Should I Confess My Affair?

January 6, 2012  |  

OOo… this is a juicy question right? Say you stepped out on your spouse or partner and for one reason or another, they didn’t suspect a thing. You would think you’d be happy that you got away with it; but in reality the guilt is really weighing on you.

What should you do? Should you continue living with your dirty secret or should you confess your affair?

Find out what a relationship expert at Your Tango.com had to say about this one?

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  • Honest Brotha

    Being honest can be the riskiest as well as rewarding thing you can do. There’s no way to avoid the hurt or lack of trust that comes along with infidelity. The monent you’ve crossed that line you’ve cheapened your relationship. At that point you have to rebuild. If it’s worth it you will do whatever it takes to rebuild it. If not you can move forward and live the life you obviously wanted because if you wanted what you currently had you wouldn’t have done what you did. More importantly you would have given him/her the same opportunity to have the life they deserve.

  • Matter of Thought

    If you make the choice to have sex with other people I think you should be straight forth with that information . Do you know how many people are killed by AIDS and HIV because their partners were somewhere else at a different time doing the same thing and bringing it on to someone else.

  • Is It 5:00 Yet?

    Cheating is already a selfish act, but hiding the indiscretion is just as selfish. Maybe your spouse doesn’t want to stay with you. Let him/her make that decision.

    Also, I’m a firm believer of things eventually catching up with you. It may not be the next day, month, or even year, but what’s done in the dark will eventually come to light. Ask that old couple.

    • Love_Sexy

      Agree 100%

  • Is It 5:00 Yet?

    The truth shall set you free…….

  • Caribbean in the house

    f***** dr.martin luther king.

  • Msgonzo10

    I think the problem is real world vs. fantasy. If I could be assured that he would NEVER find out, I think I would want to keep it to myself and I think I’d want to remain blissfully ignorant of his infidelity because I wouldn’t want to deal with the pain of the betrayal. However, we know that in life, when other people know your secret (and at least one person would be in on the secret), you no longer have total control over whether the secret remains in the dark and if it does come to light, the circumstances under which the secret is revealed. For those reasons, I think I would feel compelled to tell my husband of my infidelity because having already violated our vows, I wouldn’t want to add further insult to the injury by having him learn about my betrayal from someone else or in circumstances where he doesn’t have the ability to process and deal with it privately. At that point, I would be resigned to losing him for my poor judgment, the least I could do is come clean and let him decide what he wants to do going forward.

    • Love_Sexy

      Good point!

  • Caribbean in the house

    you see, you can’t even trust a afro-american ho because this is what they do to you. they will cheat on you with their stinking smelling like a fish puzzy eeeewwwww. don’t trust these nappyheaded ho’s. white girls is better honest & clean.

    • Torontochick

      Who failed to teach you how to read? You’re illiterate.
      And if you hate black women, why in god’s name are you on Madame NOIRE? Yes, we know, black women don’t want you. So you come on here because it’s the only place you could ever get a black woman to pay any attention to you LOL.

      • Love_Sexy

        Agree 100%………..This individual is complete utter trash and I do not understand why MN has not banned him/her or it……Just ignore the person because attention is what they seek.

        • Caribbean in the house

          go get rape or something because you need to trash looking ho plus i’m a man not a girl because if i was one i wouldn’t be on this site. i would be on the corners selling my puzzy like a girl but i’m glad i wasn’t born one. i can’t be banned anyway because i can go on other sites.

          ps. remember to go get RAPED.

      • Caribbean in the house

        it is you odd name NEGRO afro-american who is illiterate with your EBONICS language. the reason why you speak good european english because the white man thought you in order for you negro’s to get a good job & career. no i don’t like afro-american negro female stink puzzy because my caribbean/westindies females are better. i’m only on here because i have an VENDETTA against you afro-american negro’s.

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  • sweettea

    Dont do it again and take it to the grave

  • Torontochick

    No. As long as the guilt that tortures you will prevent you from going down that road again, take it with you to your grave. I believe my man has been faithful. But if I’m wrong? Thank god he’s been discreet. I don’t wanna know.

