How To Recognize And Avoid An Educated Player

73 Comments
December 9, 2011 ‐ By

When you mention a player most women think about a fast talking stereotypical guy everyone can recognize as a good for nothing dude. Well it goes deeper than the guy always shouting “hey baby” whenever he sees you walking past. There is a player’s code even men who come across as husband material will adhere to until they die. You see, true (educated) players can wear many fraudulent faces. He may not run around with plenty of women  but he still obeys the code players live by. These men idolize players from the time they’re VERY young. They mimic the way players talk, dress, and start trying to get all the little girls to like them in the neighborhood so they can get a pat on the back from the older players they admire. The pat on the back builds his self esteem and gives him the attention he craves so deeply. The value of a woman plummets in his eyes, very few women have any real worth to him. In fact, the main woman who has the utmost respect is his mother. Other women he places on his hierarchy chart according to key qualities players deem as worthy. Are you on an educated player’s hierarchy list and don’t know it? Are you being fooled right now? Do you think it’s beneficial to learn this code so you can detect and avoid it in the future?

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  • Cora

    I’m mad as hell that I thought I was gonna get some real tips and then you pushing a book! Dang!! You a player yourself!

    • Bubhon2

      Lol, Cora.  If you go to the last page of the article you’ll see the link where you go and buy the ebook for $5.99

      • Cora

        That’s what made me say that. I said it after I read the last page.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_LKUVMFLGRN7W3DEGGQRITACQ2Q john

    Why would you listen to a homosexual man in the first place?  He is only trying to clear the room for him to take all of the straight man.  Ladies use your heads.  You dont need a book.  You didn’t make this far in life by buying a book from a man who is clearly trying to take advantage of your pockets.  If it is not the good book, leave it alone.  clearly

    • Bubhon2

      Bookstores have super abundantly supplied themselves with books for men on how to be successful players AGAINST women.  It’s about time someone wrote the facts so women can arm themselves while in the process of looking for the many decent and admirable men out here.  So John, why would you tell women that they don’t need a book, when men have their overload? 

      • Big Mike

        Bubhon2, you sound like the author of this book. But even if you’re not, here is a quick lesson in sales:

        People HATE getting ‘sold’ to. They absolutely hate it. So when this article pimps the book at the end, it automatically turns its potential buyers off, even if the book is actually good for them.

        What should be done instead is to GIVE VALUABLE INFORMATION in your articles or advertisements, then people will buy because they feel like they got a lot of value for free. As many has stated before, the above article is stale and devoid of ANY ‘real’ information. And when you add a sales pitch on the end to garbage, you have just sabotaged yourself.

        No amount of your pimping in the comments section is going to change this. Give it up, Bubhon2.

        • tastythoughts

          thank you big mike…cause this makes the most sense

        • Bubhon2

          Big Mike you obviously don’t know it, but Mr Mont is a man, I am a woman who has read and appreciate his book very much.  I only wish I could have found and read it years ago.  I’m just now reading this particular article in this magazine and actually, this is exactly what you say it should be.  Tid bits, appetizers, of what’s to come in the ebook.  Young women especially are in need of it.

  • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_LKUVMFLGRN7W3DEGGQRITACQ2Q john

    Jamel Mont is also a undercover homosexual.  

    • Bubhon2

      Haha, John are you a hiding player or just angry that the secrets are FINALLY out?  

  • Wanton_wonder

    People spend so much time focusing on what they DON’T want, why not focus on what you want. You shouldn’t even be moving in circles with those type of people, if at the end of the day all you’re looking for is one to settle down with one why focus on everyone? Besides speaking and thinking in general terms isn’t helpful because most of the time when you meet and get to know an actual individual you will see that things are not always that cut and dry. But on another note, I notice a lot of men today trying to make women feel bad about wanting a man that is financially solid acting like its something new or ouut of character….women want a secure man the same way men want beautiful women….and unless theyu start really tweaking with our genes I don’t really see that changing. Just make sure you work on yourself so when you do find a quality woman you can contribute to her well being in the way she needs you to…not in the way you want her to need you to.  

