What We’ve Learned From T.I. & Jim Jones: When Men Love, They Love Hard

January 11th, 2012 - By Rachel Louissaint

"Jim Jones and Chrissy"

Hate to admit it, but like many women today, I do my weekly round up on my favorite reality shows. I have to know what happened and when just in case somebody asks that fateful question: “Did you see ___ last night?” Anyway, the hopeless romantic in me has recently noticed a theme in shows like Love & Hip Hop as well as T.I. & Tiny: The Family Hustle: these men love their women! Both shows star rappers who on the outside look, and often try to act, very tough (remember when Jimmy cornered Somaya Reece’s ex-manager?). Their grimy lyrics and hard backgrounds are supposed to let people know not to mess with them. However, both have an extra soft spot for the women in their lives.

Take Jim Jones. A few weeks back, there was an episode where he went over to his mother’s house to talk to her about ending the feud that she had with his then girlfriend (now fiancée) Chrissy. During their conversation, he was so emotional over the drama that he started crying. He clearly loves his mother as most men do, but he clearly loves Chrissy as well. It was nice to see him vulnerable and open when it came to talking about the woman he loves. The show sometimes makes Chrissy look like a bully, but she must save all of her love and care for her man, because it shows. He’s stayed around and so has she (ride or die, much?), so she can’t be so bad, right? During the same show he even proclaimed his love:

“My love for Chrissy is unconditional. I don’t know how much more it can grow. I’m about to blow up its growing so much. Everyday I love her even more. I love her for the person she is.”

That statement says it all. The fact that Jim took so long to put a ring on it and did so in a manner some weren’t excited about, sometimes puts a damper on their image. But when you look at it for what it really is, how many people do you know can say what Jim said about Chrissy and actually mean it?

Rapper T.I. also had some nice choice words for wife Tameka “Tiny” Harris. These two have been together since 2001, and have two sons together (and had daughter who was stillborn). Their story is a little different because even though Tiny gets to reap all of the lovely benefits of being with the “King,” she has also had to deal with all of his legal troubles and absences while he served time in prison on multiple occasions. During the show, T.I. said the following about his little lady: “I love the woman that I am with. We’ve been through so much together and she has been incredibly loyal and supportive through ups, downs, goods, bads, indifferent. So if I didn’t marry her, I wouldn’t never get married.”

We are so used to seeing women swoon and gush over their men, and we rarely get to see men express their emotions over their significant other in a similar manner. Especially rappers, who are supposed to be upholding the image of being womanizers living the fast life. What women like Chrissy and Tiny have in common is that they stuck by their men through the good, bad and the ugly. I am sure there were rumors about Jim Jones with other women, and don’t forget those sordid allegations about T.I. and Shaq’s lady Hoopz “getting it in.” But rumors are rumors, and when you are in love and in a committed relationship, it takes a certain amount of trust and dedication to one another to ignore the lies and stay together.

Jim Jones and T.I. are not the only men out there who love their women though. There are plenty of brothers who would be quick to tell you what their wife or girlfriend means to them, and if not, maybe these two being so open about their feelings will encourage a few. What I have learned is that when men love, they LOVE. It may take a man longer to fall than it would a woman, and it may be harder for them to commit and say those three magical words, but when they do, it’s real and pure. Men are always given a bad rap for not being the emotional creatures that we want them to be, and when we want them to be. But when they finally make the move and fall in love, it’s no joke. They love with all of their being. They protect and defend a sista like she is the most precious thing in the world. Now, I’m not excusing the bad behavior and unnecessary heartbreak that some men put women through on their way to finding the one, but in the end, we’re all trying to get to the same place–in the arms of that perfect somebody. And who wouldn’t love for that somebody to be head over heels and open about it too?

Rachel Louissaint is a graduate student and a blogger. Follow her on twitter at @rlovely_1

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  • Gullible much?

    This article is a joke. 

  • guest

    I’m sorry, but both men still cheat. Soooooo, how deep IS that love?Really….

  • guest

    I’m sorry, but both men still cheat. Soooooo, how deep IS that love?Really….

    • Gullible much?

      Thank you!  AND, are they forgetting that Chrissy is the one that proposed to Jim?  Or was I the only one that saw that episode?

  • Is It 5:00 Yet?

