The Most Painful Things A Woman Can Say To A Man

January 16, 2012  |  
1 of 8

Some say that things just “get to us” more than they get to men. That we overanalyze things. That we let things affect our day (or our lives) more than men do. But, don’t be fooled: men have their weak spots too. Their Achilles heel. And, if you say any of these things they’ll be thinking about it for a while. Communication in a relationship is very important as I’m sure you already know, so be careful how you come at him with the following:

Sex doesn’t really do it for me

For some women, this is true. They don’t get off during intercourse. But if you say that to a man, he will be thinking, “Is she waiting for me to be done?” when you are having sex. So much so that it will be hard for him to even enjoy himself. He will also feel that doing other stuff to you is more of a task than a pleasure. If your relations in bed aren’t really spicing you up and you want to do something about it, find a sensitive way of telling him what DOES work for you, without giving him the idea that he’s just the worst lover ever, will probably be accepted a lot better than faking it so obviously.


You’re not meeting your potential

If in any way you insinuate that your boyfriend could have a better job, be a better person, is slacking off, or that you’re less than impressed by his career—that will crush him. It will make him feel like less than a man. It’s one thing to want him to be happy and encourage him to pursue his passions. It’s another to make snide remarks about how he should be doing better, especially if it’s more about making you happy than him.

“He can’t do that because we’re going to…”

If a friend asks your boyfriend to go to a game with him, a bar with him, on a trip with him—anything—and you jump in, maybe put your hand protectively on your boyfriend’s shoulder and say “He can’t, we’re going to my parents’ home that weekend,” or “we’re couch shopping that weekend,” I’m pretty sure you’re going to embarrass him. He isn’t necessarily embarrassed to do those things with you, but he is embarrassed that you answer for him because that makes him look whipped (whippity-whip whipped!). It makes it look like you made him do those things, rather than he chose to, and that you can and do speak for him.

I’m just going to get ____ to help me with this

Car problems, kitchen sink problems, even emotional problems—we usually turn too our men about all that. But if your boyfriend offers to help you and you say you’re just going to get someone else to take care of it, you make him feel like he is incapable of taking care of you. Listen to his advice. Take his help. Even if you know you’ll need further assistance, don’t tell him that from the start. Let him feel like you need him a little from time to time.

So and so is SUCH a good guy

Maybe you really do admire your best friend’s boyfriend. He does super sweet things for her. Maybe he does a lot of volunteer work or takes care of his sick mother. Or maybe he just takes her out a lot and buys her things often. Whatever it may be, don’t go ga-ga about that in front of your boyfriend. Maybe you don’t mean to compare them, but your man will feel like you’re trying to compare him to another man.


Wearing gifts from an ex

This isn’t something you say, rather, you do it of course. But it makes NO sense to a current boyfriend why you would wear or have gifts from an ex. Maybe you keep some gifts from an ex who you’re still on good terms with and were very meaningful to you, but, don’t sport the designer bag or bracelet an ex got you. That says to your boyfriend that you felt the ex was better at taking care of you—and making you feel special—than he is. Same goes for any old sweaters of his that you used to sleep in. Get some real pajamas!

You’ve gained weight

Women think men don’t care about these things. They think men don’t give a Shyte if they’ve put on weight. Nuh-uh. Men want you to find them attractive just like you want them to find you attractive! They don’t think it’s very manly to be openly upset about weight gain, but if you bring it up, they will be inwardly upset or worried about it. How about encouraging him to work out with you? Find fun ways to get fit together, ladies! But don’t poke his belly one day, giggle, mention that “You got big,” and make the joke that, “Somebody’s eating for two!” Don’t be that way.

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  • From a real MAN’s perspective these are spot on… as for the quality of women in the comments section-trash

  • GreatKissser

    The most hurtful words ever spoken to me: I wish my boyfriend could be more like you.

    ARGH! You KNOW I’m interested in you… your boyfriend could more more than just LIKE me, he could BE me! Oh, but what you’re saying is this: I want someone LIKE you but NOT you. How much more insulting can you be?

    • Hope Floats

      Aww 🙁

  • Dasdasd12

    What you women need to realize is that if us men were richer, better-looking, etc; then we wouldn’t be with YOU! 

    I make it a point to tell my gf this when she says I don’t ‘live up to my potential’ (code for ‘you don’t earn enough. You are less of a man.’)

    If I made more money, I’d be with a better woman.

    • Hope Floats

      OUCH. But nevertheless, ALL OF US are settling in one way or another.

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  • NoDifference

    These things have Nothing to do with gender. Most of these are things that you shouldn’t say to your significant other regardless of gender. 