    • Bubhon2

      Women don’t have to be moving in that circle to get caught up with a player.  The player takes care of the moving because he’s looking for the unwary woman who thinks she has all the answers.  And he finds her just when she least expects it.  He’s a master at his addictive game!

    • HARDMIKE

      Its because women dont seem to understand a basic principal about marriage, “its for better or worse, richer or poorer, and in sickness and health”, a woman with a list or so called standards that isnt interested in that, shes interested in what she gets out of the deal, not what she can contribute.

      When you have “standards” such as “must make a certain amount”, “must be a certain height,weight, physically look a certain way” , you not really interested in marriage, you’re interested in having someone you can show off.

      And its a shame that y’all got some men and women running around thinking marriage is all about impressing and bending over backward to make some dayum woman happy. Marriage is about family, not “whats in it for you” that women seem to think it is. Thats why marriage is down, women have turned marriage from creating a family unit to a form of financial stability.

      • Bubhon2

        Hardmike you’re right on top of what’s going wrong for a long time now with the institution of marriage.  Somewhere along the line, women are becoming so called “nice hoes”  who greedily swap their body & time for material objects. Playing right into a player’s hands.  Lot’s of times he will marry this one, yet continue to play her.  And she rolls from one relationship to the next, in other words, from one player to the next.  Who’s looking out for the children, especially our little girls?

      • Guess

        Hardmike I actually agree with you on many things.  But concerning marriage, women do not view it has what they can get from it.  Most women take their vows seriously and view marriage as a loving act that express committment.  Yes, all women want security, but this includes protection, financial, emotional, loyal, and so on. 
        The same negatives you mentioned about women can be contributed to many men.  Both genders are guilty of focusing on superficial tactics.  But most women really value marriage. Just my opinion.

  • Link

    Easily one of worst articles I’ve read on here.

    • Bubhon2

      Spoken like a true player, haha.

  • Big Mike

    And ladies, HARDMIKE is right – the players are more consistent, because their SOLE purpose in life is to get as much tail as they can. Nothing else matters.

    Real men don’t spend their every breathing minutes trying to pull chicks. He just goes about his day. And if he sees a woman he might want to approach, he wants to make sure everything is cool before he does. You see, these types of guys actually RESPECTS womens’ time, space, and privacy. A woman could be married, have a boyfriend, or maybe has a headache – so a real man wouldn’t dare intruding on your space and time unless he felt comfortable that the coast was clear. But the run-of-mill guy – he will be all up in your face in a nanosecond, with NO regards to your time, space, and privacy.

    Now some will say that these guys finish last, because they didn’t ‘try’ per se, but this type of man doesn’t care about that. If he doesn’t get a certain chick he wanted, it’s not going to ‘hurt his ego’ or hurt is ‘tally count’ – because his sole purpose in life is NOT all about women. He doesn’t view the dating game like everyone else – if it happens, it happens. if not, He’s going to continue to go after his other goals until it happens…You ladies are going to have to step out of your comfort zone just a wee bit to get thse types of men. I know it sucks, but I swear to you it’s the truth. They are just wired differently.

    • Bubhon2

      That’s right.  All of the secrets like the one you just said I just in that book along with a thousand other secrets.

    • Kay72

      You are very correct Big Mike. Women really need to step out of their comfort zone. I’ve found when I stepped out of my comfort zone I have come into contact with guys with more substance (if that makes sense) that want to take me out. Men that want a woman with morals, integrity, down to earth etc are out there they may not be college educated but they are hard workers with goals in mind looking for a like minded woman.

  • Big Mike

    Does anyone use their instincts anymore?

