“Girl On Top” is a sex column on Madame Noire. Stay tuned for more topics, comment or write us at editors@madamenoire.com if you have suggestions!
I recently had an email exchange with a few fellow alumni over the concept of casual sex as it relates to women. One of the ladies found the whole concept to be abhorrent: “Why would you reduce yourself to being someone’s jump off? What does that even mean?”
Ladies, sleeping with a man who isn’t your boyfriend doesn’t make you a jump-off or a ho. And if you’re a “jump-off,” then so is he. We need to get past this notion of women “giving it up” and men “getting some.. Sex should be something shared between two consenting adults who respect one another, regardless of wether or not there is love or commitment involved. You should NOT sleep with someone who doesn’t treat you well or who makes you feel used (and vice versa).
The last thing you want to do is sleep with someone you want a relationship with, when they don’t see things the same way. That cannot end well. When you are laid up under that warm body, glistening and reveling in post-coital bliss, you start to think about how good you’d be together…how he could have this all the time if he just realized how dope you are. How cute he is when he sleeps. Meanwhile, he’s already told you that he doesn’t want a girlfriend at the moment and you pretended that you were cool with that. Recipe for disaster.
The ideal casual sex partner is a friend whom you can enjoy a meal or a DVD with, but without any real romantic feelings. Perhaps you went out a couple of times and just didn’t have a love connection. Maybe you met him at a bar and the sexual attraction was booming, bumping…but that was about all. Perfect! Be kind, be reasonable about your expectations (if you two aren’t “boos,” then he may say no to some things that a boyfriend would be compelled or required to say yes to) and be clear in your communication. Don’t string along a guy who wants you to be posed next to him in Jet Magazine’s wedding section when the only sheets you want to see the two of you nestled between are cotton. And don’t think that you can screw a guy into realizing your awesomeness. And ONLY have protected sex in these instances. All sex is somewhat of a gamble, but the last thing you want to deal with is a pregnancy or health scare from your bed buddy.
Be good….or be good at it!
Sister Toldja
Tweets that mention Can Sex Really Be Casual? (‘Girl On Top’ Column) « Madame Noire -- Topsy.com
7/28/10, 14:40:pm
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Sister Toldja, Linda E., Monique, ♥♥R.Michelle♥♥, A. Jarrell Hayes and others. A. Jarrell Hayes said: RT @sistertoldja: My latest edition of "Girl On Top" takes on the age old question 'can sex ever be casual'? http://tinyurl.com/264um5d [...]
ManUp
7/28/10, 17:14:pm
I agree wholeheartedly, (yes I know you’re not supposed to have sex without marriage). As long as you follow the rules and do not let feelings get in the way it could work and as long as there is no longterm commitment because if there is then you’re already in a relationship with them. Sometimes there are people you meet who have little quirks and things that you know you could never deal with in a relationship but the sex is wonderful. And if you’re not involved with anyone and neither are they then casual sex can be an option. I can attest to the best sex I’ve ever had was with someone I know I could never marry and this is usually the case. I am glad to have experienced it. There could be certain physical features about this person that are unique and sex and we all know not everyone is built the same. What I’m trying to say is that girl with the perfectly shaped ass or the guy with the penis that’s curved just right may be just perfect for sex and nothing more. And one more thing to have casual sex you and the person must be friends and have a certain level of trust. But when you get a boyfriend or girlfriend then the casual sex has to stop.
Friday Foolery | The Beautiful Struggler
7/30/10, 10:55:am
[...] Can Sex Really Be Casual?- My take on the age old debate for my new ”Girl On Top” sex column ( via Madame Noire) [...]