Oh, where to begin here…

Part of the dilemma lies in women of color thinking that men outside of their race won’t be attracted to them.

Do you do a lot of  this broad-brush painting?  “Women of color” is a term so broad as to be meaningless (I’ll play nice here and not be a cynical smartass who asks “women of what color?”).  “Woman of color” describes women who are rich, poor, or middle class; have post-graduate degrees or are high school dropouts, are well-traveled or provincial, are open to exploration and experimentation or are traditionalists with narrow worldviews.  In other words, they are as varied as women of any other race or ethnic background.  To ascribe one viewpoint to all of them is, to put it charitably, unfair and, from a journalistic standpoint, not only inaccurate but irresponsible.

Finally, the idea that all “women of color” believe that men of other races won’t be attracted to them, which the sentence I quote above strongly implies through its wording, would explain, if true, why men of other races aren’t attracted to them.  What man with any self-respect wants to be bothered with women who have none themselves?  Fortunately for African-American womanhood, I can safely say that enough of my fellow white guys know enough black women to know that the statement quoted above is pure, unadulterated, and obvious BS.

In the white community … the bigger the butt, the less attractive. If your hips are too wide you’re considered fat. Thinner is usually all around better within the white community. This is naturally engrained in both African American and Caucasian people’s subconscious.

Again the broad brush.  This is the point at which I begin to wonder how many white men any of these “women of color” sampled have known beyond superficial acquaintance.  While certainly a large percentage of white men prefer the anorexic (and usually incurably neurotic) Barbie Doll type, there are many, MANY more of us who prefer that “baby got back!” – lots of it.  We might not be a majority, be we ARE a significant percentage of the whole.  What might be a factor that misleads so many women is the sentiment best expressed by the old crude joke “big girls are like mopeds – they’re fun to ride, but you wouldn’t want your friends to see you on one.”  The good news is that this is attitude is much less prevalent now than in recent past, and why shouldn’t it be?  If there is any truth to the statistic that one out of every three Americans is “overweight” (a statistic that I take issue with, but that’s neither here nor there), then it stands to reason that there is less antipathy toward “big” people of the opposite sex than is commonly assumed, and that cuts across racial lines. 

A white man on the other hand is used to naturally unenhanced straight hair that he gets to run his fingers through. The women I surveyed said they were naturally intimidated when it came to dating a white man because of their hair.

Once again, how many white men do the “women of color” surveyed here really know?  As I pointed out in another article on this site concerning things guys don’t really care about, hair was one of those things not mentioned that should have been.  When considering the whole woman (yes, a few of us Neanderthals still do that), it doesn’t usually register as a major deal breaker.  Simply stated, ladies, it just ain’t all that important to us.  What’s growing out of your scalp just isn’t a factor in your relationship problems.  My wife changes her hair styles as frequently as the U.S. government invents new justifications for our occupation of Afghanistan.  One month she’ll wear a weave, the next a perm, the month after that, she’ll crop her hair close.  Heck, for all I know she might even shave it all off at some point in the future.  So sometimes I can run my fingers through her hair, other times I can’t.  I just enjoy it whenever I can.  Does it mean that I love her any less because her hairstyle of the month won’t let me caress it?  I certainly hope not, and I certainly hope that something this trivial and shallow isn’t a major relationship determinant.  If it is, then we need to be very worried.

White men that are very successful will usually date a woman who is as successful or at least in the same class as himself. At least then he feels as if he has something in common with her. Because the black community doesn’t have as many advantages this leaves desirable black women to a minimum.

This one is probably generally correct, although my own story might be anomalous.  While I have a college degree, my wife does not (she has some college under her belt and I’ve encouraged her to finish her degree if she wants to, but she says she’s not interested).  She is, however, beyond question one of the smartest and most talented black women I have ever known.  In particular, her knack for business administration and financial management has landed her some good jobs, although, to her credit, she became sick and tired of the corporate world’s nonsense a few years back and now freelances from home at odd jobs (only one of us needs to do hard time, as I tell her).   In terms of background, she grew up in a working class urban environment, while I came from a middle class suburban environment.  Statistically and logically, we shouldn’t have anything in common at all, much less be married to each other, even tossing the race factor aside.  But we do, we are, and have been married for nearly twenty years.  “Success” comes in many forms and “class” is at best an artificial and transient construct.  Don’t let it rule your life as if it’s a straitjacket. 

We as black women are constantly criticized for being the ones not open to dating outside of our race but what happens if white men just do not approach us? When I surveyed these women, 4 out of the 6 said they were never even approached by a white guy … Statistics show that white men usually date within their race and if they don’t, they are more likely to date a Hispanic, Asian or pacific islander. The percentage of white men and black women that date is a very low one.