    Just the other day I was telling my brother about two women at my job. Just by interacting with them, I could tell which one was shady, and which one was at least a decent human being. You can just FEEL it – it’s a vibe that people give off. I’m a genuine person, so when I deal with people, I, for the most part, can get the real ‘them” if you follow me. But if YOU are always coming at people with game, then some people are going to put their guards up, and the others are going to put game right back at you.

    Turns out that one girl has slept with everyone in that department, and the other girl, all of the dudes call her ‘stuck up’, ‘sididdy’, and crap because she wont smoke weed with them and generally doesn’t want to get caught up in that mess. I could tell what was what from just interacting with them a bit.

  • Ariel

    As a gay man I can tell you..black mens best intentions are to black women and white women. He wants you he just doesn’t want you if you’re easy amd make him your complete world. If you throw in “afterall we really don’t know each other that well” every so often it will make a player mash right on. Once a dude smells “dhes not totally made her mind up on ME”, he then see her differently..oh an this will NOT work if your already fukin him…

  • Rasheedah30

    True. Warning. Don’t give personal info. It will be used against you at s later date. They use info you gave freely, prob naively, to make the topic Their cause and mission, seemingly to help you! Make sure they’re slaying their demons too,of they revealed in the first place.

  • Lis333554445

    My friend just met a black man on Blackwhitemeet.COMit’s where for men and women looking for interracial’ship for a fabulous lifestyle
    It’s a nice place for black white sing’les, to interact with each other…no bounds or extremes in front of true love.

  • Girliusmaximus

    Call me stupid but other than to mention the book at the end I don’t understand this article. Correct me if I’m wrong, but according to the logic of this writer you’d have to be suspicious of any man who shows a modicum of intelligence. Who has the time and energy to do that? Sounds like you’re playing the game right along with the player in my opinion. How would this advice even work? You will spend so much time worrying about whether a man is shady or not your life is going to pass you by and you’ll end up alone anyway because you’ve chased away the decent men as well. Perhaps you need to be single if you have to be suspect about every dude that shows some potential. Guys complain enough about being stereotyped and lumped into the “men aint sh*t catergory” and personally I agree that they do get a tough break when it comes to that. It would be wiser and more advantageous just to know what you want from a man and have enough sense to walk away from a man who isn’t treating you write. Geez!

    • Bubhon2

      Girlus, the word “educated” is not referring to a player’s level of formal education (schooling), but refers to his having been educated by older male role models as a young boy, from as early as 7 yrs. old onward, on how to successfully play a women to his own selfish advantages when he become a teenager and on into adulthood.

      • Girliusmaximus

        That’s why I said intelligent… Intelligence doesn’t just cover book sense and what you learn in school, it also includes your overall knowledge from your experiences, mistakes, and the wisdom of others because there are plenty of people who are intelligent who didn’t go to college… The article is saying playas use the sum of their intelligence to run game on women and make it seems as though they know what they are doing….

        • Bubhon2

          From my experience they know quite well what they’re doing whether they’re formally educated or not.  My experience was over 15 yrs ago and when I read the book I could feel myself being loosed from restraints of those years gone past.  So many questions were answered, so that NOW I can file that time wasted experience away, where it belongs!! 

  • Mia

    This article made me lol, because the one player who became my college education on the art of doggish men looks exactly like Pimp C.! Experience has always been the best teacher. I have learned that material objects and words mean NOTHING, its all in a persons actions. A player will always give himself away when his actions don’t match his words.

    • guest

      Girl stop! You knew what he was when you met him…. foolish girl

  • tastythoughts

    how did this get passed editing? why would u get to post this here it feels incomplete

    • Bubhon2

      The entree’ is in the book (the completion)  I found the link to buy it on the last page of this article.

      • tastythoughts

        pfffffffffff i saw that link…im good…..

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Eldon-Pittman/100000503887632 Eldon Pittman

    Straight hype. A woman who adheres to this crap will eliminate the few of us gentlemen still left!