  • It doesn’t matter what race she is, for they all do these things.

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  • Add these to the list:
    1. You make love just like your (Daddy | Brother | Aunty)
    2. What was your name again?
    3. That’ll be $20 for the BJ
    4. I guess it’s NOT size that matters afterall
    5. Remember how your parents said they had a daughter they gave up for adoption before you were born?  Surprise brother! 

  • If an immature a** man or woman says those things to their significant other, move on!

  • If ur man can’t handle hearing any one of these things then he’s a wuss part wimp part puss.

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  • Noemail

    it could be my own freakish drive to be the next ‘cosby’ family, but they say people, not just women, with their God ordained since of intuition, can often see others better than their own self image.  so why cant i say to my man that i see potential in him?

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  • Fed_Up18

    My god am I lucky….

  • hearyoume

    You’re not meeting your potential ”

    my brother’s very recent (like today) ex-girlfriend pretty much told him this and he was very upset about it as he’s tried hard to make their relationship work. Telling a person that they aren’t good enough they way they are isn’t somthing ANYONE wants to hear….if the person isn’t meeting their “potential” and what you want in an SO then MOVE ON!

    I have to remember the first one because I have a low sex drive…

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  • Eliza

    Really? THESE are the seven most painful things a woman can say to a man? This list is laughable. Whoever writes this crap needs better ideas.

  • KAJsolutions

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    • Trice

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  • F3ral Anarchy

    these things dont pain us.  they make us look for a new woman……and there is NO pain in that  :O)

  • someone please has to convince me that this isn’t a how-to manual.

  • Mama

    Where did this advice come from? Anyone who pays this any attention is going to walk on eggshells around their partner for the entire relationship.  Sorry – this is not good enough, come up with better comments than this.

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  • guest

    i like all of these ‘signs to look out for’ kinda pages, i think that you should add what to do on the end of each paragraph, gives us something positive to look out for

  • Femy Tayaba

    It’s painful to a man if a woman told him: Get lost! or Go to hell! or You can live six feet underground… or I wish you’re dead!

  • Awewqt

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  • Foxy

    The title should say “Boy” not Man. I know its not many men out there but a real man will not put up with half of the things listed. Smh

    • Mama

      Frankly, there is nothing there to put up with.  This article is nonsense.  People tolerate questions, comments in relationships, but I won’t know what they are if I don’t ask- so according to the experts I need to not ask – and according to the expert(s) who apparently hasn’t been around much, I should not travel down a path of question/comment.  I think the only way you would ever be sure is to comment and ask, egg shells just doesn’t do it for me.  Exploration is one of the prerequisites for getting to know someone; and we as women must remember that one size don’t and never did and never will fit all.  There are a lot of worse things women of all colors could say to their lover, husbands, and boyfriends.  ALL COLORS AND NOT JUST BLACK WOMEN

  • A Real Woman!

    I don’t agree with these. I think it’s pandering to a big ego and overly sensitive man who needs to grow up. Don’t buy into the hype, ladies!

    • MOT

      Most real women don’t act in that manner. The problem with some black women is that they break men instead of building them. If you feel like someone is not helping leave and run cause you can’t love somebody who is your opponent. Be cautious, but be righteous.

      • Mama

        In today’s society what the hell is a real woman, and who are you to determine what constitutes womanhood? Ok, “the problem with some black women is”, and who and what circumstances make you an expert on black women.  Personally, I am so sick and tired of women like you claiming you know what black women are – if you are black, you should think about your comments and if you are not black, check your self, you have no idea what makes some black women tick either.  You would do better to say “women” just because the site is on a black page.  So judging from your last comment, check this, a righteous women would never, ever, speak of another woman in the manner you just did.  Righteous knows that being a so called good woman knows no color.  So don’t come here to bash black women.

        • MOT

          Hostility. Since you asked…a real woman to me is a woman who knows how to politely tell a man about his downfalls or any issues she has with him. There was an article also about painful things women say to men, read that one? I did, although I don’t recall doing any of those things in my relationships. It was an eye opener for me, gave me the chance to understand where women come from. You are right about womanhood however, what do I know about it? Nothing, I’m not a woman and never said I did. What makes me an expert on black women? Never proclaimed to being an expert, but I have dated black women. You took my response as being bashful and if you felt offended I’m sorry was not the gist of my comment. Yes, I’m black and I’m taking from a black man standpoint who has dealt with what this article is saying. Another thing, I love black women, and if you are a black woman my message to you is to simply love your mate, hold him down, believe in him, and build and strengthen his heart instead of always finding the bad acknowledge the good. Being defensive to what a man says about his thoughts of a relationship is simply not taking the time to listen. I used the word SOME which maybe was overlooked, it is what I’ve experienced with quite FEW of the black women I’ve been involved with. Never would I say black women are any less than any other race, but since that is my preference and since I’m on a predominately BLACK site, with BLACK WOMEN, that is who I felt the need to address.

