According to some men, finding a good woman isn’t as easy as we would like to believe. We often hear complaints, from our girlfriends or even ourselves, about the lack of quality men in the choosing pool. Well, news flash ladies, some men have the same argument. Just because you’re educated, self-sufficient, and consider yourself a ‘trophy,’ doesn’t mean men are as impressed as you think. Actually nowadays, those characteristics are more prevalent than not.

We look at the women around us who are just as beautiful, educated, and self-sufficient as ourselves and think men have it easy. But emotional baggage, gold-digger qualities, over-independence, e.t.c. are characteristics we may overlook but men notice. So yes, your college-educated, independent best friend is both attractive and on the market but what about those qualities that even you as a best friend can’t stand? For the sake of this article, let’s reverse the roles. If you were a man, would you date your girlfriends? Let’s take it one step further, would you even date yourself?

Last week, self-proclaimed bad boy of radio, Michael Baisden raised this question to his female callers: would you date your girlfriends?  Many of the callers’ answers were shocking, but more relevant than most of us ‘got it together’ women would like to believe. One woman strongly emphasized that although she loved her friends, she wouldn’t date any of them. The reasons: either they were too independent or not emotionally independent enough. Another lady confessed that most women are sneaky, conniving and looking for a man to ‘save them’ (so much for women sticking together).

In today’s society when most women are financially independent or at least on the path to becoming so, many men have become accustomed to beauty, education, financial independence, etc. What many men are complaining about has nothing to do with the superficial. Instead, it has everything to do with emotional stability, domestic values, and simply knowing how to treat a man.

So the next time you hear a man say that a good woman is hard to find, don’t be so quick to jump on the defensive end. Instead think about your girlfriend who complains about everything under the sun or your friend who is lugging around baggage from a high school relationship that happened years ago. Then evaluate those qualities that you need to work on, not only for a man, but for yourself.