My gut has gotten super sensitive recently, to the point that I almost have an instant reaction to any circumstance related to money, work, relationships, and anything else important to me, that tells me slow down, proceed with caution. In the past, I’ve mistaken that uneasiness in my stomach for nervous jitters, but I’ve come to realize that most times when I get a funny feeling in my tummy, it means something is not right.
When you meet someone new, butterflies and uneasiness seem to get into a bit of a wrestling match in your stomach and the uneasy feeling your tummy sends your brain as a warning sign gets drowned out by the nervous excitement of flapping butterfly wings. Fast forward a couple of years later and you’re crying on the couch asking how did this happen?
The last relationship I was in, I had an instant vibe from the guy that told me not to pursue anything. I didn’t even want to meet him when I saw him because something told me it wouldn’t be good. Once we met, I thought, well, you will have to keep this casual, at most, and once we dated for a year and a half, where was I? Crying on the couch. Except I didn’t have to ask how it happened, I already knew. I didn’t listen to my gut.
An article on The Huffington Post, says we are socially conditioned from an early age to use reason rather than trusting our gut. For women, this often turns into, he’ll get his act together eventually if I can make him do A,B, or C, or if he can see that I have X,Y,Z—although, that’s not so much reason and it is wishful thinking.
The article says there are 3 ways we can learn to trust our guts better when it comes to picking a partner:
- Stay conscious. Pay attention to your physical body and the messages it is giving you.
- Check gut feelings out with a trusted friend. (Just make sure it’s not a friend who has trouble picking out decent partners too.)
- Wait. You don’t necessarily have to instantly write someone off if you get a bad vibe—it really could just be nerves you’re feeling. After a little while, see if the feeling goes away. If it doesn’t, take your instinct combined with the knowledge you’ve gained about the other person as a sign it’s not a good match. Then take what you’ve learned and apply it to the next one.
Do you usually have a gut reaction to potential mates? Do you listen to what your instincts tell you? Have you ever had a gut reaction tell you someone was wrong for you and you ignored it only to find out your instincts were right all along?
Brande Victorian is a blogger and culture writer in New York City. Follower her on Twitter at @be_vic.
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