Dead in 2012: The Tragic, Single Black Woman Narrative

December 30th, 2011 - By Brande Victorian

We’ve all said we’re sick of it, we don’t want to hear about it anymore, and we’re not going to talk about it—-it being “The Tragic, Scientifically Less Attractive, Unmarriable, Single Black Woman Narrative.” Now, media personality Ariana Proehl of KnowThisTV1 has declared an official death of the tired story.

The proclamation is right on point for the new year. What better time to let go of the things that hold you back like stories and statistics that tell you you don’t have a chance in this world? Much like the Black Woman’s Manifesto for 2012, Proehl says in the coming year we shouldn’t even give these ridiculous notions “the dignity of our side-eye!”

Yes mam.

Check out the video and tell us what you think. Will you say RIP to the “Death of the Tragic, Scientifically Less Attractive, Unmarriable, Single Black Woman Narrative,” in the new year?

Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.

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  • ARNTREZSMITH

    This is an old issue! Lets focus on more pertinent issues like voting, education, economical issues in 2012. Also, as a race of people there are more keys issues in American to be concerned with.  Black woman you have the decision to be single by choice!THIS IS SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE IN THE US.  AS THE MEDIA CONTINUES TO HAVE A FIELD DAY WITH THIS ISSUE, LETS NOT PLAY  INTO THIS ISSUE!

    • Madame

      What about the many bw who want to marry, but b/c of countless, unfortunate issues plaquing our community, they cant find a mate? Those that choose to be single are different from those that are single due to these circumstances.  The”I dont need a man” women started this mess.  Now they want to ignore it.

  • ALM

    I definitely agree that there are more important issues out there, but in a way it really doesn’t have a huge impact as to if we “kill” this narrative.  The people who control major media, i.e. tv and music, can still pay to perpetuate this stereotypical narrative.  In order to “kill” narratives we must control areas of the media that perpetuate these narratives.

  • Vickilove84

    Nice video!

  • MixedUpInVegas

    Being single is hardly tragic, but being a single parent is a tough row to hoe.  Why do it?  How come no one ever talks about birth control?  I’m not excusing the male contributor, but he isn’t the one left with the child to raise.  Why not enjoy the dumb, uncommitted man for the time being without having the 18 + year aftermath left to you?  I don’t get it.

  • http://www.facebook.com/miz.kizzy Miz Kizzy

    Bless you. I’ve been doing some house cleaning, and this e-zine was at the top of my list for the trash heap. I look forward to your next instalment.

  • Multiculturalista

    Black women need to stop limiting their choice of
    partners to one race and consider being a part of interracial relationships. Black men don’t hesitate to date and marry outside their race, so I don’t understand this insistence to only go for black men.

  • STRAIGHANDNARROW04

    yall should really quit it with the “Black Woman” mess…this is happening to women PERIOD!!!…if you could focus on somone other than yourselves then you could see that….this is coming from a black woman

    • Dancerzrule14

      I highly disagree. U dnt see thousands of youtube bideos with white men calling white women ugly stupid worthless ect. and talking abt how they dont want to be with them. Come in lets be honest here. Im not sayin we shouldnt try to move past it but it is what it is.

      • Dancerzrule14

        *videos… And i also wanted to add that other races of women dont have the same short supply of eligible men.yea all women have issues with men but not all women have it to the same degree.

    • Sophia

      While your focusing on whoever your focusing on I will focus on making myself a better person as you can’t change the world but you can change yourself and impact a change in the world. 

      • Dancerzrule14

        Good for you

  • http://twitter.com/InfamousMarv Marv H.

    Why keep beating the dead horse when it comes to this subject? Do people really need someone to feel wanted? Black women continue to be educated and career oriented, so why give a damn if they are single? You are single by choice, not by pressure. Take your time and someone will be there for you…why feel pressured because other miserable people are in a hurry to see BW get married? 

  • Guess

    Why did she say scientifically less attractive?  What does that mean?

    • maggie

      there was an article this year written by a Japanese scientist that discussed that black women were the least attractive woman.  It was written in Psychology magazine and of course there was a lot of flack for it. 

  • http://vintageclothesretro.com/ gossip rag vintage clothing

    i think this article is in the wrong place. not everything is the womans fault. not being married & single women raising children is not all HER fault. cant get pregnant by yourself. how about the black man taking some responsibility for his actions?

  • http://www.eclecticmanure.com/ @Eclectically_P

    Leave it to us to turn this wonderful and insightful piece into a topic about ethnicity! smdh I’m so over it! I’m so over it that I’d want to carve my eyeball out rather than read another article talking about the plight of black women! I’m over all of the rants, the black women can’t get a man articles, the statistics, natural hair v. permed hair etc. etc.! It’s too damn much! Rather than give these issues so much relevance in our mental spaces, how about we use that space for something more relevant to our personal development, so that such issues will no longer be of any consequence in our daily lives. The less and less we concern ourselves with such trivial matters, the more the media and other social outlets will have to look elsewhere for topic of discussion.This can’t be life in 2012…

  • JN31

    I agree- it’s really time to stop paying attention to the ignorance and propaganda being put out there just for a reaction. There are way to many beautiful, successful black women in all shapes and sizes in the public eye, as well as in our own communities to still get riled up over this. That also includes going back and forth and responding to comments that are clearly being written for attention.