    Well written article, but I still wouldn’t be dating someone for 7-10 years, bearing their seed, shacking up, without a wedding ring. It still doesn’t take that long.

    Tiny and Chrissy had to put up with a lot – not saying they weren’t perfect either, but C’mon son! #EdLoverVoice

    • Miriam

       Honestly Sohab, your article did not reveal much. It’s just a focus on one failing cultural mistake in a larger dynamic, the Occupy movement, and instead of working with a thriving movement and pointiong out mistakes and mishaps it can avoid, you go ahead and discredit the whole thing. Coming from someone who knows people that suffered in both the Arab Spring and Occupy, although the suffered FAR WORSE in Cairo than in NYC or Orlando (where I know activists), I still think yoru argument is very unjust and not up-to-date with a changing internet cultural ecology.

      • Miriam

         Indeed American culture, overall, not just Occupiers, are prone to a sense of hubris where we say we are “starving” when the next meal is readily available. You turned that into a slippery slope to discredit the suffrage of the Occupiers because they claim to be inspired by the Arab Spring while their suffrage is far weaker – Obama does not mass murder them, etc. You are indeed voicing a cultural concern that exists among Occupiers and Americans Liberal and Conservative both. At the same time, numerous examples of culture show that one cultural group will instruct the other and even aid it in its problems from outside that culture. The return of shamanic and psychadelic wisdom to many subcultures of the U.S. shows an aid that is coming from the very cultures that were undermined and oppressed here, that of the Native Americans. Now, primarily “white” Americans, as well as Americans of many more subgroups, are returning to this shamanic wisdom to uncover what has been suppressed by monotheistic authority.

        • Miriam

           I am remembering examples from my activism on gender that are relevant here. My professor is queer, black, white and native american – again, all cultural labels that are fluid and changing, but I’m giving you an idea of what you would try to label her if you tried. She is fierce and with many stories and intersecting lives with hers. She was being interviewed on her childhood when the interviewer interrupted her and said, “I know tooootally what you mean, I am catholic and jewish, and I went through that too.” That example agreed with what you said: the interviewer discredited the severity and seriousness of my professor’s examples, and just focused on the moral similarity. Yet, would I then discredit her WHOLE effort to interview my professor in the first place? Instead, others may learn not to repeat that hubris, as many have, as I have. I continue to speak with many others that have experienced cultures far more oppressive than what I have experienced, while my American comrades stare and sigh at the suffering I endured in Egypt. What is “more” or “less” suffering blurs because every society has a different threshold for what they will take before they speak up, before the barrier of fear is not that thick to sustain all of that blood or pain or silence. It is clear that a rape is more painful than a pepper spray, yet that does not mean that a citizen cannot develop a sensitivity to the anguish of a raped woman in Egypt… who may inspire a woman here to take a pepper spray hit for reform… especially since the woman raped in Egypt was pepper-sprayed by a canister made in the U.S.A… and the pepper-spray hit of an American woman may be connected to the pain of the raped woman in Egypt.

          • Miriam

            The more you focus on the stereotypes that our generation is shedding off, such as the moral sameness of using the word “starving” when we are hungry, the more you are out of touch with what this generation is developing to ALREADY counter that stereotype and go forward – In other words, the more you are out of touch of the full picture of where that generation is at a given locale, as well as where it is going. And it is not going towards more culturally insensitive comparisons, but indeed cultural connectivity, especially when it comes to the increased awareness of planetary culture based on planetary health and ecological connection with the lives of humans and other lives. What you do here impacts a tsunami somewhere else, and this science is getting to be more and more “serious” – because death is serious!! What happens in the Arab Spring affects what happens in Occupy and affects what happens in Brazil, Venzuela, Italy, Greece, Syria, Somalia, and Lybia. Sensitivity is about differences and similarities, but even more. Sensitivity is not just cultural, but human, Sensitivity is to the changing and flowing transmission of culture, and a pit fall does not excuse a discrediting of a flow that is leading to more liberty and justice at varying degrees.

