How To Take Things Slow Without Losing His Interest

December 6, 2011 ‐ By Julia Austin

"Black couple almost kissing"

Have you ever rushed into things with a guy? Sure you have. Everyone has. You like the idea of having a man in your life. You’re giddy. You don’t see any problem with seeing him almost every day right off the bat and sharing everything with him. And then, suddenly, you’re in a full-blown relationship! And you didn’t mean to be, just yet. Here’s how to take things slow, without losing his interest:

MadameNoire Video

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  • Sonita

    Old article but heres my take…

    I was actually looking at techniques to keep things spicy without the sex. Seems to me that once you let the genie out of the bottle by having sex, it would be disingenuous to fiend disinterest all the while secretly plotting to keep him interested….

    I don’t think sex should be used as a bargaining chip to lock a guy in for life but I don’t think disregarding the intimacy factor is solid advice either.

    Losing interest often happens with and to me in the initial stages, before we even get to first base and sometimes, before we even have our first date. The problem I’m finding is this culture of online dating, texting and immediate gratification.

    I’d like to date once or twice a week and really get to know someone before we’re intimate but everything seems accelerated by technology threefold.

    Simply put, men probably don’t sit around thinking about a particular women much anymore because they can feed their egos through a variety of media forms. Jumping out of planes early on in a relationship may trigger intense feelings for one another but what happens down the line? How do you top that?

    I instinctively feel like there is something wrong when women believe they’ve got to work this hard to keep him interested but unattached. Seems to me that if he were truly interested, he’d want to be attached. If a man behaved like this with a woman, we’d have some choice words for him.

    Sorry but I don’t really think this article was balanced or well written for that matter.

  • Dee

    Okay… Please take off that loud, ghetto video clip that plays on every post “microphone microphone check” or something like that. It is ANNOYING, juvenile and hinders me from clicking on the stories and just read the headlines. Please. Thank you.

  • The person that created this article has no idea what they’re talking about. If you want to take it slow you do NOT just have sex and then leave, thats allowing him to make u his boo thang or every once in a while fling, thats not the way to ease into a relationship.

  • blaxima

    I’m a woman and I agree with the points made. *shrugs* to each their own. 

  • Te

    They want everyone to ve like homosexual men. Honestly. This is what a lot of them do.

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  • So wait…don’t touch each other in public or talk about sensitive topics, but have sex? I don’t get it.

    • LaLaLaMeansILoveYou

      I thought the SAME thing…who writes these articles, seriously? And I quote, “Have sex if you want to…but do not sleep
      over…it feels far too
      much like a relationship.”. Yet the title of the article is “…without losing his interest”. Clearly this article was written by some guy looking to push his “have my cake and eat it too” agenda on the women who read this crap.

      Ladies, DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT take the advice written on here. It is obviously written by:

      1) a guy who basically would like to convince unwitting females to behave loosely under the guise of being a “progressive woman” (every man’s dream, sex w/o the relationship…which also happens to be the downfall of the black family and community), or

      2) some loose female who considers herself “progressive” in an attempt to justify her wh*redom.

      You have been warned. Don’t fall for the okey doke.

      • MIss K

        Well said Lalalala… lol.  I was enjoying the article until the whackness set in.  To be fair, some of the points are true (e.g make your moments together memorable).  Such moments do not need to include sex.

        • LoveIsLove

          Agreed…the first couple I was like cool! And then it took a wrong turn lol. But I really like the idea about adventurous dates. I actually think that’s a good idea in ANY relationship building scenario. Spice it up a little!

      • LoveIsLove

        Love this comment! Couldn’t have said it better myself…A lot of these articles are so contradictory it’s not even funny! Like which is it, are you looking to take your time building a relationship OR are you looking for a friend with benefits? Come on son! lol

    • Read before you type

      It does not say have sex BUT dont spend the night and dont show PDA. It says Don’t show PDA and it says do not sleep over IF you happen to have sex. Its not saying go have sex. but things happen. I think this was a great list. I won’t be looking to have sex, spending the night or showing PDA. but people casually have sex when they are getting to know someone but dont want to be in a relationship with each other.