Fool Me Twice? Could You Stay With Your Husband If He Cheated?

December 19, 2011  |  

Although I’m thousands of miles away from the States and haven’t seen a computer much at all in the past week, the most coincidental thing happened yesterday: I saw the video for the Twista song, “Overnight Celebrity,” for the first time in years. I was singing along, and even shook my head at the part where Kanye says, “Give you ice like Kobe’s wife…” A clever and memorable line, I could only think back to Kobe’s past cheating scandal, think of how far he had come, listen to the song, and remind myself that boy, had time passed…

Hours after hearing that song and finally gaining access to some wi-fi, I was somewhat saddened (and probably the last to know) that Kobe Bryant’s wife filed for divorce this past weekend. Guess all that “ice” couldn’t keep that relationship going, huh?

Years after shoving his young wife, Vanessa Bryant, into the spotlight after being accused of sexual assault from having relations with a random hotel employee, it’s a shame to hear (according to TMZ and Reuters) that the demise of their 10-year-old marriage could be the cause of more of Bryant’s infidelities. These infidelities allegedly include a number of affairs throughout their marriage (and some flirting with Sanaa Lathan) that came to a head with a most recent one Ms. Vanessa just couldn’t take. Yeah, it’s a shame indeed, but a surprise? Nah. The self-proclaimed “Black Mamba” certainly created a snake-ish track record for himself.

Let’s be honest, we all have seen enough “Basketball Wives” episodes and heard of enough sports star splits and divorces to know that athletes have a big issue with avoiding temptation and staying true to their wives (i.e., Shaq, Tiger, Tony Parker, etc). While Bryant’s infidelities were a bit of a surprise back in the day since he seemed to be the golden boy who wouldn’t get down like that, when you can get “it” damn near any and everywhere from whomever and you have a wealth of notoriety, when you think about it, there really wasn’t a reason to be shocked. But Vanessa stood by her man, received some fab jewelry for her loyalty (an eight-carat purple diamond), popped out another little one and kept her smile and designer bags on as the Lakers’ ultimate basketball wife. That is, until Friday, when she decided she had enough (reportedly after catching him cheating) and filed for divorce.

Hearing that he could have been having his cake, some pie, and cheesecake and eating it too after everything he put his wife through the first time around, I want to know: if you are married and you find out your man cheated on you, let’s just say once, could you take him back? Vanessa did, and that choice may have backfired on her because as reports say, he did it again, and again, and again…

Trust is integral to any relationship of course, and once it’s broken, it’s hard to get back and even harder to move forward. Speaking for myself, being the petty person I can sometimes be, even if I were to stay around, I don’t really know if I could actually mentally “move on” from being cheated on by my husband. Paranoia would probably always be looming in my head, and an outing with “the boys” would probably require multiple check-ins for some time. I have to say, it takes a really strong woman to stick around with a husband who cheated, but if you ask a few other women, some would rather use the word “crazy.”

While you might immediately say “Oh He** No!” to the idea of standing by a cheating man, and that once a cheater, always a cheater, we all know marriage is different (or should be at least), especially when you have children involved. While I would personally “like” to say that I would drop homeboy like a bad habit if I found out he cheated one time, I would also like to think that my marriage would deserve some more commitment and work. In my opinion, all men aren’t the same (unless you’re talking about men in the public eye) and a past mistake or decision doesn’t automatically mean that a brother can’t change, learn from the messes he makes and do better. But I wouldn’t assume he could do these things on his own, so for me, help would need to be sought through some marriage counseling, and good ‘ol prayer.

Therefore, if you ask me, I wouldn’t jump the gun and say that once a cheater, always a cheater, and say that it would be so easy for me to file papers and up and leave, especially if we had children together. Knowing all that, I don’t fault Vanessa for trying to work on her relationship, and I do give her props for that, but I also have to give her props for knowing when to let it go as well.

So, would you try and make things work if your husband confessed that he cheated on you? Or is it one and done for you?

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