WOMAN to WOMAN: Do What Works For You

December 17th, 2011 - By Rashana A. Hooks

I know as women we love to give advice and share our opinions amongst each other. This is how we bond, connect and build sisterhood. But we must be careful to not confuse someone’s opinion with our truth. Everyone operates differently and nobody is one in the same, so be cautious when taking advice, especially when it comes to matters of the heart.

It’s easy to receive counsel from your friends instead of asking yourself those hard but truthful questions about the state of your relationship or situation. We seek validation when we aren’t confident in our decision making or ourselves. Never second guess yourself or undervalue your own feelings. If you know deep in your heart that you love your man despite his flaws, then so be it. If you want to take him back after he messed up, that is your prerogative. Or if you want to leave him, and find your happiness again, don’t wait for permission. Your friends may call you a fool (and they may or may not be right) but regardless, if that is what you want to do, then go ahead. Nobody knows you better than you know yourself. You are the only one who can satisfy your needs.

We are all on a different timeline on this journey called life. Our experiences are uniquely made for us. They will teach us important lessons that will apply to our next chapter in life. So don’t block your blessings by walking in someone else’s shoes. It’s okay to share your experiences and situations with close friends to vent and get things off your chest. But don’t rely on others to be your problem solvers or the captain of your ship. Because woman to woman, at the end of the day you just have to do what works for you.


Want to talk to me Woman to Woman or have a topic you would like addressed? Email me at rhooks@madamenoire.com or you can follow me on twitter @rashanahooks

 

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  • real real talk

    Even if what works for u being a h?oe look at kim and Amber it work for them

    Real real talk

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  • SunshineKiddy

    Much understood, but in these days one should and only do what they feel that pleases GOD, 

  • Sabrina

    Never listen to an unhappy person. I always talk to God abt my situation and wait silently for peace. God will lead u to the right person that can help u if necessarry. Many times there are signs we see as women up front before we get involved, but we ignore them. Call me old school but I have grown wiser and prevented heart breaks just by trusting in God. After bumping ur head too many times, u learn to take a different approach.

  • Dragon2011

    I don’t involve myself in people’s personal lives.

  • REAL REAL TALK

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  • GINA

    Only give -your- opinion to a friend regarding love matters if she ASK for it. Otherwise, keep your “good advice” to yourself. Some women have -issues- . Your sisterhoods will last a lot longer and will be a lot stronger by doing so.

    The many warning signs of Mr WRONG are easier seen from the outside looking in. Love can cause temporary blindness. It can make the smart people do stupid things. Your friend will figure it out in her OWN time.

    You may be right on. Your advice may indeed be true but, do you really need to have to say ’I told you so?’ 

    • Lia

      I agree with your statement. I think that others don’t realize how the power of their words and just as important the power of how they present those words can change the course of a friendship. I just went through a similar situation with a friend who felt it was her duty to share her opinion on what I was doing in my relationship. The presentation was very preachy, full of lecture, and very judgmental. Most importantly, I didn’t seek her advice before she gave it. It has caused a lot of issues and all could have been avoided if she would have chosen to stay in her lane until I felt it was time to share or seek advice on any situation regarding my relationship.

  • MM82

    This is like the natural hair movement.  These women act like women who have just found Jesus.  You can’t and shouldn’t force your opinions on others.

    • Oneredbone87

      That is soooo true! Some natural sistas do act like they are on the yelow brick road and ur not lol. I would like to go natural but have traction alopecia on the temple areas from childhood and I would look like homey the clown with a full ‘fro and bald edges. so I’ll stick to my relaxer.

    • justsaying

      I agree I am natural and have been for a long time but if you want to perm it up, weave it up more power to you! It’s your head not mines:)

  • http://www.peegame.net/ ThatChick

    I agree, but like our mama’s warned, There Are Rules To The Game!  Sometimes you just can’t figure a situation out and good advice is just what you need.

  • Mrsindependent

    I hear you. It’s so hard to find that perfect balance of when to take advice from close friends/family and when to ignore their advice go with your instincts. Both are necessarily to make it through this life. At the end of the day, no one wants to end up hurt in any relationship. Hope is a good thing in some situations in others not so much.

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  • No Disrespect

    Honestly, if you want to take him back after he messed up, over your friends’ and family’s objections, then you ARE a dummy and WHEN he messes up again go ahead and be a DUMMY again. The truth is — love is blind (cliche but true). We all get caught up in how things used to be and we hold on to that even when things are steadily declining. Because we convince ourselves that one day things will magically go back to the way they used to be or that there is enough “good times” to outweigh the “bad,” we blindly HOLD on (for dear life). If you have GREAT friends and family whom you’ve known for years and find to be honest, you should LISTEN to them. They are objective outsiders who care about you. Not only should you LISTEN to them, but after you have an enlightening conversation, you should act immediately BEFORE you get caught up and blinded yet again. This whole — “it’s my prerogative” crap is why so many women stay in relationships WAY longer than they should and end up emotionally scarred by all the B.S. cheating/lying/disrespectful men do and say. Don’t be a DUMMY — take good advice when you hear it. 

    • Matter Of Thought

      I’m not a woman BUT I try to learn as much about emotions and thoughts as possible. It is always good to listen to the people who surround you and who will have your back, but advice from those closest to you can be just as detrimental too.  They know you, but do they know or think they know who you are involved with? At the end of any day, it is YOUR relationship. People tangle and manage their ways into things and can definitely emotionally scar a man too. If you tell your closest friends your other is cheating/lying on you, well that becomes their beliefs even if it is not true. Live for your own happiness, go for what YOU WANT. If some douche bag is doing you wrong walk away and do not look back.  However, you can not proclaim to being innocent and play victim to those closest to you.  When I look for advice from whoever it may be, I get down to detail, straight specific no chase – This happened,  where it happened, why it happened, my feelings, her feelings, that way they have a full synopsis.Take advice and do not be a dummy, but do not accept the advice that you prepared yourself to hear.

      • Matter Of Thought

        …And make sure the people around you support and accept your relationship(s). After all, YOU made the choice to date or be involved with that person. Just as much as they care about you, they should respect WHOEVER it may be at least while he is in their presence. It is very critical to know that if he does not feel liked around your closest family/friends it will definitely rub off on how he feels about the relationship and you.

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  • IceQueen

    There are some things that are just true and I noticed several posters are on point while others……….well you just know they are gonna face some …..*cough* struggles. From personal experience, I’ve had to learn some hard lessons due to the fact that I refused to listen to others. I will say that in experiencing it for myself, I learned those lessons…..thoroughly. 

  • L-Boogie

    Interesting.

  • Sugar_Spice

    LOVE THIS

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    I couldn’t agree more.

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    Bingo!!! yes, yes, and yes ;-)

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