figure job. My lighter skin brother thinks all brownskins men hate him. Its sad cause all of the teasing they went thru were all from black people and they both have a complex even though they would never admit. We need to learn to treat each other better, or we are going to continue this cycle.

    • Kckitty40

      So sad!!!

  • guest

    I think African Americans have a color complex in general that will not go away any time soon. African American men are definately not exempt. If you really think about it there is no way that the low self esteem associated with color could only impact women.

    In addition, light skinned men never really went out of style, and the Black Power movement did not solve all of the psychological side effects African Americans suffered from due to slavery,Jim Crowe, etc… We are still very cruel to one another, we still tease one another over hair texture, color, and African features. We are just as bad, if not worse than other races when it comes to this.

    Light skinned people get teased as well for being too light, and many black women literally hate other black women with naturally long hair. We just continue to deny the fact that we are emotionally abusive to one another.

    I used to wonder if I was the only one who noticed that the images of black men became increasingly negative as the complexions became darker in the media. Wesley Snipes was a drug dealer in New Jack City, the movie that made him famous and noticeable. Rappers and Hip hop artists are associated with violence and while pro atheletes are rich, the image of black men in general seems to be more “thugish and gangsta”, than it was in the 80s when black men represented in the media were typically lighter.

    “Black Man” does not equal “clean cut” today. There are also a great deal of people in Hollywood with Bi racial children and they have a great deal of power. So in the future, they will probably start casting people who look like their children, if not their own children, in movies and TV. They probably will not be cast as drug dealers.

    Not all women prefer dark skinned Black men, the dark in tall dark and handsome is relative. I personally still like lighter skinned men and many of my friends who are no African American think that Micheal Ealy and Shemar Moore are dark.

    Finally, there are a great deal of beautiful people with low self esteem. The world is full of jealous and competitive people, who usually mistreat those they are threatened by. Everyone else goes along with the crowd and mistreats them as well. So if a person is told they are ugly they will eventually believe it even if they are beautiful.

    I’m sure you’ve heard that saying, “God don’t like ugly and he ain’t to fond of pretty either.” So I agree with Taye Diggs although I think he neglected to understand that light skinned people are often mistreated by darker skinned people as well. We just seem to like to pull each other down, it’s sad.

  • Candacey Doris

    I know that black men sometimes feel this way. I find it weird. Dar skinned men are just better looking to me! Not that light skinned men aren’t good looking but…yeah. Give me dark chocolate, then milk chocolate, then caramel. Cream coffee and white chocolate are optional.

    • Real Black Man

      To all the sisters on this board, I’m going to use this sister’s post @Candacey Doris to prove a point. These are her words, “…yeah. Give me dark chocolate, then milk chocolate, then caramel. Cream coffee and white chocolate are optional.”

