You Gets No Respect: The Vanity of Surrogacy

41 comments
January 16, 2012 ‐ By

There are women who use surrogates to have children because they can’t get pregnant by natural means and then there are women like Chris Bosh’s wife, Adrienne, who use surrogates to maintain their figures.

That’s the latest rumor surrounding the Miami Heat player and his wife who announced they were expecting their first child almost two months ago. According to Bossip, the couple will be using a surrogate because Adrienne is worried about becoming fat and ruining the body she works so hard to maintain. But course no one wants to admit anything as superficial as that, so the tiny newlywed, who is supposedly five months pregnant, is expected to go into hiding soon to make sure the media doesn’t create another Beyonce fluctuating baby bump situation.

Now I’d be lying if I said I knew what it was like to have a body so perfect I couldn’t bear the thought of letting a baby destroy what I worked for, but when I say I wouldn’t want to be the mother explaining to my child that I didn’t give birth to him because I didn’t want stretch marks, I’m telling the truth. And trust me, that child will find out, just like gossip sites already have.

I find nothing dishonorable about a woman exercising all of her reproductive options when she can’t conceive the traditional way, and those women are certainly still “real” mothers in my eyes. But there is something so Saks 5th Avenue snobbish about Adrienne’s rumored choice that I can’t hardly stand it. It’s vain, it’s dishonest—it’s a rich, good-looking people problem that, when compared to the millions of women who would die just to be able to give birth to their own child or have a healthy baby at all, just leaves an indescribably nasty taste in my average woman mouth. Her situation reminds me of why people were so upset at the false pregnancy rumors surrounding Beyonce. If you just come out and say, “Hey I’m using a surrogate,” you’ll still get a few side-eyes, but you at least get the respect of being honest. When you put up a charade and pretend to be pregnant when you’re not, it’s dishonest and suggests you’re ashamed of the choice you made yourself.

No one has the right to police anyone else’s womb, but to me this choice calls into question just how much she wants a child. Is it an accessory or is it something she’s willing to work for and invest in as much as her body? Child birth is just the beginning of the wear and tear being a mother takes on you mentally and physically. If you’re not willing to go through that pain, how will you handle all of the issues that come down the line? There’s not a quick fix for everything if you actually plan on being an involved mother and I wonder if Adrienne has grasped that. I’m not hating on her ability to throw out money and take advantage of this option, I just think it speaks volumes about her views of motherhood. Lots of women who marry athletes already get bad raps for being gold diggers and considering the couple just got married in July, this choice kind of screams “lock in child support” as opposed to “I want to build a family,” but maybe that’s just me.

What do you think about using a surrogate mother to protect your figure? Do you respect mothers who do so? Would you ever consider it?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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  • Pivyque

    I 100% believe that women that use surrogates for vanity are still real mothers. If I ever have that option, I would do it.

  • Deedee_404

    Surrogacy was legalized so that couples who had a medical reason taht hindered them from having their own child together could have an alternative to adoption. It was not meant to be a free pass to the highest bidder for people to throw cash at others to have their kids so they can “keep their figure”. This is a travesty and makes a mockery of women like Juliana Ransic and others that so desperately want the opportunity to have a pregnancy and bond with their baby through  that experience.

  • Deedee_404

    She ought to be ashamed of herself

  • Cutitout

    What figure does she have to protect? lies. Not worth a post. Just ignorant ghetto lies. Black folks really need to stop obsessing over Celebrities and atheletes. Why do we even need to know her name? since when are random “wives” of basketball players viable celbrities? Since black women began to watch sports games like infomercials for eharmony…. Word to the wise, The chances of you marrying a professional athelete are about as slim as you waking up looking like Nicole Kidman. Stop getting wrapped up in these peoples lives and getting so jealous that you need to make up silly rumours about their personal lives out of envy…sheesh. These women are not your competition, you are not in the game.

  • Esther

    I’m not sure people realize this but Jay-Z mentions in his song about the baby that Beyonce had had a previous mis-carriage prior to Blue Ivy. So if she chose to use a surrogate that’s her choice. [The song implies the baby was conceived in Paris. -Unless he means deposited successfully in a suuogate.] This is a very sensitive issue people & it is devastaing for someone to lose a child . Please be respectful & stay out of peoples business in THIS area. BEING IN THE PUBLIC EYE DOES NOT MEAN ENTERTAINERS ARE OBLIGATED TO SHARE EVERYTHING ABOUT THER LIVES! Siiigh… 

    • Esther

      oops. I meant….”-Unless he means deposited successfully in a surrogate on that day in Paris.”] The pictures of her on the beach in a white baby doll 2 piece with her belly showing PROVES she was pregnant at some point….

  • Gman

    I feel you: Real talk

  • F3ral Anarchy

    white people have being using surrogates for years to maintain their a body as well as health.  why is it a big deal now?  Im actually surprised more women married to athletes/entertainers dont. 

  • flatlinecity

    Let me be blunt on a wild (maybe not too wild) speculation, if this is true it’s probably because he is flaming gay and does not want to be intimate with his beard, I don’t think it’s her vanity I think it’s his gayness. My gaydar screams when I see his picture and watch him play. 

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  • naija queen

    “… so the tiny newlywed, who is supposedly five months pregnant, is expected to go into hiding soon to make sure the media doesn’t create another Beyonce fluctuating baby bump situation.” 
    I hope this is just a rumor because I don’t think anyone cares that much. Who is she anyway?? 