            • Miriam

               Internet and ecological culture understand the world as “relationships” more and more, not flat-lined discussions over difference. Most of academia is now outdated for that reason and are realizing it. Liberation Theology evolved as “privileged” academia siding with the poor. It started in the West with Christianity by Western-educated South Americans, then South-American educated South-Americans, then American-Educated Americans and Canadians. Now there is Liberation Islamic and Jewish Theology in major planetary centers. I am sure they went thru their layers of hubris to un-learn. I know a Liberation Theologian getting a doctorate in your adopted hometown who have never went through the horrid atrocities that took place in South America and inspired the discipline in the first place. Does that discredit his work?! The argument is simply out of touch, archaic, and to me feels unjust – unjust to the links of solidarity that emerge among human beings that are suffering, regardless of geography or the stances of their governments. Again thanks for the respectful engagement thru it all. 

  • Games44112

    Once again we as a people applaud mediocre behavior.

  • http://www.womenaregamechangers.com/ WomenAreGamechangers

    They may have profess their love but is it real or for reality tv? It would be nice if real men who have done well being completely committed to their woman get the spotlight and respect they deserve. I wish society would stop looking to celebrities as the way to behave. They get paid to act a fool. Why would you want to fashion your life after that? You aren’t getting paid to behave that way. Women need to stop putting themselves in a second class state accepting a man just on money, fame, looks, etc. Women need to find a man they connect with on a real level. That’s how a relationship will survive.

  • Tt

    Wow!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100003085266535 Courtney Small

    I like T.I is better, and more mature than Jim Jones. T.I may have done some stupid things, and gone to jail, but he seems to really love his family and Tiny. Not everyone’s prince charming is the ivy league brotha with the degrees.  It takes a certain type of woman to put up with men like that. At the end of the day thugs need love to.  Everyone loves different, so you shouldn’t hold everyones relationship to the same standard

  • Guest

    It’s sad when grown women view reality show characters as relationship models.  These guys talk a good game, then put their women through tons of crap and dumb drama.  Jim Jones’s girl had to practically beg him to get engaged to her.  Very sad that these types of relationships are presented to impressionable young women as normal.  It’s even sadder that grown women on here go along with it.  All this stupid drama, tears and wild professions of love does not make for a healthy relationship in real life.   

  • Tami

    I love this article…watching the way T.I. & Jim Jones profess their love for their ladies almost made me cry…I’m not used to seeing men being so verbal about their love…We need to see this…a wonderful, powerful loving image.  

    • Gullible much?

      I feel sorry for you Tami, if you think this is an example of what “real love” looks like. 

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_D5XPQ4NDMORJYJS4EWWX6QR2VU Aimee

     My friend just met a chocolate
    man on Blackwhiteplanet.C0Mit’s

    where for men and women looking for interracial’ship for a fabulous lifestyle

    It’s a nice place for black white sing’les, to interact with each other…no
    games

    or extremes in front of true loveLots of my friends
    found their lovers through
    the se’rvice. You may have a try… ;)

  • Lyndon

    I hate reality shows, but this article points something out in black men that so many women miss… Our love is deficient. It’s nothin like what you see in romantic comedies. It’s flawed. Very flawed. Chrissy and Tiny both can testify to pain and having to carry what society would deem “no good” brothas. One day we’ll all realize that none of us had good examples on how to make relationships last. When we get to that point we’ll understand better that  when brothas say they love, they’ll go the extra mile even though it’s not as far as most women would like or expect.

    Not many of us had good models so be slow to judge these dudes and their women cuz some of us woulnt know real love if it hit us in the face anyway. I do know this. And can say it with complete confidence… They love these women hard. Looks don’t matter. Weight don’t matter. The two of them would kill or be killed for them. If that aint enough for love you, good luck with your search.

  • Wow

    I guess.  I don’t see how a man can claim to be so in love with a woman and yet he’s still freaking other women whenever he feels like it? I can’t relate.  I guess they have different love rules when you’re famous and have money.   Kind of makes me sad that black women can look at these relationships and think that this is what love is.  Love is not “ride or die” and looking the other way while your man is d!cking down groupies. Love is not holding down your man while he’s in jail, love is speaking up and  willing to walk away and show him that he’s about to lose his family when you see he’s about to do some stupid crap — BEFORE he goes to jail, not sitting in the passenger seat with him, smiling while he’s doing his stupidity and risking your freedom (i might add).  We definitely need some better love role models cause this ain’t it yall.