      She’s expressing her preference/desire for a chocolate brother, then she goes all the way down the line and list her last choice as a light skin brother. Now this may not seem harmful to some of you sisters, but I’ll tell you what. You’re confused and bewildered why the dark skin brothers don’t show much interests in you (except maybe for a ‘QUICK’ booty call and out). Its because this is the same way a lot of you black women spoke of him ‘back in the day,’ pre-Michael Jordan days. Now the chickens have come home to roost and he has OPTIONS. Though times have changed, many of them are still carrying that HURT around and would rather exercise their OPTIONS rather than take a SERIOUS look at you. Because that HURT stays around for a long time. Many of them are not buying all of this so-called LOVE you’re now showing, talking about ‘how much you looove some chocolate.’ They still remember back in the day, and three things are at play. For many the old hurt is still there; they don’t trust you and feel you’re just giving shallow compiments now that things have changed (i.e. too little too late; and now they have other options. Now a lot of black women have been doing the EXACT SAME THING to the light skin brothers (since the 90s), instead of saying ‘he’s too dark’ like many of you used to do to the dark skin brothers, now you’re saying ‘he’s too light’ to the light skin brothers And history’s about to repeat itself (as a matter of fact its already begun). Now many of the light skin brothers who were socially conscious and very proud of their African heritage and roots, and were trying to stand by their sisters (as the dark skinned brothers did in the past) and put them on a pedastol, are now saying f*ck it…all I’m hearing is these black sisters don’t want me, I’m out of here. Now they’re leaving in droves…just like the dark skin brothers did about a decade or so ago. I don’t understand why you sisters feel that you have to BROADCAST your dislike for one type of black man to show your loyalty or preference for another type of black man. This is very ignorant. Light skin brothers have always had OPTIONS in their dating pool, just like dark skin brothers have now. Personally, I’m from a large family. Among my brothers and sisters we have a mixture from light skin (my sister) about Beyonce’s complexion to medium brown (my oldest brother) about Snoop Dogg’s complexion. I’m in the middle of them, about Shanaa Lathan’s complexion. Trust me, I know MANY light skin brothers who used to love black women, from chocolate to banana cream pie, now saying they’re THROUGH with black women. And what’s weird is they sound just like the dark skin brothers used to sound back in the day. I’ve seen both sides now. Its nothing wrong with stating your preference, but I’ve heard a lot of ignorance along with preference (i.e. putting one skin tone down and praising another). You don’t hear too many women saying they like medium skin tone guys… a few, but not many. But I don’t give a d*mn. I don’t play the complexion game. My heavenly Father blessed me with a beautiful black woman, and it don’t make no d*mn difference what skin tone she is! I love you sisters, I really do. But I’ve seen you go down this road before back in the 90s and the dark skin brother flew the coup. Now a lot of you (not all of you, but a lot of you) have put down the light skin brother for over a decade and they are ‘getting out of Dodge,’ especially the young ones (maybe 18 – 35). I’ve read some things online that made me go ‘Ouch!’ Its was that negative and strong. I could see why the light skin brothers are making an exodus. I’m not necessarily agreeing with it (just like I didn’t with the dark skin brothers), but I sure in the hell can understand it. So here’s my final advice to you sisters. Don’t come on here and bash me, but just listen to me and take this to heart…seriously! STOP putting down BLACK MEN, PERIOD. Stop falling for the media hyped GAME, pitting dark skin men against light skin men (see, where’s the brownskin man lol), saying who’s your PREFERENCE, who you like more and all that. It sounds like you’re trying to build one up and tear the other one down. You may not realize it, but that’s the old slavemaster divide and conquer tactic, and you’re using it against your own men. Express love and admiration for all your black brothers, light, dark, and in-between. You have POWER in your words, and many of you have been using this power to destroy the men for a certain segment of your own race. And lastly, I don’t know if its already too late or not, but let black men have this perception of you:
      That you want, desire, and are seeking for a GOOD MAN. A man who will love, provide, protect and cherish you. Not a man who is “this complexion” or “that complexion,” “have to be 6ft 5″ and “make this much $$$.” Don’t come across as that sisters. Colors and all that stuff shouldn’t even enter the conversation ….it d*mn sure shouldn’t enter the PUBLIC conversation (that’s what make us look like FOOLS). That would go a LONGGGG way if brothers could hear a lot of you say for a change, you want a GOOD MAN (with all the qualities listed above and more), without saying this type is so much better to you than that type. Stop all this foolishness. I don’t know, the light skin brothers (especially the young ones) may have already started the exodus like the dark skin brothers, but its never too late. Just show some LOVE and RESPECT..for ALL THE BROTHERS for a change. If you do this, those good men (of ALL COMPLEXIONS) may start coming back ‘HOME.’

      • Candacey Doris

        I’m not dogging light skinned guys. When i say cream and white chocolate i mean white and hispanic. I have no care for people who don’t want me for the color of my skin or anything else. Options are for everyone, male or female, no matter what the color of your skin. And my preference is more a cultural one than one based on looks. I also come from a very large family, and we are very inclusive to many different races and cultures, but I find i get along with black guys (no matter what the color) and Indian guys (my caramel friends) best. Way to be sensitive.

        • Real Black Man

          I have to be serious (what you referred to as “sensitive”) because I talk to a LOT of young brothers. And this is no joke what I was saying; black men (esp. young black men) are turning away from black women, and dating (and marrying) other races of women. Back in the day I used to see only dark skin brothers (not just the medium dark, but the very darkest men) date white women. I never use to see the light skin men date white women (occasionally they would date hispanic women or some other ethnicity, but hardly ever white). But now I see so many young light skin men with white, hispanic and asian women. So the dark skin guys had already been dating the white women, now they’re adding hispanic and some asian. So you now have a lot of young light and dark skin brothers leaving the black dating pool and choosing to date women of other ethnicities. I have my black queen. This is not affecting me on a personal level, but it does concern me greatly on a cultural level. As I said in my earlier post, I seen dark skin brothers move on to other pastures because some of them felt like they weren’t receiving the love back in the day from the sisters. Now I’m seeing the light skin brothers move on to other pastures because a lot of them feel like they’re not getting the love from the sisters. So the question is AGAIN, what men are going to be in the dating pool for African American women (or what black men are going to be in the pool for AA women) ??? This should be a concern for our entire race, or the AA race as we know it, will soon be unrecognizable. Sisters, drop the SMALL STUFF, find and unite with GOOD BLACK MEN, irregardless of complexion, fantasy size/height, fantasy income level, … while there’s still some GOOD BLACK MEN available.