    • Bubhon2

      I repeat:  WAKE UP WOMEN!!  Never before has ANY man had the courage to write a book for women to reveal the secrets of players because they didn’t want to incur the wrath of other men. Up til now, these secrets have been WELL GUARDED among men and men expect each other to honor that requirement.  But now the secrets are out for all women to read.  Now you can learn for yourself how to protect yourself, your daughter, your sister, and so on.  Unfortunately, many women are already married to players, as the book aptly brings out.  

      • tastythoughts

        i thought thats what steve harvey’s book did…..smh….but hey just cause I wont buy it doesn’t mean that someone else wont…shrugs…make ur money off those poor women…

  • HARDMIKE

    Dear MadameNoire and its audience:
    You will always be attracted to and have sex with players and the like because they focus their time and energy into getting you. The real men go unnoticed because y’all are too busy talking about Jamaal aint chit axx. As a college educated black man from a family of college educated black men and a man who has college educated classmates and friends, women do not find broke college students ideal. You can sit and lie and say that you find smart “cute”, but you are the exception and not the rule. In other words, women will have relationships and children with players, but will think its silly to have a baby from someone in college.(Some blogs even say college educated men are some of the worst men)

    If women wanting college educated men, then by and large they would be producing children from college educated men. They dont want these men because he is responsible and you can’t run game on them.You see, the college educated man is not going to give you hundreds of dollars to hit the mall with, he’s not going to do the materialistic and stupid things the player will do to attract you. He’s not going to put 30 inch rims on a car, he’s not going to think his life revolves around giving you everything you want like the player, you see the player is guilty, and will give you things so you will ignore his flaws, the college educated man who probably has loans to repay, a job and responisbilites to attend to, and is not going to throw his money away foolishly on every woman he meets, nor is his going to break his back to take care of children that you had from irresponsible men.

    This is where the frustration comes from witnessed on so many blogs. They cant understand  how it is possible for them to attract so many low quality men, but cant attract men of character and substance. Because ladies, a man who attends school or a man with goals and aspirations doesnt have time to chase women like its some type of sport. He is not going to be a smooth talking swagged out ghetto supastar, no, he is going to be a lame, a square, corny, boring, or whatever excuse  you want to use to stop from having to deal with someone on your “level” or someone above you, because you hate when people make you feel inadequate, that’s why you have to tell people how educated you are, or what type of job you work.(Notice how you have never seen Bill Gates, Donald Trump, Bloomberg, Warren Buffet  EVER MENTIONED HOW “EDUCATED” THEY WERE, and these are some of the richest men on the planet)So why you thought it was cool that you dated jocks and ballas, men will long term plans have already written you off as marriage material. If you didn’t have time for me before I was successful, I dont have time for you when I am.

    • HARDMIKE

      Long story short, women want players for the same reason men want hoes. Because its easy to get what you want.

      • TimeAfterTime

        @09aafea0b99aa0a07a47dfb1edfaa8c7:disqus 
        As a college educated, married woman with a traditional family, I have to ask WHY DO MEN LIKE YOU CARE WHAT HOODISH WOMEN WANT?  Or in many cases what college educated hoodish women want?  Women who prefer deadbeats shouldnt be on your radar.  When I was in college, I attracted white, black, PR, old, young, smart, stupid, rich, broke, etc.  Those with baby mamas who couldnt carry a conversation beyond hip hop, etc wouldnt get as much as an eye glance from me. 
        Unfortunately, too many BW who want husbands- decent men – will not find one because of the poor decisions they make.  But men like you shouldnt care.  Keep it moving… 

        • HARDMIKE

          This goes beyond hoodish woman or college educated hoodish women. Men like me care what women want in general, their socio-economic status has bearing because I worked hard to get where I am in life. I couldnt even begin to elborate on how many relationships I have seen ruined by the quest for thug lovin. ( But to be fair, I have seen an equal amount because of ho chasing) So a man tries to find the best possible mother for his children, if you value money and materialism over everything, then I dont want you. (Have you ever seen little girls raised by materialistic women? Yeah, those women DOMINATE HOUSING PROJECTS,while it doesnt apply to everyone in housing projects, but some of the flyest dressed people in high school were from the projects, now, tell me Im lying)