  • Ericka Erika1

    Any way, id add if not just a rumor and its true. Im not to knowlegable on sarrogate but, if they were to get divorced and she sues fir child support cant Bosh just say “not your baby” and opt to keep his kid.

    • pregnantbombshell

      No, because more than likely it’s his Superman and her egg. It would be her child as well.

      • pregnantbombshell

        Superman =s his man juice, lol.

  • Ericka Erika1

    Wow!!! Were they do that at

  • Me

    Why should we care if she wants to be vain or not. Maybe the author needs another hobby. 

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  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003085266535 Courtney Small

    How is it vain, if she having a baby. Who gives birth to the child isn’t a determining factor on how the child will grow up.  You can have kids who are birthed from thier natural mothers, and still have bad childhoods.

  • Xiomara

    to say you get no respect is a bit harsh-we do not know all the circumstances that made them go for surrogacy. Some women can not conceive naturally….. And if it is for vanity, who are we to judge?? If women were not so vain you would not hear about so many women wanting their pre baby back by ANY means necessary…sounds like Adrienne may be saving herself a trip to a plastic surgeon and personal trainer (if she is doing it for vanity reasons)…

    • Xiomara

      *wanting their pre-baby body back by any means necessary*

  • Gmarie

    it’s vain, but it’s also their business. Obviously discussed and agreed to by the PARENTS of this baby. I respect good mothers period regardless of how their child was birthed.

  • Kelly

    Adrienne has the body type that goes to fat very quickly, I can see why she wouldn’t want to carry a baby. I’m sure millions of women would have preferred to use a surrogate instead of ruining their figures for kids, they just feel bad admitting it. You can’t hate on Adrienne because she has the money to do what tons of other women would do if they had the chance.

  • Worldpeacecutie

    Who cares,? It’s her life & her body. Honestly, pregnancy is not easy. Not every woman can handle the stress, pain and suffering of being pregnat full term- suffering of labor pain–  the incruciating pain of the actual birth- then the constant sore anguish felt on top and bottom of the body weeks after the birth is over. And after all that your body is out of shape and takes months to feel / look your “normal” self.          Of course the upside is you have a precious baby, but Im not discussing that part, only (some) of the physical negatives.

    • Simplescribble

      If you cannot handle all that pregnancy entails.. Motherhood is probably not for you.

      How selfish!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=2015378 Katrina Anderson

    I’m not surprised a woman would take the surrogate route in order to maintain her looks when you see that no matter how good you look, people will always say you’re not pretty enough. We live in a society that encourages us to judge celebrity beauty and even if our own looks are less than average, we somehow feel better about ourselves by mentioning that another person doesn’t meet our standard of perfection. I’ve never understood how men who are 50+ lbs overweight are quick to point out another woman’s flaws but fail to see their own. You can say she shouldn’t be so thin-skinned but I imagine that knowing everyone on Twitter will have something to say about your figure if you gain 5 lbs can be a little overwhelming. I say it’s your body and your business. There’s nothing to be ashamed about. Anyone who works hard to maintain their less-than-perfect figure should understand.

    • Smacks_hoes

      Preach

  • Business406

    If a woman wants to surrogate, that’s her business! Her body, her choice. you can’t be upset at what people choose to do with THEIR bodies. I think if more women could afford it, they would do it too. It’s still YOUR baby. It’s bad enough we have to raise them, thank God now we dont have to go through the stress, complications, and near death experience of labour. I’m sure they don’t care if a woman chooses not to use a surrogate, so why care if they choose to use one?

    • Deedee_404

      You are right, it is her body, but others both near and far have every right to question her dedication to the ideals of motherhood if she is too vain to even sacrifice gaining some weight to bear her own child when there is no medical reason she cannot. We reserve the right to question her because like every other mother that brings forth a child, that human being is now part of a society that includes us.

  • ctbabydoll

    or maybe she can conceive but can’t keep a pregnancy like Sarah Jessica Parker couldn’t after her son James Wilkie was born 9 years ago and doesn’t want to have to do bed rest from conception until birth like other real stars have had to like Audrey Hepburn Grace Kelly & Sophia Loren. a pregnancy doesn’t ruin your body it just changes it

  • martil luther king 365 days

    First of all, this is based on a RUMOUR, no one knows what or why she’s doing it. Why do people feel that because somebody is in the public eye they have to explain anything?  Should she go online to GOSSIP sites and reveal her medical issues if she has any?  Even if she is doing it for the wrong reasons how is criticizing her going to help anything.  Pray for her.  I don’t agree with not carrying your child because you dont want to ruin your figure, but most bad mothers push or have a  child cut out of them and it doesn’t make them a better mother.  If a woman doesn’t want to ruin her figure doesnt mean that she cant be a good mother it may mean that shes misguided, some woman who bask in the glow of motherhood and rounded bellies end up being terrible mothers. 

  • Shay

    Why are we reading about rumors?  It reminds me of those who claimed Beyonce was faking it, even when she started to get fat around the face and ankles.  When we have real evidence or credible sources, then we can report it. 

  • Allrightnow

    It is vain – if it’s true. She can afford to have a personal trainer after the birth.  Maybe she cant conceive.  I dont know.  Just strange and unfortunate that society places so much on looks that some women fall for it.

  • yeahthat

    her body is not all that great in the first place…

    • JESSEVANDELL

      Agreed. There are plenty of girls who look better than her in the face and the body. if this is true its both narcissistic and vain.

    • Allrightnow

      I wanted to say that in my original post, but I was trying to be nice