  • Miss_Understood

    I think we cannot separate this issue from the relationship issue because one factor is race and the other is gender. Black men are sorta balanced out because while they are racially discriminated against, they have more power in choosing a relationship.

    So, I definitely believe that dark skinned black males have issues with complexion but it is usually expressed outwardly towards women, especially black women, and how they choose (or don’t choose) a partner.

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  • Janay

    What I dont understand is how a group of women (black women) can publically uplift, praise, magnify such a group of men (chocolate brothers) who publically deny,degrade,devalue, and think theyre too good for you (chocolate sistas)….when YOU are the VERY, ONLY and SOLE REASON for their praises? I just cant for the life of me understand why black women do this to themselves?????????? That sht cray

    • Miss_Understood

      Are you saying that this is something all black women do or just dark skinned black women?

      I’m asking because I’m not a “full” black woman but I do identify as black and I love darker skinned black men. I’m not singing their praises from the rooftop but if someone asked me to describe my perfect man, he’d look more like Djimon than Boris.

      Anyway, I express my favor for dark men because I find them the most attractive and I’ve never been turned down by a light, dark or anywhere in between black man. I definitely have always felt the attraction to be mutual. As someone said earlier if a man uses complexion as the primary determinant of attraction then you’re better off without him.

  • FromUR2UB

    Yes.  I believe that dark-skinned black men have as many complexes about their skin tone as dark-skinned black women.  Dark-skinned people in general, have usually developed insecurities about their their hue by the time they’ve reached adulthood.  But if they were paying attention, they would have noticed that black women who like black men, and black men who like black women, often like them in all shades.  White people who go black, usually go dark.  Now, if you look like Rick Ross, then you have reason to think you’re ugly.  His skin tone has nothing to do with his grisliness (or should I say, “grizzly-bearness).  He’s just ugleh, and would be in any hue!  But even he can polish up: clean up his look, get in shape, dress better, and be more attractive than he is.  As black people, there’s someone out there who would want to make any one of us feel like “less than”, simply because we’re black.  So where did you get the idea that you have it worse?  And, I get tired of so many of you always choosing to see it as a worse offense to have been teased by blacks as children, than any racial discrimination you may have experienced in life from whites.  By now, you should know that generally when someone picks on you, it’s because of some jealousy or attraction.  Get a grip!

  • Live_in_LDN

    Let’s not play oppression olympics with the genders now….

    I guess it’s down to the individual. I know some dark skinned people (both girls and guys) who are super confident, have incredible sex appeal and take life by the horns but then again i’m bias as I don’t hang around with debbie downers.

    I’ve noticed from US mainstream media that light-skinned black men are often regarded as soft and effeminate. Even from the comment sections of blogs i’ve heard women state boldly that they would never be with a light skinned man (the irony). I’ve heard people call Drake ‘light-bright’ and ‘whiney jew’ in an offensive manner. I double Beyonce’s never been called ‘light-bright’ or ‘silly creole’ whatever. Just an observationn…

    • Kckitty40

      Your life is what you make of it. Not saying there’s not intra-racial discrimation, but you can’t make anyone like you or find you attractive. You might as well try to love yourself and live your life the best way you can. Life is way too short to worry about misguided people’s ignorant opinions.

      My two cents.

    • statingtruth

      The media in this country portrays the light skinned as beautiful and the ideal and dark as evil that is why you have so many blacks chasing after whites. Lightening their skin, wearing weaves, etc. The media doesn’t portray light skin in a negative way at all I have never seen that not even for men.

      • Live_in_LDN

        Compare how many dark skin men there are who get good, CREDIBLE roles and consistent work in mainstream Hollywood with light skin men, the numbers will prove my point.

        Dark skin male actors – Denzel Washington, Ibris, Don Cheadle, Morgan Freeman, Sidney Poitier, Samuel L Jackson, Eddie Murphy, Forest Whitaker, Laurence Fishburne…I can go on. Now light skin black men you get Will Smith and Terrance Howard and that’s about it. When Hollywood casts a black man there is a 99% he will be dark skinned and Will Smith is probably the rare exception in this rule. Dark skin men plays into the ‘tall, dark and handsome’ mantra and these men often get to play the sex symbol for female characters of all races.

        Now compare this with black women in Hollywood or black women in the media full stop. Most of the time they get a biracial, almost white woman to portray a black woman, Even commercials with black families, have you noticed that the father is almost darker than dark and the mother is extremely light skinned?

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  • Reds

    Two words … HELL YEAH! If you can’t see nor tell then mama raised a fool. Those dark knights are as backwards as daylight savings time. I’m a light skin woman so trust me! The hate I’ve heard came from dark men themselves. I’m sorry but that made me cancel dark men out PERIOD. No friends, relationships, sex, not even a good morning. I just can’t with them. Don’t worry. Black women outnumber black men 2,000,000+. With all the black men KILLING, IMPRISONED, GAY, HIV/AIDS, they’ll be bred out before us ladies. Give it about  another 50-100 years. Black men WHO?! They cause TOO much destruction to this Earth. Look how they have Africa. Complete CHAOS! I don’t see the need for them. 

