You Gets No Respect: The Vanity of Surrogacy

January 16th, 2012 - By Brande Victorian

There are women who use surrogates to have children because they can’t get pregnant by natural means and then there are women like Chris Bosh’s wife, Adrienne, who use surrogates to maintain their figures.

That’s the latest rumor surrounding the Miami Heat player and his wife who announced they were expecting their first child almost two months ago. According to Bossip, the couple will be using a surrogate because Adrienne is worried about becoming fat and ruining the body she works so hard to maintain. But course no one wants to admit anything as superficial as that, so the tiny newlywed, who is supposedly five months pregnant, is expected to go into hiding soon to make sure the media doesn’t create another Beyonce fluctuating baby bump situation.

Now I’d be lying if I said I knew what it was like to have a body so perfect I couldn’t bear the thought of letting a baby destroy what I worked for, but when I say I wouldn’t want to be the mother explaining to my child that I didn’t give birth to him because I didn’t want stretch marks, I’m telling the truth. And trust me, that child will find out, just like gossip sites already have.

I find nothing dishonorable about a woman exercising all of her reproductive options when she can’t conceive the traditional way, and those women are certainly still “real” mothers in my eyes. But there is something so Saks 5th Avenue snobbish about Adrienne’s rumored choice that I can’t hardly stand it. It’s vain, it’s dishonest—it’s a rich, good-looking people problem that, when compared to the millions of women who would die just to be able to give birth to their own child or have a healthy baby at all, just leaves an indescribably nasty taste in my average woman mouth. Her situation reminds me of why people were so upset at the false pregnancy rumors surrounding Beyonce. If you just come out and say, “Hey I’m using a surrogate,” you’ll still get a few side-eyes, but you at least get the respect of being honest. When you put up a charade and pretend to be pregnant when you’re not, it’s dishonest and suggests you’re ashamed of the choice you made yourself.

No one has the right to police anyone else’s womb, but to me this choice calls into question just how much she wants a child. Is it an accessory or is it something she’s willing to work for and invest in as much as her body? Child birth is just the beginning of the wear and tear being a mother takes on you mentally and physically. If you’re not willing to go through that pain, how will you handle all of the issues that come down the line? There’s not a quick fix for everything if you actually plan on being an involved mother and I wonder if Adrienne has grasped that. I’m not hating on her ability to throw out money and take advantage of this option, I just think it speaks volumes about her views of motherhood. Lots of women who marry athletes already get bad raps for being gold diggers and considering the couple just got married in July, this choice kind of screams “lock in child support” as opposed to “I want to build a family,” but maybe that’s just me.

What do you think about using a surrogate mother to protect your figure? Do you respect mothers who do so? Would you ever consider it?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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  • Pivyque

    I 100% believe that women that use surrogates for vanity are still real mothers. If I ever have that option, I would do it.

  • Deedee_404

    Surrogacy was legalized so that couples who had a medical reason taht hindered them from having their own child together could have an alternative to adoption. It was not meant to be a free pass to the highest bidder for people to throw cash at others to have their kids so they can “keep their figure”. This is a travesty and makes a mockery of women like Juliana Ransic and others that so desperately want the opportunity to have a pregnancy and bond with their baby through  that experience.

  • Deedee_404

    She ought to be ashamed of herself

  • Cutitout

    What figure does she have to protect? lies. Not worth a post. Just ignorant ghetto lies. Black folks really need to stop obsessing over Celebrities and atheletes. Why do we even need to know her name? since when are random “wives” of basketball players viable celbrities? Since black women began to watch sports games like infomercials for eharmony…. Word to the wise, The chances of you marrying a professional athelete are about as slim as you waking up looking like Nicole Kidman. Stop getting wrapped up in these peoples lives and getting so jealous that you need to make up silly rumours about their personal lives out of envy…sheesh. These women are not your competition, you are not in the game.

  • Esther

    I’m not sure people realize this but Jay-Z mentions in his song about the baby that Beyonce had had a previous mis-carriage prior to Blue Ivy. So if she chose to use a surrogate that’s her choice. [The song implies the baby was conceived in Paris. -Unless he means deposited successfully in a suuogate.] This is a very sensitive issue people & it is devastaing for someone to lose a child . Please be respectful & stay out of peoples business in THIS area. BEING IN THE PUBLIC EYE DOES NOT MEAN ENTERTAINERS ARE OBLIGATED TO SHARE EVERYTHING ABOUT THER LIVES! Siiigh… 

    • Esther

      oops. I meant….”-Unless he means deposited successfully in a surrogate on that day in Paris.”] The pictures of her on the beach in a white baby doll 2 piece with her belly showing PROVES she was pregnant at some point….

  • Gman

    I feel you: Real talk