    • F3ral Anarchy

      cool so you are basically saying your man can outright disrespect you, your home and possibly even the bed you sleep in and because you dont find out…..its gravy…i hope more women are like you  :O)

      • Torontochick

        Don’t tell me what I am saying, O’ Arrogant One. You are not inside my head. I never said that he can do that in the future, but if he has done it singularly in the past and it is NOT an ongoing thing/conscious choice (as opposed to a one-time mistake that he regrets deeply), I would want him to keep it to himself.
        Also, it’s hard to feel disrespected about something which neither you nor anybody you know, knows about. A big part of what makes cheating so devastating is being publicly humiliated when it’s exposed. If no one you both know knows it happened, how can they lose respect for you or pity you? That is why I’d prefer it be kept discreet.

        • Sweetgal

          thats right him giving you an std isnt really a big deal if you dont know about it.

          • Torontochick

            Does all sex lead to STD’s in your opinion? Well, if he contracted an STD and then gave it to me, telling me is not going to eliminate the STD after the fact is it? If there WAS transmission of an STD, he can’t tell me anything that my next Pap smear wouldn’t.

          • Torontochick

            Does all sex lead to STD’s in your opinion? Well, if he contracted an STD and then gave it to me, telling me is not going to eliminate the STD after the fact is it? If there WAS transmission of an STD, he can’t tell me anything that my next Pap smear wouldn’t.

          • Torontochick

            Does all sex lead to STD’s in your opinion? Well, if he contracted an STD and then gave it to me, telling me is not going to eliminate the STD after the fact is it? If there WAS transmission of an STD, he can’t tell me anything that my next Pap smear wouldn’t.

    • TVAL

      And then you find out you have an STD. Is that discretion enough to jeopardize your health?

  • F3ral Anarchy

    smh@ saying nothing…so 1. you cheated which unless its an extreme situation you show ABSOLUTELY no respect for you mate. 2. you decide to hide so that they could possibly find out at a later time and have it be 100 times worse. 3. when you cheat and hide it you are not giving your mate the opportunity to decide for themselves if they want to continue the relationship. That choice is not for you to decide for them. 

    NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL BEING AN ALL AROUND A**HOLE.

    • Love_Sexy

      Co-sign.

  • darkman

    Hell no!!!
    Unless you get caught in the act by your spouse/love or a close relative, never confess. It make it worse,especially if kids are involved. Say nothing can buy you a lot of time, like this 96 years old italian who get caught 60 years after her affair because of a love letter (her 99 years old husband filed for divorce…). If it burns you, talk to your pastor/priest.

  • Ona2684

    Why make your partner feel bad just to clear your conscience so that you can feel better? If it was a one time mistake then live with your secret. If it’s a habitual thing then there is either something wrong with you or the relationship you are in.

  • Courtney

    I never confess an affair. And I don’t feel bad about it. I could care less.

  • Ms_Sunshine9898

    I did and it made things unrepairable worse and i wish i had just left it alone. . .

    • Honest Brotha

      Correction. It wasn’t confessing that made things worse, it was your infidelity. You have it backwards. You say you wish you would have left it alone (confessing) when in reality you should have left the other man alone. Correct?

      • Ms_Sunshine9898

        Yes you’re right, which is why I confessed. I meant that it made things worse because people had moved on with their lives, it opened old wounds, and it started a custody battle. As much as I wanted to the right thing, I contributed to ruining lives not only with my affair but with my confession which would have left all sides quietly at peace and at least blissfully ignorant. It was wrong to have the affair and I wish I could it take it all back, but opening old wounds in an effort to do the right thing caused more damaged than I intended. . . .

  • WHEELSONFIRE

    If ‘s a one time thing and didnt disrupt the family, mums the word.  Dont say a thing.  But if it causes problems, confess.

  • Love_Sexy

    In my opinion I would confess because its always best to be honest in a relationship…….Plus it would eat away at my concious…..But to each their own.

    • darkman

      Having a conscience is good, it should hep you to not fail again, but honesty will destroy your relationship beyond repair, instantly. The idea of you giving away his “property” is unbearable for most men. Lies are very profitable, ask any politician…

      • Love_Sexy

        The points you made regarding the fallout from confessing I am quite aware of.