    • promethean_dreams

      Get over yourself.  Dark skin men talk about you light skinned women behind your backs as well. 

    • statingtruth

      When dark skinned men are gone, black people are gone. This race started off as dark skinned before it was rapped.

      I don’t know what you have been dealing with but I have dark skinned men in my family and they don’t act like this. They love themselves and black women. The same is with other dark skinned men I have encountered all across the country. I feel bad for your experience but that is not the case with all dark skinned men.

  • Pivyque

    I think it’s possible, but I LOVE rich tone men…I have never really been attracted to light skin men.

  • Unnnh-hmm

    He’s trying to sell books, funny they all come circling the wagons wanting to talk about being black when they have something to sell. Why isn’t he hawking his wares and selling his black folk didnt love me and I’m just trying to help the little children drivel on the side of the fence that he’s on. Sistas can’t do nothing for you, remember, and that should include buying your book.

  • Prissy

    Dark women get it the WORST. It doesn’t matter how cute or nice we are, let a lighter skinned (who may NOT even be cute but gets a “pass” just because she is lighter) will get wifed up in a second! This is all BULL and you know it. NO one discriminates against dark men as much as they discriminate against us Brown to Dark Brown women… I am sick of this nonsense. 

    • Janay

      Well black women ALLOW it. You keep bigging up chocolate brothers when they do not reciprocate it. Now the world is bigging up chocolate brothers because we have done it for so long. But black men neeeever reciprocated it back. So no one is appreciative of dark skin on women. We are now reaping the consequences. Im not saying its black womens fault that this has happened. Its actually the black mans fault. But black women allow it so they are to blame for the continuation of this trend. Can someone explain in the history of ever ever everdom has a woman as dark as taye diggs been appreciated by the majority of black men no matter how beautiful she was?

      • Herman Cain

        You have some issues b***h get help every black man is not to blame for your lonely life stop being in denial about why no man wants you

      • promethean_dreams

        Black women are responsible for this problem.  Stop giving a f*** about racist black men.  If a man don’t want you because of your race then you are better off.  The majority of dark skin black men do love their black skin sisters.  They don’t big you up because you are not exotic to them.  You are the norm to which every other group of women is measured.  Honey you are beautiful.  Just stop chasing hateful boys.

    • promethean_dreams

      Let the haters have their light skinned women.  If a dark skinned man has such deep issues with dark skinned issues then you are better off without him.  What happens if you have kids together.  Look at what the self hating Joe Jackson did to his kids. 

      • Kckitty40

        Thank you. You can’t control the issues others have. Nor should you internalize their issues. As my Mom would tell me, if someone can’t appreciate you and your worth, that’s their problem. Keep your head up high and be the Queen you are. Queens don’t ask for respect. They command respect. And as I said before, if a brother is color-struck let him keep it moving.

  • promethean_dreams

    I am a dark skin dude myself.  I am just a shade lighter than Taye Digs.  I use to dislike dark skin dudes because I hated myself.  Once I got over that I realized that I actually wished I was darker.  There is a way that healthy dark skin shines that no other complexion can match.  Now that I love myself I absolutely love dark chocolate.  The darker the better. 

  • xfcvJ

    I used to love taye chocolate self, but then he started making disparaging comments about his short lived Tv stints not having good ratings becauseblack women don’t watch and are still hung up on his marital status to awhite women! Nobody cares and those shows were corny! It had nothing to dowith his love life. Besides,idris Elba is the truth! Gaye had amoment, but things have changes and I love dark skinned men. I don’t feel sorry for him onebit.

  • Janay

    Dark men and women suffer from oppression in this white mans world. They both do: TRUTH!  Here lies the difference: YOU READY? the DARK BLACK MANS ONLY SAVING GRACE is…………………BLACK WOMEN. Yes. Black women show love to dark men and chocolate brothers all the time. THey have been doing it for decades. They have been doing it so long that now the REST of the world has caught on and loves and accepts them too. But DARK BLACK WOMEN? They are NOT praised or shown love from BLACK brothas. The love is not reciprocated. So Dark women get it two fold: from white society and dark black men both. Its a very very sad double standard but a very true one indeed. A black woman as dark as taye digs will never ever ever to the millionth power be appreciated by the masses of black men. Who’s to blame? Black men because shame on you for allowing the white man’s perception of beauty to infiltrate your minds. Black women because shame on you because you keep enabling this double standard everytime you say I LOVE CHOCOLATE men knowing dam well the majority will not ever reciprocate it. The non black men would be more curious and interested in dark black women if black men praised them as black women do. But because they do not it leaves black women with the short end of the stick.

