Ask a Very Smart Brotha: Short Dudes & Caribbean Cuties

December 7th, 2011 - By madamenoire

Dear Very Smart Brotha,

I’m a 27 yr old young woman and I just got out of an 11 year relationship with a man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with.  I am going to be a nurse and financially secure, he on the other hand has not made effort to seek a career, so I moved on.  2 months after, my stepbrother came to visit from Jamaica and brought a friend. The friend and I hit it off instantly. Great chemistry and our personalities mesh well. He stayed for 2 weeks and returned home. I really like him a lot and I feel like if he stayed I could fall in love with him, if not already.  He doesn’t necessarily show interest in moving to the states and he has a relationship in his country. Should I let this go? Should I pursue him? I’m new to the dating game and I feel naive about everything.. give me some advice please

Jonesing For A Jamaican

 

Dear Jonesing For A Jamaican,

Considering the background you’ve given me — you’re just out of a relationship, you’ve only known the new guy for two weeks, he lives in another country, he’s already booed up, and he LIVES IN ANOTHER FREAKIN COUNTRY — the answers to your question didn’t take much time to figure out (Yes you need to let this the hell go, and no you don’t need to be pursing a taken man that lives in another country.)

Because of this, I’ve decided to do a little exercise where I change a couple things around in your description, things that would have made me given a different answer if they were there originally. I hope this helps.

(Your sentence) “I really like him a lot and I feel like if he stayed I could fall in love with him, if not already. He doesn’t necessarily show interest in moving to the states and he has a relationship in his country. Should I let this go? Should I pursue him? I’m new to the dating game and I feel naive about everything.”

(My addition) “I really like him a lot and I feel like if he stayed I could fall in love with him, if not already.  He doesn’t necessarily show interest in moving to the states and he has a relationship in his country. Should I let this go? Should I pursue him? I’m new to the dating game and I feel naive about everything. Also, I only have three months to live, so I can’t be wasting time now.”

(Your sentence) “I am going to be a nurse and financially secure, he on the other hand has not made effort to seek a career, so I moved on. 2 months after, my stepbrother came to visit from Jamaica and brought a friend. The friend and I hit it off instantly. Great chemistry and our personalities mesh well. He stayed for 2 weeks and returned home.

(My addition) “I am going to be a nurse and financially secure, he on the other hand has not made effort to seek a career, so I moved on.  Also, he’s a human being and I’m an alien from another planet, and that always caused a few issues with us. 2 months after, my stepbrother came to visit from our home planet and brought a friend. The friend and I hit it off instantly. Great chemistry and out personalities mesh well. He stayed for 2 weeks and returned home. I’ll probably never meet someone from my home planet again. What should I do?”

Sincerely,

Damon Young (aka The Champ)

Pittsburgh native Damon Young (aka “The Champ”) is the co-founder of the ridiculously popular VerySmartBrothas.com. Their first book “Your Degrees Won’t Keep You Warm At Night: The Very Smart Brothas Guide To Dating, Mating and Fighting Crime” is available at Amazon.com

Want relationship advice from a Very Smart Brotha? Submit questions to editors@madamenoire.com. Put “Ask a Very Smart Brotha” in the subject line. Check the site every Wednesday to see if your question was selected!

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  • Cchigbu23

    I am 5’11″ and have been dating a shorter man 5’7″ for three years. Neither of us mind and no one has said anything to us. But, I will tell you this- much shorter men have small man syndrome and landing a  tall woman is definately like medicine to them. Make sure he isn’t getting with you just to validate himself.
    p.s. And don’t ever ever ever look down at him during a fight and point (It won’t go over well)

  • Is It 5:00 Yet?

    “Also, Unsure About Short Suitor, I don’t want to be too offensive, but
    35 year old women with multiple children may have to make some, um,
    “adjustments” to their standards if they want to be coupled up…If you’re not careful, that package may be the last good gift you get for a long time.”

    Lol, this is true. Standards are higher for women. On the other hand, if it was a man, as long as his pockets were fat it wouldn’t matter.

  • Kaciem125

       Lol this is funny. All the issues about finding a good hard working black man and you are whining about him being a few inches shorter than you. We are all the same height in the horizontal position. Let me get this right. Job, profession I assume he is willing to be good to your children and a few inches is what concerns you the most, not even an important 2 inches, lol. Sisters what is really going on with you?

  • Ellen

    I worked with a woman who was 5’11″ and her husband was 5’8″. When they were engaged she flew to ND to met the new in-laws. Her (to be) FIL was 5’8″, her tb MIL was 6’2″. All of her in-laws were average height men married to Tall (6ft +) women. She became the short DIL. There are places where that isn’t unusual at all. Men (for certain) like tall women, and some women like short men. To each his own.

  • Tammy

    Sooooo she left her boyfriend of 11 years because the guy didn’t have a career only to consider a guy from Jamaica that has no papers and wouldn’t be able to get his footing here right away….

    • Girliusmaximus

      Not to mention he aint trying to be where she is and he’s already with someone else… He was a rebound to brighten her day. No more, no less. She needs to move on.

  • Dynamiquedo

    Looove the additions! ! Na kufi ko seka! !

    • Snlecualum

      Lingala! Wow! This is off the topic but i just had to acknowledge that you were speaking my language…btw I died laughing at the additions as well…

    • lover of lovers

      Wow lingala? Gurl you made my evening seeing my language in an unexpected place felt weird and made me happy lol. Love my language and God bless my congo. Kabila zonga na rwanda lmbo

    • 123

      When I was in Kenya last year, I went to a Lingala club and it was AMAZING! Great music, great dancing, great food. 

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=708888547 Davina Britt

    LOL @ wooly crackhead and the additions to the 2nd letter. You are too much. And btw I am Jamaican too so I understand why she feel for ole boy so quickly. We are hard to resist lol.

  • OSHH

    LOL @ your additions on the second letter.

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