Five Reasons Not to Give Up on Black Men

January 5th, 2012 - By Madame Noire

By Ama Yawson

Be honest.  I am sure that you have had a girlfriend or two call you and, before you can even say “Hello,” shout through the phone “Girl, I’m done with brothas—too much drama! It’s strictly the swirl from now on!”  I’m sure you’ve also read black women’s rants on blogs and comment boards all across the Internet about why they are not attracted to black men or why black men can’t be trusted. Although I fervently encourage all black women to be open to men of any race who can give them the love that their heart desires, I would discourage any black woman from completely excluding black men from her dating pools.  Here are just a few of the reasons why:

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  • Cerenatee

    I understand your point but no, I gave up on dating Black men a long time ago. Every race of men cheat but I think the percentage is much higher for Black men. I would guess 90% of all Black men cheat. Every Black man I know is a cheater. My father, my stepfather, my brother, all his friends, my boyfriends, my first husband, my cousins, my uncles, men with whom I attended college, men in my consulting firm…the list is endless. I have met one Black man, in my entire life, that I don’t think cheated. I thought I had met another one, an amazing married poet, but then he asked me to have sex with him. Yet again, I should have known. In addition, a significant number of Black men have multiple children, criminal records, live with their mothers, and lack employment. If you find one that doesn’t have multiple children or criminal records, and are gainfully employed at decent jobs, they think they’re God’s gift to women and they cheat. That’s just too much drama for me and not worth it.

    I haven’t dated a Black man in over 20 years and it’s been awesome. Every one I’ve dated has had a job and an apartment. They’ve had cars and drivers licenses. Only one person has had a child. And that I know, not one person has cheated. In over 20 years, not one woman has called me saying she was dating my boyfriend or my husband (my new husband is White). I haven’t found any text messages, Facebook messages, or any unknown numbers. In over 20 years, I haven’t had one man walk out my front door and not come home. I haven’t had one man go to the store 10 minutes away and come back 2 hours later, without so much as a phone call. I haven’t had one guy who would rather go to the club with his friends than with me. The last 20 years have been awesome and I’m not giving that up.

    I know my experiences with Black men are just that – my experiences. Maybe there are some great Black men out there and I just haven’t met them. That’s definitely a possibility. But from what I see other Black women going through, I have to assume those men are few and far between. Either way, I obviously attract Black men of low character – from childhood to college to the business world – and I’ve given up.

  • Pingback: Five Reasons Not to Give Up on Black Men | 93.1 WZAK

  • Kenny

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  • damnthatchucker

    I love black men and any other races who are respectful and loving towards me and those I care about. I just wish black women wouldn’t do stupid reality shows and sometimes give a bad rep to us all.

    • DamnThatChucker

      which in a sense makes other looks down on us and not want to talk to us. I hear black men say they don’t want black women because they are hood rats and ghetto and whatnot and I know for sure we are not. I don’t believe that men should categorize all women in this category but when we are represented this way day after day on TV and this is all that they see I can understand why they would feel that way.

      • DamnThatChucker

        well not all of us are hood rats and ghetto

        • Caribbean in the house

          yes you are afro-american negro b!tch so stop lying to yourself laquisha name ghetto stanky b!tch

          • Torontochick

            The irony is that merely from the way you type it’s completely obvious that you’re poor, low-class, and undereduated. Who cares what you think? You’re clearly from the ghetto and probably didn’t even finish high school. Not to mention the numerous issues you have projecting onto strangers. No wonder you can’t get a black woman to look your way.

      • Caribbean in the house

        of course we gonna look down on you you stupid ho, all afro-american negro b!tches have an attitude.

    • Caribbean in the house

      oh please, any guy who approaches you afro-american females you always have an attitude because you want guys for money & car so don’t come behind a computer & lie with your fake azz.

  • Cuba

    True story.  Both my cousin and I are in our 30s.  Since high school she use to exclusively date white, puerto rican, filipino men.  I use to criticize her, question why she doesnt date black men, I was on her back.  She just preferred non black men. At that time, I never dated non black men, YUK – so I thouht.
     
