Ask a Very Smart Brotha: Freshmen Woes & Possessive Types
I’m a freshman in college and I’m finding I’m having some trouble in the love department. I’ve been single for almost a year now and my last relationship was quite well…horrible, to say the least. All the issues my ex and I had have been left in the past and we are on good terms (which was a big step for us). I want to start getting back out there and dating but I feel like guys only want one thing from me…the goods. I’m still a virgin and will be until I feel its the right time but that seems to be all the guys that talk I’ve talked to or approach me about. They say they just want to have fun right now but we can still do the do. NO Sir! I want something special and real but it seems unrealistic at this moment because college boys (or any other boys for that matter) are not trying to commit if you are not at least not putting out and I know I can’t be one of those girls. I know I’m pretty and that I have a lot to offer in a relationship and to a guy but I’m not the best looking girl around. I have realistic but high standards when it comes to guys, physically and personality/characteristic wise which makes me kind of picky so I turn a lot of guys down (or just because I don’t want another let down). Since I’ve been in college I’ve also had quite an attraction for white males but don’t know how to show them I’m a black girl that is interested in their race. I hate approaching males out of fear of rejection and because I want to be chased but I have before. I need some advise on how to find the “good guys” and maybe even branch out into new areas for love because my method doesn’t seem to be working. I recently meet a guy and he was almost everything I could have ask for but like all the guys I almost there is one little detail that sends me running. he had just got out of a relationship and was still in love with an ex who wanted nothign to do with him. I really liked this guy but for the sake of protecting myself from hurt, I stopped talking to him. I refuse to be in a relationship where I am not happy but at the same time I just want something real and to be in love. I guess I’m just looking for some advise from the male perspective.
Single and Looking
Dear Single and Looking,
You’re a freshman in college, so I’m assuming you’re 18 or 19 years old. Allow me to give you some insight on what’s going on in a typical 18 to 19 year old college male’s head.
7:25: Wake up for 8:00 class.
7:32: in shower
7:50: Head to class
7:54: See friends on the way to class. Continue debate that began last night over who would make a better stripper between Ciara, Beyonce, and a young Oprah
7:59: Make it to class (English 101)
8:00-8:40: Occasionally allow whatever the hell the professor is talking about (Gerund phrases or some Shyte?) to interrupt the on-going fantasy you’re having about Tameka Johnson, the super cute freshman who usually sits two rows in front of you
8:50: Class ends. Pretend to be fumbling around and looking for your pen so that you can time it just right so that you and Tameka will leave class at the exact same time. Hopefully, this’ll help you finally talk to her, hopefully you’ll ask her to a movie, hopefully she accepts, and hopefully she’ll be so happy that you asked that she’ll give you head in the movie theater.
8:52: The rouse doesn’t work. Tameka sees one of her (equally cute) girlfriends in the hallway, and starts talking to her
8:53: Begin fantasizing about Tameka’s girlfriend.
8:53.30: Begin fantasizing about Tameka and Tameka’s girlfriend at the same time.
If you’re keeping score at home, that’s at least six sex-centric thoughts in a 90 minute span. Mind you, he’s still half asleep and hasn’t even eaten yet. By the time he wakes up and gets some food in him, the number of sex-centric thoughts per 90 minutes will probably triple.
I’m bringing this up because, while your search for “love” is endearing, this is the world you’re living in right now. Pretty much every guy you meet — even the ones who may not even be interested in you — is going to want to sleep with you. Now, this doesn’t mean that they’re not good guys, but good guys have raging hormones at this age too.
My advice? Study. Go out dates. Go to parties (“black” and “white” parties). Hang out with your girlfriends. Call home every now and then. Volunteer if you can. Party some more. Play spades. Date a white guy. Date an Indian guy. Date a Latino. Shyte, date a woman, lol. I know you say you want to find someone to lurve, but at your age you need to stay in the realm of “like.” Forget about finding your future husband right now, and focus instead on Advanced French and finding out who’s throwing the hottest party Friday night.
Damon Young (aka The Champ)