    I grew up around beautiful successful black women in my own family, my teachers, my friends mothers. I saw them on TV when watching The Cosby Show or A Different World or Oprah. I read about them in magazines like Black Enterprise and read about them in books and imagines Cleopatra, Ida B. Wells, Mary McLeod-Bethune and the list goes on and on and on.

    I’ve never felt miserable and as if I could never be married and why is it such a big deal if a black woman wants to complain? Hollywood is full of pitiful women who will never be married like Jennifer Aniston and Renee Zellwegger yet it’s ok for them to complain because they’re just ‘venting’. Enough is enough. We are way better than this.

  • Earthspirit

    THANK YOU ARIANA!!! Finally!!!

  • http://soundcloud.com/kottikadotti Kotti ︻╦╤─ KaDotti ™ ©

    REALLY, THE DEATH?  WELL, I AM ALREADY TO DECLARE LAZARUS FOR 2012! SORRY, PEOPLE WOULD NOT EVEN DISCUSS IT IF IT WASN’T TRUE.

    • Mimiaihe13

      im sorry, but youre an idiot.

      • http://soundcloud.com/kottikadotti Kotti ︻╦╤─ KaDotti ™ ©

        I’M SORRY IF THE TRUTH HURTS, BUT IF THE SHOE FITS PLEASE WEAR IT!

        • Shirtless

          As a woman I have to admit that it is true.  Black women are miserable and single.  Due to in part their own choices.  If black women want it to end they have to make smarter decisions in 2012.  Stop being single mothers then complaining to married women like me who deep down inside are wondering why they chose dumb men to father their children and want to get a pat on the back for doing the parent thing on their own.  And also wonder why men dont want to wife them. 

          • Immapray4u

            As a single black mother who is bettering myself, I must say that you are wrong. I am far from miserable. I own up to my bad choices and with strength and love from God,take care of my responsibilities without complaining to “married women like you”.Oh, and did I mention that I do it without wanting or seeking a pat on the back? You don’t know everyones story so be hesitant to speak on issues you havn’t personally dealt with. Be blessed:)

            • 2012

              For some reason, single black parenting appears to be the norm in our society now. This is one bad choice that simply needs to stop because its contributing to the downfall of black people. I’ve lost count of the women who simply ignored the signs that their partner was no good, yet these women only sobered up after they’ve become pregnant, Really? This is not a game, this is life!
              Rule 1: If you are not married you should not be having children.
              Rule 2: If you are not in a good stable relationship, you should not be having children, and you probably should reconsider that relationship period.
              Rule 3: If both partners do not have full time jobs or attemping of better themselves, you should not be having children.
              Simple rules, don’t make this any more difficult than it has to be.

              • Immapray4u

                Everyone makes a bad choice at one time or another..even you.I never tried to excuse my behavior, but to say that black single mothers are miserable and looking for a pat on the back is absurd. And you are right if you are married you should not have sex, but if it were that simple there wouldn’t be any single mothers or fathers for that matter.

                • Cali

                  It is that simple.  People have choices.

              • Tiredofthebs

                Im not married nor have children, but am sick of everyone acting as if this only happens in the Black community, this is also a socioeconomic issue that happens in many poor neighborhoods, there r married Black couples with children. N if u watch Maury and the reality shows u will c that their r many non-Black women w xhildren whp r not married. We really need to stop the media from definjng how we loom n how we are n shld be.

                • Misheila

                  You are absolutely right this happens in every community but in the BLACK community the MAJORITY of kids are born out of wedlock. It has become the freakin’ norm. Something is wrong with that picture!…and then we wonder why our community is in the state that it is. smdh.

          • JN31

            Don’t group all single black women into you’re idea that they are miserable. Just because you have miserable single friends doesn’t mean every woman is like that. People who are married go through ups and downs- there is not one female in my family that isn’t married and has not complained. Out of the women who do choose ‘dumb’ men, how many do you think do so intentionally? There are some who seek these men, but none of us know the exact statistics to make a generalization.  The  fact that you needed to add the caveat that you are married shows some need to disassociate yourself from the negative message- which is what the person who posted the video is trying to do. Hopefully the people who are complaining to you will stop since obviously, you aren’t one to provide them with anything constructive. 

            • mocaleenie

              Simply put, Shirtless, is a self-righteous, self-important, sanctimonious, judgmental *****. As women we should uplift & support one another, b/c you never know when you’ll need a shoulder to lean on.

              • Shirtless

                As women we have to let other women know that they are not doing what’s right for them nor their children.  So I should continue to say, “Oh black women are strong and doing the best they can.”  With the drop out rates, prison counts, and everything else, I cant say that…Because it’s a lie.  Instead of standing up for this mess, change it.  Stop doing the single mother thing.  Stop raising boys who will end up like their irresponsible daddies.  Stop bringing men around your children who dont give a damn.  Can black women do that this for 2012?

    • Michele

      You truly are a pathetic black man.  No wonder the WORLD hates you.  LOL!