Kissing Frogs: Men Every Woman Dates Before Finding the One

December 15, 2011  |  
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Anyone with good sense will tell you that you should date around before you decide to give up your freedom…singleness and settle down with Prince Charming. While it’s good to learn what you do and don’t want in a relationship, we know from experience, that the process isn’t always nice and smooth. Here are the men that we’ve all run into a time or two during the course of our dating lives. If you see yourself in this list, feel free to share your story in the comments section.

The School Girl Crush

Aww young love! Don’t you remember how you felt the first time a little prepubescent boy showed you some attention? Your life became consumed with  honeyed thoughts of your shared affection, declaring to anyone within earshot that you had a boyfriend and the awkward first conversations and kisses. It was grand, absolutely lovely. Nobody could tell you that it wasn‘t love. You just knew that you would be with this manchild forever. And then, you realized he was just…boring. Your conversations consisted of nothing more than the school day’s happenings. Dang. “We can still be friends, right?”

Lesson Learned: Infatuation is not, I repeat, is not love.

The Man with Potential

This man wooed you with his slick tongue. Not only was he smart, he had goals, gurl. You discussed his business plan in depth. He made you believe so deeply in his purpose that you didn’t even stop to notice that baby boo wasn’t putting forth any effort to make said plans a reality. He wanted to be a restaurant owner but just couldn’t find the drive to get off the couch.

If he didn’t have trouble with his career potential, maybe it was the emotional potential he lacked. Judging by his words and an occasional action, you thought this man saw eye to eye when it came to your relationship dynamics. Yeah…no. He didn’t. Truth be told, you knew it all along but you thought, certainly he’d figure it out. Didn’t happen.

Lesson Learned: Dating “potential” is a risky business. If you win, you can win big (see Barack and Michelle Obama) but if you lose…(see Bobby Brown and Whitney Houston.)

The man who’s not looking for anything serious

You were really feeling this one. Your undeniable flirting led to a series of dates which led to… other things. Everything was fine and good. You were starting to see your new beau in the long term. Taking a courage pill, you decide to let him know how you’re feeling about the little situation you all have going on. You want to make sure he’s on the same page. You nervously tell him that you’re serious about him and want to be exclusive, all while staring at your hands trying to hurry and get the words out. Once you look up, his face tells you the mood has shifted. He tells you, with a look teetering between confusion and disgust, that he’s not looking for anything serious. Womp!

Lesson Learned: Learn his true intentions before you do too much.

The Charity Case

Maybe he caught you at the wrong time. You really weren’t that interested in this one; but you weren’t doing anything, so you decided to give him a chance. After all, your girlfriends had been telling you it was time to try something new. You tried to spark up a conversation, you had virtually nothing in common. He tried to kiss you, you gave him the cheek. He told you he really liked you, you smiled and nodded politely. Shortly after that you realized the gig was up. Of course, you didn’t want to hurt his feelings. There was nothing particularly wrong with him. He just wasn’t the guy for you and you weren’t going to subject yourself to anymore torture. So you end up looking like the villain because you have to break a perfectly good man’s heart. Smh. Just shoulda left it alone.

Lessons Learned: Be Honest up front and Don’t Force It

The Thug you thought you could turn into a Gentleman

Your friend took you to one suspect club and that’s where you end up meeting the wife-beater wearing, frowny faced, muscle dude. You had your old faithful freak em dress on, so he was drawn in. Instead of you recognizing the red flags. Cussing out the bartender for watering down his drink, was a clear indication of what you were getting into. But once again, because he opened the door for you and had a few nice things to say, you thought he had potential. No, gurl just a thug.

Lesson Learned: You can’t change anyone, especially a man.

The one with Issues you just can’t Fix

We’ve all met men who are perfect… except for some scar or scars that they cannot seem let go. You don’t want to lose out on a good man so you keep holding on, trying to help him address his issue. But baby girl, that’s his cross to bear. You can’t help him. He’s got to help himself. Truth is, he can’t be a good man to you until he finds healing for himself.

Lesson Learned: You’re not a psychologist and you can’t save him.

The one you think is the one

This is it! This man is perfect. No baggage, no neurotic behaviors and no drama. You complement each other, you support and encourage each other. Your hard-to-please mother even believes that he’s the future father of her grandchildren. You can’t imagine yourself loving anyone else but him. But life gets in the way sometimes. Someone has to relocate for work, there’s a tragedy that separates you. Something shifts and suddenly you just aren’t as comfortable as you once were and you come to the difficult realization that this just isn’t meant to be…at least for right now.

Lessons Learned: Timing is important and Sometimes it’s not meant to be.


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  • Love_Sexy

    I think the majority of women have experience those list of men or atleast I have…..We all would love to avoid those type of people because it would save alot of time and heartache….Unfortunately life does not always happen the way we like…..To some degree I am glad that I went through different experiences to help me learn about men, relationships and myself as well.

    • JLHsays

      I totally agree!

  • Jessica

    Number 7 is definitely hitting home right now


  • Janee

    *sigh* You don’t have to date a bunch of frogs to find your prince….

    • SoTrue

      But how do you know you’ve found your ‘prince’ when you’ve never experienced any ‘frogs’?

      • Janee

        The game isn’t new. You can learn from other people’s mistakes. Plus maybe if you take time to take your tongue out of each other’s mouths or stop having sex with someone you’re not married to you’ll figure out who they REALLY are without having that emotional connection.

        I realized a lot of guys were frogs just by being friends with them and I found my prince (husband) by being his friend first!

        • So true. Women connect sexual compatibility with emotional compatibility. They aren’t the same thing. Ask Rihanna. Chris is probably handling the business in the bedroom but is miserably failing her in every other aspect of their ‘relationship’. My golden rule for successfully dating is to pump the breaks on introducing sex and physical intimacy until you’ve given yourself enough time to figure out if you even like him as a person.

      • Alexis

        That’s stupid. So you have to have bad dating experiences to know what a good one is? That’s logic for idiots…kinda like saying I didn’t know what it was like to be generous because I’ve never seen anyone who was. You aren’t smart enough to know what qualifies as generous behavior? It literally has to be presented in front of you with a sign saying so? Lol

    • Alexis

      If you’re an idiot then yeah. But so true.

  • Ashley Jane

    HA! 5 down 2 to go lol. At least I’m learning my lesson and not dating the same dude over and over… thats a positive I think lol

  • Jamy_47

    Black women end up having kids with all of those before meeting the ONE, bad timing sisters, dont forget protection.

  • Bubbling

    Had I found 7th I would have never settled with “isn’t meant to be”… We bust our asses off for things we want in life and it’s considered a virtue, right? Sadly, I had to learn the hardest way that timing is everything. Great site, love u guys, keep ’em coming

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    • mhmm

      you are not alone lol. Sadly I feel like I am dating the “the one you think is the one”. But you know what they say if it’s meant to happen it will happen.

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  • MrsIndependent

    i keep meeting 2 and 3…more 3 than 2, i never met the rest. It will be nice to meet a 7 just for the experience. I think im dating a 3 right now, the jury is not out yet. I’ve been told im too quick to cut things off without give it a chance…i’m too impatient..whatever. So I’m just watching cautiously and giving it a chance BUT…one wrong move and im cutting things off permanently and not looking back.

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