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career and relationship problems

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Money and love. Can you have both, in the best way, all at once? You can, if you put your ego aside. You may be someone who is very familiar with the ways career competitiveness can creep into a relationship, and ruin all of the fun. Or, you may be sitting there thinking, “I would never be competitive with my partner. We’re a team.” Yes, well, many of us think that at some point, and it’s easy to think in the first handful of years of a relationship. It’s especially easy to believe that career competition would never play a role in your relationship if you’re quite young. If you meet in your early or mid twenties, you’re both still fumbling around out there, trying to find what job or industry is even right for you. You meet each other during that time when you’re both still “at the bottom,” so to speak. So you’re very comfortable with sharing your failures with one another.

 

When we think of career competition within a relationship, we might think of power couples—individuals who met when they were both already killing it, and had people watching their careers, almost pinning them against one another. But that’s not the only place career competition can take place. If you are going to build a life with somebody, then, eventually elements like finances and scheduling and shared networks are going to come into play. Both individual feels a sense of responsibility to bring something to the table, and that can become twisted into competition. It shouldn’t, but it can. No matter how mature, grounded, or solid you are, it can happen. If you’re struggling in your career and your partner is thriving, it’s natural to have some feelings you aren’t proud to have. Or, if he’s the one struggling, you may need to know that he’s the one fighting some ugly emotions. Here is how to keep career competition from ruining your relationship.

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Do remember you are a team

Any success he earns, you were a part of. Who did he go to vent to after a meeting went poorly? Who does he bounce ideas off of? Who does he ask to proofread his work? Who helped him come up with that great idea during a fun conversation during date night? You. His career and relationship are not separate. Remember that.

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