    In our late 20s we were out and a GORGEOUS a$$ black guy approached she gave him her number and they have been together ever since.  That same day a white guy approached me, what the hell- I gave him my number.  We have been together ever since.  Seven years later, Im married the same wm and we have 2 kids.  She is not married, no kids (although this is what she has always wanted).  Her guy has had a baby by another girl within their relationship and puts her through hell.  The first bm she has ever dated and he is a joke.

    That’s my story. 

    • Guest

      Thanks for your stupid and pointless story.

    • In All Honesty

      So, as a Black woman, is he a “joke” because he cheated? Or is he a “joke” because he’s Black?

      • Caribbean in the house

        f**** afro-american negro b!tches because they are ho’s anyway

        • Best_Guest

          is that you RickScorpio?? You sick POS loser!

          • Iknowwhoyouare

            It’s Guest

    • me

      It doesn’t suprise me a bit!

    • Cerenatee

      That’s about right.

  • Torontochick

    Well I can’t “give up” on what I never tried. LOL. Nothing against black men. I’ve known some very great black men, my dad #1 included (yes, I have two). I just prefer to date Caucasian men. But women who don’t? Well, more power to ‘em. That’s cool too! lol.

  • Big Mike

    Also, i’d like to make a suggestion for the ladies who want ‘good’ (there’s that word again) black men to approach them.

    Go all natural. All the time. Cut back on the weaves, the makeup, all of it. You will appear more down-to-earth and easier to talk to that way.

    And before you scoff at this, just think – you’ll be one of few doing it, which will increase your chances of finding someone special, just because you arent “following the herd” so to speak. Just try it and you will be surprised at the results.

    Just a thought

    • me

      If we cut off the weaves and makeup will bm stop going to jail in such high numbers, take care of their kids, be monogamous, stop being so abusive- that might make you appear to be moe down to earth and easier to talk to also.

    • me

      If we cut off the weaves and makeup will bm stop going to jail in such high numbers, take care of their kids, be monogamous, stop being so abusive- that might make you appear to be moe down to earth and easier to talk to also.

  • Big Mike

    I wasn’t going to comment on this article, but the comments here are going in opposite directions.

    If you see a black man with a woman of a different race from affar, how do you know he is ‘quality’? You don”t. You just seem him with someone non-black.

    If this same guy tried to holla at you and he was a total nucklehead, you wouldn’t think twice in throwing up the dueces.

    To think that all of the ‘good’ black men (whatever that means), are dating other women, while BW are left with scraps, is flat out false, mentally lazy, and IMO dangerous. We are telling our young girls that they have no future with a black man based on suspicions that are unfounded and that people have NO IDEA how to quantify.

    Secondly, women say that white and latina women complain about black men, too. Well, this doesn’t seem like ‘quality’ to me. But yet you ladies are angry that these bums chose other women. WTH?! You should be happy, and guys like this should never be on your radar. I simply don’t get it.

    Be that as it may, I think most can agree that this is a regional issue, because all I ever see here in Metro Atlanta are black couples.

    • Guest

      Thanks for injecting some common sense.  Most of the women posting here have severe emotional baggage.  No quality men would want them.  It’s sad that people are weak minded enough to believe that most black men are bad and that most white men are good.  Men are men period, regardless of skin color. Skin color has nothing to do with whether you will be good or bad.
      Way more black men were lynched and risked their lives standing up for equality and freedom than black women.  Black men in the past did lead their communities and were at the forefront in paving the way for many of these ungrateful, selfish and hateful women to have the opportunities they have today.  It’s sickening that both black men and women have decided to believe racist lies that blacks are inferior and have decided to bash, fight, disrespect and abandon one another.

      • me

        So just because we tell the truth we have emotional baggage?  You sound like you’re very bitter and opinionated and unwilling to see other views.
        Oh- what does Black men in the past have to do with this conversation here in 2012?
        apples and oranges——apples and oranges.

      • guest

        “Believe what the racists” say? Who’s believing what anyone’s says? Everyone is going by their own, personal experiences. I don’t know what men were in the past. I know what they are today. You want people to speak well of Black men? Get Black men to step up their game. Then Black women will stop complaining.

    • Shiron

      I have to agree that not every black man or woman is a loss to the community, and we had better be thanking our lucky stars that we are NOT with them!  There are some who are doing more damage to our image and progress and should not be counted as any major loss.

