How To Take Things Slow Without Losing His Interest

December 6, 2011  |  

"Black couple almost kissing"

Have you ever rushed into things with a guy? Sure you have. Everyone has. You like the idea of having a man in your life. You’re giddy. You don’t see any problem with seeing him almost every day right off the bat and sharing everything with him. And then, suddenly, you’re in a full-blown relationship! And you didn’t mean to be, just yet. Here’s how to take things slow, without losing his interest:

"Couple bungee jumping"

Do something unforgettable every time:

If you’re only seeing him once a week, or maybe less, you can’t just be going to the usual bar or restaurant. Show him that it is worth waiting to see you by doing something unique every time. Go ice-skating. Go bungee jumping. Rent fast cars to take out into the desert. Go to some outrageous restaurant like Hawaiian Tropic Zone and join the bikini beauty pageant yourself. Just keep it interesting. The night will stay on his mind for a while, and so will you.

"Black couple flirting"

Give your undivided attention:

If you’re putting the breaks on things, and you still want the guy to pursue you, you need to show your interest when he is in front of you. When you’re out together, look in his eyes a lot. Flirt with him shamelessly. Show him that he is the center of attention for the night. That feels amazing for a man, and he will wait to have more.

"Flirty text message"

Send the rare, seductive text:

Don’t text or call every day. Or even every other day if you’re serious about taking things slowly. But, maybe once a week, send one, intense text that lets him know you’re thinking about him and want to see him again. This will keep the momentum going.

"Friends drinking at bar"

Invite him out with friends:

This way, he is exposed to you again, and reminded of how much he likes you, but the night doesn’t necessarily make you two get closer together because he isn’t getting alone time with you.

"Black couple in the bedroom"

Don’t sleep over:

Have sex if you want to, stick around to cuddle for a bit, but do not sleep over. When you sleep over, you’re together in the morning, getting ready for work together, cooking one another breakfast. It feels far too much like a relationship.

"Black couple laughing"

Keep the conversation light:

Let him get to know your sense of humor, your outlook on life, but don’t bring up heavy topics like painful things that happened to you when you were young, your hopes and your dreams, your biggest fears etc. These are bonding topics. He will think you’re ready to get more serious if you open up too much.

"Hand holding"

No PDA:

I’m sorry but, even if you want to grab him and cuddle him at the grocery store, refrain. That is so what couples do—you will be leading the poor guy on! If you do PDA with him that says to him that you’re fine with looking claimed by him, and sending the message out to other guys not to hit on you.

 


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  • Sonita

    Old article but heres my take…

    I was actually looking at techniques to keep things spicy without the sex. Seems to me that once you let the genie out of the bottle by having sex, it would be disingenuous to fiend disinterest all the while secretly plotting to keep him interested….

    I don’t think sex should be used as a bargaining chip to lock a guy in for life but I don’t think disregarding the intimacy factor is solid advice either.

    Losing interest often happens with and to me in the initial stages, before we even get to first base and sometimes, before we even have our first date. The problem I’m finding is this culture of online dating, texting and immediate gratification.

    I’d like to date once or twice a week and really get to know someone before we’re intimate but everything seems accelerated by technology threefold.

    Simply put, men probably don’t sit around thinking about a particular women much anymore because they can feed their egos through a variety of media forms. Jumping out of planes early on in a relationship may trigger intense feelings for one another but what happens down the line? How do you top that?

    I instinctively feel like there is something wrong when women believe they’ve got to work this hard to keep him interested but unattached. Seems to me that if he were truly interested, he’d want to be attached. If a man behaved like this with a woman, we’d have some choice words for him.

    Sorry but I don’t really think this article was balanced or well written for that matter.

  • Dee

    Okay… Please take off that loud, ghetto video clip that plays on every post “microphone microphone check” or something like that. It is ANNOYING, juvenile and hinders me from clicking on the stories and just read the headlines. Please. Thank you.

  • The person that created this article has no idea what they’re talking about. If you want to take it slow you do NOT just have sex and then leave, thats allowing him to make u his boo thang or every once in a while fling, thats not the way to ease into a relationship.

  • blaxima

    I’m a woman and I agree with the points made. *shrugs* to each their own. 

  • Te

    They want everyone to ve like homosexual men. Honestly. This is what a lot of them do.

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  • So wait…don’t touch each other in public or talk about sensitive topics, but have sex? I don’t get it.

    • LaLaLaMeansILoveYou

      I thought the SAME thing…who writes these articles, seriously? And I quote, “Have sex if you want to…but do not sleep
      over…it feels far too
      much like a relationship.”. Yet the title of the article is “…without losing his interest”. Clearly this article was written by some guy looking to push his “have my cake and eat it too” agenda on the women who read this crap.

      Ladies, DO NOT, I repeat DO NOT take the advice written on here. It is obviously written by:

      1) a guy who basically would like to convince unwitting females to behave loosely under the guise of being a “progressive woman” (every man’s dream, sex w/o the relationship…which also happens to be the downfall of the black family and community), or

      2) some loose female who considers herself “progressive” in an attempt to justify her wh*redom.

      You have been warned. Don’t fall for the okey doke.

      • MIss K

        Well said Lalalala… lol.  I was enjoying the article until the whackness set in.  To be fair, some of the points are true (e.g make your moments together memorable).  Such moments do not need to include sex.

        • LoveIsLove

          Agreed…the first couple I was like cool! And then it took a wrong turn lol. But I really like the idea about adventurous dates. I actually think that’s a good idea in ANY relationship building scenario. Spice it up a little!

      • LoveIsLove

        Love this comment! Couldn’t have said it better myself…A lot of these articles are so contradictory it’s not even funny! Like which is it, are you looking to take your time building a relationship OR are you looking for a friend with benefits? Come on son! lol

    • Read before you type

      It does not say have sex BUT dont spend the night and dont show PDA. It says Don’t show PDA and it says do not sleep over IF you happen to have sex. Its not saying go have sex. but things happen. I think this was a great list. I won’t be looking to have sex, spending the night or showing PDA. but people casually have sex when they are getting to know someone but dont want to be in a relationship with each other.