Poor Child: 5 Hood-ish Baby Names That Take Creativity Too Far

November 30th, 2011 - By Renay Alize

Naming your child is an important task that shouldn’t be taken lightly. This is the name people will call your little bundle for the rest of his or her life…Unless it’s so terrible that they have to change it– like in the case of 9 year old New Zealand girl named Talula Does the Hula From Hawaii. (Don’t worry the court ordered that she become a ward of the state until she could legally change it.)

Most people, black people included, take the power to determine what a child will be called very seriously. Black people, always known for setting trends, have a legacy of naming their children something unique (if not the word “Unique” itself). There’s history behind the tradition though. In the 1960s, black parents were deciding to do away with the traditional, European names in favor of celebrating African tradition or creating and blending their own new sounds.

So while we know the history behind such “interesting” names, there are still some that just give us pause. Check out this list of names that just do way too much and not enough at the same time.

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  • Mbobak1

    When I worked at a hospital there was a woman who named her baby Female, rhymes with tamale. Actors are the worst. Nicholas Cage named his son Kalel, after Superman, an actress named her daughter Audio Science, and Matthew McConnaughey’s redneck brother, Rooster, named his kids after beer, son Miller Lyte and daughter Olympia. That’s class! (Sarcasmotron dialed up to 11)

  • Frowspodl

    I also have a white student named “Armani” – personally, I would interview John before I’d interview Armani.

  • Ekelly

    Once knew of a woman named “Rotunda

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  • Winnie

    An employer doesn’t care how black a name sounds, the employer cares if the name sounds stupid and ignorant. Because as an would be employee, you are proposing to represent the company. So, I don’t want to hire Cottonelle White as my press agent because I don’t think anyone’s going to take her seriously and I don’t want my company name associated with it. LaKeisha White, well, she might get the interview, but I am happier with Aliyah White because the name sounds sophisticated enough to represent me. As far as I’m concerned Aliyah White and Evelyn White have the same shot at the job.

  • Frowspodl

    I have a student whose middle name is Kocane. Yes, like the drug. And he’s a sweet little boy.

  • 3175551212

    When my daughter was pregnant with my grand-daughter, she and her husband came up with some bizarre names.

    I told them that if they were going to give the child an  …unusual given name, then at least give the child a traditional middle name so that the child could choose which name they preferred to be called.

    Actually, the person that I really feel sorry for is the singer Dido.

    The name on her birth certificate is Florian Cloud de Bounevialle Armstrong.

  • ShaTia Harris

    that  ”QUATRAMARAINE” is ridiculous!

  • ShaTia Harris

    I really cant believe some of these names. to add to the oranjello: twins orangella and the other name is lemongella (orange and lemon). Mytru Love (My True Love). I could add some crazy relatives names but Im not going to go there lol

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Adrienne-Smith/100000669290277 Adrienne Smith

    Quantalisha [I'm guessing it's pronounced Quan-ta-LEE-sha] Tykquanda [Sounds a lot like Tae Kwon do, but with an "ah" sound] Criminale and Justice [twins], Alize [alcoholic beverage] Cache Monay [Cash Money], and yes, I know a real Bonequeshia [a girl in 4th grade - I'm 30, so 20-21 years ago?] These are just a FEW of the names of people I personally know and/or interacted with. These are the names of people whose parents obviously had no hope of goals for their children in their lives, likely because the parents never became anything themselves. No, it’s not cool to name your child anything like this. Creativity be damned. The world doesn’t work that way. Guaranteed when it’s resume time, little Quantralisha is not getting a call back, Amirah [a name of Arabic origin] just might.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Captive-Audience/100002632521300 Captive Audience

    It isn’t illegal to use a different first name as long as you’re not doing it for the purpose of fraud.  So if your parents gave you a silly name you can just rename yourself.

  • NJDre

    I am still waiting to hear my prediction come to fruition– Levitra or Viagra…

  • Evelyn

    I can’t say for sure what I would do if I were black, of course, but I think I’d stay away from the made-up names. Honestly I don’t know if the aversion is so much that the names indicate that someone is black—because Aaliyah, Aida, Nkwame, and other traditional African names clearly indicate that but are not off-putting—but that the names seem to indicate parents of lower education. White people do it too, and it gives the same impression (to me, anyway). It’s just that with white people, the names themselves are a little different (lots of “en” sounds at the end, usually, like “Kryslynn,” “Kakinston,” “Taybryn,” etc.); every time I hear a name like that, I roll my eyes. I’m 100% sure there’s some definite racism that people with the black versions of these types of names have to face, but I’m also thinking that an Aida or Aaliyah would get a call back on a resume before a Quoshanique… and I bet Olivia or Alice would get called back before Kryslynn.

  • Gent258

    And these parents will be disappointed when Le-a does not get a job interview or a job. The simple name John worked for both Rockefeller and Kennedy.

  • Blkctzr

    Back in the day a hood chick from my projects named her child Jodici (yeah, after the group) – true story

  • Fsc3etienne

    I had clients who’s chilldren’s name were:

    - My’Miracle No-Doubt Jackson (I would not have believed it had I not had the kid’s birth certificate in my hand!).

    - Wednzdea (pronounced Wednesday….. once again I had a copy of the birth certificate).

    - A’Million

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1440759737 Mary Beth Stearns

    White boy named QuinC (Quincy)

  • Caussia

    you know the call him Da Da for short and that just as ghetto as his real name Dafinest..smh!

  • Freakyfletch

    My opinion, all these ‘unique’ and special names are stupid. Saying they are derivatives in some way saying, you either don’t know the orginial spelling or truly want it unique. In turn that causes confusion and laughter among the educated. Traditional african names are butchered or made up based on what people think are traditional. Talk to someone from africa and find out the meaning and correct spelling before you names your child a name they will live to resent you for. Why name a kid after a brand. I understand there may be historical value in the names themselves, like Hennesy, Remy, and Alize. But were the parents really thinking about that? i tihnk not, they were thinking about what they were drinking when they concieved or a night out. Not the historical meaning of it. Aceeptable in France for those names, of course, because they know them. Here,definitely not, the history isn’t beother to be learned. It just points directly to the materialism obsession in America. A person becomes unique by theirselves. Not by their name, and when someone can’t pronounce or spell a name, if they aren’t foreign or within a couple generations foreign, then that’s just plain stupid and causes more headaches. I’m usually the last one to say this, but just be normal like everyone else.