Well, if a large percentage (dare I suggest a majority?) of black women truly are not open to dating outside of their race and if this is generally well known among white men, then why, pray tell, should it come as any surprise that they are reluctant to approach black women?  Simple logic and the laws of probability dictate that investing effort in something that is unlikely to bear fruit  is a waste of one’s time and emotional energy and probably not worth pursuing. 

Aside from that, and at the risk of starting a flame war (not that I’m averse to that), there is also the “attitude factor.”  This is not a trait perceptible in all, or even a majority of black women and is probably more a factor of socioeconomic background than race. To be perfectly fair, it is not unique to black women (it really is an “American woman” thing).  However, many white men perceive (key word here) a particularly virulent strain of attitude in black women, one borne of anger, hatred, frustration, envy, boredom, lack of self-esteem, or some combination thereof and it serves as a particularly effective form of  man repellent – probably to any self-respecting man of any race or ethnic background who seeks a meaningful relationship.  If repelling the opposite sex is the intent, fine.  It works.  Otherwise, it might be grounds for some introspection.  White men can get all the attitude they could ever want in multiple lifetimes from white women, so why cross the color line to get more of the same?  “Cyanide or arsenic?” isn’t something many of us are willing to choose between.

We are also guilty of just not feeling it. 4 out of 6 women also said they were simply not attracted to white men. They felt as if they lacked good looks that they were used to, as well as confidence (swag) and sex appeal. Because of this it was hard for most of them to really become serious about potentially being able to have a serious relationship with a white man.

“Guilty” is hardly an appropriate word here, even as a rhetorical tool.  You like what you like, you don’t like what you don’t like.  It’s that simple and there’s nothing at all wrong with it.  As for “swag,” well, once again I have to question the depth and breadth of the sampling pool, but that aside, I also must wonder why that would be considered a major factor in any serious relationship.  “Swag” can easily be equated with empty bravado, posturing, and other signs of obvious insecurity and shallowness.  I’ve known far too many women –and not just black women— drawn to “swag” who wind up finding out, too late, that the guy (black, white, or otherwise) was not only “not about s**t,” but abusive as well.  In other words, the more brightly colored the package, the less substance to the contents.  Certainly not a hard and fast rule, but a reasonable generalization supported by lots of anecdotal evidence.  As for “sex appeal,” that’s one of those terms like “insider trading,” “obstruction of justice,” and “economic recovery”: people throw it around all the time, but damned if they can define it consistently.  ‘Nuff said. 

So what is my overarching point?  This: the collectivist attitude -that is, viewing others solely in terms of their place in a group- is DANGEROUS AND DEHUMANIZING.  It robs the individual, the only thing of value, of being all they can be and also denies others the ability to appreciate each individual for who they really are.  Each of you is your own person.  Do what works for YOU, love who YOU LOVE, regardless of what the rest of the herd thinks or does.  Otherwise, happiness is something you’ll only watch others enjoy, from the outside looking in.  Not easy to do, believe me, but once you adopt that philosophy and be your own person, there is no greater freedom!

[Getting down off of soapbox and chopping it up for firewood]

How about them not being able to relate to you being black and understanding what its like to be a person of color in todays society?

Im a whitebul, and i love black women. I wish i could find a black girl to hook up wit, but i just feel black girls dont like white dudes…iunno i guess i cant give up and keep tryn!!

I’m a white guy, I go to a predominately black church and I’m really attracted to black women. Not sure why but i’ve never been attracted to women of my race and I think black women are incredible beautiful women with strong personalities. 

ONE more media effort to stereotype black women in a negative light.  YOU too are brain washed into believing we all the same person in different bodies. WE black women all like some big black man who will do nothing but leave babies at our door and broken hearts. PLEASE from a sister who dates and married a white man they are different and YES in a good way.  Black women need to wake up YOU can do better.  There more than a few men of all races who can see our beauty, inside and out. 

I’m not going to lie I’ve always been a bit apprehensive when white men approach me b/c I guess in the back of my mind I’m thinking how can a white dude appreciate my features?? I’ve been single for a while and I’ve decided the next time I date I will expand my dating pool.

I’ve always found all races attractive, so why limit myself?t must have been nerve wracking for the white dudes that did approach me, but I’e realized more white dudes approach me than black! Crazy right! So I going to take a chance, you only live once! Lol

The article is about why black women don’t date white men. For the most part, black women ARE NOT attracted to white men. Yes, there are few but statistics prove that black women desire black men.