    • Big Mike

      Bullcrap.

      Get out here in the real world. Black couples are EVERYWHERE.

      This Theory has been debunked so many times it isn’t funny. Hopefully someone will post the study done by the BW professor at Howard about black marriages dating, and careers. It should have put this issue to rest.

    • promethean_dreams

      Only a minority of black men do not date black women.  We live in a sensationalist society.  The media often focuses on the people with the most issues.  Well balanced people don’t sell advertisement.  You can’t fix what is not broken.  You can’t sell a healthy well balanced person a fix for a problem they don’t have.  We also like to bring successful people down as a distraction to our own desperation.  This is why we see so few portrayals of healthy black relationships in the media.  You can’t sell self-help dating books to women when they can freely observe healthy relationships.  You can’t sell a black man on a materialistic lifestyle when he can freely see happy humble husbands all around him.  So the media hypes up the dysfunction and hopes that the general public starts to doubt reality.  This doubt breeds unhappiness.  Then all of a sudden their are new commercials for products to cure the unhappiness created by the gossip show that these commercial interrupt.  Ever notice how the same rappers that constantly tell you that there swagger is better than yours all of a sudden have clothing or jewelry lines to upgrade your swagger.  The cars in their videos are often paid for by the car makers.  These people are not doing it for free.  Do not fall for the their are not that many happy black couple myths.  There are many happy black couples.  The problem is that we need to expand that pool of happiness.

      • Case5252

        thank you for telling the truth on that one

      • Kckitty40

        Thank you. As black women, stop focusing on any misguided man for validation. Know your worth and others will too. If a guy is color-stuck, let him keep it moving. There are brothers who love black women of all shades.

        I am a black woman btw.

    • promethean_dreams

      Only a minority of black men do not date black women.  We live in a sensationalist society.  The media often focuses on the people with the most issues.  Well balanced people don’t sell advertisement.  You can’t fix what is not broken.  You can’t sell a healthy well balanced person a fix for a problem they don’t have.  We also like to bring successful people down as a distraction to our own desperation.  This is why we see so few portrayals of healthy black relationships in the media.  You can’t sell self-help dating books to women when they can freely observe healthy relationships.  You can’t sell a black man on a materialistic lifestyle when he can freely see happy humble husbands all around him.  So the media hypes up the dysfunction and hopes that the general public starts to doubt reality.  This doubt breeds unhappiness.  Then all of a sudden their are new commercials for products to cure the unhappiness created by the gossip show that these commercials interrupt.  Ever notice how the same rappers that constantly tell you that there swagger is better than yours all of a sudden have clothing or jewelry lines to upgrade your swagger.  The cars in their videos are often paid for by the car makers.  These people are not doing it for free.  Do not fall for the their are not that many happy black couple myths.  There are many happy black couples.  The problem is that we need to expand that pool of happiness.

    • promethean_dreams

      Only a minority of black men do not date black women.  We live in a sensationalist society.  The media often focuses on the people with the most issues.  Well balanced people don’t sell advertisement.  You can’t fix what is not broken.  You can’t sell a healthy well balanced person a fix for a problem they don’t have.  We also like to bring successful people down as a distraction to our own desperation.  This is why we see so few portrayals of healthy black relationships in the media.  You can’t sell self-help dating books to women when they can freely observe healthy relationships.  You can’t sell a black man on a materialistic lifestyle when he can freely see happy humble husbands all around him.  So the media hypes up the dysfunction and hopes that the general public starts to doubt reality.  This doubt breeds unhappiness.  Then all of a sudden their are new commercials for products to cure the unhappiness created by the gossip show that these commercial interrupt.  Ever notice how the same rappers that constantly tell you that there swagger is better than yours all of a sudden have clothing or jewelry lines to upgrade your swagger.  The cars in their videos are often paid for by the car makers.  These people are not doing it for free.  Do fall for the their are not that many happy black couple myths.  There are many happy black couples.  The problem is that we need to expand that pool of happiness.

  • Pingback: Do Dark-Skinned Black Men Suffer From a Color Complex Too? « Black Online Dating

  • Gabbie

    Do people have an aversion to calling themselves Black? Why is everybody calling themselves Carmel, Mocha, and Chocolate, Honey Brown? Get some racial pride. Do white people call themselves pink, milk and marshmallow?

    • Sugar_Spice

      Lmao, I’m dead off of “milk & marshmallow” but it is the truth

    • Ireadthisonyoursistersite

      I like it, you’re funny.