          • MOT

            men say to women


        Is the black man building the black women? Black Men are always looking for a mama.

        • MOT

          I DO, there are some things women do that drive me up the wall, but I know how to tell a woman how amazing she is to me. Hell, I’ve had far worse done to me then some of these things mentioned. But I know how to be calm and considerate, yeah I know all the right things to say. Black men don’t look for a mama, that coincides with yall mamas boy myth. You want comfort with who you are with and so does he. He does not want to cringe every time he is around you or feel at unease because of the things that are listed on this topic. No man good or bad wants to feel like less of a man.

  • darkman

    Except challenging our manhood performance, those things are just ennoying, or embarrassing…  Worse is to challenge him in front of the kids or his parents. 
    But the most painful is to tell a man: “BTW, the kids are not yours!!” A guy I knew was refusing to divorce until his pregnant wife told him the pregnancy is not his. It took him years to regain balance…

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  • Wiz

    whipped? more like Neutered.

  • Wuluwulu

      The article opened my eyes to just how fragile men truly are. 

    • Guest

      It is even worse if you love them.

      Why do you act stupid.
      My ex use to…
      You cant do simple $*#*.
      You acting soft/gay.
      It is not that hard.
      Your friends are wack.
      Broke  a%$.
      Mamas boy
      You look dumb.

      But the most hurtful thing a woman can say to a man is saying nothing at all. When you know something is wrong and she keeps it to herself. You know you getting all kinds of cursed out and you dont know why.

  • DeepThinker

    Other sayings to blow the male ego:
    1. Is it in there yet?
    2. I’m not seeing anybody else, but I don’t want you.
    3. You got hips and/or alot of junk in your trunk
    4. You need to be more ambitious.
    5. You can’t afford this.
    6. You’re so short.

    • Candacey Doris

      LOL @ you got junk in your trunk!


      Don’t forget….

      1.  You can’t fuk
      2.  Little dik
      3.  Bird chest
      4.  You’re balding and you look older
      5.  You have a big gut
      6.  Do u drive a big S.U.V to appear to be a tall man
      7.  You are corny
      8.  You aren’t as cool as you think you are   

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  • Punchinella ina shoe

    this is a dumba$$ article

  • Is It 5:00 Yet?

    “You are not the father.”


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  • Sdvgsre

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    I need a woman who can love me back 

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  • Guest

    I cheated!
    Not your kid!
    He better than you
    You mean nothing to me!
    I hate you.
    You broke.

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    • NicNic

      I agree with everything you said 100 % lol….Couldn’t have said it better

    • You said it!

  • MixedUpInVegas

    Once someone gives you a gift it is YOURS!  Your stuff isn’t his business.  How does he know you didn’t get it from your sister or buy it yourself?  Your guy doesn’t need to know where you got every bauble you own.  Just Saying is right–if it belongs to me, I’m gonna wear it!

    • Team nymphis

      The worst thing a woman can say to a man is “I’m pregnant”

      • Candacey Doris

        No, the worst thing usually follows that. “It’s your brother’s/Father’s/Best friend’s”. THAT sucks.

      • Madison

        “I’m Pregnant,” is NOT the worst thing a man could hear from a woman. That is a horrible thing to say!! If that’s the way you think.. then I’m sorry, but you must have had a truly fucked up life growing up. No one should take a New Life as something bad and unwanted. You disgust me.

  • Just Saying

    I’m not giving up my 1 ct. Diamond earrings. Even if they were replaced with 2 carats. That’s just stupid. I’ll give up the teddy bears and such but jewelry…not a chance.

    • sweettea

      Just don’t tell your boyfriend who gave them to you. Problem solved

      • Punchinella ina shoe

        i didn’t. he found the Gucci receipt.

        • Fed_Up18

          Tell your new man that you;re saving him money by keeping them!

        • His fault for going through your stuff, imo. 

    • Sdvgsre

      I am in Air Force and seek ing someone .

      I need a woman who can love me back 

      …I also got a username nathanm on _____【M’ilitáry S’oulmáté.C óM】–_____ 

      It’s the largest and best club for seek ing Army, Navy, Marines, Air Force,
      Police Force, and the admirers of those who wear the uniform.
      I just hope you don’t mind me being a soldier …Please Check
      it out!I’m serious

    • Punchinella ina shoe

      good 4 u. never phuk lo-end dk