  • Wow

    I guess.  I don’t see how a man can claim to be so in love with a woman and yet he’s still freaking other women whenever he feels like it? I can’t relate.  I guess they have different love rules when you’re famous and have money.   Kind of makes me sad that black women can look at these relationships and think that this is what love is.  Love is not “ride or die” and looking the other way while your man is d!cking down groupies. Love is not holding down your man while he’s in jail, love is speaking up and  willing to walk away and show him that he’s about to lose his family when you see he’s about to do some stupid crap — BEFORE he goes to jail, not sitting in the passenger seat with him, smiling while he’s doing his stupidity and risking your freedom (i might add).  We definitely need some better love role models cause this ain’t it yall.

    • Nia

      Thank you!! Thank you! And yet in another article these very same ladies would be condemning other women for putting up with the cheating and lack of true commitment. Is the cheating okay if he has money? Is that the message MN is perpetuating? If not then some of these writers need to come with a disclaimer. I totally understand why a lot of men are so confused about what women want. SMH

      • Lyndon

        Sista, these examples are the best you’re gonna get. They got these dudes from the hood, not Belaire. To look at the two of them (Jim & T.I.) and realize they openly profess love to the women in their lives takes nuts. Men don’t do this everyday. I say it could be a good start for men. Let’s see this thing thru

        • Nia

          True love is to profess to the world that you love someone and to follow through in the actions that reflect that love. Now THAT takes nuts. Commitment is hard work! Saying you love someone and then cheating is easy, and a dime a dozen.   

          • Lyndon

            Are u copying this from a motivational book, because it’s vague. Measuring a man by fidelity is dangerous. If that’s all that counts a surefire way to avoid infidelity is to find a brotha from an ideal family lke the one ur speaking about. Now that’s work

            • Nia

              Yeah, I do measure a man by fidelity- among other things. I can see a mistake, but I take issue with a man who claims to “love unconditionally” and yet is caught with his pants around his ankles over and over again. What cracks me up about so many women is that they just accept it. Like mindless drones they turn on the other woman- not the man. Its laughable. Common sense says you only get what you accept- no motivational books needed.

               

              • Wow

                From this point foreward black women needn’t complain about the lack of options we have in men because we consign this nonsense instead of demanding better. If you ask for gold yet settle for sh!t; that’s all you’re going to get from a man. Don’t complain, call in to these radio shows crying about your man,or buy these books on how to get a man when all you’re going to do is settle for the first trifling dude who offers you scraps with a “love” label affixed to it.

            • Games44112

              Fidelity is the bare minimum. And men do it every day. Im not applauding lazy love. It’s self serving.

        • Wow

          The best example we are going to get? That’s a lie from the pit of hell. This is far from the best we have, it may be the ideal for some women to validate their notion that thug love really does exists. I guess for some people it does but it has it’s own sets of rules that to most of us on the outside looking in just looks like plain old dis function. To each his/her own but we can do better than this, we HAVE to.

          • Lyndon

            Who’s better? On tv that is… In real life for that matter. I often wonder who is this mythical man women have designed in their heads. And why there’s never ever a real life example of him? You know why? Because so many are searching for perfection. TI’s a great father who loves his woman. What else do you want?

            • Wow

              I know some married men or even single men who want to be married granted most aren’t American (but some are) who fit the bill and there is no myth about them, they arent perfect but they don’t subscribe to this level of disfunction or consider it on any day to be normal. Im beginning to think this is an african american issue more than it is a man/woman issue because from being around blacks of other cultures they have their issues but they dont seem to subscribe to the lowest common denominator mentality like we do. They have their Cheaters, baby mama drama and all around ratchetness amongst them as well but they aren’t holding it up as the model for the majority to see as normal. These types of relationships (especially in the entertainment and reality world) some in the AA community embark are NOT the norm by any stretch of the imagination and black women in particular need to stop believing the hype that these types of relationships are all they have to choose from or else be single. If they can’t find it in our brothas who want us to settle for subpar, half-hearted, only on his conditions type love then find it elsewhere but My goodness don’t accept this to be the norm when you feel in your heart and know in your mind that this can’t be all that there is, because it’s NOT!