    • promethean_dreams

      You forget just how diverse black skin is.  All of these other adjectives are more descriptive.  Mocha sounds sexier than black.  I usually only refer to my skin color when I am boasting about how beautiful my skin is.  Very white people with clear complexions are said to have milky skin, which is a compliment.

      • Ireadthisonyoursistersite

        Celebrate the similarities not the differences. Black is black,tis all it is my friend.

        • promethean_dreams

          I completely reject the celebrate the similarities not the differences philosophy.  I absolutely love diversity.  I refuse not celebrate one half of the beauty of humanity because some bigots have given, “difference” a bad name. 

          • Ireadthisonyoursistersite

            I won’t argue with you, I understand what you are saying and I somewhat agree. I was just saying that if the differences are keeping us apart and oppressed we should just celebrate what we can all agree on;we’re all human. Black,beige,or indifferent.

      • Ireadthisonyoursistersite

        Celebrate the similarities not the differences. Black is black,tis all it is my friend.

    • Live_in_LDN

      What’s the problem? A rose by any other name….Atr least black people aren’t calling themselves ‘tar’, ‘puke’, dookie’ and ‘earwax’.

      And yes white people call themselves ‘milky’, ‘porcelain’, ‘creamy’ ‘bronzed  and the most common…’tan’ a whole lot.

    • statingtruth

      Even though this comment is on I have to let you know that Black is the name given to us by whites and that is why we don’t want the name. It was not an endearing name nor was it a name that symbolizes who we are. However, I do understand where your coming from because these carmel, mocha, and chocolate descriptions are used in away to say that I am light brwon I am dark and I am brown

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003085266535 Courtney Small

    you know the phrase “Tall,Dark, and handsome” yeah.. enuff said. Dark skin men have always been attractive. When you see white woman with a black man 9 times out of 10 he’s dark skin. 

    • Janay

      Actually if you ask white people where that came from it means Tall, Dark (hair and eyes) and handsome, not dark skin. Just look it up. Google “where does tall dark handsome” term come from. Most will say that, NOT a black man.

      • ImaaLin

        Thank you for pointing that out. A lot of people misconstrue that saying. 

    • promethean_dreams

      When white people refer to tall dark and handsome they mean darker skinned white people like the Spaniards and Italians.

    • Real Black Man

      The tall, dark, and handsome phrase was coined by WHITE PEOPLE, for WHITE PEOPLE (i.e. dark haired, brown-eyed EUROPEAN men as opposed to blond haired, blue-eyed EUROPEAN men). There’s actually some black people that thought this phrase was referring to them. And 9 times out of 10 when a black man is with a white woman, the white woman is overweight, unattractive, usually trailer trash. Sorry, I’m just keeping it real. I know what I see. You hardly ever see a black man with an ATTRACTIVE white woman. Even many of the rich/famous black men do not have very attractive white women. Tiger Woods new girlfriend has a pretty nice body and looks “ok.” But do a black man really have to be a billionaire just to get an “OK” looking white woman. That’s what it seems like. For non-celebrities, it looks like black men get the white men’s rejects (if you just go by physical attractiveness). So I wouldn’t brag so much about the white people’s phrases (tall,dark,handsome) that was speaking of white men, nor brag so much about dating white women when you’re usually dating the bottom of the barrel (in terms of looks). Black women are still by far the most beautiful women on this planet. Peace

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/V6O2EBOSDDIC3EESW3JS22OYWA Vic

    This site makes black women look stupid and naive on a daily basis. Get a clue people!

    • Anonymous

      Perhaps but the antics black men pull everyday make them look  stupid too ..all one has to do is turn on the news!

      • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/V6O2EBOSDDIC3EESW3JS22OYWA Vic

        I would assert that the antics white men and women pull every second of every day makes us ALL look stupid. 

  • Ireadthisonyoursistersite

    Why would you steal the article and not post it in full?

    Oh yeah because you wanted it to support your half a s sed theory.

    • Naadabee

      So feel free to read something else and add one of your wonderfully insightful comments that will be sure to uplifet everyone.  People do care and people do wonder about these things.  No harm in that or this topic…but since you’re sooo en”light”ed you can jsut coast and wait for the rest of us.

      • Ireadthisonyoursistersite

        Maaaaan learn how to spell or don’t let your emotions get the best of you,always proofread before submitting ESPECIALLY when trying to make soft insults. My comment is to the writer,so continue to be en”light”ed and “uplifet”ed through Brande Victorian’s opinions..and articles she half reports to support those opinions.

  • Big Mike

    As for Diggs, he is playing to his audience. This is mostly (and confusingly) a black woman’s issue, which is his target audience. Don’t sleep.

    • promethean_dreams

      I am also confused about all of the love Diggs gets.  Didn’t he say he doesn’t date black women.  After that I was completely turned off.  Dude is discriminating against my mom, cousins and future daughters.  He gets no love from me. 