          And because these are the women claiming to be the cream of the crop. These are the women that constantly tell black men they should honor, respect and marry and start families with. However, these women expect for us to be smart enough to make it though life without faltering, or making mistakes or have it viewed as a weakness, while their mistakes are viewed as a strength. (For example, a man with children is viewed as less than desirable, but  a woman with children is viewed as strong, independent or a “packaged deal”, really? taking financial responsibility for someone elses child is a deal to you?, but if I have to pay child support its a minus)

          And women obviously think that college degrees fixes character flaws, somehow they think if they are college educated, a man will not have to worry about the same things he would with a non college educated woman.

          At this point Im starting to ramble.

          • Girliusmaximus

            Sounds like you’ve had to learn some lessons the hard way…. And unfortunately so…

          • TimeAfterTime

            Listen, I agree with you.  Im just surprised that this is an issue for you.

            For many BW (Im speaking of women who are smart, funny, financially stable, no kids, etc.) the issue is that there aren’t enough college educated BM out there.  These are women who want to date men on their level (in every aspect).  Which I concur.

            But hell, in the mean time, let the dummies fall where they may. Who cares what money hungry and materialistic people strive for in life.  It has nothing to do with you.  I just tell people to focus on like-minded friends, family, and potential partners.  It makes life and dating so much easier.

            • Bubhon2

              Who’s looking for easy?  In all communities we should strive harder for unity, support, etc. of one another.  Not to toot anyone else’s horn, but isn’t that what ALL the other races are doing in their communities.  Isn’t it time we started to try to catch up by imitated Hardmike’s mentality and began caring about everyone’s plight, not just our own or the plight of “those like us?”  I have read Mr. Mont’s book.  It’s a fantastic quick read and very healing/therapeutic, because trying to survive being in a relationship with a “player” is addictive and destructive.  WAKE UP WOMEN!!

              • TimeAfterTime

                I WOKE UP.  That’s why Im married, with children born in marriage, money saved, travels under my belt, peace, family, friends, etc.
                I care about the plight of others.  That’s why I got my degree in inner city studies and teach in the inner city.  But in the meantime, Im not a fool.  I dont date and never dated men who didnt have goals, ambition, empathy, etc.  I was the girl who went months without dating and didnt have a problem not telling deadbeats that I wasnt interested.  I was the girl who didnt focus on the car a man drove or the clothes he wore, but whether we can have a decent conversation, shared the same views concerning family, life, etc.  While my friends were making babies, I was graduating.  And to answer the question, “Who’s looking for easy?”  ME.  I saw what others went through and KEPT IT MOVING.
                Worrying about the plights of others and choosing to not to be the girl dogged by an educated player are two different things.

          • reese

            There are women so many women who only want educated men.  We are out there.  I am married to an educated man.  In my circle most of my friends want educated men.  I think it might be true in some cases for both bw/bm where some black people say I talk white or I am …………  I didn’t care if he didn’t have anything in college or now.  It is more about if he is trying or not.  Look at Obama who was struggling but doing the right thing.  But some men feel the cards are so stacked against them that they don’t even try because they are hopeless.  We as a people have foolish standards on both sides from skin tone, to good hair, how tall someone is or if they have swag.   Then wonder why some of us are in bad relationships because we don’t know how to measure a good man/woman,

      • Bubhon2

        Hardmike you said it so well.  Have you noticed the anger coming from this blog, and from the women who are suppose to benefit from this book.  As I mentioned earlier, the players will be happy to see all the women on here who don’t have the courage to stand up for themselves, shun the victimizing player, and date & marry real men, college educated men.  