    • Anonymous

      You have the right to your opinion but it is what it is and from all indications and reality Black Men seem to have problems when it comes to relationships regardless of the color of the woman. Black Men are 67%  single , have multiple baby mamas  and a very high divorce rate. the proof is in the pudding as they say.

      • Guest

        You’re the one who is obviously bitter.  Would you like me to quote some stats on how terrible and fat black women are?  I won’t because its counterproductive.  Everyone has problems.  Fighting, and bashing helps nobody.  Assuming all men are bad because of your limited experience is also foolish too.  You have to deal with people on an individual basis, not prejudge.

        • me

          Sure, Quote those facts, can you also get the facts on how disgusting and highly incarcerated black men are, then get quotes on how you guys kill each other off and while you’re at it get the quote on how many abandon their children. let’s get counterproductive up in here.

        • guest

          All you got is how fat Black women are? That’s it? Black women are fat. Ok, let’s go with that. Now what’s up with the criminal nature of Black men? What’s up with the absentee fathers? What’s up with the low level of marriages? What’s up with the low pay? What’s up with the low educational levels? What’s up with all the undercover brothers? Please let’s be counterproductive cause I want answers. You stand there a hot freaking mess and all you have to say is Black women are fat? B O Y please.

      • Guest

        You’re the one who is obviously bitter.  Would you like me to quote some stats on how terrible and fat black women are?  I won’t because its counterproductive.  Everyone has problems.  Fighting, and bashing helps nobody.  Assuming all men are bad because of your limited experience is also foolish too.  You have to deal with people on an individual basis, not prejudge.

  • Guest

    ABOUT TIME!

  • Neffertiticrump

    beautiful i agree i know i love me some black men

  • F3ral Anarchy

    and you black women need to stop acting as tho black men are the only ones who are sh*tty towards their mate.  there are more white men in jail for domestic violence than black men….

  • F3ral Anarchy

    despite what sites like this want us to believe statistics dont lie.  black men STILL marry sistas at a much higher rate than any other ethnic background. And guess what for all you “they are running to white women” screamers.  bm/ww is still the lowest mixed race group that weds. Professional black men STILL marry black women at a higher rate than white women….smh@ this fuggery

    • guest

      That’s not true. The marriage rate for African
      Americans has been dropping since the 1960s, and today, we have the
      lowest marriage rate of any racial group in the United States. In 2001,
      according to the U.S. Census, 43.3 percent of black men and 41.9 percent
      of black women in America had never been married, in contrast to 27.4
      percent and 20.7 percent respectively for whites. African American women
      are the least likely in our society to marry. In the period between
      1970 and 2001, the overall marriage rate in the United States declined
      by 17 percent; but for blacks, it fell by 34 percent. My guess is that many Black woman are willing to shack up and have kids without a ring so many Black men aren’t stepping up. I could definitely be wrong but that’s what I see.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003085266535 Courtney Small

    well they given up on us right? it’s time to stop waiting at home for your black prince charming, and get a reality check. But out of curiosity, how many woman meet the requirements that they require from their men,

  • Tyra

    Great article but it comes a little too late for me :) lol! I gave up on ‘them’ 11 Years ago after years of abuse in the hands of the only 2 brothas that I dated. Happily married to a great man of Norwegian decent and my prayer is that everyone finds that one person who can make them as happy and content as I am.

  • Vilerrikol-g

    Those women who says they already gave up on black men are all mentally sick, I mean what kind of black woman are you? And why are you calling yourself black if you dont have interest in representing the black race, am just saying though, cause am surrounded by black girls and yet am fulltime black boy and I believe black women got the beauty.

    • me

      then we’re all mentally sick because many of you have given up on us along time ago, screw representing the black race why should black women always be the gatekeepers of the race..?
      black men  haven’t shown any racial pride, protection and in many cases go out of their way to put black women down for other ethnicities so I say why bother when there are other guys out there that will respect and appreciate us for who we are. personally im done.

  • Slrich97

    I love my black men and I would never give up on them. I’ve dated outside of my race before but there is nothing like a brotha.

    • me

      zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz – you’re like a dinosaur  and a blind dinosaur to boot– these black men certainly don’t feel the same way about you!

  • coya

    Good article except that black men have given up on us as black women.

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