  • Big Mike

    As a dark skinned man, I think this is horsecrap.

    You think I or any other man walks around all day wondering why the world is trying to crap on me because I am dark skinned?

    It’s only an issue when a person makes it one – and then I’d address the bigot/coon. Otherwise, everyone gets the same respect from me, and vice versa. When you do that, you will see that the vast majority of people really don’t give a damn about this topic.

    Free your minds, people.

    • Janay

      Its not an issues for black men as of 90′s to now because black women stopped letting the white man control their minds and learned to love dark skin. Its still an issue for black man because once again our men have failed to see past the mental shackles the white man has put upon your perceptions of beauty. But i bet you if black women started dating majority white men or mixed men or light men, and only putting them on tv shows, and in movies and magazines and songs, and starting making songs about only dating yellow bone men. OH IT WOULD BECOME A BIG ISSUE FOR DARK BLACK MEN. You men would start making documentaries too. I guarantee you that!

      • Big Mike

        1. Black men don’t date majority white women or latino women. You may have a point with light skinned BW.

        2. Black men have no control of who gets put on TV shows, or movies, outside of maybe Tyler Perry. And dark skinned women are ALL over magazines tailored to black men.

        3. I haven’t heard ONE song where i guy has said he ONLY dates ‘yellow bone women’.

        This whole arguement is based off false premises. Turn off the TV and free your mind.

        • Pivyque

          I agree with you. 

        • Janay

          Black men dont date majority white women or latino women because they do not have access to as easily. Its that simple. But the huge sector of black men date white or latino women when rich….guess why? More options. We have seen enough of the Kanye West, MJ’s (both of them) to know that a large percent of black men generally date his race when he doesnt have options.Its to the point now that when you see a rich BLACK man and hes with a BLACK woman its a SUPRISE. WTH?!?! lol and trust me i KNOW i have a point with light skinned BW thing. The problem is that the black community doesnt see a problem with this “point” that i have. It is very hypocritical and comes from deep rooted inferiority complexes that our men have and our women continue to enable and endorse.

          • Big Mike

            Again, turn off the TV. There are plenty of Rich black men who arent cooning for the cameras, and have black wives and families. And if you are talking about Michael Jordan – he was married to a black woman for over 20 years! Another MJ – Magic Johnson – has been with his black wife since college.

            Just stop it.

            • Run

              Juanita Jordan and Erlitha “Cookie” Johnson…BOTH light-skinned women…or, at least on the lighter end of the spectrum in Cookie’s case.

          • Real Black Man

            Sister, even though this [original] post is a year old, I’m just reading it. And I can’t believe the men (and some women too) who are trying to pretend that your “point” isn’t valid…like it’s all in your head. It’s NOT all in your head, your “point” is right on the mark! And I’m glad you held your ground against the posters who tried to come against you. Everything you’re saying is dead on…even 1 year later (lol). I remember a few years back Minister Lewis Farrakhan said it like this, ‘…when you hate yourself, you do not want to reproduce anything (i.e. a baby) that looks like you.’ That is what these black men are feeling, and it’s too hurtful and shameful for them to come right out and admit it. So they make excuses and justifications (e.g. light skin women are just my PREFERENCE, etc.). If you TEND to date one particular shade of women or men, but is still very open to dating others outside of that shade, that could be a ‘preference.’ But when you ONLY date a particular shade of black women or black men, that is NOT A PREFERENCE, that is DISCRIMINATION. You just have to call a spade a spade, and from what I’ve been reading on this board, your comments have been the REALEST by far. Thank you for standing your ground.

        • t.wilson

          you must not listen to lil wayne

        • Run

          As for number three, you are way wrong. Li’l Wayne starts his first verse in “Every Girl…” with the words, “I like a long-haired, thick red-bone…” The song goes on to mention some of the objects of the rappers collabing on the song: Sanna Lathan, Megan Good, D. Woods, Miley Cyrus, Paris Hilton (as if she’d date a black guy), etc.

          Moreover, the music videos themselves are powerful and telling. They promote light-skinned women in the same way white rock videos favor blonde-haired blue-eyed vixens.

  • Guest

    Yes I think both darker and lighter skin men do have a complex. We grow up in a society where our skin tones take on a negative connotation in the eyes of other races even though men of color are some of the most desired physically. But it starts at home where men learn early their self awareness. If you teach a child that they are beautiful no matter what at home they grow up with the confidence of knowing no matter what anyone says they are attractive. Sometimes even though we tell our children this media says otherwise which does play on the feelings too which can lead to self hate. So some men attempt to create what seems as attractive in there eyes a child with features not of their own because they don’t see themselves as attractive. Not saying that the man does not love the woman but some men do mate with women because of this reason. 