        • HARDMIKE

          Yeah, but they try their best to accuse you of being angry. According to some, if you’re a black man, you’re bad, and if you arent bad, you just havent become bad yet, because according to them, all of us are bad, every single one of us.

          • Bubhon2

            I know Hardmike, behaviours are changing drastically nowadays!  Many of us women have either come out of that confused fog, were fortunately never in it, or, are in it and it’s become a comfort zone, a bondage.  That book untangles years of fog for women, as I found it to be quite therapeutic.

        • Guest

          You don’t need to go to college to be a real man.  You just need to work hard and be honest, kind and caring.  Speaking as a college educated man, college isn’t for everyone.  No one should think less of those who didn’t attend college, but still are hard working and honest men.  Actually many union laborers make more than college educated teachers and those with degrees in the arts and social sciences.  In any case men should not be measured by how much money they make or how much education they have.  They should be measured by character.  People should stop assuming that no college equals no good. 

          • freebee33

            @ Guest, thank you for pointing this out

            A college education and several degrees says nothing about a persons character or ability to be an ideal mate. Money and status is not everything…

    • ???

      Well said and co-sign. W.O.S.

    • Ohreally

      Funny stuff…u need therapy for your multiple complexes boo boo.

      • HARDMIKE

        Actually you’re the one who needs therapy if you truly believe having a concern means you have multiple complexes, your condescending level of ignorance is laughable because you will never receive the desired response, so please, there’s a corner, go have a seat.

  • IllyPhilly

    Ah we get to the real point of this article- to sell books! I ain’t mad at cha! Will not buy though.

    • Girliusmaximus

      Same thing I was thinking… Lol

    • Bubhon2

      All the players love to hear you say that!!  Lol.

  • Djka

    This is sooo true. My ex of 5yrs relatioship was a playets, if only I had opened my eyes earlier. Anyway, me done with him, Im a freeeeee Woman! ;)

    • Marier

      @djka you Jamaican right? The way u say “me done with him” made me laugh. 

      • Djka

        No I aint. Im a french black girl, but Me luv to mix my english with some Jamaicain’s word.
        :b

        • Marier

          LOL..Nothings wrong with that. As a jamaican I love our expressions. Dem kill me more time :)

  • http://www.bednp.com/ D&PCartel http://www.bednp.com

    The dating game makes my head hurt. Too many rules.

    Vermel Kinmon

    • Love_Sexy

      LOL……For real!

  • Peace Joy21

    I was thinking the same thing Bome2.

  • guest

    Yes he was a player previously it says so in the posting

  • GalaxyEmpress

    Exactly!!! Soon as I got to the end I said to myself I am not buying that damn book, FOH!!!! People who sell valuable information that has the power to change lives are not to be trusted, ever!!! SMH

  • Sarah

    Misery must like company because a lot was written but nothing was said!

  • GalaxyEmpress

    Player still tryna play…..n*ggas never change…….smh

  • Bubhon2

    You would think it would be the men who would be upset with these secrets being revealed to ALL women throughout the world.  Ironically, it’s the women who seem to be most upset.  Appears women would prefer to remain in their comfort zone, in other words, in the dark, not knowing.

  • Bubhon2

    Puzzling to hear a woman so angry at having these secrets revealed to her, and for her own benefit.

  • Ms Ann

    Because their were no secrets revealed playa. It was a whole lot of vague double talk.

  • Ms Ann

    Please explain, what exactly was revealed?

  • Bubhon2

    Ms Ann, I’m a woman just as u are and I’ve never been labeled as a player/playa before.  Really kind of a serious relationship type person and am currently married.  This article, on the last page, has the link displayed so that anyone who wishes can click on it and purchase the book.  That’s what I did, and thanked God that someone cared enough to give out these secrets to us, finally!  Now I can pass them on to younger women who are interested.

  • Bubhon2

    Only a few are mentioned here, you know, as an appetizer.  The revealed secrets are in the ebook, a quick read of about 20 — 30 mins. at only $5.99.