You Gets No Respect: The Vanity of Surrogacy
There are women who use surrogates to have children because they can’t get pregnant by natural means and then there are women like Chris Bosh’s wife, Adrienne, who use surrogates to maintain their figures.
That’s the latest rumor surrounding the Miami Heat player and his wife who announced they were expecting their first child almost two months ago. According to Bossip, the couple will be using a surrogate because Adrienne is worried about becoming fat and ruining the body she works so hard to maintain. But course no one wants to admit anything as superficial as that, so the tiny newlywed, who is supposedly five months pregnant, is expected to go into hiding soon to make sure the media doesn’t create another Beyonce fluctuating baby bump situation.
Now I’d be lying if I said I knew what it was like to have a body so perfect I couldn’t bear the thought of letting a baby destroy what I worked for, but when I say I wouldn’t want to be the mother explaining to my child that I didn’t give birth to him because I didn’t want stretch marks, I’m telling the truth. And trust me, that child will find out, just like gossip sites already have.
I find nothing dishonorable about a woman exercising all of her reproductive options when she can’t conceive the traditional way, and those women are certainly still “real” mothers in my eyes. But there is something so Saks 5th Avenue snobbish about Adrienne’s rumored choice that I can’t hardly stand it. It’s vain, it’s dishonest—it’s a rich, good-looking people problem that, when compared to the millions of women who would die just to be able to give birth to their own child or have a healthy baby at all, just leaves an indescribably nasty taste in my average woman mouth. Her situation reminds me of why people were so upset at the false pregnancy rumors surrounding Beyonce. If you just come out and say, “Hey I’m using a surrogate,” you’ll still get a few side-eyes, but you at least get the respect of being honest. When you put up a charade and pretend to be pregnant when you’re not, it’s dishonest and suggests you’re ashamed of the choice you made yourself.
No one has the right to police anyone else’s womb, but to me this choice calls into question just how much she wants a child. Is it an accessory or is it something she’s willing to work for and invest in as much as her body? Child birth is just the beginning of the wear and tear being a mother takes on you mentally and physically. If you’re not willing to go through that pain, how will you handle all of the issues that come down the line? There’s not a quick fix for everything if you actually plan on being an involved mother and I wonder if Adrienne has grasped that. I’m not hating on her ability to throw out money and take advantage of this option, I just think it speaks volumes about her views of motherhood. Lots of women who marry athletes already get bad raps for being gold diggers and considering the couple just got married in July, this choice kind of screams “lock in child support” as opposed to “I want to build a family,” but maybe that’s just me.
What do you think about using a surrogate mother to protect your figure? Do you respect mothers who do so? Would you ever consider it?
Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.
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