  • Asantewaaspeaks

    Yes this is true. I saw the documentary “Dark Girls” and it came out in the Q&A that darker skinned men get longer prison sentences than lighter skinned black men.  Yes, in a country where dark means ugly, bad, and stupid dark skinned men face a similar struggle.  I heard a medium brown guy say that we would never marry a black woman who looked like him because he loved his children too much to have them have nappy hair.  He married a Mexican woman.  I do agree that darker skinned women face the worst of the color complex because as the author said women are held to stricter Euro-standards of beauty. But dark men are certainly not exempt.  I’m praying for the race. 

    • Asantewaaspeaks

      Just to clarify.  I know that one’s skin tone has nothing to do with one’s intelligence and that dark skin is stunning.  However the American English language tends to equate dark with bad, ugly etc.  We have to change that.

      • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_E54SCOJKYVWHNOSERA4R5IOHHI Truth Hurts

        Unfortunately there will always be discrimination based on color. Fast fowarding the US 40 years from today, majority of the US will in fact be mixed, and appear lighter skinned. And this is where Brazil is today 2012, lighter skinned, yet the discrimination is still present, only now the black/dark skinned is considered around what Keri Hilson’s color complexion vs White. And although mixed complexion dominate the Brazilian population, Whites account for majority of the front page Model magazines and glorified more than mixed darker people. Now, we/US do have a chance to fix this in America but it will take time, and people have to be open and willing to embrace better perceptions of “Black” and “Dark” people.

      • Janay

        But in order to change that it starts in the home. The home meaning the root of blackness which is black men and women. If black men themselves are too defeat, colorstruck and caught up in the white mans perception of beauty to appreciate a dark black woman, then how in hell can the rest of the world. It starts at home. If you dont love yourself no one else will. If black men dont love dark beauty, no one else will. And since black women love dark beauty, non black women do too. Its that simple

        • Thatsme13

          I was raised that Black people are just better because we come in all shades. I was taught as a child to LOVE Africa and love my brown skin. My daughter is dark skinned and I’ve taught my kids that the darker you are, the closer your roots are to Africa. IT ALWAYS amazes me that darker skinned kids allowed the uneducated to kill their self esteem. Black is nothing less than perfection. Its all I know…

          • http://loveessence.com/ Ms Loveessence

            I agree with so many of the comments that our healing and awakening startes in our homes.  ThatsMe13 is teaching his kids to love their skin. Whether your skin is white as milk or dark chocolate your physical beauty emerges from your features and your total beauty emerges from your spirit. 

  • MOT

    I agree. We are judged as being thieves, liars, “hood”, n*ppy headed, lazy and every other thing you can imagine compared to our counterparts. Set a light skin male next to a dark skin male in a line up and ask which one is more prone to do something violent, harmful or wrong and watch what happens. I have to work out extra hard, brush my hair like crazy just to appeal to an average looking woman.

    • Janay

      Now mot take that same oppression that you feel you experience and on top of that look at a magazine and every magazine has a light skinned male, light skinned actor. Every female musican, actress, politician or woman you find as a woman in the high ranks of society with a light skinned male or white male or hispanic male only. Find that everytime you turn on the radio you only hear females singing songs about the “light skinned” male of their dreams. Imagine that you never heard black women saying I LOVE CHOCOLATE BROTHERS but only heard I LOVE RED BONE FELLAS. Now the oppression that you experience is a real one, but your saving grace is that there is a large pool of women who love chocolate brothers like you. But just imagine how your life may be turned upside down if your experienced the things I just stated as many darker women do? Hard pill to swallow huh?

    • Janay

      Basically everything you described as being judged as liars, “hood”, nappy headed are the main judgements by white counterparts and nonblack society. But dark black men can live with the peace and confidence that black women still love their dark azzes. But on the contrary dark black women are dealing with discrimination two fold. By white society and black men. Those same traits you feel that you are judged as by society also could be applied to dark women but the sad thing is dark black women come home to their black communities and get the same treatment from black men. Shame on black men for taking part in this act of hypocrisy and shame on black women for enabling this behavior.

      • Meme

        amen

      • MOT

        No I’m sure I’m talking about women of the same race. Do black women really get the same treatment from all black men or could it just be the black men that you deal with?..but I guess you can turn that around and say it may just be the women that I have dealt with, and maybe you would be right, but the fact of the matter is I too have faced the darker complexion issues.

        But I would easily take a Kelly Rowland over Beyonce any day.

        • Run

          I love women of all shades! Tika Sumpter, Naomi Campbell, Roshumba, Michelle Obama…fine dark sistas!

          And although neither would be my type romantically, I find Alek Wek and Grace Jones to be extremely beautiful.

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