    • Nia

      Thank you!! Thank you! And yet in another article these very same ladies would be condemning other women for putting up with the cheating and lack of true commitment. Is the cheating okay if he has money? Is that the message MN is perpetuating? If not then some of these writers need to come with a disclaimer. I totally understand why a lot of men are so confused about what women want. SMH

    • Koiceloman

      PREACH!!!! thanks for saying what you did because, there is something wrong with society telling our little girls that this is love…. my father loved my mother till the day he died… they were married 37yrs and never spent a night apart… he was a great example of a husband and a father…it’s been 10yrs since he pasted and my mother still says he was a gift from god. He loved her enough and respected their marriage enough that he never did anything that would land him in jail and  have his family deal with that shame. He never stepped out on her and he was what women would call a “pretty boy”… once he knew my mother was the one he got  his  money right  and married her  and she didn’t have to wait for 10yrs.  I’m not going to say that Jim and T.I. don’t love their women but as for them being an example of what love should be i think not…

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/R36LEVKDOP45QUQCM5H23Q45KY Sean H

      @ Wow, I thought it was just me. We need better ‘role models’ alltogether. Really, when Tiny and Chrissy are our models for love, then WE are in trouble.

  • MYOPINION

    I thought it cool that his mother and Chrissy found a way to put an end to their discord.  It’s hard on his mother to think that she would be replaced in his heart when it’s been just mother and son.  They will have their problems I’m sure but its all good.  I think it’s refreshing to see these “hard” men express to the world their love for the women in their lives to the public!  It’s a beautiful thing to see and I hope that their love for each other continues to grow even when the lights fade to black!

  • Wtf

    yeah, its all good but it took these ladies a half to a full decade to get to these men to this point. 

    • AnnaRenee

      But the wait might be worth it!

      • Gullible much?

        worth it?  for a couple of guys that probably still cheat left and right?  I don’t really think so…

    • AnnaRenee

      But the wait might be worth it!

    • Nia

      Thank you!!

    • Nia

      Thank you!!

    • Pivyque

      It didn’t take half to a full decade to fall in love. It may have taken that long for marriage. They make quite a bit more money than the women they are with. I know they can get prenups, but they have to be sure that the woman they marry is down for them no matter what and won’t go write a tell all book lol 

  • NSimonefan

    I don’t know much about Jim Jones, but I have nothing but respect for a man who defends his woman against his interfering skank of a mother.  Regarding TI and Tiny, I think they’re adorable.  I’ve seen their reality show and read interviews where they expressed their feelings for it’s other, and I know that they truly love each other and that their feelings for each other are real.

  • NSimonefan

    I don’t know much about Jim Jones, but I have nothing but respect for a man who defends his woman against his interfering skank of a mother.  Regarding TI and Tiny, I think they’re adorable.  I’ve seen their reality show and read interviews where they expressed their feelings for it’s other, and I know that they truly love each other and that their feelings for each other are real.

    • ValdaDeDieu

      I agree. I don’t watch television, but I caught a bit of Love and Hip Hop on a blog somewhere (I read blogs incessantly when I take a break from my novel writing), went over the VH-1 and watched the whole thing! Chrissy is mesmerizing…take-no-prisoners, take charge, no bull kind of woman! The thing is–she is usually right! She’s a sharp businesswoman, and sizes up people well. (She reminds me of me!)

      And Tiny and T.I…As you put it–”Adorable.” Tiny is a lovely woman. I saw T.I in TAKERS and he was riveting. (SPOILER)  I hated how it ended. A TAKERS 2 would be nice;  I do hope they create some sort of convoluted storyline and bring him back–maybe as his identical twin out for revenge or something…Hey, it works for Martial Arts movies!

      • ValdaDeDieu

        As for Jim Jones, he’s really cool. He and Chrissy make a great couple.

      • ValdaDeDieu

        As for Jim Jones, he’s really cool. He and Chrissy make a great couple.

    • ValdaDeDieu

      I agree. I don’t watch television, but I caught a bit of Love and Hip Hop on a blog somewhere (I read blogs incessantly when I take a break from my novel writing), went over the VH-1 and watched the whole thing! Chrissy is mesmerizing…take-no-prisoners, take charge, no bull kind of woman! The thing is–she is usually right! She’s a sharp businesswoman, and sizes up people well. (She reminds me of me!)

      And Tiny and T.I…As you put it–”Adorable.” Tiny is a lovely woman. I saw T.I in TAKERS and he was riveting. (SPOILER)  I hated how it ended. A TAKERS 2 would be nice;  I do hope they create some sort of convoluted storyline and bring him back–maybe as his identical twin out for revenge or something…Hey, it works for Martial Arts movies!